Homesick

Today marks 4 months since our last night at home in Las Vegas. Texas is a lovely place and the weather has finally cooled off. It is green and the people are friendly and kind. The sky here is huge and beautiful and often inspiring.

But I am just feeling a little bit homesick. I know it seems crazy to miss the desert, but I do. I miss the people there whom I love so much. I miss our house. I miss the purple mountains and desert storms. I just miss home.

I have dealt with homesickness plenty of times before. I am sure I will deal with it many times again. It isn't so fun. But really there are lots of worse things to deal with in the world. So I am going to count my blessings.

Let me tell you 10 things I love about Texas in an effort to look on the bright side.

10- We have a big grassy backyard.
9- I have some really friendly kind neighbors.
8- The church congregation (ward) I go to here is full of great people who are teaching me new things and becoming good friends to me.
7- The State fair has really good lemonade and corn dogs.
6- The Perot Museum is amazing and we have an annual pass.
5- We have season passes to Six Flags and it isn't crowded all the time.
4- I found an amazing piano teacher for my kids.
3- This move has brought to light some parenting issues that I might not have seen if we had stayed in Vegas.
2- We get to spend lots of time with my brother Stephen and his lovely family.
1- Jon has a great job that he enjoys doing.

Well, I am going to keep adding to that list on my own time. Thanks for listening and if you are in Las Vegas--- hope you are feeling my love come through.

Brisket Tacos/Quesadillas

I am really missing my dinner group over here. It has reminded me what a chore it is to come up with what is for dinner Every. Single. Day! Well, one of the best dinners to come from my dinner group was a version of THIS recipe for Brisket Tacos that my friend Emily Hoopes made one week. I loved them and asked for the recipe. She directed me to the link for the recipe.

I decided to make them again last week. But here is the beautiful discovery I made-- This can be a meal made from leftovers of another of my favorite meals! I love it when that happens.

So last week I took dinner to one of Jon's co-workers family. The wife recently had back surgery. I decided to make french dip sandwiches. Normally I make these after a recipe Bari Earl gave me. (Her daughter Emily is one of my best friends and writes and amazing food and crafty type blog ReMarkable Home.)

This recipe is awesome and makes a ton of food.

French Dip Sandwiches
Basically you buy a beef roast. You can get whatever is on sale. I got top round roast this time. I got 2 so about 5 lbs.
Normally you would put the meat in your crockpot, cover with water and put in 2-4 packs of Dry Italian Salad Dressing Seasoning packets and the same amount of Dry Lipton Onion Soup packets.
This time I did 2 of each kind of seasoning packet. (You can use more if you like the meat more flavored or you have more meat)
Then instead of water I poured in a 16 oz bottle of Dr. Pepper. Then I added enough water to cover the meat.
Next I cooked the meat on low in my crock pot for 8 hours.
I then shreded the meat with forks, removing any particularly fatty portions.
I then cooked another 2 hours on low.

I caramelized some onions and got some crusty rolls and sliced cheese.
Add a little spicy mustard and there is you french dip sandwich. Only I don't actually dip it. The juice it is sitting in is enough for me.
This is also great on Costco's pretzel rolls.

After I made this meal, I had lots of my beef left over. I made sandwiches for lunch the next couple of days and then last night I used the beef to make these tacos.
I had the cheese called for and made the Mango barbecue sauce as directed in the recipe except that I didn't have a yellow onion so I used a red one instead. And I accidentally dumped the whole 9 oz bottle of mango chutney in the mix and decided to leave it that way.

The result was OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD! Okay I know I am being a bit dramatic and in all fairness I was fasting for a dear friend of mine yesterday. (Fasting means to go without food or drink for two meals or 24 hours. It is something we Mormons do once a month and donate the money we would have used to eat to the poor. We also do it to increase spiritual awareness, self mastery, and give greater emphasis and power to our prayers. See more HERE about fasting.) And I will grant that every thing tastes better when eaten after fasting.

But when Jon came home from doing a visit he tried one and was amazed too. He had not been fasting so it made me a bit more sure that this really was THAT good. And I just had another one of the leftover tacos for breakfast (is that legal?) and, yes, it is that good.

I would put a photo up but I am not so great with the whole food photography thing and I don't want to steal the photos from Shawda. But you can see what they look like on her blog HERE.

Put it on your menu this week. Two yummy meals out of one crock pot of beef. What could be better?

Back At It 1001

1001 Seems like a fresh start number I think. This morning I woke up feeling like I wanted to go for a long run. I do feel that way sometimes. It started when I started running in college. I ran 15 minutes everyday except Sundays for about a year my sophomore year.

Then in my junior year I had a roommate and dear friend Tonna who was a runner. She asked me to go running with her. I was intimidated because I had only run short distances and I knew she was a cross country kind of girl. But she was so fun that I said I would try. Before I knew it I was running with her for a hour several times a week. We ran a couple of 10ks together. My best time for a 10k was 58 minutes.

So I haven't ever been a super runner but I have enjoyed it in the past. Since then I have run now and then but never consistently like that. And sometimes I get that feeling that I just want to let loose and run all out. But then when I try to do it I realize after about a minute that I am not in shape and my body can't run like my heart wants to.

The last few weeks since school has started I have been running the kids to school. They ride their scooters and I run trying to keep up with them. They are fast. It is a struggle for me to go fast enough to keep them in my sight. So every day I am really pushing myself to go as fast as I can. It is only about a mile to school. On the way home I walk/run.

So this morning when I woke feeling like going running, I took Nike's advice and just did it. The weather was lovely and I picked a nice route with a good variation of uphill and down. When I started to feel tired I hit the button on my iPod to get my time and found I had been running for 20 minutes and had gone over 2 miles.

By the time I got home I had gone 3.2 miles in 32 minutes. I walked a bit at the end to cool down. And I feel great. It is so nice to be able to run. I feel this fresh new start is going to be great.

Me right now with my little Harrison buddy who likes to sit on my lap while I type.

#1000 - Hard But Good

This is officially my 1000th post on my blog. I should announce something big huh? Well most of the big news things that have been happening in my life lately haven't been things I wanted to shout from the rooftops (like our encounter with lice this last week.) Lately, there have been a number of personally very difficult things that have come on either the stage of either my life or the life of someone I love.

But I like to keep my eyes focused on the positive in life whenever I can. And in the midst of the darkest storms there are some amazing moments of brilliant beauty when the  lightening brings a shock of light. These images can stay impressed upon the mind even after they are gone and we are plunged back into the deep darkness of night.

Jon and I went to the wedding of our niece Ella last weekend. She is the first grandchild on either of our sides to get married. All 9 of Jon's siblings and his parents came. It was so fun to have a mini family reunion with them during the wedding festivities. I had the chance to have some really good conversations with a few of Jon's siblings and his parents that really made the trip for me. I love Jon's family... ALL of them, and there are lots of them. It is a great blessing to have wonderful in-laws.

Despite the various trials and challenges each of our family members faces, there is strength in gathering together, praying together, and laughing together. We did lots of all of that last weekend.

