Unpacked!

It is official. I have unpacked ever box. We have hung nearly all the pictures. We are unpacked. Now there are still areas that need some organizing and reorganizing. But all in good time these things will get sorted out.

I am feeling more comfortable in these new shoes. I am beginning to feel a bit more "me" here. The first week was rough. I think the fact that it coincided with the anniversary of Camille's accident and her passing made it worse. My body and subconscious just can't fully ignore the emotions that seem to resurface during that time.

But I am feeling quite a bit better now. I still miss the people from home and home is still not here. I was talking to Jonathan last night about how I feel uprooted. My roots were dug so deep in Las Vegas. I just am barely planted here and my roots are just beginning to explore the possibility of digging in and making this home.

Sabrina is off at girls camp with our old ward. I miss her. Having a kid removed from the mix definitely creates a massive whole in the family as I well know. But I know she will have a great time and hope she will get to feel the Spirit again like she did at the girls camp for our ward here.

Annie is adjusting well I think. She has had a couple of play dates with girls her age here that went well. I feel very good about this being a good move for her.

Lauren is my wild card. Not sure how she is doing friend wise yet. I need to focus on that next. But she is being helpful and around the house with me and I always like that.

Noble is my ambassador. He introduces us to everyone and tells them all about us. Last Sunday we had Jon's brother Aaron and his family (wife and 4 little girls) staying with us. We were all in the hall after church as I was meeting his primary teachers. And Noble saw the girl cousins and grabbed his primary teacher. He pointed to all his girl cousins and said excitedly to his primary teacher, "Those girls are sleeping with me!" Nice.

Harrison is just happy as a pig in manure to have backyard in which he can play.

Jonathan is enjoying his job here. It is so nice when a husband enjoys his work.

I am hosting a So You Think You Can Dance party tonight. We will see if anyone shows. :) I have found it is a bit more challenging here to do this tradition because so many dads work out of town during the week that mothers can't leave their little ones to come. But I enjoy watching the show and eating whatever treat or snack I make whether 20 people come or only 1 (and even if that 1 is my hubby.) :)

I am speaking in church this Sunday. I only have 8-10 minutes. It is going to be hard to whittle down my thoughts and remarks to 10 minutes. But I feel good about the topic and hope the Spirit will keep guiding me in what to whittle away to make it the talk I am supposed to give.

God is good people. He giveth and he taketh away but in the end of it all we see He is perfectly good. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Like New shoes

Living here thus far has felt like wearing a pair of new shoes. But day by day being here is feeling more comfortable. It still doesn't feel like home to me. I imagine that will take some time. But I am not feeling the "blisters" I felt that first week.

Almost all the boxes are unpacked. Now my chores are organizing and putting things into storage. Little by little things are coming together.

A hard thing

Wow. This while moving thing is really hitting me today. This is a hard thing.

I am grateful for Jonathan's job.
I am grateful for this nice house we found to live in.
I am grateful for my children.
I am grateful for my husband.
I am grateful to have my brother Stephen and his wife Rachel close by.
I am grateful for what seems like a great ward filled with friendly helpful people.

All that being said, the truth is I am feeling a bit lost without the deep and abiding ties I feel to my people in my desert. Wow this is a hard thing!

I can do hard things... right?

Unpacking

Well after 2 full days of driving and 5 hours of sleep in the middle, we arrived at our new home. We got in late and the kids were wired after being stuck in the car so long. They ran around crazy for a couple of hours and eventually we got to sleep.

Six hours later I rolled out of bed and got to the unpacking. We did get so much done on Saturday. My sister in law took my little boys most of the day so we worked hard without too many distractions. After 14 hours I was beat! All I wanted was a hot shower and to climb in my bed I had just found the sheets to make.

I stood in the shower waiting for hot water that never came. I considered braving the cold but just could bring myself to do more than a bird bath. I stepped out of the shower and the tears came. Moving is just hard. That's all. It just is.

I caught myself and did what any good Texan would do-I pulled up my bootstraps and got back on the horse. The horse in this analogy is the "be grateful for all the lords blessings and happy you have such a nice house" horse. :)

In the morning I took my cold shower and made it to church bright and early. Jon used google to figure out how to fix the water heater. (He may not be super handy but in today's age, being tech savvy is almost as good.)

Somehow this still feels like vacation. Not sure when it will feel real. But here we are and I can see that it is possible that one day maybe this could feel like home.

12th Birthday

Sabrina turned 12 last week. I can't believe I have a child who is 12 and in our church's youth program! I have loved seeing her enter this new phase of spiritual and emotional growth. She understands and internalizes things on a deeper level these days.

For her birthday we got her a temple recommend and took her to do baptisms for the dead (an ordinance we can perform in the temple at the age of 12 see mormon.org.) I love the temple and it was such a wonderful way to share my love with my daughter. I will do that with every child for their 12th birthday.

We shared with Sabrina the importance of temple attendance and taught her about the temple ordinance of baptism for the dead. Most importantly we got to help her understand the feelings she had in the temple and challenge her to help us create those same happy peaceful feeling in our home.

I want to make sure we take her back with us often to remind her of those happy feelings and help her temper her teenage emotions with the peace and love we feel in the temple.

Really this was the sweetest experience. I felt Camille with us and felt the Spirit stronger than I have in a while. After the baptisms, we took Sabrina to the cafeteria for dinner. Grandma and Grandpa Waite joined us for the whole experience which just made it feel that much more like heaven.

Recipe for the Best Mother's Day Ever...

This has been one of my best mother's days ever. A number of simple ingredients made this possible:

Ingredients:
Extremely low expectations (Jon is gone. So I am expecting no special treatment at all. Noble starts throwing up at 10 p.m. the night before. So I am expecting to be up all night cleaning up throw up.) Noble ended up sleeping from 11 p.m. on through the night. Harrison (who has been waking up every 4 hours for a month) slept through the night with Annie transferred to his room to avoid being near Noble. Expecting no sleep and getting good sleep ... my day was already great by the time I woke up.

A long discussion about love languages in which my children really listen and take in the concept and understand what they need to do to make me feel loved. (This took a few hours and was precipitated by me asking my kids to help me clean up the house the night and them not helping... at all. After I threw a tantrum about feeling unloved and explaining that service is my love language, things improved. They helped with boys and cleaned and kept helping all through till tonight.)

Very little fighting. Several of my kids were sad not to have a "present" to give me. I told them truly the best present was a day without bickering or fighting but only with love and helping. While that wasn't perfectly the case all day, I could tell my kids (especially the girls) were really trying to keep the peace and love in the home.

Great "gifts." Lauren made me breakfast in bed. (Toast and water but it hit the spot and didn't create a mess for me to clean up.) Jon gave me a massage at a spa last weekend that took away the ache I have had in my neck for weeks. My mother in law is treating me to a facial while she watches my kids tomorrow. A great friend of me brought me yummy Pie tonight. And I bought fabric that reminds me of Camille (she had a baby blanket with the fabric) and tonight all the kids helped sew me a pillow case out of it. We had fun working on it together (especially after the boys did their part and went to bed.) Planning your own presents guarantees you will love them. I love my new pillow case and look forward to going to buy my new pillow to go in it. :)

Clean house. The kids hardly complained at all when I told them they were going to do the dishes (which they never do) and help me clean up the house after dinner.

