A Good FHE on the Fly

Last night we gathered the kids for Family Home Evening. Neither Jon or I had prepared anything though we had been tossing ideas around for a while. I wanted to make some muffins. And my parents were planning to come over later in the evening. We needed to get our lesson in there somewhere.

So I stole the "recipe=scriptures" object lesson from our young women's lesson on Sunday by Sis. Clark and gathered the family to make muffins. We talked about "following the instructions" when we make a recipe. I asked them how hard it would be to make muffins without a recipe. We decided instructions were pretty important.

Then I asked them if Heavenly Father had given us instructions for how to live and return home and if so where we could find them. This brought us to the scriptures. The muffins were easy to make and quickly in the oven. We then turned to read Heavenly Father's instructions.

I had the girls turn to Matthew where the Savior talks about being hungry and you fed me etc... and when you do it to the least of these my brethern you have done it unto me. I was thinking we could "follow" these instructions and give some muffins to my "hungry" parents.

What I did not remember was the first part of that scripture. It starts in Matthew 25:31-33:

"When the Son of man shall come in his glory and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left."

First I asked the girls which "angel" did we know that would be coming with the Savior in his glory. Camille of course. Then we talked about how the sheep will be on the right or the good side of the Lord with Camille and the goats will be on the left or the not so good side of the Lord.

Then I asked the girls what the difference was between a goat and a sheep. (Now I will admit that I am not farm girl and frankly I don't know for sure what the difference is but I think my answer was right and it definitely fit my needs for the "child obedience training" in which we are seemingly permanently engaged.)

I told the girls that a sheep comes when the shepherd calls it and the goat doesn't. The goat has to be prodded to get it to obey. I asked them whether they wanted to be sheep or goats. Everyone wanted to be sheep. Hallelujah! Then I told them I would be watching all week to see who would be the fastest sheep when they were called. Everyone wanted to be the fastest sheep.

All day today I have been asking the girls, "Can you be a fast sheep? Are you a slow sheep or a goat that needs prodding?" And I have been able to give some good praise and have needed very little prodding. That makes for a pretty great day in my book.

So yet another way to teach obedience presented itself. At the end the girls saw that the Lord gave us instructions in the scriptures and the instructions said to "be obedient and serve others," as Sabrina put it. I think that sums it up nicely.

Sabrina in her new glasses.

Lauren and Noble rocking in the background.

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So You Think You Can Dance Party at my house tomorrow night. We are starting the show promptly at 9:00 p.m. and I am need to be in bed by 10:30. Looking forward to it!

Overwhelmed

Do you ever have those moments when you feel so overwhelmed you feel paralyzed? I had one of those this evening. I get them every once in a while. I know they will pass and somehow I will get through things but in the moment I just feel totally unable to even begin all the work in front of me.

Tonight, with the baby finally taking a nap, I looked around my dirty house while thoughts of the thousand things I need to do were nagging at my mind and in my overwhelmed state of mind I laid down and fell asleep. It was only a 20 minute nap. The children needed mom for this or that so my nap could not last long. But when I woke the kitchen was clean. Bless my husband!

This is one of those parts of motherhood you never fully understand until you live it. It is the part where you haven't slept for a stretch lasting longer than 3 hours in months and the stress of house, a high maintenance baby who requires near constant holding, school, lessons, birthday parties, bills, menu planning, teeth brushing, doctor appointments, thank you note writing, child obedience training, finding lost things, etc... all come crashing around in your consciousness and completely take you down. That was me ... tonight.

At least I have been there often enough to know it won't last and somehow the lessons will be taught, the house will get clean, the birthday party will "come to pass," food will get eaten, teeth will get brushed, and somehow some day sleep will one day last longer than 3 hours and the baby will be happy to sit and play with a toy on his own ... someday.

Our "summer" is over as the kids head back to school tomorrow. I will miss their help. I will miss them. But the return of routine will be welcome to me.

And NOW that I have spent my "alone time" minutes here with you I think I will go head to bed for my 2 hour stint of sleep. :)

Blog Security

Someone asked about my take on the "public or private" debate about blogs and what is safe to put on a blog. I think there are somethings I would definitely not put up but for many things it all comes down to your own level of paranoia.

Before I started this blog, my main argument for not blogging was not wanting so much of my personal information out there for the world to see. There are still some things I keep from appearing on my blog like my exact location and kids' school and social security number, etc. :) But since I felt inspired to start this blog and because of the benefits I have received from it being so public I feel comfortable with keeping it public.

