Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Thoughts on Physics

There is a law in the field of physics that says something like "Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest." It takes outside forces to stop bodies in motion and to start a motion in a body at rest.

This statement or physical law is proven to me daily. Specifically, MY Body, when in motion, tends to stay in motion. When it is at rest, it tends to stay at rest. It takes a force of energy to make my body get up and get in motion doing the daily grind. But once I get going, I tend to keep moving until the task is complete or the force of exhaustion brings me to a stop.

This is true of me all the time, but it is more pronounced to me now carrying around an extra 20 some odd pounds. This morning, like nearly every morning, it was my children's schedule that provided the outside force to get me going. They have school. I have to get them there. They have classes, and I am their ride. Oh how they have kept me going these last 8 months. They have been a saving grace to me.

Once I got myself up and going I pretty much carried on without much stopping. It feels good to go to bed having accomplished much and tired from a good day's work. Still sometimes I feel I need to work harder on being a self motivator. That is not a strong point of mine. It has been one of the hard parts of losing the most constant motivator for me. 

Babies require so much of their parents, especially their mothers. There is no sleeping in when the baby is crying in the morning in her crib. The cry is the outside force that puts your body in motion. It is exhausting. It can reduce you to tears when you have had little sleep and all you want to do is rest. Still the baby's cry pulls us out of our beds and into the state of perpetual motion we call Motherhood.

I guess I write this for my future self, for the day in the not too distant future when I am once more prodded on by this unrelenting outside force to my emotional and physical breaking point. I want to remind myself of how empty it feels to have that outside force taken away. I want to remember the longing I feel now to hear the cry and feel the force pull me into motion.

Perhaps then it will give me greater appreciation and endurance for that ever constant prodding that takes every bit of energy we have and pushes us further than we thought we could go. 

I want to remember the stillness and emptiness of the loss so that I can find greater joy in the tired stupor of the work.