Thursday, May 20, 2010

Approaching the 2-year Mark

Me and Camille June 6, 2008

Summer is sneaking up on me once again. Plans are being made. Vacations are coming up. And the 2 year mark is just weeks away. I am glad to have another year under my belt. Most of the time I feel pretty happy and positive these days. I have learned that it is easier to not get too down by going to bed early. Nights ... they are just hard. I think I am more prone to depressing thoughts at night when I am tired.

I still think about Camille every day. But I don't always think of her in sad ways. Now many days I don't feel great sorrow. I think of her dearly and with a sensitive heart but not necessarily a sad heart. I still have occasional days when I just really miss her and miss the place she would have filled in our little family. But I am becoming accustomed to the idea and reality of my new family -- the one with the gap in the middle.

Today I had a sweet dream that made me feel so sure that all is as it should be and that Camille is well. I feel a strong connection to Camille and in so many ways she still plays such a big role in our little family. She makes so many aspects of reading the scriptures more relatable to my children. I can especially feel her close when we are following the whisperings of the Spirit (you know those gentle --"hmm it might be a good idea if you did this" feelings of the heart?) in how to run our home. We recently had a series of those "whisperings" that have prompted some changes around our home. I will share those soon. I want to give them a while to see if I can keep them up first. So far the results have been dramatic to me.

I have a few other things I want to post about but today I was looking over my blog and realized it had been a long time since I had a photo of my baby girl up here. I just wanted to see a few up here today.
We love you Camille. 
Thank you for continuing to bless your family even from beyond the veil of death.