And even in our battle with head lice this week, there are positives. Sabrina and Lauren have both been wanting short hair cuts for months. I wouldn't let them because I wanted to see how the Texas humidity would affect their curls first. But in having to check everyone for lice by coming through their hair with a nit comb... well everyone but Annie and I got haircuts.

Lauren and Sabrina will get to go to a salon next week to have a professional clean up the haircut I gave them on Wednesday. Jon has discovered yet another major benefit of being bald. And the little boys are thrilled to get haircuts just like Dad's. :) Sabrina and I will have super clean and soft scalps after all the olive oil and scalp combing treatments we "get" to do. Oh and we both discovered we can totally rock a shower cap! See ... bright side thinking going on here.

Harrison says "hair cut uhhhh like Dado" as he feels his head over and over. I think it makes me look more like Camille which is always a bonus for me.

Okay so Noble doesn't look so "thrilled" here but that is because he is covered in hair. He LOVES his "Dado" cut and says it is "perfect" and he wants to keep it like that forever.

Life can be hard and good at the same time. Perhaps life is best when it is both good and hard. I was thrilled when I asked Sabrina how she was liking being in the top orchestra at her new school. She said the music is hard to play but interesting and she likes it. I thought that was perfect. And sometimes when life is just the right level of hard it too can be interesting and when we keep focused on our blessings it also can be enjoyable.

So a few other new things, I have been running my kids to school in the morning. I don't mean running them in a car. I mean they are on scooters and I am running to try to keep up. It has been great for me...hard but good right?

I started up a new Power of Moms learning circle here. We had our first meeting last night with 10 of our 13 members attending. I am so excited to get going on it. We have a great group of women!

Texas is slowly cooling off and we Waites are slowly integrating ourselves into our new life here. This will end up being a good move for us. It has been hard but good in so many ways.

Well this wasn't an earth shaking post for #1000 but it is what I can share of what my life is like right now-hard but good. I thank the Lord for both.

Just Doing It

I will admit it. I was a bit afraid of getting back to school. That meant losing my 3 biggest helpers for most of the day. It meant getting up at 6 am each morning, and I am not a morning person. It meant going to bed by 10 each night. And I also had this whole "schedule" for myself of the work I would do during the school hours.

So I know I am only 2 days in so far, but this scheduled life is quite wonderful. I get some fresh air each morning walking the girls to school. I get a workout running home. I get time to shower before taking Sabrina to school. And our morning routines have been going smoothly because I get up early to be the oil that moves things along.

One difference I changed this year that I think is going to make a big difference is insisting that we all come down to breakfast together and read scriptures. We have generally read scriptures while eating breakfast but we weren't all around the table and Jon wasn't there. This year, I put it first on the list. I built everyone's schedules around our scripture and prayer / breakfast time. This is now the only meal we get to eat together so we may as well make it a good one.

Additionally, watching the boys has been so much easier than expected. They play so nicely together and with no big sisters with whom to compete they are more easy going.

This experience has made me think what other things have I been hesitant to do because I was scared of how hard they would be.  I am resolved to forget the fear and just do it. Once you get going the work for something worthwhile is always handsomely rewarded.

Prayer

I taught a lesson on prayer today at church. The best quote of the lesson was from a 2008 talk by Elder David A. Bednar who is an apostle of Jesus Christ. "The prayers of prophets are childlike in their simplicity and powerful in their sincerity." I found that statement profound. What makes a prayer powerful is the faith, sincerity and real intent of our heart when we offer it. As one who has benefitted greatly from the power of prayers on my behalf I testify of their power and encourage all men and women everywhere to pray to that God who gave us all life to find the answers, guidance, comfort and miracles you seek in your life and the life of those you love.

Thoughts on Prayer

I recently got a church calling, a volunteer church assignment. I was called as a ward missionary. In connection with that calling I get a chance once every 7 or so weeks to teach a Gospel Principles class. This weekend is my turn to teach and the topic is on prayer.

I have been trying to be more mindful of my prayers this week to help frame my lesson preparation. One thing I have noted is how often I look to "connect" to those I know and love through instagram, Facebook, email or this blog. I long for this "connection." I love hearing news from "home" and friends and family I love and miss.

Last night as I knelt to prayer I focused on really "connecting" with my Heavenly Father and that heavenly home from whence I came. Rather than just thinking the words and being grateful and expressing desire, I sought to be fed.

True prayer takes effort. It is a mental discipline. It takes desire for a connection and a willingness to set aside your own will for the divine will. As we exert our efforts to find this connection we can be instructed even in what the subject matters of our prayer should be.

More importantly, at least for me, we will be fed spiritually with a wholeness. We can feel that "connection" with heaven and our true home that settles earthly cares and eases our daily worries.

Often we use prayer most earnestly only when we are suffering. But we are still in need of that connection and spiritual nourishment even when life is going well. Without it we wither and feel empty. With it we can make something more of our lives than we could possibly imagine. We can become a tool for the Lord to use for His purposes.

That is my prayer. I want so much to be a worthy and useful tool in His service. I hope that I can exert the mental discipline to truly connect in my daily prayers and find ways each day serve His will.

Getting Back to Myself

This summer has been the laziest summer I have ever had as a mother. Okay, I know, I know. You are thinking, "Stephanie, you MOVED 1,200 miles with 5 kids and a bearded dragon and unpacked your house etc..." I know and that was busy. But that only took a few weeks. Since then we have been on a serious vacation from our normal scheduled life.

It has been so wonderful and nice in some ways. But in other ways I have really "let myself go." I haven't been exercising. Not good. I have been slacking on my personal scripture study. Really not good. And I have been let all my normal routine "systems" for  parenting (like chore charts and practicing music and paying allowance) become haphazard and rather ineffective.

Tomorrow is August. July was our "vacation from real life" month I guess. I am committing myself to get back to the real Me and get my system up and running in August. Now I am not going to expect myself to do it all perfectly all at once. I need to tweak a few systems to fit our life here in Texas. But I am committed to have my stuff in gear by the time school starts on August 26.

I have already started diving back into the scriptures. We had really good instruction on Sunday that highlighted for me the importance of reading scriptures personally and not just with my kids. So this week I have been reading by myself each night. It has made a noticeable difference already.

I really miss my mothers "Learning Circle" (for info on that go to the Power of Moms site HERE). I feel like I always need fresh ideas for ways to motivate my kids to get their chores done and be kind to each other. Our Learning Circle was a great source of ideas for me and it gave me a time once a month to refocus and rededicate myself to be the best most deliberate mother I can be. I need to get one going here ... just as soon as I have more than a couple of friends.

As much as I have loved the lazy days of summer. I am really getting ready for some structure.

Texan

I got my Texas Drivers license in the mail today. I guess that makes it official. I am a Texan. Today I am okay with that. It has been raining and lovely out this week. Highs have been in the 70s and 80s. I am okay with being Texan this week. :)

Our days have been rather lazy and relaxed this summer. Our main agenda is to make friends and get to know our community. We have been working on both those fronts and I feel we are making progress.

Man it is storming out there right now. Just lost power for a second. Now the rain is POURING. I LOVE IT.