Service. We had the sister missionaries over for dinner and they got to call their moms on skype on our computer. It was great to have them over and be able to serve them in that way.

Over all these made for a great mother's day.

Camille's birthday

I am late posting this. But such is life.

We had a party and invited those who knew or had met Camille over for cake and ice cream. We had people wrote down acts of kindness they had done and attach them to balloons. At the end of the party we let the balloons go in the backyard.

I don't know why I have never done this before. It was great. I loved watching the balloons float off out of sight so gradually.

The whole event was wonderful and I had a few people tell me they could feel Camille there with us. I was glad I wasn't the only one. I love my girl. I love that she is still so much a part of our family. I love that people remember her.

God is good. I am grateful for the teachings of His prophets in our day that teach me more simply of the plan of our existence and the miraculous hope that comes as a result of Christ's atoning sacrifice. His gospel brings me peace and happiness even in the face of terrible trials. Families can be forever through Jesus Christ. God is good.

Happy Mother's Day

I am sitting by my little man who has fallen asleep after an hour of throwing up every 15 minutes. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Tomorrow I will be mothering. The errand of angels IS given to women. We are the angels to our children in their low and sickly hours. We are the angels to our friends when they are overwhelmed or in tears.

A friend of mine, Shelli, has been coming over to help me pack. She has been an angel to me. She is speaking in church tomorrow. She told me that this is what she is talking about ... About how as women we are performing angelic errands when we serve others. So true. So true.

Well I better get what little sleep I can in now, for soon I will be doing angel's work again.

p.s. I have posted a few times from my phone since that April 14th post and those posts haven't shown up. Hmmm. I guess I better stick to posting from my computer.

In between and Cami's Kindness Day

Sitting at the airport, leaving my love, going to my 5 little loves, my heart is torn. Having your heart in two places is not fun. I find myself in the space between two lives. One life I know and love, another full of hope and promise.

7 more weeks of living in between here and there. I want to suck up every moment of my time in homeland before I embark on this great new adventure. For all its faults, Las Vegas is still and will ever be home to me.

I had a great weekend visiting Jon. I miss him and it is hard to leave him here. I look forward to being reunited long term.

We like the house we found. Things are moving forward with it. We went to our new church congregation and we were very warmly received. I feel there are people with whom we can develop solid friendships here.

Still I know this change will mean leaving almost everyone who knew Camille. Only my brothers family will remember her with me here.

We will move into this new ward family and they will know us as a family of seven. They won't see us for the family of eight that we are. They won't ever really understand how much Camille is still an integral part of our family. If I weren't living this reality I wouldn't understand it. That is why it is the "deepest secret nobody knows."

Camille's 6th birthday is this Friday. I usually invite the whole kindergarten class to a homespun party when my kids turn 6. I think this year I will make lots of cake and ask everyone who knew her or feels they know her through me to come get some with us. We will do it Saturday when Jon will be home at 4 pm. Put it on your calendar and call or text me if you can come so I know how much cake to make.

We will have a place for people to give their "gift" of writing down what random act of kindness they did in Camille's honor.

If you can't make the party, I invite you to eat some cake and comment here with your random act of kindness. It will cheer me to have her so remembered before leaving everyone who ever knew her.

Now I better wrap up before all the people in the airport start wondering why my eyes are so leaky :).

courage

Last night Sabrina performed a piano solo and a then a vocal solo in her school talent show. I never would have guessed how it would feel to be the mother of someone performing in a talent show or just any performance. Every time my kids are to perform, I get nervous for them as if I were performing myself.

The funny part is that often they are not nervous at all. But I always am. Last night Sabrina told me she was really scared and shaking. But she played her Cannon in D on the piano very well. And her song was lovely.

I sat in the audience recording her on my phone and felt a rush of love and joy wash over me. I was so thrilled that she would have the courage to try out and perform in front of her school. There were some really good acts that night. And Sabrina did not win the competition. But this was one of those times that I felt she won on a personal level for performing well and having the courage to try.

Sabrina can do hard things. I hope she always remembers that.

Here are Sabrina and her best friend after her first shopping trip at the mall with friends and her own money. I sat in the food court while they shopped.

We Found a House!

Jon and I found a house we liked when we moved him down there. We made an offer on it and eventually came to an acceptable contract with the seller. Assuming things go according to plan, Jon should be moving into the home on June 1. The kids and I will follow a week later.

The house is in Flower Mound, TX just 10 minutes from my brother Stephen's home. I am thrilled to have found a place so close to him that feels like it will work for us. Now comes the dreaded packing. I officially started today.

I got through 2 book shelves of books. That took 12 boxes. I am going to need a lot of boxes.

I had a very productive day including a trip to the gym ... to work out. I have been going to the gym fairly regularly these last 4 months but it has always been to study while the boys played in their play place. This was the first time in a long time I went with the sole purpose of actually working out. It was great.

I feel good tonight. Watching General Conference helped. It always does. I feel full of hope and promise. There are tears ahead but there is also joy and discovery as well. Just because we can't see it yet, doesn't mean it isn't there.

Awesome Annie Strikes Again!

Last night after we got home from Grandma's house for our Easter dinner, I put the kids (most of whom fell asleep in the car on the way home) in their beds and went to start cleaning up the kitchen. Annie had not fallen asleep. She stayed up and helped me. By 9 we had the kitchen and family in good shape and I sat to blog for a minute and told her to head up and get ready and bed.

It was her turn to sleep in my bed last night. I am giving the kids turns to have sleep overs with mom. I went up shortly after and was asleep by 10:30. At 1 ish, Harrison woke up not feeling well. I gave him a bottle of milk with some Tylenol and he got back to sleep. At 3 ish Noble woke up screaming. He was in pain (ear infection) and had a fever. I took him downstairs and got him some Tylenol and carried him back upstairs to bed after he settled down.

At 4:48 Harrison woke up ... for the day. He is still adjusting to Pacific time after being on Central time for a week and he isn't feeling great so ... he was up and not about to go back down.

I brought him in my bed in the hopes of him falling asleep with me. No luck. But Annie woke up from the noise and she took him downstairs to watch TV so I could sleep. She ended up changing Harrison's diaper and feeding both boys her own special homemade oatmeal with brown sugar. All while getting ready for school and without being prompted.

I pulled her aside and told her how incredibly grateful I was for her and all the help she had given me last night and this morning. Then as she was feeding Harrison she said to me, "Mom I don't babysit. I take care of people. Otherwise these boys would have bum marks all over them."

I love this girl. She just gets better every day, every month, every year. Love her!

Feelings on the move

I really can't put into words how I am feeling about this move. I have so many varied emotions it is hard to identify and keep track of them.