Personally I feel like if people REALLY want to find YOU and your personal information, they can. A blog divulging your life just makes it lots easier. Still I try by not putting up information that could be used to steal our identity or stock us. Sometimes Jon wishes I would put up less information, fewer pictures of the girls, etc. But I do want this also to serve as my record of our life at this time and I do want to slurp it into a book soon, so I try to include as much as I can that I think is safe.

It is a personal decision for everyone. If you are worried about it, go private. Just know that fewer people will read your blog because you can't read private blogs on Google Reader or other subscription services. If you go public you can reach far more people and make new friends like I have.

I have especially been benefitted to know that some of what I have written has helped or inspired others who I don't even know and somehow stumbled across my blog. I like to think perhaps Camille leads people here who need to hear something I have written. Either way it gives purpose to our senseless loss and that is one of the few things that really eases the pain of the loss for me. It is easier to think her death has had a real positive impact on people. My own pain is worth it if enough good can come from it. I just hope and pray for the impact she has had on people, myself included, will be a lasting one.

Good luck in your decision to do public or private.

Go Check Out the News!

My sister is holding special portfolio building priced photography sessions in the next month or so. Go check out her blog on the side bar for full details.

Also go check out Sabrina's blog. She has big news to share.

I will give you a hint... She definitely has her parents eyes.

A Step Back

A little more than 2 years ago

Tonight my mother heart is aching and I just need to get a bit of the ache out here on paper and out of my core. Sometimes this grieving thing is like taking two or three steps forward and then a giant step back. I have felt that today. I am not sure if it is the time of year or just because it has been a while and the grief barometer is on the rise. Whatever it is, I have been feeling like I am floating lost in a jumble of emotions and I am struggling to stay emotionally and psychologically anchored by hope, joy, and gratitude.

I walked into Sabrina and Ann Marie’s room tonight to see if they were asleep and there was Ann Marie snuggled up to Sabrina in Sabrina’s bed. She was scared she might have a nightmare so she snuggled up with her big sister. It was so cute and heart warming.

A scene like the one I saw tonight but taken last year.

Then I heard Lauren awake – and alone – in her room. A wave of sadness hit me, sadness for her. She was supposed to have a roommate too. She was not supposed to have to be the odd man out.

I went into Lauren’s room and laid by her side and snuggled her. I will be trying my whole life to be the buddy she lost. I told her I was sorry she didn’t have a roommate. She said “Camille is mine.” Yes. She is.

Later in my own room I realized how there is no place in this house anymore that is “Camille’s” place. Before Noble was born I could go in the nursery and feel the heaviness of her absence. That was her room.

Now it is his room. It is full of boy things. It no longer feels like her room. And yet she never lived and slept and played in Lauren’s room so even though it would have been her room now it doesn’t feel like her room.

Suddenly I miss having a room just for her – a room where I can go and feel the density of the loss and the closeness of her presence. Now there is but a room in my heart – an empty room filled with memories and joy and aching.

Source of Inspiration

Someone asked where I would go other than Heavenly Father and the scriptures if I wanted to find direction in my life. I think I basically got that right? Here are my thoughts on that:

I have found "inspiration" in countless places over my lifetime. The trick is that inspiration can come at any time or as we are engaged in almost any good activity. Heavenly Father just makes our minds light up when we find or think of the direction that is right.

One thing I think is fairly essential to finding direction is lots of pondering time. We must be exploring to find the possibilities before us but we must also take time to really ponder the options and feel out which one is the best option.

That said, I will give you some concrete examples of places I regularly go in my "study it out" phase of trying to find answers. Like my last post noted, I always start with the scriptures. I have often found very direct answers there. But sometimes I do not find a clear enough answer there.

Another source for me is LDS.org. This site has all the conference talks by our modern day prophets on it. Many times I can find answers in a conference talk that seem more direct than the scriptures can be on more modern subjects.

Other people can also be very helpful. Some people have a gift for giving good advice. Some people have a stewardship to advise us. I often just have a feeling that I need to talk to a specific person and then when I do I find their advice just what I needed to hear. I talk almost everything out with my husband. I have gone to bishops and branch presidents before. I have also gone to friends with certain issues that I think they will best be able to relate to and understand. And countless times I have gone to my parents.