The kids had fun playing in the rain. My house is covered in grass they tracked in on their wet feet but who cares? I can vacuum that up. Life is about enjoying the sun and the rain storms. Too much of one always makes us appreciate the other. Today I am enjoying the rain.

Lauren Turns 8

Yesterday was Lauren's birthday. We are having a formal party after her baptism when all the family will be in town. But her sisters couldn't let the day go uncelebrated.

I took Lauren with me to Noble's swim lesson while they transformed our home into their version on Hogwartz castle. It was awesome. I was impressed by all their attention to details. Those girls love their little sister

We had some friends come to enjoy the fun and ended it all with cake and ice cream. Happy birthday my sweet Lauren!

Gryffindor common room

baby norbert (the dragon)

The spread the girls set out

potions class (they also had divination class and wand selection)

Lauren wearing the sorting hat blowing out her candles

Talk in Church

Today I gave a talk in church. My topic was on Raising Children in Truth and Righteousness. Thought I would share the gist of what I said for anyone else interested. I didn't read this. But I stuck pretty closely to it as I spoke from the heart. There is so much more I would have liked to have said, but I wanted to stick to the 10 minutes allotted me. This is what I could say in 10 minutes on that topic:

Personal Intro –

·      Jonathan and I moved here 3 weeks ago.

·      6 kids (5 living) Name and ages (Camille would have been 6 now but drown 5 years ago.)

·      More about us on my blog – google my name called a daily scoop

On to my topic – I want to start with an experience I had 10 years ago.

Before I had kids I was a busy criminal defense attorney in L.A. I quit after I had my first child because I really just wanted to be with my baby more than accused criminals. After a couple of years changing diapers and feeding little mouths and cleaning up messes, I felt like I had more to give. I knew what I was doing was important, that is why I gave up my career to devote myself fully to motherhood. But I still felt like I had more to give. So one night I was praying about this and saying to the Lord, “where is the mountain you want me to climb, Lord. I will do it! What more can I do for you? Name it. I am there.” The answer I got came powerfully to my soul. And it was this: LOVE THOSE GIRLS! – Love them like I do so they will know My love through your love. Stand in my place.

Parenthood is the MOST important calling, job, or mountain we have. It is often the most difficult.

Topic today is on raising our children in Truth and Righteousness based on the LDS World Wide 2013 Leadership Training. I am going to be talking today about some lofty ideals for which we ought to strive. But I want to preface by noting that it is by aiming high for these ideals that we succeed if we even have moments of reaching them.

So how do we rear our children in righteousness?  The thing that stood out the most to me from listening to the training video was how we as parents stand in the place of our heavenly parents as we raise their children on this Earth. We need to love them as our Father loves them, parent as He would parent, and create a home like His home or the Temple.

TEMPLE HOME

My mom had up on our fridge growing up DC 109:8 8 Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; … I didn’t really understand why she had this quote up on the fridge when I was growing up in our busy, often crazy house. But, I see now that this scripture was her mission statement.  The home is supposed to be the most sacred place outside the temple. Great things can happen when our home is like a temple. But creating this is a group effort. Enlist the help of children. This is critical. Youth and children need to understand the role they have in helping bring the spirit into the home. That is the main rule at our house: you must behave in such a way that the Spirit can dwell in our home. My kids are very familiar with me saying that.

Parents can also use music and artwork, can speak kindly and quietly and use all your faculties to create a temple tone in your home.

Most importantly :

THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD DWELLS IN AND INSPIRES US IN THE TEMPLE

So it should in our home and we ought to listen as it inspires us in our parenting. PARENT BY THE SPIRIT

Follow promptings. We as mothers and fathers have a right to revelation to guide us in parenting our children. We can be helped to know what things are most important, when to speak and when not to, and given promptings to help us teach eternal truths to our children at times when their hearts are most open to receive them.

I have had experiences where the Spirit has inspired me to teach even my young children a principle of the gospel in an age appropriate way at a time when that child was open to receive that teaching. I likewise have had times as a teen and an adult where my parents have been able to counsel me according the Spirit and greatly influence my life.

One such experience happened for me recently when Sabrina turned 12. We were moving the next day and Jon was scheduled to be in town. I felt overwhelmed at the thought of doing a birthday party. Instead I felt inspired to tell Sabrina that for her birthday party we were taking her to the temple to do baptism. It was the best birthday for a kid I have ever experienced.

Jon’s parents were able to be there with us. It was heavenly. I got specific instruction from the Spirit about what to tell Sabrina about the temple and it was a choice experience. One thing I was prompted to talk to her about was helping her recognize how wonderful the feeling in the temple was and how all the temple workers talked so nicely to each other. I told her how her dad and I were trying to create that same feeling in our home and I invited her to help us.

It is wonderful that the youth get to go to the temple together a couple of times a year. I think it is important as parents that we take our children with us to the temple as well. This will allow us wonderful teaching moments and establish a pattern of regular temple attendance for your kids.

The Temple is a house of Learning.

President Benson said the most important teachings in the home are spiritual. We as parents have so many things that we need to and want to teach our children from learning to walk and talk to sports and school subjects and other extra curricular activities. We must always remember that our duties to instruct our children in things of a Spiritual nature is of the highest priority. Our prayers, scripture study and other ways to give them spiritual instruction both formal and informal must receive the same dedication if not more that we give to the lessons we pay others to teach them.

Paramount among these teachings is teaching our Children about the Rock of the Redeemer.

GIVE THEM THE ROCK

We live in troubling times. It is the nature of this world we live in that each of us will pass through trials and troubles as we make our journey back home. As parents we wish we could save our children from all the sorrows the world would throw at them. But this is not the way of the Lord. His way is not to take away all the bitter cups of life but to stand with us as we drink from them.

As parents the greatest gift we can give our children is a knowledge through diligent teaching both by our example and through the spoken word about the Savior Jesus Christ as the Rock upon which we each must build our foundations and our testimonies.

TESTIMONY

Grateful for good and wise parents who taught me well in all matters spiritual and who most importantly taught me to build upon that sure foundation, the Rock the Savior. 5 years ago I was in a very dark place. It was one my parents would have loved nothing more than to have taken from me. But it was a bitter cup they could not even begin to understand. But despite their inability to touch my grief, they had already given me the tools to overcome through diligent spiritual teaching in both example and the spoken word. They taught me to trust in the Lord and obey Him faithfully, even when He asks you to do things you do not want to do. And even when He asks you to do things you do not think you CAN do. They taught me that when you walk forward with Faith even in the most trying of circumstances and turn to the Savior for strength, strength will come. Comfort will eventually come.

I stand as a witness of power of the atonement to heal a broken soul. I testify that He lives and that He is the Rock where on if we build we cannot fall. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A Good Day

Summer days are long and lazy. In some ways I love that. Today we played. The kids learned to slip and slide. I got to read about 100 pages of my book. We had a movie party with cousins. The kids played school. We all did a few chores. Annie had a play date. The boys played Legos.

