the Big Mac Post

This post is going to be a like a Big Mac. You know how they have the 3 buns. Well my buns in this post will be my gratitude days. And I have a little meat to put in here too.

18- I am grateful for my husband. He is faithful and hard working and fun among many other things. I can't enumerate all the ways I am grateful for him. But perhaps above them all is how grateful I am for how well he loves me. He always makes me feel beautiful and accomplished and smart and of great worth. I aspire to show him my love half as well as he shows his love to me. Thank you Jonathan. I love you.

Meat- I often think people would be rather shocked if they knew how often I think of, miss, and feel the loss of my sweet girl now 4.5 years later. I know that I could never have anticipated feeling this longing and having her so at the forefront of my mind even 4 years ago.

I think of her every day- multiple times a day. I feel my love for my kids double, once for them and once for her. I am savoring Harrison in his cute little toddlerhood, but a big part of me will be very glad to have him reach an age where I worry less for his physical safety. I know there is never an age of complete safety there, but I will be relieved to have the risks of choking, drowning, falling down stairs, escaping the house, or "running away" be so overpowering to me. I still have a few of those anxieties with Noble. He likes to hide from me and it kills me.

19- I am grateful for the spiritual growth and learning I have experienced from my trial. I am grateful for the help or inspiration our story has been to others. I am grateful there are people out there who are kinder to the their kids or appreciate their children more because of our experience.

Meat - The truth is that sometimes life feels heavy. Sometimes our trials in this mortal reality seem overwhelming and never ending. They weigh on our minds and hearts like bricks of sorrow or worry. The Lord knew we would have these trials in life. It is part of the plan to experience pain and suffering of all kinds here on Earth. But He loves us and wants to help us.

The truth is that the gospel does help. It didn't feel like my knowledge of the gospel helped at all in those early months of pain and grief. And to a degree, nothing really helps in those hardest days. You feel too much pain for any balm to help. But the truth is that my knowledge of the gospel plan gives me a source for comfort in the Savior and a perspective of eternity. This perspective helps me to understand what is most important in my life and the true timetable of my trials.

My trials are not forever. Even those that will last my whole life will still only seem a short time in the expanse of eternity. One day at a time I can make it through the most difficult of times. The Lord always gives us periods of respite from the storms of our trials. My goal is Eternal life. Any hardship I encounter, and obstacle that I may face is just a mountain I must climb on my journey there. It will not alter my course.

20- I am grateful for the Savior Jesus Christ and for the gospel He teaches us. I use that word in the present tense because He did not stop teaching when He died. He teaches me still. I feel the Spirit of God teaching my soul as I read and ponder the scriptures and work in following promptings or impressions that come to my mind.

I am grateful for the peace and hope He gives. Again I use the present tense. He brings me peace in my storms. He gives me hope when I feel there is none. There is always Hope in Christ. He is the Author and Finisher of our hope.

I am beyond grateful for His atonement. I am purchased. I am all in. I am indebted beyond any ability to repay. I am His to use or mold or try as He sees fit.

I am grateful to know where I stand with the Lord. An indebted, purchased, beloved daughter and once in a while, when I am really blessed, a tool in His hand.