Me explaining to Lauren why Camille was in the box and why she couldn't come out to play.
I am a new mother. One of the many miracles that have come to me in all of this happened shortly after I returned home from the hospital. Camille past away on Sunday around 4 pm. We took our girls home from my sister's house to our house that night.
Perhaps I better give a bit of background here. I had pretty much been at my wits end with certain behaviors before all this happened. I love my kids but some times their craziness drove me nutty. Some more than others. Actually Camille was the only one I never had to discipline. The others all have made me crazy at one time or another but she was the one that always just made me smile (too young to talk back or learn to hit or be mean to siblings). I struggled to keep myself calm and loving when the others were really acting up. I know every mother goes through this. It is hard to see the sweetness of your child when they are mad and hitting you or screaming at you for not getting their way.
Lately, I was having a particularly difficult time with one of my kids. That night we got home I was struggling with getting this child to do what I needed her to do. Before the accident, this would have been beyond my capacity to deal with running on a total of 9 hours sleep for 4 days. But as I sat with this child in her crazy sleep deprived state I saw her through new eyes. I saw her through Camille's eyes--and she was glorious. I felt the love Camille had for this child and how much Camille looked up to her and admired her. Consequently, I will never look at this child the same again. This happened to me again the next day.
The girls got down a couple of statues from a high shelf. By the time I got downstairs that morning they were laying on the floor broken. Both were special to me- a Lladro I bought in Spain when I lived there and one given to us for our wedding. The Lladro was broken beyond repair. Before the accident I would have been devastated by this and would have been severe in my punishment. Now I just looked at the statues and thought, I could go buy both of these tomorrow. They are just things and they are both replaceable. It is only money. I still let the girls know that I was disappointed in them for getting my things down from the shelf and that they shouldn't do that but I also let them know how much more important to me they were than any statue.
Annie and Lauren hugging their sister goodbye
My kids have been easier to discipline. I can feel a heavenly presence in our home. I don't want that presence to leave. I let them know that now that Camille is an angel, she can only be where there is love. I believe they feel her here too. We are all working together to keep the atmosphere of LOVE strong in our home so Camille can be here with us. It has been really nice.
So I guess my message for the day is -- Love your little ones--even the ones that drive you crazy. If you could see them the way God sees them -- you would be astounded at their glory.