We did home piano lessons. Lauren played a piece she cried and wailed to me that she couldn't play because it was too hard. Then she went back twice later in the day to play what I had taught her and start the next section as well. :) Annie is sounding good on a Harry Potter song she is learning on both piano and violin (Hedwigs theme.) She also decided to "polish" the classical piece she told me she had finished.

Part of me loves these long lazy days of summer with no set agenda and all the flexibility in the world. Another part of me hates them. Some thing in me craves the structure and accountability of having a list of things that must be done and someone to whom I must report my progress. But as the mom in this home, I am the one who creates the "structure" and to whom people must account. I love and hate it.

I am trying to just be in the moment and enjoy the time with the kids. I am happy when I suck in their joy and join them in their fun. Tonight I took some Instagram video of the boys on the slip and slide. Harrison was in PJs already and Noble's pants got too wet to keep on so he ditched them for his underwear. I let them play and be little. And it was precious.

Later I shook off my fatigue and laid down with Harrison to help him fall asleep. He was so tired he was past the magic sleep point and struggling to settle down to sleep. I reminded myself that he won't be little much longer and I better enjoy him while I can. Then I came downstairs and read a couple chapters of a fun book to my waiting girls. All this made for a late night.

I am tired and probably should have exercised today to help me feel more ... happy, accomplished, positive? But I am grateful that I made myself enjoy the multitude of motherhood moments that this long lazy summer day held. For that alone, I can call this a good day.

Unpacked!

It is official. I have unpacked ever box. We have hung nearly all the pictures. We are unpacked. Now there are still areas that need some organizing and reorganizing. But all in good time these things will get sorted out.

I am feeling more comfortable in these new shoes. I am beginning to feel a bit more "me" here. The first week was rough. I think the fact that it coincided with the anniversary of Camille's accident and her passing made it worse. My body and subconscious just can't fully ignore the emotions that seem to resurface during that time.

But I am feeling quite a bit better now. I still miss the people from home and home is still not here. I was talking to Jonathan last night about how I feel uprooted. My roots were dug so deep in Las Vegas. I just am barely planted here and my roots are just beginning to explore the possibility of digging in and making this home.

Sabrina is off at girls camp with our old ward. I miss her. Having a kid removed from the mix definitely creates a massive whole in the family as I well know. But I know she will have a great time and hope she will get to feel the Spirit again like she did at the girls camp for our ward here.

Annie is adjusting well I think. She has had a couple of play dates with girls her age here that went well. I feel very good about this being a good move for her.

Lauren is my wild card. Not sure how she is doing friend wise yet. I need to focus on that next. But she is being helpful and around the house with me and I always like that.

Noble is my ambassador. He introduces us to everyone and tells them all about us. Last Sunday we had Jon's brother Aaron and his family (wife and 4 little girls) staying with us. We were all in the hall after church as I was meeting his primary teachers. And Noble saw the girl cousins and grabbed his primary teacher. He pointed to all his girl cousins and said excitedly to his primary teacher, "Those girls are sleeping with me!" Nice.

Harrison is just happy as a pig in manure to have backyard in which he can play.

Jonathan is enjoying his job here. It is so nice when a husband enjoys his work.

I am hosting a So You Think You Can Dance party tonight. We will see if anyone shows. :) I have found it is a bit more challenging here to do this tradition because so many dads work out of town during the week that mothers can't leave their little ones to come. But I enjoy watching the show and eating whatever treat or snack I make whether 20 people come or only 1 (and even if that 1 is my hubby.) :)

I am speaking in church this Sunday. I only have 8-10 minutes. It is going to be hard to whittle down my thoughts and remarks to 10 minutes. But I feel good about the topic and hope the Spirit will keep guiding me in what to whittle away to make it the talk I am supposed to give.

God is good people. He giveth and he taketh away but in the end of it all we see He is perfectly good. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Like New shoes

Living here thus far has felt like wearing a pair of new shoes. But day by day being here is feeling more comfortable. It still doesn't feel like home to me. I imagine that will take some time. But I am not feeling the "blisters" I felt that first week.

Almost all the boxes are unpacked. Now my chores are organizing and putting things into storage. Little by little things are coming together.

A hard thing

Wow. This while moving thing is really hitting me today. This is a hard thing.

I am grateful for Jonathan's job.
I am grateful for this nice house we found to live in.
I am grateful for my children.
I am grateful for my husband.
I am grateful to have my brother Stephen and his wife Rachel close by.
I am grateful for what seems like a great ward filled with friendly helpful people.

All that being said, the truth is I am feeling a bit lost without the deep and abiding ties I feel to my people in my desert. Wow this is a hard thing!

I can do hard things... right?

Unpacking

Well after 2 full days of driving and 5 hours of sleep in the middle, we arrived at our new home. We got in late and the kids were wired after being stuck in the car so long. They ran around crazy for a couple of hours and eventually we got to sleep.

Six hours later I rolled out of bed and got to the unpacking. We did get so much done on Saturday. My sister in law took my little boys most of the day so we worked hard without too many distractions. After 14 hours I was beat! All I wanted was a hot shower and to climb in my bed I had just found the sheets to make.

I stood in the shower waiting for hot water that never came. I considered braving the cold but just could bring myself to do more than a bird bath. I stepped out of the shower and the tears came. Moving is just hard. That's all. It just is.

I caught myself and did what any good Texan would do-I pulled up my bootstraps and got back on the horse. The horse in this analogy is the "be grateful for all the lords blessings and happy you have such a nice house" horse. :)

In the morning I took my cold shower and made it to church bright and early. Jon used google to figure out how to fix the water heater. (He may not be super handy but in today's age, being tech savvy is almost as good.)

Somehow this still feels like vacation. Not sure when it will feel real. But here we are and I can see that it is possible that one day maybe this could feel like home.

12th Birthday

Sabrina turned 12 last week. I can't believe I have a child who is 12 and in our church's youth program! I have loved seeing her enter this new phase of spiritual and emotional growth. She understands and internalizes things on a deeper level these days.

For her birthday we got her a temple recommend and took her to do baptisms for the dead (an ordinance we can perform in the temple at the age of 12 see mormon.org.) I love the temple and it was such a wonderful way to share my love with my daughter. I will do that with every child for their 12th birthday.

We shared with Sabrina the importance of temple attendance and taught her about the temple ordinance of baptism for the dead. Most importantly we got to help her understand the feelings she had in the temple and challenge her to help us create those same happy peaceful feeling in our home.

I want to make sure we take her back with us often to remind her of those happy feelings and help her temper her teenage emotions with the peace and love we feel in the temple.

Really this was the sweetest experience. I felt Camille with us and felt the Spirit stronger than I have in a while. After the baptisms, we took Sabrina to the cafeteria for dinner. Grandma and Grandpa Waite joined us for the whole experience which just made it feel that much more like heaven.

Recipe for the Best Mother's Day Ever...