I feel like I have turned the helm of my life over to the Lord. I am a planner. I like to have my whole life planned out. If there is one thing I have learned these last 5 years, it is that life doesn't always go according to plan.

People ask me how long we will be in Dallas. My answer - for as long as it is right for us to be there. Maybe that will be one year, or three. Maybe it will be for 10 years or 20. I don't know. I have turned over the control to Him. I guess we will see what He has in store for me.

I went to Dallas last week. I went to church just 9 hours after landing. The ward was great in the area we want to live. It reminded me that the gospel is the same no matter where you go, just different people doing their best to live it. The people were nice.

I am going to be ok. I will make new friends. The Lord will clear a path for us. That is my hope.

But I am not sure I will ever have friends like the ones I have here. These friendships have been forged through difficult trials. Many of my friends here have seen me at my lowest of lows. They have held me up. They have stood by me when I couldn't stand alone.

Okay, gotta stop thinking about this ... my mascara is all down my face now and my nose is running ... I just can't quite go there yet. I'll head back to denial that I am leaving these wonderful people and this home that I love.

But as much Texas pride as there is down there, I have to say, flying over Lake Mead and seeing those rocky mountains standing as guardians around our valley, I felt a surge of my own state pride. In my mind I heard the state song, "Home means Nevada. Home means the hills. Home means the sage and the pine... Home means Nevada to me."

Easter Made Simple

Hope. That is Easter made simple. Easter is a celebration of the hope we are given through Christ's victory over death.

This year, since we drove Jonathan to Dallas last week and I just flew home yesterday with all five kids, we simplified Easter. I didn't buy anything. We woke up to a house without much in the way of groceries. I threw together a Dutch Baby for breakfast and we went around the table telling why we were thankful for Jesus.

Sabrina and Noble are sick so they stayed home and the rest of us headed to church to hear the Good Word. I love our ward. I learn new things or have new insights almost every Sunday. We just have a really great ward and the Spirit is strong in every meeting.

We dyed eggs after church with shaving cream and food coloring. I made a quick batch of cookies to take to Grandma's house for our family potluck dinner there.

After Camille died I thought I wanted to make Easter bigger and more anticipated by the kids. As time has gone on, I have found that this holiday is one I want to treasure up in my heart rather than "celebrate" in the traditional commercial way. I reflected so much more on the Savior today than I have other Easters because I wasn't trying to get everyone picture perfect for church in new dresses and I wasn't worried about getting through all sorts of activities or whatnot.

I thought about the quiet peace that must have been almost tangible in the empty tomb. I tried to carry that with me through my day. It is the peace of the promise He fulfilled. It is the peace of that great Hope He gives. All else may fail, but in Him we can always still find Hope.

Home

Sitting in the quiet comfort of my mostly sleeping home, I look around and see all the places she has crawled and climbed and discovered here in this home that was her home.

Tonight is Jon's last night home in this home. Four years ago, I could not have entertained the idea of moving from this home that was her home. The thought of leaving this place where she had lived was unbearable.

But I have come to learn over the last four years that my Camille lives more fully in my heart than in any earthly space. Home is where your family is and she will be home with me no matter where I roam or in which house I hang my figurative hat.

The poem by e e Cummings comes to mind...
[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
BY E. E. CUMMINGS
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

That is the deepest secret ... I carry her heart (I carry it in my heart) Here, in Texas, anywhere.

Power of Moms Retreat in Las Vegas

Last year I attended and spoke at a Power of Moms Retreat here in Las Vegas. I really enjoyed attending the workshops and sharing ideas with the other mothers. I picked up some great ideas for our family that I am still using a year later.

Power of Moms is hosting another retreat in the Las Vegas area again April 12-13th. You can find information on that HERE. If you are available that weekend, I would highly recommend attending the retreat. I would be going if I weren't going to be in Dallas that weekend.

I am a member of a Learning Circle through the Power of Moms group. It has been such a blessing to my life. I have formed really close relationships with the women in my group and feel a real sense of support and strength from our meetings. I feel like attending the meetings gives me more confidence in my ability to be an effective mother and more tools to use in that pursuit. Every month when we meet, I am reminded about the big picture of how important my work at home is and I leave recommitted to give it my all.

Check out forming a learning circle of your own at Power of Moms.

What are the odds?

Recently I have been teaching Noble how he got his name and why. He knows his name is Morgan Noble Waite. I ask him who he is named after. He replies that he is named after "your dad" (his grandpa.) I ask what my dad's name is and he says, "Grandpa Harris!" I say yes but what is his name that is the same as your name? Noble then replies, "Morgan!"

Then comes the harder question: "Why are you named after him?"

Noble will now say, "because of the sisters." Yes. I explain to him, Grandpa had four big sisters just like you have 4 big sisters. And he is the 5th kid in his family just like you are the 5th kid in your family. Then we count the sisters in our family by name and I name the big sisters in my dad's family.

Then I add in that Grandpa Harris has one little brother just like Noble has one little brother. That is why he is named after Grandpa Harris.

Today my Aunt Helen came over to pick something up. We don't see her very often. She is my dad's sister. Last time she came over Noble was about 6 months old, so this was his first time really meeting her.

I went to get him and said, "Noble, come and meet one of Grandpa Harris' four big sisters." Then I thought about it and realized that she is the sister just above my dad. So I said, "this is Grandpa's 'Camille' sister that was born just before him just like Camille was born just before you."

We went in and Noble hit it off with Aunt Helen. She asked how old he was and when was his birthday. He told her his birthday is in May, "It's always in May." Then Aunt Helen said hers was in April. I didn't know that. Camille's birthday is April 19th.

"Oh, wow, Camille's birthday is in April too," I tell her. "What day is your birthday, Aunt Helen?"

"April 19th" she says. Wow.

Feeling a new connection to my Aunt Helen today.

Here is Aunt Helen reading one of the 20 books Noble brought to show her because she just "HAD TO SEE" it!

How Times Have Changed

I am getting a small preview of the coming months. Jon has been in NYC for a couple of days for a conference for his new job. He gets back late tonight. Nine days later we move him out to Dallas. Then I will only get to see him once or twice a month until we move out there to join him sometime this summer.

Jon and I were on opposite coasts for our whole engagement and dating experience. It was rough. But that was almost 14 years ago. In our modern age of technology, a lot changes in 14 years. I didn't even have a cell phone back then. Imagine that!

The last couple days are certainly more work and less sleep for me. But, Instagram, texting and other new technologies are going to make this long distance thing a little better this time around.

I have had fun seeing Jon's Instagrams to see what he is doing and the joy in his day. I have been putting up some photos for him of his little buddies. It makes us feel more connected even when we are 3000 miles apart and he is in meetings all day and can't talk.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts that I hadn't really considered before will be how much the kids will miss Jonathan. Harrison can't say too many words, but he can say "Dad." He has been clingy with me today and every time we pass the office or my bedroom or Jon's car, or a family picture he points and says, "Dad." He misses his Dad.

