What do you do when you are woken up at 4 a.m. by intense heartburn? Well after you get up and down several TUMS, you blog ... right?
Now this may be a messy post because I don't have my glasses or contacts on and I can't really see my screen. But I thought I would share something I have noticed about the heart here since I am feeling the "burn" quite literally right now.
My heart has had quite the ride this week. I have had some pretty great highs and some fairly low lows. Many of these have come within hours of each other. But overall the highs win the day out. I think the reason for that is the fact that they have been "spiritual" highs.
This has had me thinking about how the greatest "highs" and the lowest "lows" I have felt in this life have been spiritual. Really the hardest days for me have been the days in my life when I have felt forsaken.
On the other hand, nothing can compare to the joy of a spiritual high. It can lift you out of depression or sorrow quicker than anything I know. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain as Satan HATES it when we feel this way. He is always biting at the chance to drag us down. But I have had a few spiritual highs in my life that have left such an impression that even years after the high is worn off I can remember it and even relive a bit of it in the retelling of them.
One of these came the day I got my answer about the church being true. I have related that story previously. I have had several as I have witnessed small miracles in my life -- finding lost rings in seemingly impossible circumstances, having small prayers answered etc...
I have even had a few since Camille died. These have been mostly centered on feeling a clarity of thought about the greater plan of my Father that took Camille from my arms to His. There have been a few times when I have felt such deep and abiding peace about where she is and how these circumstances have changed me and affected so many others.
I had one of these moments this week. I am still riding the high of it. It has tempered me through the lows that have come. I have felt a validation and love from my Father that I have only felt few times before in my life. These times have told me I was doing something right.
It seems every time they come shortly after I have gone through some really scary big life change. Often I have been uncertain about the path I have chosen in such circumstances and I feel as if I have stepped out into the storm on faith alone that somehow I will not sink but be able to walk on the water. Often there have been "sinking" moments when I wonder what I am doing and why I am doing it. But then ultimately there have been those moments when I become sure footed through the help of the Savior and his love and validation.
I wish I could fill my life with these spiritual highs. Perhaps that is why heaven is so wonderful. It must be like an Eternal spiritual high to be in the loving presence of our Savior and the Father and continuously engaged in their work.
I pray that through our work for good and our steady faithfulness despite adversity we all may have more of these highs -- highs when our hearts feel a touch of the Divine.