This has been one of my best mother's days ever. A number of simple ingredients made this possible:

Ingredients:
Extremely low expectations (Jon is gone. So I am expecting no special treatment at all. Noble starts throwing up at 10 p.m. the night before. So I am expecting to be up all night cleaning up throw up.) Noble ended up sleeping from 11 p.m. on through the night. Harrison (who has been waking up every 4 hours for a month) slept through the night with Annie transferred to his room to avoid being near Noble. Expecting no sleep and getting good sleep ... my day was already great by the time I woke up.

A long discussion about love languages in which my children really listen and take in the concept and understand what they need to do to make me feel loved. (This took a few hours and was precipitated by me asking my kids to help me clean up the house the night and them not helping... at all. After I threw a tantrum about feeling unloved and explaining that service is my love language, things improved. They helped with boys and cleaned and kept helping all through till tonight.)

Very little fighting. Several of my kids were sad not to have a "present" to give me. I told them truly the best present was a day without bickering or fighting but only with love and helping. While that wasn't perfectly the case all day, I could tell my kids (especially the girls) were really trying to keep the peace and love in the home.

Great "gifts." Lauren made me breakfast in bed. (Toast and water but it hit the spot and didn't create a mess for me to clean up.) Jon gave me a massage at a spa last weekend that took away the ache I have had in my neck for weeks. My mother in law is treating me to a facial while she watches my kids tomorrow. A great friend of me brought me yummy Pie tonight. And I bought fabric that reminds me of Camille (she had a baby blanket with the fabric) and tonight all the kids helped sew me a pillow case out of it. We had fun working on it together (especially after the boys did their part and went to bed.) Planning your own presents guarantees you will love them. I love my new pillow case and look forward to going to buy my new pillow to go in it. :)

Clean house. The kids hardly complained at all when I told them they were going to do the dishes (which they never do) and help me clean up the house after dinner.

Service. We had the sister missionaries over for dinner and they got to call their moms on skype on our computer. It was great to have them over and be able to serve them in that way.

Over all these made for a great mother's day.

Camille's birthday

I am late posting this. But such is life.

We had a party and invited those who knew or had met Camille over for cake and ice cream. We had people wrote down acts of kindness they had done and attach them to balloons. At the end of the party we let the balloons go in the backyard.

I don't know why I have never done this before. It was great. I loved watching the balloons float off out of sight so gradually.

The whole event was wonderful and I had a few people tell me they could feel Camille there with us. I was glad I wasn't the only one. I love my girl. I love that she is still so much a part of our family. I love that people remember her.

God is good. I am grateful for the teachings of His prophets in our day that teach me more simply of the plan of our existence and the miraculous hope that comes as a result of Christ's atoning sacrifice. His gospel brings me peace and happiness even in the face of terrible trials. Families can be forever through Jesus Christ. God is good.

Happy Mother's Day

I am sitting by my little man who has fallen asleep after an hour of throwing up every 15 minutes. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Tomorrow I will be mothering. The errand of angels IS given to women. We are the angels to our children in their low and sickly hours. We are the angels to our friends when they are overwhelmed or in tears.

A friend of mine, Shelli, has been coming over to help me pack. She has been an angel to me. She is speaking in church tomorrow. She told me that this is what she is talking about ... About how as women we are performing angelic errands when we serve others. So true. So true.

Well I better get what little sleep I can in now, for soon I will be doing angel's work again.

p.s. I have posted a few times from my phone since that April 14th post and those posts haven't shown up. Hmmm. I guess I better stick to posting from my computer.

In between and Cami's Kindness Day

Sitting at the airport, leaving my love, going to my 5 little loves, my heart is torn. Having your heart in two places is not fun. I find myself in the space between two lives. One life I know and love, another full of hope and promise.

7 more weeks of living in between here and there. I want to suck up every moment of my time in homeland before I embark on this great new adventure. For all its faults, Las Vegas is still and will ever be home to me.

I had a great weekend visiting Jon. I miss him and it is hard to leave him here. I look forward to being reunited long term.

We like the house we found. Things are moving forward with it. We went to our new church congregation and we were very warmly received. I feel there are people with whom we can develop solid friendships here.

Still I know this change will mean leaving almost everyone who knew Camille. Only my brothers family will remember her with me here.

We will move into this new ward family and they will know us as a family of seven. They won't see us for the family of eight that we are. They won't ever really understand how much Camille is still an integral part of our family. If I weren't living this reality I wouldn't understand it. That is why it is the "deepest secret nobody knows."

Camille's 6th birthday is this Friday. I usually invite the whole kindergarten class to a homespun party when my kids turn 6. I think this year I will make lots of cake and ask everyone who knew her or feels they know her through me to come get some with us. We will do it Saturday when Jon will be home at 4 pm. Put it on your calendar and call or text me if you can come so I know how much cake to make.

We will have a place for people to give their "gift" of writing down what random act of kindness they did in Camille's honor.

If you can't make the party, I invite you to eat some cake and comment here with your random act of kindness. It will cheer me to have her so remembered before leaving everyone who ever knew her.

Now I better wrap up before all the people in the airport start wondering why my eyes are so leaky :).

courage

Last night Sabrina performed a piano solo and a then a vocal solo in her school talent show. I never would have guessed how it would feel to be the mother of someone performing in a talent show or just any performance. Every time my kids are to perform, I get nervous for them as if I were performing myself.

The funny part is that often they are not nervous at all. But I always am. Last night Sabrina told me she was really scared and shaking. But she played her Cannon in D on the piano very well. And her song was lovely.

I sat in the audience recording her on my phone and felt a rush of love and joy wash over me. I was so thrilled that she would have the courage to try out and perform in front of her school. There were some really good acts that night. And Sabrina did not win the competition. But this was one of those times that I felt she won on a personal level for performing well and having the courage to try.

Sabrina can do hard things. I hope she always remembers that.

Here are Sabrina and her best friend after her first shopping trip at the mall with friends and her own money. I sat in the food court while they shopped.

We Found a House!

Jon and I found a house we liked when we moved him down there. We made an offer on it and eventually came to an acceptable contract with the seller. Assuming things go according to plan, Jon should be moving into the home on June 1. The kids and I will follow a week later.

The house is in Flower Mound, TX just 10 minutes from my brother Stephen's home. I am thrilled to have found a place so close to him that feels like it will work for us. Now comes the dreaded packing. I officially started today.

I got through 2 book shelves of books. That took 12 boxes. I am going to need a lot of boxes.

I had a very productive day including a trip to the gym ... to work out. I have been going to the gym fairly regularly these last 4 months but it has always been to study while the boys played in their play place. This was the first time in a long time I went with the sole purpose of actually working out. It was great.

I feel good tonight. Watching General Conference helped. It always does. I feel full of hope and promise. There are tears ahead but there is also joy and discovery as well. Just because we can't see it yet, doesn't mean it isn't there.

Awesome Annie Strikes Again!

Last night after we got home from Grandma's house for our Easter dinner, I put the kids (most of whom fell asleep in the car on the way home) in their beds and went to start cleaning up the kitchen. Annie had not fallen asleep. She stayed up and helped me. By 9 we had the kitchen and family in good shape and I sat to blog for a minute and told her to head up and get ready and bed.