No matter who you go to, the key is to listen with your heart as you talk about your questions or options. Heavenly Father will let you know in your heart with that peace and light feeling when something you or they say is the way to go. Ultimately, whether your answer comes reading the scriptures, pondering alone, or talking to someone, it is the Spirit that lights up the answer and makes otherwise meaningless thoughts or words become inspiration.

I love the scripture in 2 Nephi 32:2-3 where we are reminded that after we have received the Holy Ghost we can speak with the tongue of angels. Nephi continues "And now, how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I had always read that verse to mean the scriptures will tell you all things. But one time a few years ago I read it more carefully in context and saw that the "words of Christ" are found not only in the scriptures but in our own mouths and the mouths of those who speak by the power of the Holy Ghost. So we can find the words of Christ that tell us what we should do any time the Spirit directs the words to our hearts.

In this way, the scriptures can take on different meanings to answer our questions and we can find inspiration in advice from others or even in our own talking things out.

There are numerous life examples of this floating through my mind right now. Too many to share tonight. But a brief summary may do. I have found answers to "who gets the last mini box of fruit loops, mom" in the scriptures.

I went to law school instead of journalism school based on advice from my parents and my grandfather. Only later did I realize that this was the better choice for me.

I navigated my "friendship" with Jonathan when I liked him and he did not like me with help from the advice of a branch president. I felt inspired that he was the one to talk to and boy was he ever. Little did I know he was a marriage and family therapist.

I was inspired to start this blog sitting in my bathtub pondering early one morning about what I wanted to do with my life beyond mothering. Who knew it would be such a blessing and life line to me in so short a time? God did. That's why he inspired me to start it. I only hope some of what I have written has been helpful or even "inspiring" to you too.

May the Lord bless each of you in finding whatever answers you are seeking. Perhaps my sweet Camille helps a bit in that angel's errand now.

Inspiration

Every once in a while I get a bit of mothering inspiration. It doesn't happen as often as I would like it to. I have been praying for it to happen more often. I am hoping that by acting quickly on these moments of inspiration they will come more frequently. Or at least as frequently as I am able to act effectively on them. We all must progress line upon line, one step at a time, after all.

Yesterday as we were driving home I was thinking about testimonies. In our church the first Sunday of each month, members of the congregation are invited to stand and bear witness of the things pertaining to the gospel that they know to be true and to tell about how they came to that knowledge or how that belief was strengthened. We call this a "testimony meeting."

During yesterday's testimony meeting I was explaining what a testimony is to Sabrina and asking about her testimony. After our brief conversation I started thinking about how I could help Sabrina have opportunities to feel the Spirit on her own and further develop her own testimony apart from mine.

Now, I work with the teenage girls at church and I know how they can find and develop their testimonies. I firmly believe that these girls must read, study, and ponder the scriptures on their own to get a solid testimony. God so often speaks to us through the scriptures or while we are reading them. The hardest part for the girls is getting in the habit of reading and pondering the scriptures daily. Isn't it really for most of us?

So on my drive home yesterday I had a bit of motherhood inspiration. My girls may be young and often they don't understand all that the scriptures are saying when they read the verses, but they can read them. I felt that little nudge tell me to help them start this habit of daily scripture reading now. Just like I help them get in the habit of saying their prayers.

So today I told them that before they do their regular nightly reading in bed I wanted them to read at least 5 verses of scripture. I told them they could talk about what they read with each other or with me but I wanted them to read the verses on their own first.

Tonight we had such a sweet spirit in their room while they each read their scriptures. I let them pick where they wanted to read. Sabrina read all the Articles of Faith (that is 13 verses of our basic beliefs) and then she read 4 verses about baptism and the covenant we make when we are baptized. She got those verses from a booklet she was given after she was baptized called "Faith in God."

Ann Marie wanted to read the story in the Book of Mormon that she spoke about in her talk. It is the story of Alma the younger and how he saw an angel as he was going about being wicked and was called to repentance by the angel. She read about 12 verses of that story until Alma faints and is carried to his father by his friends.

I spent time helping each of them understand what they were reading. It was a great night and I plan on making this a habit that will stick in our family. Hopefully by the time they are teenagers, reading their scriptures daily will be so second nature that when they face questions or doubts or temptations or trials they will be able to suck deeply from the well of wisdom contained within the scriptures.

Tomorrow I plan to address a question in a comment about where I would turn other than the scriptures when I had a problem. I don't want the commenter to think I am ignoring the comment. I will get there. But this post shows that clearly I think the scriptures are one of the very best places to go for answers. I would always go prayerfully there first. More on other places I turn for answers tomorrow.