Thursday, April 15, 2010

Remembering Levi-Signs of Healing

Today I went to "Levi's Lemonade Stand," a fundraiser for Primary Children's Hospital in Honor of Levi Nance who was born a year ago today. He passed away the next day from unknown causes. His parents are friends of mine. His mother and I were in the Relief Society Presidency together when I was pregnant and having Camille. She made Camille's favorite soft blanket. 

She set up the room for the luncheon that followed Camille's funeral. She came to my shower for Noble. She was 9 months pregnant with Levi at the time. Just days later I got a call from my friend, a nurse who attended to me after I had Camille and who was with me when I gave birth to Noble. She had been my friend's labor and delivery nurse with Levi. She told me about Levi's birth and his unexplainable trouble breathing shortly after delivery. She told me how he was flown to Primary Children's in Salt Lake for treatment and how he passed away there.

Tonight I went to the Lemonade Stand and remembered Levi and enjoyed a bit of time with his family. The one year mark seems so long ago to me now. I was still fighting for joy back then. I remember how difficult the months were just after the one year mark for me. And in that I saw how far I have come in my healing this second year. I no longer have to fight for joy. It is all around me. 

I think Noble has played a big role in this healing. He has now surpassed Camille in weight and height and developmental milestones. He has not and never will replace Camille. But he has replenished our family emotionally in so many ways. He helps us remember Camille and the love we have for her. So many times I feel as if I am loving twins when I love on him. I may only be holding one baby in my arms but there are two in my heart. I am loving him for both of them.