It was her turn to sleep in my bed last night. I am giving the kids turns to have sleep overs with mom. I went up shortly after and was asleep by 10:30. At 1 ish, Harrison woke up not feeling well. I gave him a bottle of milk with some Tylenol and he got back to sleep. At 3 ish Noble woke up screaming. He was in pain (ear infection) and had a fever. I took him downstairs and got him some Tylenol and carried him back upstairs to bed after he settled down.

At 4:48 Harrison woke up ... for the day. He is still adjusting to Pacific time after being on Central time for a week and he isn't feeling great so ... he was up and not about to go back down.

I brought him in my bed in the hopes of him falling asleep with me. No luck. But Annie woke up from the noise and she took him downstairs to watch TV so I could sleep. She ended up changing Harrison's diaper and feeding both boys her own special homemade oatmeal with brown sugar. All while getting ready for school and without being prompted.

I pulled her aside and told her how incredibly grateful I was for her and all the help she had given me last night and this morning. Then as she was feeding Harrison she said to me, "Mom I don't babysit. I take care of people. Otherwise these boys would have bum marks all over them."

I love this girl. She just gets better every day, every month, every year. Love her!

Feelings on the move

I really can't put into words how I am feeling about this move. I have so many varied emotions it is hard to identify and keep track of them.

I feel like I have turned the helm of my life over to the Lord. I am a planner. I like to have my whole life planned out. If there is one thing I have learned these last 5 years, it is that life doesn't always go according to plan.

People ask me how long we will be in Dallas. My answer - for as long as it is right for us to be there. Maybe that will be one year, or three. Maybe it will be for 10 years or 20. I don't know. I have turned over the control to Him. I guess we will see what He has in store for me.

I went to Dallas last week. I went to church just 9 hours after landing. The ward was great in the area we want to live. It reminded me that the gospel is the same no matter where you go, just different people doing their best to live it. The people were nice.

I am going to be ok. I will make new friends. The Lord will clear a path for us. That is my hope.

But I am not sure I will ever have friends like the ones I have here. These friendships have been forged through difficult trials. Many of my friends here have seen me at my lowest of lows. They have held me up. They have stood by me when I couldn't stand alone.

Okay, gotta stop thinking about this ... my mascara is all down my face now and my nose is running ... I just can't quite go there yet. I'll head back to denial that I am leaving these wonderful people and this home that I love.

But as much Texas pride as there is down there, I have to say, flying over Lake Mead and seeing those rocky mountains standing as guardians around our valley, I felt a surge of my own state pride. In my mind I heard the state song, "Home means Nevada. Home means the hills. Home means the sage and the pine... Home means Nevada to me."

Easter Made Simple

Hope. That is Easter made simple. Easter is a celebration of the hope we are given through Christ's victory over death.

This year, since we drove Jonathan to Dallas last week and I just flew home yesterday with all five kids, we simplified Easter. I didn't buy anything. We woke up to a house without much in the way of groceries. I threw together a Dutch Baby for breakfast and we went around the table telling why we were thankful for Jesus.

Sabrina and Noble are sick so they stayed home and the rest of us headed to church to hear the Good Word. I love our ward. I learn new things or have new insights almost every Sunday. We just have a really great ward and the Spirit is strong in every meeting.

We dyed eggs after church with shaving cream and food coloring. I made a quick batch of cookies to take to Grandma's house for our family potluck dinner there.

After Camille died I thought I wanted to make Easter bigger and more anticipated by the kids. As time has gone on, I have found that this holiday is one I want to treasure up in my heart rather than "celebrate" in the traditional commercial way. I reflected so much more on the Savior today than I have other Easters because I wasn't trying to get everyone picture perfect for church in new dresses and I wasn't worried about getting through all sorts of activities or whatnot.

I thought about the quiet peace that must have been almost tangible in the empty tomb. I tried to carry that with me through my day. It is the peace of the promise He fulfilled. It is the peace of that great Hope He gives. All else may fail, but in Him we can always still find Hope.

Home

Sitting in the quiet comfort of my mostly sleeping home, I look around and see all the places she has crawled and climbed and discovered here in this home that was her home.

Tonight is Jon's last night home in this home. Four years ago, I could not have entertained the idea of moving from this home that was her home. The thought of leaving this place where she had lived was unbearable.

But I have come to learn over the last four years that my Camille lives more fully in my heart than in any earthly space. Home is where your family is and she will be home with me no matter where I roam or in which house I hang my figurative hat.

The poem by e e Cummings comes to mind...
[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
BY E. E. CUMMINGS
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

That is the deepest secret ... I carry her heart (I carry it in my heart) Here, in Texas, anywhere.

Power of Moms Retreat in Las Vegas

Last year I attended and spoke at a Power of Moms Retreat here in Las Vegas. I really enjoyed attending the workshops and sharing ideas with the other mothers. I picked up some great ideas for our family that I am still using a year later.

Power of Moms is hosting another retreat in the Las Vegas area again April 12-13th. You can find information on that HERE. If you are available that weekend, I would highly recommend attending the retreat. I would be going if I weren't going to be in Dallas that weekend.

I am a member of a Learning Circle through the Power of Moms group. It has been such a blessing to my life. I have formed really close relationships with the women in my group and feel a real sense of support and strength from our meetings. I feel like attending the meetings gives me more confidence in my ability to be an effective mother and more tools to use in that pursuit. Every month when we meet, I am reminded about the big picture of how important my work at home is and I leave recommitted to give it my all.

Check out forming a learning circle of your own at Power of Moms.

What are the odds?

Recently I have been teaching Noble how he got his name and why. He knows his name is Morgan Noble Waite. I ask him who he is named after. He replies that he is named after "your dad" (his grandpa.) I ask what my dad's name is and he says, "Grandpa Harris!" I say yes but what is his name that is the same as your name? Noble then replies, "Morgan!"

Then comes the harder question: "Why are you named after him?"

Noble will now say, "because of the sisters." Yes. I explain to him, Grandpa had four big sisters just like you have 4 big sisters. And he is the 5th kid in his family just like you are the 5th kid in your family. Then we count the sisters in our family by name and I name the big sisters in my dad's family.

Then I add in that Grandpa Harris has one little brother just like Noble has one little brother. That is why he is named after Grandpa Harris.

Today my Aunt Helen came over to pick something up. We don't see her very often. She is my dad's sister. Last time she came over Noble was about 6 months old, so this was his first time really meeting her.

I went to get him and said, "Noble, come and meet one of Grandpa Harris' four big sisters." Then I thought about it and realized that she is the sister just above my dad. So I said, "this is Grandpa's 'Camille' sister that was born just before him just like Camille was born just before you."

We went in and Noble hit it off with Aunt Helen. She asked how old he was and when was his birthday. He told her his birthday is in May, "It's always in May." Then Aunt Helen said hers was in April. I didn't know that. Camille's birthday is April 19th.

"Oh, wow, Camille's birthday is in April too," I tell her. "What day is your birthday, Aunt Helen?"

"April 19th" she says. Wow.

Feeling a new connection to my Aunt Helen today.

Here is Aunt Helen reading one of the 20 books Noble brought to show her because she just "HAD TO SEE" it!

