Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Out of Order

Noble is officially older than Camille. I am not sure how I feel about that. I am still sorting through my feelings as he grows older than his big sister. I spent the weekend plus a few days down in California for a baby blessing. We had lots of cousin time.

We spent a couple of hours at the beach with all the cousins. The waves were enormous. It was too scary for me and we left early. I have surfed a few waves of grief these last few days. They are but echos of the waves that used to pummel me when my grief was more fresh.

I hope to find a new sense of order soon as I sort through my feelings and re adjust to the way I think of my  family. I have wondered how I will feel as I pass these marker of time. I am too in the thick of it right now to discern how I feel. Joy and anxiety and excitement and longing and loss are all swirling around in my soul. In the meantime I am trying to keep my eyes facing forward and heart close to all my little chickens.


I will be watching So You Think You Can Dance tonight at 8:30 at my house. Come watch with me. It is always more fun with friends.