By the time we finally move to Dallas, Harrison will be thinking Dad is in the computer. Because he will see him on Skype more than in person. But at least he will be able to see him and talk to him. I am so grateful for our modern technology for these good things it enables. It has serious "side effects" and dangers, but it can also bring great blessings to us.

Dinner Club

Last night for dinner club I made these amazing ABC Burgers from Remarkable Home.

I normally I don't really like homemade hamburgers. But my friend Emily is an amazing baker and cook and she worked her magic with this burger recipe. Go on over to her blog to see the recipe and try it out.

I made roasted potatoes and a triple chocolate cake from Pintrest that had a layer that was brownies. Yumm.

I am going to need to form a new dinner group in Texas. These last 4 years of cooking only once a week has been heavenly.

Get to vs. Have to

I learned so very much during the last 5 months of studying. Most of it would bore the majority of you and I will refrain from sharing the intricacies of present possessory property interests with you. But one of the things the criminal law professor shared has far reaching application and I find myself applying it in every day life.

During his lecture he reminded us that when we set out for law school we were so excited to get in and "get" to go to law school. Within a few weeks we were saying, "I have to read these cases and do this work." But all the while we were paying lots of money to "get" to do this work and learn these things.

His point was that if we would think of our studying in terms of "getting to" study for the bar rather than "having to" study for it, our studying would be more effective.

I kept that mindset through my hours of studying. I feel it did help.

Now here I am trying to get back into the swing of being a mother. I have not done much cleaning or mothering these last couple of months. I literally was studying 8-10 hours a day on average. And I have found myself having a hard time transitioning back into the more mundane aspects of motherhood like diapers and mess cleaning.

But here this lesson from my criminal law professor keeps haunting my mind. I have just gone through a period of emotionally and mentally stealing myself to reenter the work force. While there was a part of me that looked forward to the idea of working, the idea of leaving my children each day and not being able to mother them all day was painful to me.

With Jonathan's new job, I will not need to work outside our home. I "get" to stay home with my kids and be their diaper changer and mess cleaner upper. It is a privilege to do this. I am sacrificing good money for this opportunity. I am a better mother when I remember this.

Which aspects of your life do you treat like you "have tos" when really they are "get tos?" How would your experience in these areas change if you could see them from the perspective of "get to?"

Bipolar Moving Disorder

I have officially named how I have been feeling ... I have bipolar moving disorder. It is characterized by drastic mood swings regarding an upcoming move to a new area. One moment a sufferer will be wildly happy about the prospect of new opportunities and possibilities and friends to meet, the next he or she will be sullen or even in tears at the thought of moving to an unfamiliar area and leaving all the things and people she loves.

Today I have been pretty down at the thought of moving. I am really hoping that our visit to Dallas at the end of the month helps pull me out of this funk. I mean I am still thankful and recognize the blessing in this. I do. Deeply. But I know it is going to be hard ... really hard.

I just went through all the little girl dresses I kept in case Harrison was a girl. It is a collection of all my favorite of our little girl dresses. I pulled about 5 of my favorites out to use in a quilt and bagged the rest to give to family or sell in a yard sale.

I am going to be selling so much stuff. I am hoping to put all the money I make off selling our stuff to help pay for our move. So if you know me and want books for kids, little girl clothes age 6 and under, little boy clothes age 18 months and under, or kid toys, come on over. You can have your first pick of the yard sale pile. :0) I plan to post at lease one thing everyday on a facebook yard sale page in our area.

This is really closing a chapter of our lives. In one way, I am happy to box up all the hard parts of this experience in Las Vegas and put it in an emotional box and move on from it. But all these hard experiences have given birth to such love wonderful friendships and tender feeling. Who can throw away a perfect rose just because it is riddled with thorns?

Bipolar Moving Disorder. It is real. And I have it.

Big Changes

I finished the bar exam today. Hallelujah! I feel great. If I didn't pass, I know it isn't because I didn't do my best. I learned (or relearned) so much in the process that I feel I have won the prize already. I really do love learning and feel so grateful for the opportunity I have had the past few months to reengage my mind in academics. It made me feel young again.

And now I am back to blogging.

Life is a funny thing. I grew up in a very stable home. We moved into a house my dad built when I was about 2 or 3 and my parents just sold that home about 2 years ago. My dad had the same job for over 35 years. My life was very set and secure.

Leaving home, the world was full of possibilities. I explored them as fully as I could afford to. Eventually Jon and I married and as our children came to us one by one, we looked to become more stable.

Five years ago we moved into this house. We bought it because we knew we could live in it the rest of our lives and be happy here. It would fit our family as large as we would grow it.

Then Camille died.

We felt, more than ever, powerful roots digging deep into this barren dessert land. This valley has always felt like home to me. But burying a child here ... that tied me here with unbreakable heartstrings.

We will live here forever. We will never move from this home. This is where Camille was. That is what we have said. That was the plan.

But just as life threw us the unexpected curve ball of losing Camille, it seems to take twists and turns I never thought it would. And another twist rocked my world a week ago.

My husband has been looking to get back into the world of finance and investments. He is not essential to the LaptopXchange operation and he misses his profession of stock analyzing and picking. He searched for months to find a job locally in that field. Unfortunately, Las Vegas does not have much of an investing scene.

Last week, my husband accepted a position at a hedge fund ... in Dallas, Texas. He starts tomorrow working remotely from here. He will move out there at the end of this month. Hopefully we will find a home out there in the next month or two and follow him after the school year ends.

This is a blessing to our family and the position is one he is excited about. He feels he will learn and grow and enjoy his work. It is a great opportunity for him. I am thrilled about it. Everyone I have ever heard talk of living in Dallas has nothing but wonderful things to say about living there. I have a brother and sister in law there. If we have to move, I can't think of anyplace better. I am excited for this adventure.

At the same time I am utterly heart broken at the thought of moving. This week I had so many friend texting and emailing and calling me to wish me luck on the bar. I had dinners brought in by friends every night this week. (And they were seriously deluxe, over the top, delicious!)

I LOVE our neighborhood, our home, our ward family, our community, my friends, and we have so much family here. It is going to just be so hard to leave all this love.

I am trying not to think too much about it yet because I get too weepy. I keep calling my Texan brother and telling him and his wife to tell me how excited we are again. :)

I really am grateful. I feel a showering of love and blessings from the Lord and I know this is in his plan. We have learned what we needed to learn here for now. It is time to go learn new lessons from new people. I feel that. But it is still so hard to say goodbye and move so far away.

Luckily, technology has made the world a little smaller. I will be blogging all about our upcoming adventures of being a single mom for a few months, packing and moving, and settling in a new area in the Dallas Ft. Worth metroplex. Hopefully this blog will take on the new purpose of being the place where all those people I love and will be missing can come and we can visit in the comments.

And hopefully it will help introduce us to some new friends too. Anyone out there live in the Carrollton Texas area? That is one of the areas we are looking into. I'd love to know what anyone thinks of it who lives there.