How Times Have Changed

I am getting a small preview of the coming months. Jon has been in NYC for a couple of days for a conference for his new job. He gets back late tonight. Nine days later we move him out to Dallas. Then I will only get to see him once or twice a month until we move out there to join him sometime this summer.

Jon and I were on opposite coasts for our whole engagement and dating experience. It was rough. But that was almost 14 years ago. In our modern age of technology, a lot changes in 14 years. I didn't even have a cell phone back then. Imagine that!

The last couple days are certainly more work and less sleep for me. But, Instagram, texting and other new technologies are going to make this long distance thing a little better this time around.

I have had fun seeing Jon's Instagrams to see what he is doing and the joy in his day. I have been putting up some photos for him of his little buddies. It makes us feel more connected even when we are 3000 miles apart and he is in meetings all day and can't talk.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts that I hadn't really considered before will be how much the kids will miss Jonathan. Harrison can't say too many words, but he can say "Dad." He has been clingy with me today and every time we pass the office or my bedroom or Jon's car, or a family picture he points and says, "Dad." He misses his Dad.

By the time we finally move to Dallas, Harrison will be thinking Dad is in the computer. Because he will see him on Skype more than in person. But at least he will be able to see him and talk to him. I am so grateful for our modern technology for these good things it enables. It has serious "side effects" and dangers, but it can also bring great blessings to us.

Dinner Club

Last night for dinner club I made these amazing ABC Burgers from Remarkable Home.

I normally I don't really like homemade hamburgers. But my friend Emily is an amazing baker and cook and she worked her magic with this burger recipe. Go on over to her blog to see the recipe and try it out.

I made roasted potatoes and a triple chocolate cake from Pintrest that had a layer that was brownies. Yumm.

I am going to need to form a new dinner group in Texas. These last 4 years of cooking only once a week has been heavenly.

Get to vs. Have to

I learned so very much during the last 5 months of studying. Most of it would bore the majority of you and I will refrain from sharing the intricacies of present possessory property interests with you. But one of the things the criminal law professor shared has far reaching application and I find myself applying it in every day life.

During his lecture he reminded us that when we set out for law school we were so excited to get in and "get" to go to law school. Within a few weeks we were saying, "I have to read these cases and do this work." But all the while we were paying lots of money to "get" to do this work and learn these things.

His point was that if we would think of our studying in terms of "getting to" study for the bar rather than "having to" study for it, our studying would be more effective.

I kept that mindset through my hours of studying. I feel it did help.

Now here I am trying to get back into the swing of being a mother. I have not done much cleaning or mothering these last couple of months. I literally was studying 8-10 hours a day on average. And I have found myself having a hard time transitioning back into the more mundane aspects of motherhood like diapers and mess cleaning.

But here this lesson from my criminal law professor keeps haunting my mind. I have just gone through a period of emotionally and mentally stealing myself to reenter the work force. While there was a part of me that looked forward to the idea of working, the idea of leaving my children each day and not being able to mother them all day was painful to me.

With Jonathan's new job, I will not need to work outside our home. I "get" to stay home with my kids and be their diaper changer and mess cleaner upper. It is a privilege to do this. I am sacrificing good money for this opportunity. I am a better mother when I remember this.

Which aspects of your life do you treat like you "have tos" when really they are "get tos?" How would your experience in these areas change if you could see them from the perspective of "get to?"

Bipolar Moving Disorder

I have officially named how I have been feeling ... I have bipolar moving disorder. It is characterized by drastic mood swings regarding an upcoming move to a new area. One moment a sufferer will be wildly happy about the prospect of new opportunities and possibilities and friends to meet, the next he or she will be sullen or even in tears at the thought of moving to an unfamiliar area and leaving all the things and people she loves.

Today I have been pretty down at the thought of moving. I am really hoping that our visit to Dallas at the end of the month helps pull me out of this funk. I mean I am still thankful and recognize the blessing in this. I do. Deeply. But I know it is going to be hard ... really hard.

I just went through all the little girl dresses I kept in case Harrison was a girl. It is a collection of all my favorite of our little girl dresses. I pulled about 5 of my favorites out to use in a quilt and bagged the rest to give to family or sell in a yard sale.

I am going to be selling so much stuff. I am hoping to put all the money I make off selling our stuff to help pay for our move. So if you know me and want books for kids, little girl clothes age 6 and under, little boy clothes age 18 months and under, or kid toys, come on over. You can have your first pick of the yard sale pile. :0) I plan to post at lease one thing everyday on a facebook yard sale page in our area.

This is really closing a chapter of our lives. In one way, I am happy to box up all the hard parts of this experience in Las Vegas and put it in an emotional box and move on from it. But all these hard experiences have given birth to such love wonderful friendships and tender feeling. Who can throw away a perfect rose just because it is riddled with thorns?

Bipolar Moving Disorder. It is real. And I have it.

Big Changes

I finished the bar exam today. Hallelujah! I feel great. If I didn't pass, I know it isn't because I didn't do my best. I learned (or relearned) so much in the process that I feel I have won the prize already. I really do love learning and feel so grateful for the opportunity I have had the past few months to reengage my mind in academics. It made me feel young again.

And now I am back to blogging.

Life is a funny thing. I grew up in a very stable home. We moved into a house my dad built when I was about 2 or 3 and my parents just sold that home about 2 years ago. My dad had the same job for over 35 years. My life was very set and secure.

Leaving home, the world was full of possibilities. I explored them as fully as I could afford to. Eventually Jon and I married and as our children came to us one by one, we looked to become more stable.

Five years ago we moved into this house. We bought it because we knew we could live in it the rest of our lives and be happy here. It would fit our family as large as we would grow it.

Then Camille died.

We felt, more than ever, powerful roots digging deep into this barren dessert land. This valley has always felt like home to me. But burying a child here ... that tied me here with unbreakable heartstrings.

We will live here forever. We will never move from this home. This is where Camille was. That is what we have said. That was the plan.

But just as life threw us the unexpected curve ball of losing Camille, it seems to take twists and turns I never thought it would. And another twist rocked my world a week ago.

My husband has been looking to get back into the world of finance and investments. He is not essential to the LaptopXchange operation and he misses his profession of stock analyzing and picking. He searched for months to find a job locally in that field. Unfortunately, Las Vegas does not have much of an investing scene.

Last week, my husband accepted a position at a hedge fund ... in Dallas, Texas. He starts tomorrow working remotely from here. He will move out there at the end of this month. Hopefully we will find a home out there in the next month or two and follow him after the school year ends.

This is a blessing to our family and the position is one he is excited about. He feels he will learn and grow and enjoy his work. It is a great opportunity for him. I am thrilled about it. Everyone I have ever heard talk of living in Dallas has nothing but wonderful things to say about living there. I have a brother and sister in law there. If we have to move, I can't think of anyplace better. I am excited for this adventure.

At the same time I am utterly heart broken at the thought of moving. This week I had so many friend texting and emailing and calling me to wish me luck on the bar. I had dinners brought in by friends every night this week. (And they were seriously deluxe, over the top, delicious!)

