Sunday, April 26, 2009

Be Believing

"Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." Doctrine and Covenants 90:24

My sister-in-law Nikki recently sent me a letter/paper her uncle wrote to his children on why bad things happen to good people. He wrote it many, many years ago. I have found it to be faith bolstering and well thought out. He has a few points that I found to be particularly profound. One of the points he makes has to do with the above scripture. 

For those who are not familiar with the "Doctrine and Covenants," it is primarily a book of revelations given to the prophet Joseph Smith from Jesus Christ in the early years of our church's founding. It is part of the LDS Canon of scripture.

In his letter, this man (my sister-in-law's uncle) points out how important "being believing" is to having all things work for our good. I have given this point some thought further. I have often said that even in my lowest moments where my faith is weakest, I have chosen to believe. 

Believe what? Believe that the Lord loves me and knows what will be best for me. Believe that it was Camille's time to leave this Earth. Believe that her death is part of His plan. Believe that somehow this trial - all our trials - will work together for our good. Sometimes that last one is really hard to "believe," especially in those low points that are so filled with pain. But, I have come to realize how much more endurable the pain and trials of this life are when faced with a believing heart and a mind firmly focused by faith.  

I feel best, strongest, most at peace, and most happy when I doubt not but trust in the Lord and BELIEVE that this is part of His plan. Certainly I have had moments of question and doubt over the last 10 months. But those moments are low, depressing, and hopeless. I do not want to live my life in the emotions of those moments. I am SURE the Lord would not have me live my life that way. Therefore, when those moments come, I CHOOSE to believe.

That choice helps immediately to pull me from the dark corners of my mind. And soon my "belief" is confirmed by the sweet peaceful feelings that fill my soul. Often I become so sure in my belief that I am brought out of my grief and can feel to thank the Lord for His work in my life. There is always the missing. But often when I am most "believing" I can see His great work and Camille's part in it. And I feel as if I am the mother of a missionary -- missing my child, but not willing her to be anywhere other than where she is. 

Naturally, these moments of doubt and highs of believing go around and around in cycle. But the further along this path I walk, the more rare the moments of doubt become. And the majority of my time is spent in a sweet, even, peaceful feeling of trust and ... BELIEF.