"Goodbye my Little Boo!" I called to Sabrina this morning. Then I thought, "wait, that is a Camille nickname. My little peek-a-boo girl." As parents of multiple children we often call a kid by the wrong name. Now when I do that it just reminds me of the giant whole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be and the absence of baby clinging to my side or crawling up the stairs. It is the little things that pierce the deepest.
Here is Lauren finding a program from Camille's funeral and giving it kisses asking me when Camille is coming back to play with us.
I can't open this cupboard without feeling it is too empty without her in it. I see the chips in the veneer she made with her toes crawling in and out of this so many times. Now I don't think I ever want to repair that. Same with her cup drawer. I wish she were in it every time I see it.
Then there is my ipod. I loved how happy she get when she would take the earphone and put it up to her ear and bop along to the music. She would take the earphone away and look at me in amazement then put it back to her ear and smile. Then she would take the earphone back out and stick it in her mouth to suck on.
Then last night Annie started doing CPR on a bag of marshmallows saying "Breathe! Come on just Breathe!" She was joking and playing but it still brought me back to what that day must have been like for my kids seeing their sister limp and blue, seeing their mother pleading with God as she performed CPR, seeing their father crumble in despair trying to keep them out of the way. I am amazed how well they are dealing with the trauma and the grief.
I have no doubt the angels in our house are attending to them as they are to me and Jonathan. If only I had eyes that could see and ears that could hear the workings of the Lord in this house.
Take a minute for me tonight and record the little things your kids do right now. They don't even need to be cute things. Someday when your baby is grown you may even miss the food thrown on the ground or the face wiped on the sleeve. Cherish the little things. For the little things are the spice in life.