Now I need to go look into taking the Texas bar this summer ... :) fun times.

Thankful

Just about to go to sleep. Feeling as ready as I'll ever be for the exam. Just so grateful for all the support of family and friends as I have prepared for and am taking this exam. Thank you to all of you who are and have been praying for me. My mind feels ready and calm tonight. I can feel the power of those prayers powerfully.

Thank you.

One more week...

I am in my final week of studying for the bar. Sorry I have been gone so long. I have been having lots of thoughts to share. I am excited to start documenting them. Anyone who wants to say a little prayer for my mind on February 26, 27, and 28; that would be helpful. Those are the days I will be taking the test.

I will be very glad to have these 8-10 hour study days behind me. I am excited to spend some more time with my kiddos and hubby.

One more week...

Nosh and Swig

After studying yesterday we went out with some friends to a new small restaurant on the east side near where I grew up. It is on Flamingo between Sandhill and Pecos. The name is Nosh and Swig. It is small plates and really tasty food. We had a party of 8 so we tried lots of food. There wasn't a single dish we didn't like.

Some favorites were the dr. Pepper short ribs and the pretzel roll brat sandwiches and the sticky bun tacos. If you are looking for a fun dining experience with good food, check it out!

Where am I?

This is where I have been and what I have been doing. Studying for the bar kicked into high gear the week of Christmas. Been studying 8-10 hrs a day and spending precious free moments cherishing my kids and hubby. I go to the gym daily to walk while studying and mostly cuz they will watch my boys for 2 hours a day. :). Then home to feed lunch and put down to nap and study more. If you don't hear from me more till march this is why. Love you all!

Anticipating Christmas ... A Conversation with Ann Marie

I had to take a minute and record a bit of my conversation with Ann Marie on our way home from dance. I will try to quote it as exactly as possible. Items in italics are my thoughts (even if they are in the middle of Annie's dialogue) during the conversation.

Mom: So Annie, what are you most looking forward to about Christmas, gifts under the tree? Surprise gifts? Santa gifts? Those were always the things I most anticipated.

Annie: You mean on Christmas eve or Christmas day?

Mom: Either? What are you most anticipating about Christmas in general? Certainly she wouldn't be anticipating opening pjs on Christmas eve more than seeing what Santa brings right? But I guess I shouldn't suggest what she should anticipate most.

Annie: I am most looking forward to giving Lauren and Sabrina their presents. They are going to LOVE them!

A memory flashes in my mind of a 4 year old Annie the Christmas of 2007 (our only Christmas with Camille) and Annie being over the top excited as each person opened her gift. "You are going to LOVE it! You are going to LOVE it!" she screamed each time jumping up and down. I shouldn't be surprised that the part of Christmas she is most anticipating is giving her gifts.

And I am excited to wake up and go downstairs singing the song.

 She too loves the tradition of gathering in Mom and Dad's room in the morning and all going down to the Christmas tree and all the gifts and stockings singing "Here Come Santa Claus" just as I did as a child.

And I am anxious to see what the boys will get so I can see how hard it will be to clean up.

Here she shoots me one of her looks. It says "you know it's true."

Because you know whatever they get they are going to make a mess with it and then we will have to clean it up. So if they get something that is easy to clean up... that will be good and I will like it. If they get something with lots of little pieces... I will not like it, because we both know I will be cleaning it up all the time.

Annie cleaning up the boys train tracks tonight trying to give me that look but not quite able to reproduce it.

Now I am just smiling. Huge smiling. My heart is smiling, my face is smiling. It is true. She will be cleaning it up. So will I. So will her sisters. And hopefully one day so will the boys. Something tells me she isn't going to like very many of the boys presents. There are a couple sets of Duplos and Hot Wheels in those packages. 

Even more, I am smiling because this is the end of her list of what she is anticipating most about Christmas and she hasn't even thought to include any presents for herself. What a rare child this one is. Sometimes conversations like this remind me of how unusual she is for a child and it just makes me smile.

Help Newtown Families

Remember a few years ago when I did that auction for Emily Jones on this blog? Her husband passed away in after getting stuck in the Nutty Puddy caves over the Thanksgiving weekend. That was the best Christmas I can remember because of how much I felt the giving spirit.

Well a fellow angel mom, Ashley Sullenger, turned me on to a an auction for the families of the children from Sandy Hook Elementary. It is on Tiffany's blog HERE. But it is only up till Dec. 26th so go over there and bid if you can. They have great stuff.

I got a few emails from my sister in law Rachel this morning. Remember my angel tree?

It is filled with angels all of you sent me the Christmas after Camille died. The one in Ann Marie's hand was handmade by my sister in law Rachel. That year she made one for each of her siblings and gave them their "Camille angel ornaments" for their Christmas present. Each year they put their ornaments up and remember my baby girl.

Well one of Rachel's sisters live near Newtown, Connecticut. She is in the same stake (a church name for a unit of our church that is made up of about 10 congregations) as Emily Parker's family. Emily was a 6 year old victim in the shooting.

Rachel's sister was inspired by my tree and organized a group of people to make and donate angels to the Parker family. They made so many ornaments that they decorated trees in the primary room at church, a tree at the fire house, and they sent a bunch of ornaments to Utah for Emily's funeral.

Here are a few photos Rachel sent me. Thanks to all those who worked on this project. I know what a treasure these angels will be in the future.

 Primary room (Childrens classroom at Emily's church)

 Firehouse Tree

Angel tree at the funeral.

The Worth of One

Today I got a little birthday present in the mail from my sister in law Nikki. It has touched my heart. A few months ago, Nikki called me to tell me about a friend of her sister's whose little girl had drowned. I got this woman's information and emailed her. After a while she emailed me back and we started corresponding.

I had the pleasure of meeting Jill and her lovely family soon after. Her daughter was one year old and named Penny. Jill and friends started a Penny drive in her daughter's memory. They made and sold beautiful jewelry made from pennies.

Today I as I opened my present I found a necklace made from a penny similar to one Jill gave me when we met. I love it. I love both of them. Then I read the card Jill included with the necklace (on the back of the card with the deer that reads "as the deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God" Psalm 42:1) and I was touched by that heavenly teaching spirit of understanding. I have come to believe through my experiences with this blog that I heard the whisper of sweet Penny Thomas helping me understand the worth of ONE in a whole new way.

I wanted to share Jill's note with you. It reads as follows:

Pennies for Penny

thank you for taking part in "pennies for penny." as penny's mother i knew the second that i held her in my arms that she was special, she was divine. as her family we loved and we cherished her every second. we knew then that she was a gift from god and we held her so close. in her little life, she taught so many. she left us lessons of love, simplicity, peace, family, gratitude, and service. it is because of penny that i wanted to be even closer to my heavenly father. i have learned through her, that this life is not the end. i knew this before, however, it is more real to me than ever, this life is not the end! this deeper understanding has caused me to want to focus more on what is important in this life...family and the gospel of jesus christ. i want to be a better christian, a better mother to these divine children that god has given me for a short time. i want to serve more and teach others that they are too children of a merciful heavenly father. i used to throw away pennies, however, the power of 1 cent has a new meaning to me. penny was just 1, but she left a mark in the world worth much more! please wear this as a reminder of my penny, of her life and what she taught. "the worth of souls is great in the site of god" d&c 18:10 all my love, Jill Thomas

Thank you Jill for the note. Thank you Penny for teaching me. Camille was also just 1. Too often we do not recognize the worth of the one. I know the worth of my one to me.

