Saturday, March 2, 2013

Get to vs. Have to

I learned so very much during the last 5 months of studying. Most of it would bore the majority of you and I will refrain from sharing the intricacies of present possessory property interests with you. But one of the things the criminal law professor shared has far reaching application and I find myself applying it in every day life.

During his lecture he reminded us that when we set out for law school we were so excited to get in and "get" to go to law school. Within a few weeks we were saying, "I have to read these cases and do this work." But all the while we were paying lots of money to "get" to do this work and learn these things.

His point was that if we would think of our studying in terms of "getting to" study for the bar rather than "having to" study for it, our studying would be more effective.

I kept that mindset through my hours of studying. I feel it did help.

Now here I am trying to get back into the swing of being a mother. I have not done much cleaning or mothering these last couple of months. I literally was studying 8-10 hours a day on average. And I have found myself having a hard time transitioning back into the more mundane aspects of motherhood like diapers and mess cleaning.

But here this lesson from my criminal law professor keeps haunting my mind. I have just gone through a period of emotionally and mentally stealing myself to reenter the work force. While there was a part of me that looked forward to the idea of working, the idea of leaving my children each day and not being able to mother them all day was painful to me.

With Jonathan's new job, I will not need to work outside our home. I "get" to stay home with my kids and be their diaper changer and mess cleaner upper. It is a privilege to do this. I am sacrificing good money for this opportunity. I am a better mother when I remember this.

Which aspects of your life do you treat like you "have tos" when really they are "get tos?" How would your experience in these areas change if you could see them from the perspective of "get to?"


Ali said...

I was rooting for you when you 'had to' study/pass the bar. Now I'm rejoicing with you, in the fact that you 'get to' stay home. Everyone's situation is unique and no matter our life's course, I think it's important that we all support each other and not judge. Best wishes to you and your family on your future endeavors!

Kathleen said...

I learned at an early age to never trade money for time with your children. You are in the midst of all the chaos of raising them and can't see beyond that right now. The 18 years they are at home goes so quickly and you can never get that back. You can return to work anytime after they are gone.

The Lucksters said...

I just moved after being in my home for 15 years. I cried whenever I thought about it. But had to do it. Anyway it is turning out great! Because of the church. Insant people who care, instant friends for my son, a job (calling) to keep me busy, activities to get involved and meet people. I am loving it, and just this weekend my boy said he would never move back!
The Church is a wonderful thing. Get involved and have fun. It will be a new andventure. I am loving mine.
Kellie J

Emily in Wonderland said...

That's awesome to get to stay home! But OUCH... $150,000 in debt for school loans and to not work after all of the work... OH BOY. I don't know if I could handle it. I guess you can always do it later when they are grown, but OUCH. I attended law school for 18 months and 6 years later I am still paying off loans. I had no undergraduate debt whatsoever and this was a HUGE financial lesson to learn. It's been hugely painful.

I'm still totally lost how in all these years of reading your blog I never saw that you had applied to law school or started or studied! I've followed since before you were pregnant with Noble so I don't know how I missed it! lol

I think it's great though. I just got an acceptance letter for graduate school yesterday and I'm delighted. Whatever happens will be perfect I am sure!!

Cheryl said...

Stephanie, would you mind putting a shout out about the Las Vegas Power of Moms retreat that is coming up next month please? We need some added enthusiasm about it :)