Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A New Phase

I feel like I am moving into a new phase of this grieving process. In pregnancy, there are three trimesters. For some very unlucky women, all three of these are filled with serious illness. For other very lucky women, there is little illness or pain involved in the pregnancy process. For most, the first trimester is plagued by fatigue and nausea and/or vomiting. But the second trimester proves to be a reprieve from these ailments. 

That is how my pregnancies have always gone. And it is similar to how I have felt in this grieving process. The first months were so filled with pain and sorrow. Now I have just finished my fourth month. And while I know that I am a different person and my life will never be the same, I feel strength coming back to me again. I feel more able to pull my own weight and more able to solid in my footing. I am not back 100% but I have hope that one day I will get there and maybe even be stronger for the experience.  

Now, for most pregnant women the last 3 months of pregnancy is uncomfortable, taxing and sometimes downright painful. I know that has been more and more true for each of my pregnancies. I don't expect by any stretch of the imagination that I am out of the woods yet. I am sure the months of April through Aug. next year will be difficult. But I hope just as pregnancy yields wonderful blessings, I hope this most painful journey will prove equally as rewarding.

If nothing else, my experience and understanding as a human being is far richer and of a greater breadth than I ever imagined it would be. Geez and I am only finished with one trimester of life too. Who knew one could experience so much in one trimester?