May we keep in our hearts the worth of the little ones at this season when we celebrate the birth of The One.

Life Keeps Going

"And it came to pass..."

That is the beginning of so many scriptures. When my children are little like Noble and just learning to repeat scriptures when we read as a family, they assume that every verse starts that way. When it is his turn he would say "and it came to pass ..." and then wait to see what I told him the rest says.

We often over look these words, but like all words in scripture, they have meaning beyond what we initially see.

We live in a temporal world where all things come to pass. We do not stay in one moment forever. Some things last longer than others but all of them come to pass. It is a phrase that gives hope to me. When I feel overwhelmed or worried about something I am dealing with, I remember with hope that it will come to pass.

The bar exam will come to pass. I will study and work and stress and do my best and then I will take it and it will be done.

I am speaking at a Relief Society (our church's women's organization) meeting this week. I prepared my remarks last night and timed them out. I had a hard time saying them aloud (it is an emotional subject for me ... angels among us.) I hope it will go well and that I will be able to speak understandably. But one way or another I find peace knowing that whether I do well or not it will come to pass.

Yesterday was my 38th birthday. It came to pass. I am happy to have a clean kitchen and soft skin that was pampered by my girls at their home spa complete with use of new spa products they got me for my birthday. They put me in a warm bath with soft music playing and candlelight and blew bubbles over me and put bath fizzies in the water. Then they got me out and put me on a bed of rugs and towels on the floor and put hot towels over me and massaged lotion into my back, feet, legs, and arms. I enjoyed every minute of it and locked it as deeply into my memory as I could because I knew that it too was right then ... coming to pass.

Even incredible heartache comes to pass. They say it doesn't ever leave you. I can't say it has left me ... that heartache of losing a child. It has changed and is far more bearable. But it hasn't left. I imagine it won't completely pass in this life. But it will come to pass. One day I will be reunited with my Camille. I believe this heartache then shall pass and be replaced by a joy unimaginable to me now.

I pray for that same hope to eventually come to those who are so fresh in their grief now. I hope that someday this will be a chapter in the book of their life (granted a pivotal chapter that changes the story but just a chapter) not their whole life.

I feel the pages turning in my life story book. I feel chapters ending and new ones beginning. It is an exciting and scary thing. So for now I am just trying to relish the moment I am in because I know it is coming to pass.

2012 Family Photo

Heartbroken

I am just sick for all those families in Connecticut who are entering this terrible time of grief and pain. I hurt for them in a very personal and knowing way.

Prayers for these families...

Still here

I am still living over here. :) I have just been struggling to balance mothering and studying for the bar and putting on Christmas and trying to keep the mess in my house from taking over my life.

Mostly the house and blogging have gotten the short end of that stick.

The kids are great. I am savor inch them. I have panic attacks for the boys safety nearly daily. My mind is too knowing and imaginative about so many possible dangers. But they are such good and loving little guys that they melt my heart.

The girls are growing and becoming in all sorts of wonderful ways. It is exciting to see them develop talents and challenge themselves in new areas.

Best of all, my heart is warmed this season by the best gift my children could give me, their love for each other. I love that we went through all the work of clearing out a room so Sabrina could have her own room this summer and for the last month or more the girls are all sleeping together again by choice. Tonight they are snuggled together in Sabrina's bed and trundle.

I love that noble and Harrison have such obvious delight in each others company. This brings great happiness to my soul.

May we All be looking for these greatest gifts this season!

Grateful days 23-25

Ok so day 22 was yams. I am grateful for my grandma Lucile who turned them into one of my favorite foods,

Day 23- I am grateful for my parents who celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary this week. Thanks for staying together even when it wasn't easy and for teaching me what a real marriage looks like, the work it takes to make it last, and teaching me the beauty and love of true commitment.

Day 24 - I am thankful for my husbands small business and those who shop at our stores. Your patronage feeds my family and the families of the 25 or so others that we employ. Thank you for supporting small businesses!

Day 25- I am thankful for all of you who sent us angels for our Camille angel tree. I feel so loved every year when I unpack these precious angels to put on her tree. I know she is near tonight. Noble called every angel ornament a sister ornament. Thank you for giving me a physical way to bring my baby home for Christmas!

Candied yams

I am blogging this on my phone so the photos are going to be at the bottom. I'll go back and fix it later. But in case anyone wants to make the best yams ever... Even if you don't like yams, you will probably like these. They are more candy than yam.

First step: boil the yams. Put whole yams in a pot, cover with water and boil till a fork goes in easily but not till mushy. That takes 30-60 minutes depending on how thick your yams are.

Use a fork to take yams out and let them cool. When they are cool enough to handle. Remove the skins. The skin will just come right off with your fingers.

Slice the yams about 1/2-3/4 inch thick. You can do this length wise or in circles or both.

Spray Pam in a baking dish. Layer the slices of yam in a single layer on the bottom of the dish. Make it fit like a puzzle so there is very little space where the bottom of the dish can be seen.

Sprinkle with salt. Take a handful of brown sugar and sprinkle it over the yams distributing evenly. Place pats of butter every few inches. (See photos).

Add another layer of yams, salt, brown sugar, and butter. Again fit the yams together as tight as you can but don't overlap.

Add a third (or fourth) layer if you have enough yams. Three layers is optimal.

Put in the oven at 375 for an hour then turn heat down to 275 and cook for 2 more hours. Basically, you want the yams to turn a burnt orange color. Cooking for a long time "candies" the yams so the get chewy on the ends like candy. That is my favorite part.

Today I made 10#s of yams and used 2 sticks of butter and less than half a bag of brown sugar. I can't wait to put these back in the oven tomorrow to candy a little more while they reheat.

Trust me, marshmallows are totally unnecessary! These taste even better than they look!

Yummy Food

I am grateful for yummy food and to come from a long line of people on both sides of my family who can cook some of the best food I have ever had. I am looking forward to eating Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. :) We are going to my in-laws and I am bringing my favorite dishes from my families recipes (my grandmothers yams, and Grandma Garff, my brother's wifes family, rolls.) My sister in law is going to try to recreate my dad's stuffing.

I might also make a couple of other family favorites like my grandmother's banana cream pie or my aunt Shelba's lemon meringue or seafoam salad (green jello with pears cream cheese and whipped cream.)

Last night I whipped up an experimental dinner. My kids love my homemade pancakes. Last night I decided to see how we could make them a little more festive and maybe even sneak a bit of veggies in there too. So I make pumpkin pancakes. I also added white chocolate chips to some of them for an extra treat.

