I love my doctor. She is so willing to follow my wishes and make the birth of this baby on my time table (or my body's) and not hers. Today I took in a "birth plan" I wrote up a while back. Normally I am not such a believer in "birth plans" because labor and delivery can be so unpredictable and really so much has to be decided during the process.
But I really wanted everyone who attends to me during this labor and delivery to be aware of my story. I want them to know that the last time I was in the hospital I was saying goodbye to a child. I am not sure how or if my grief will play into this birth. I have come to realize how unpredictable grief can be. Times I think I should be a disaster I feel strong and other times I am hit with a wave for no apparent reason.
So I wrote up my story for those who attend to me to read. I have a hard time telling people without losing it. There just isn't an easy way to tell people you had a child die. I included a bullet pointed list of things I know I do or don't want during the labor.
I shared this "plan" of sorts with my doctor. She already knew about Camille. She was fully supportive of everything I wrote and put the plan at the top of my chart so it would be the first thing people would see. I love it.
Also, I told her I couldn't have the baby this week because of the talent show. She was totally helpful and told me to come back Monday to have my cervix checked then. She didn't want to accidently disturb things and get me started. I feel pretty confident that I can make it through Friday without going into labor now. After that, I think I will be ready to play ball whenever little Noble decides the time is right.
