Today I had a normal crummy day. No grief. No wave hitting me. No. Today I had a rough day but it had nothing to do with the worst day of my life. And the grief didn't even play an accentuating role. That may be a milestone. I am not sure.
I have been fighting a sickness and I think I have lost. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to see what is going on with me. I hate being sick. I haven't been able to sleep well because I have been up in the night coughing and feverish and hurting in other various ways. It has been a few days now so today I was a bit sleep deprived. That is never a good start.
Then I missed my nap opportunity because the baby had to nap early. Just before I put Noble down to nap I got a call from the school saying Sabrina was sick. I went to go get in the car to go get her and the garage door wouldn't open. I called a friend and together we could not lift it. My friend let me use her car and watched my kids while I went to pick up Sabrina.
I got a repair guy to come fix the garage door. He asked me to pull the car out after he got the door up. I couldn't find the keys ... anywhere ... to the rental car I have been driving and am turning back in tomorrow when my van is fixed. I think this was the low part of the day. How was I going to turn my rental in without keys???
After searching while the repair guy waited (for like 30 minutes). Sabrina and I said a prayer. I went over to my friends house and found the keys in the passenger seat of her car that I borrowed. Sabrina and I said a HUGE thank you prayer for that one.
Noble didn't nap well so he was ... busy. He gets a little crazy when he is tired and he was very tired. Finally Jon got home and I went and got in the bath only to find we were out of hot water. I had Jon boil water on the stove to add to my bath so I could get warm. Noble wanted to get in with me but I wouldn't let him so instead he sat on the rim with his feet in the water.
When he got up to leave he fell ... on my head which was pounding with sinus pressure. Not so fun.
Still even in this pretty bad day where I felt like crying at least 3 times, I find joy in my children. It is really hard to care for little ones when you don't feel well. Motherhood is hard work. Sometimes I think, someday they will be all in school and I will be able to do something and get something done!
Then I immediately think, someday very soon I will no longer have anyone who crawls in my home. Someday soon I will not hear nonsense baby talk anymore. Someday soon I will not be the center of their universe. Someday those baby faces will mature, the baby teeth will fall out, the baby hair will be replaced.
So I soak in today .. even the "bad" days. Because someday these hardships will be gone but they will take with them all the unique joys that are mine today.