Okay so maybe not the healthiest dinner ever but everyone ate well last night. Anyway, they turned out really good so I thought I would share the recipe.

Pumpkin Pancakes
2t baking powder
2t baking soda
2 eggs
2T sugar

Whisk together then add:
2 cups sour cream
2 cups buttermilk
1 small can pumpkin
1/2t ground cloves
1t cinnamon
1/2t ground nutmeg

Whisk then add:
2 1/3 cups flour

Add more flour or buttermilk as needed to get the right consistency.

Cook on a griddle. Toss some white chocolate chips on top before turning over if you like.

I like them best with just a little butter and a dusting of regular sugar. Yummy!

the Big Mac Post

This post is going to be a like a Big Mac. You know how they have the 3 buns. Well my buns in this post will be my gratitude days. And I have a little meat to put in here too.

18- I am grateful for my husband. He is faithful and hard working and fun among many other things. I can't enumerate all the ways I am grateful for him. But perhaps above them all is how grateful I am for how well he loves me. He always makes me feel beautiful and accomplished and smart and of great worth. I aspire to show him my love half as well as he shows his love to me. Thank you Jonathan. I love you.

Meat- I often think people would be rather shocked if they knew how often I think of, miss, and feel the loss of my sweet girl now 4.5 years later. I know that I could never have anticipated feeling this longing and having her so at the forefront of my mind even 4 years ago.

I think of her every day- multiple times a day. I feel my love for my kids double, once for them and once for her. I am savoring Harrison in his cute little toddlerhood, but a big part of me will be very glad to have him reach an age where I worry less for his physical safety. I know there is never an age of complete safety there, but I will be relieved to have the risks of choking, drowning, falling down stairs, escaping the house, or "running away" be so overpowering to me. I still have a few of those anxieties with Noble. He likes to hide from me and it kills me.

19- I am grateful for the spiritual growth and learning I have experienced from my trial. I am grateful for the help or inspiration our story has been to others. I am grateful there are people out there who are kinder to the their kids or appreciate their children more because of our experience.

Meat - The truth is that sometimes life feels heavy. Sometimes our trials in this mortal reality seem overwhelming and never ending. They weigh on our minds and hearts like bricks of sorrow or worry. The Lord knew we would have these trials in life. It is part of the plan to experience pain and suffering of all kinds here on Earth. But He loves us and wants to help us.

The truth is that the gospel does help. It didn't feel like my knowledge of the gospel helped at all in those early months of pain and grief. And to a degree, nothing really helps in those hardest days. You feel too much pain for any balm to help. But the truth is that my knowledge of the gospel plan gives me a source for comfort in the Savior and a perspective of eternity. This perspective helps me to understand what is most important in my life and the true timetable of my trials.

My trials are not forever. Even those that will last my whole life will still only seem a short time in the expanse of eternity. One day at a time I can make it through the most difficult of times. The Lord always gives us periods of respite from the storms of our trials. My goal is Eternal life. Any hardship I encounter, and obstacle that I may face is just a mountain I must climb on my journey there. It will not alter my course.

20- I am grateful for the Savior Jesus Christ and for the gospel He teaches us. I use that word in the present tense because He did not stop teaching when He died. He teaches me still. I feel the Spirit of God teaching my soul as I read and ponder the scriptures and work in following promptings or impressions that come to my mind.

I am grateful for the peace and hope He gives. Again I use the present tense. He brings me peace in my storms. He gives me hope when I feel there is none. There is always Hope in Christ. He is the Author and Finisher of our hope.

I am beyond grateful for His atonement. I am purchased. I am all in. I am indebted beyond any ability to repay. I am His to use or mold or try as He sees fit.

I am grateful to know where I stand with the Lord. An indebted, purchased, beloved daughter and once in a while, when I am really blessed, a tool in His hand.

Grateful day 17

As always, I am grateful for my dad today. It is his 76th birthday. He is far away in Africa but I am just grateful he is alive and kicking. I am so grateful that even though he is on the other side of the world, he is never more than a phone call away.

Love you dad!

Grateful day 15 & 16

15- I wrote a whole thing on how grateful I am for my obedient and loving Sabrina and my blogger app deleted it! Be it known that I am so grateful for Sabrina and how she obeys even when she doesn't want to and hates me for making her do things. And I am very grateful that as soon as she does them she loves me again. I love that she is not a grudge holder!

16- I am grateful for my mental capacity, limited though it may be. Wrote about this too and how grateful I am to e learning again as I study for the bar. Also was deleted by my app.

So not very grateful for my blogger app deleting my much nicer post tonight but still am grateful for my final bedfellow while dad was away - Sabrina- and for my brains.

Grateful day 14

Today I am thankful for my mini me--Lauren. She is kid number 3 just like me and she deals with both the big kids and the little kids really well. She is a smart little girl who loves to take care of people. She loves to teach me new things and loves science.

I am grateful for her help with her brothers and her love of the "I'd love to" jar that keeps me hearing those lovely words daily. I don't know what I would do without my lala to make me smile and laugh. I sure am thankful to be her mama!

Grateful days 11, 12, & 13

Day 11- I am thankful for all our service men and women naturally. Just for varieties sake I will add that I am thankful for the brave passengers of flight 93 that crashed in PA on 9/11. Their sacrifice is not forgotten by me. I am grateful for their brave decision to do whatever necessary to keep the terrorists from using their flight as a bomb to attack another icon of American freedom. Thank you!

12- good friends who showed up to Sabrina's bake sale and hot her half way to her girls camp goal.

13- I am grateful for Annie. She is sleeping with me tonight as Jon is out of town. She helped restore my sanity tonight by cleaning up the downstairs after my big cook. Her sisters helped but Annie was the most diligent about it. I love this uber talented little girl! I am grateful to be her mother!

Bake sale

Sabrina had a bake sale today to raise money for camp. Here is my favorite thing she sold.
Reese's Puffs Treats
8 cups mini marshmallows
3T butter
11 cups Reese's Puffs cereal
12-16 regular size Reese's peanut butter cups

Melt butter and marshmallows over med heat on stove. Turn off heat and add cereal. Mix well. Put in a 9x13 sprayed pan. Put a peanut butter cup on each treat. Press down with press and seal and put in fridge to cool.
Remove press and seal, cut and serve!

Grateful days 9 & 10

9- I am grateful to have girls first. Last night I put the boys to bed and went to the movies with Jonathan. I told Sabrina she couldn't have the tv on till she and her sisters picked up the family room and kitchen area.

When I got home the whole house upstairs and down (except the boys rooms) was clean. I guess Lauren did the whole upstairs and Sabrina did the downstairs. Annie was at dance while they were cleaning.

I love those girls and I am so thankful for all their help.

10- I am thankful to live near and be able to attend the temple. That place is Heaven's embassy to Earth. So grateful for the promises that come from making and keeping covenants there. Families are eternal units of society. They do not have to last only till death parts us. I am so grateful to be sealed to my family eternally.

Grateful day 8

Today Noble said our dinner prayer. He prayed that we could keep the Spirit in our home and that Cami could come visit us often. He is three.

I am grateful that my three year old who never lived on this earth with his sister Camille "gets it." I am so thankful that he knows Camille is still very much a part of our family and that she always will be.

Here he is all dressed for church.

Grateful Day 7

Today is a good day to focus on our blessings. The reality is that every one of us in this country is richly blessed. We all have our various burdens. Sometimes those burdens feel so very crushing and overpower our strength. But even in those times of depression and feeling forsaken, we are still actually enjoying blessings that we are too weighed down to notice or appreciate at the time.

I am grateful today for my testimony and witness - actually the numerous witnesses I have had - that tell me God is always mindful of me and of all his children. He allows us to choose, but his hand is always stretched out even when we choose poorly. I know He is real. I know He is mindful of me. I know that no matter what comes, no matter what burdens I am asked to bear, He will be there to help me through it. For that knowledge, I am most profoundly grateful.

Grateful day 6

Tonight I am grateful we won't be counting any hanging chads or disputing provisional ballots. I am sad not to be able to see Mitt as our President because I really believe he would have done an amazing job.

But I am grateful that Pres. Obama has many of the same goals even if his methods of getting there may be different. I hope our leaders can come together to make our budgets balanced and help us reduce our debt and become energy independent. And I hope they can lead us out of this economic crisis and foster businesses that will create jobs.

The people have spoken, our bed has been made. Now it is time to lay down and go to sleep in it.

Grateful Day 4 and 5

Day 4 - I am grateful for all my ancestors who made the arduous journey across the sea to come to this new frontier they called the New World. I can't even really imagine how difficult their lives must have been and what it would have been like to make the sacrifices they had to make to come to America. But I am forever grateful that they did. Because of them, I live in a country where I am free to speak my mind, worship as I see fit, and vote for my leaders.

Day 5 - Today I am grateful for living in a land of law and order. Tomorrow our citizens will go and vote for our leaders. We are very divided in our country. Perhaps we are more evenly and closely divided than ever before. And we are passionate in our division.
I recognize that people on both sides of every issue feel they are right and justified in their belief to their very core. People are religious in their political beliefs. They are that deeply felt and often their political beliefs are linked to their religious beliefs. I think this is true for both sides.

The thing I am thankful for is that on Nov. 7 (or who are we kidding, it may be weeks or months later because of recounts etc.) when we know who won this 2012 Presidential election, we as a nation will leave the debate behind and go forward as One Nation. There will be no civil war. Even as divided as we are, we are a nation governed by the rule of law and we all respect the Constitution and its provisions for selecting our leaders and abiding by them. This is a blessing for which I am thankful. So many people in so many countries are not so lucky.

Grateful day 3

Today I am grateful for a free press. I know we all hate the press most of the time but I am grateful that we have access to information from a source other than our government.

CNN is doing a great bit of reporting on both candidates tonight- Romney revealed and Obama revealed. I think it is some good reporting that really gives a good overall picture of these two men and how they have come to where they are now.

2012 Grateful Day 1 and 2

I am counting my last post as a Grateful Post since it was a thank you letter. I am really grateful to have a Presidential candidate for whom I can vote without reservations. Thank you Mitt Romney!

I think for the next few days I will stick to this theme. :)

I am grateful to live in a country where I can have a say in who my government leaders are. I am grateful to be able to vote. Thank you to all the women suffragists out there in the early 1900s of our country who paved the way to give women a right to have their voices heard. Frankly, I am amazed that it took so long in history for women to attain this right. With as pushy and opinionated as some of us can be ... ;)

Voting is such a privilege. So many in this world are not afforded such a luxury. And it is one for which I am grateful.

I have already voted. Have you?

Dear Mr. Romney

Dear Mr. Romney,

I just wanted to write you a letter to thank you. I am sure it has been an arduous year campaigning. And I have no doubt the last several years have been full of difficult decisions for you and your family as you have weighed the costs of entering the very public forum of running for President of the United States. Now here we are just five days from the election and I have something to say to you. "Thank you for choosing to run."

Whether you win or lose, I am just so grateful that you ran. I am 37 years old and this is the first time I have ever voted for a Presidential candidate without reservations of conscious. Isn't that sad? I always have had reservations about either the candidates abilities or moral corruptibility or ambitions for shear power. I mean I hoped all the other men I voted for would do a good job if they won. Well except last time. I only voted for McCain because I was pretty sure he would lose in Nevada and I didn't want to vote for either of the candidates because I didn't believe either of them could handle the mess we were in. I didn't want to be part of the blame for putting them in office.

And it isn't that I hate President Obama. I just don't think he has the background and experience necessary to get us out of the economic mess we find ourselves in at this time. See, I am actually a moderate. I don't agree with everything either party advocates. I think President Obama has done some great and essential things in his term. But I feel like he has been putting bandaids on the economy (not that we didn't need a few bandaids.)

But our economy doesn't need more bandaids. It needs a cure. We need to address the causes of the injury and simply handing out more government dollars to stop the bleeding isn't going to fix it.

I believe fully that you have the experience and background and knowledge to bring about that fix. It is not an easy task. It will take making hard decisions about what things we really ought to spend our tax dollars on and which we should not. But that is what you have been doing your whole life and you have done well for your family and your company. I am sure you will do well for our country too if given the chance.

I may not agree with every decision you would make as President. That doesn't give me reservations about voting for you because I feel like we agree on the most important priorities. I agree that it is immoral to be spending money we are borrowing from China or anywhere else. I am worried about our deficit and our national debt. That hemorrhaging needs to stop.

I agree that we must have a government that looks to help small business to get jobs out there in the market. Anyone who has ever owned a small business, as you have, knows that small businesses are the bread and butter of our society. We need to make sure they are free to succeed and grow and hire more people without undue interference from government and excessive taxes.

I also agree that we need to invest in education and create a strong middle class. I believe you lean more moderate in these areas. Education and the middle class are areas we need to foster growth in any way that works.

I like that you are not a politician by career. You may not always say things in a polished way but I like your way of leading by principles and working with others to negotiate the details. I think that will be far more effective in getting anything in Washington done. We have gone too long without that kind of leadership. The only time Bill Clinton got anything meaningful done and balanced the budget bringing America to a prosperous time was when he worked together with the Republican Congress.

I think the best governing happens when the parties work together and come to the middle. Your experience in Massachusetts working with so many liberal Democrats makes me believe you can make that happen.

I believe you can get America back to work.

Thank you for running so that I can vote for someone I really believe would do an excellent job as President of the United States. Win or lose, I appreciate all you have been through to give me and millions of other Americans a chance to vote for someone whom they really believe has the experience, skills, intelligence, morals, and strength of integrity to serve Americans well as our President.

Sincerely,
Stephanie Waite

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ps to my readers: I know this post is political. I don't do those often. But please keep any comments kind and clean. We can respect others viewpoints right? This is directed at both sides. Please no Romney or Obama bashing.