I LOVE our neighborhood, our home, our ward family, our community, my friends, and we have so much family here. It is going to just be so hard to leave all this love.

I am trying not to think too much about it yet because I get too weepy. I keep calling my Texan brother and telling him and his wife to tell me how excited we are again. :)

I really am grateful. I feel a showering of love and blessings from the Lord and I know this is in his plan. We have learned what we needed to learn here for now. It is time to go learn new lessons from new people. I feel that. But it is still so hard to say goodbye and move so far away.

Luckily, technology has made the world a little smaller. I will be blogging all about our upcoming adventures of being a single mom for a few months, packing and moving, and settling in a new area in the Dallas Ft. Worth metroplex. Hopefully this blog will take on the new purpose of being the place where all those people I love and will be missing can come and we can visit in the comments.

And hopefully it will help introduce us to some new friends too. Anyone out there live in the Carrollton Texas area? That is one of the areas we are looking into. I'd love to know what anyone thinks of it who lives there.

Now I need to go look into taking the Texas bar this summer ... :) fun times.

Thankful

Just about to go to sleep. Feeling as ready as I'll ever be for the exam. Just so grateful for all the support of family and friends as I have prepared for and am taking this exam. Thank you to all of you who are and have been praying for me. My mind feels ready and calm tonight. I can feel the power of those prayers powerfully.

Thank you.

One more week...

I am in my final week of studying for the bar. Sorry I have been gone so long. I have been having lots of thoughts to share. I am excited to start documenting them. Anyone who wants to say a little prayer for my mind on February 26, 27, and 28; that would be helpful. Those are the days I will be taking the test.

I will be very glad to have these 8-10 hour study days behind me. I am excited to spend some more time with my kiddos and hubby.

One more week...

Nosh and Swig

After studying yesterday we went out with some friends to a new small restaurant on the east side near where I grew up. It is on Flamingo between Sandhill and Pecos. The name is Nosh and Swig. It is small plates and really tasty food. We had a party of 8 so we tried lots of food. There wasn't a single dish we didn't like.

Some favorites were the dr. Pepper short ribs and the pretzel roll brat sandwiches and the sticky bun tacos. If you are looking for a fun dining experience with good food, check it out!

Where am I?

This is where I have been and what I have been doing. Studying for the bar kicked into high gear the week of Christmas. Been studying 8-10 hrs a day and spending precious free moments cherishing my kids and hubby. I go to the gym daily to walk while studying and mostly cuz they will watch my boys for 2 hours a day. :). Then home to feed lunch and put down to nap and study more. If you don't hear from me more till march this is why. Love you all!

Anticipating Christmas ... A Conversation with Ann Marie

I had to take a minute and record a bit of my conversation with Ann Marie on our way home from dance. I will try to quote it as exactly as possible. Items in italics are my thoughts (even if they are in the middle of Annie's dialogue) during the conversation.

Mom: So Annie, what are you most looking forward to about Christmas, gifts under the tree? Surprise gifts? Santa gifts? Those were always the things I most anticipated.

Annie: You mean on Christmas eve or Christmas day?

Mom: Either? What are you most anticipating about Christmas in general? Certainly she wouldn't be anticipating opening pjs on Christmas eve more than seeing what Santa brings right? But I guess I shouldn't suggest what she should anticipate most.

Annie: I am most looking forward to giving Lauren and Sabrina their presents. They are going to LOVE them!

A memory flashes in my mind of a 4 year old Annie the Christmas of 2007 (our only Christmas with Camille) and Annie being over the top excited as each person opened her gift. "You are going to LOVE it! You are going to LOVE it!" she screamed each time jumping up and down. I shouldn't be surprised that the part of Christmas she is most anticipating is giving her gifts.

And I am excited to wake up and go downstairs singing the song.

 She too loves the tradition of gathering in Mom and Dad's room in the morning and all going down to the Christmas tree and all the gifts and stockings singing "Here Come Santa Claus" just as I did as a child.

And I am anxious to see what the boys will get so I can see how hard it will be to clean up.

Here she shoots me one of her looks. It says "you know it's true."

Because you know whatever they get they are going to make a mess with it and then we will have to clean it up. So if they get something that is easy to clean up... that will be good and I will like it. If they get something with lots of little pieces... I will not like it, because we both know I will be cleaning it up all the time.

Annie cleaning up the boys train tracks tonight trying to give me that look but not quite able to reproduce it.

Now I am just smiling. Huge smiling. My heart is smiling, my face is smiling. It is true. She will be cleaning it up. So will I. So will her sisters. And hopefully one day so will the boys. Something tells me she isn't going to like very many of the boys presents. There are a couple sets of Duplos and Hot Wheels in those packages. 

Even more, I am smiling because this is the end of her list of what she is anticipating most about Christmas and she hasn't even thought to include any presents for herself. What a rare child this one is. Sometimes conversations like this remind me of how unusual she is for a child and it just makes me smile.

Help Newtown Families

Remember a few years ago when I did that auction for Emily Jones on this blog? Her husband passed away in after getting stuck in the Nutty Puddy caves over the Thanksgiving weekend. That was the best Christmas I can remember because of how much I felt the giving spirit.

Well a fellow angel mom, Ashley Sullenger, turned me on to a an auction for the families of the children from Sandy Hook Elementary. It is on Tiffany's blog HERE. But it is only up till Dec. 26th so go over there and bid if you can. They have great stuff.

I got a few emails from my sister in law Rachel this morning. Remember my angel tree?

It is filled with angels all of you sent me the Christmas after Camille died. The one in Ann Marie's hand was handmade by my sister in law Rachel. That year she made one for each of her siblings and gave them their "Camille angel ornaments" for their Christmas present. Each year they put their ornaments up and remember my baby girl.

Well one of Rachel's sisters live near Newtown, Connecticut. She is in the same stake (a church name for a unit of our church that is made up of about 10 congregations) as Emily Parker's family. Emily was a 6 year old victim in the shooting.

Rachel's sister was inspired by my tree and organized a group of people to make and donate angels to the Parker family. They made so many ornaments that they decorated trees in the primary room at church, a tree at the fire house, and they sent a bunch of ornaments to Utah for Emily's funeral.

Here are a few photos Rachel sent me. Thanks to all those who worked on this project. I know what a treasure these angels will be in the future.

 Primary room (Childrens classroom at Emily's church)

 Firehouse Tree

Angel tree at the funeral.

The Worth of One

Today I got a little birthday present in the mail from my sister in law Nikki. It has touched my heart. A few months ago, Nikki called me to tell me about a friend of her sister's whose little girl had drowned. I got this woman's information and emailed her. After a while she emailed me back and we started corresponding.

I had the pleasure of meeting Jill and her lovely family soon after. Her daughter was one year old and named Penny. Jill and friends started a Penny drive in her daughter's memory. They made and sold beautiful jewelry made from pennies.

Today I as I opened my present I found a necklace made from a penny similar to one Jill gave me when we met. I love it. I love both of them. Then I read the card Jill included with the necklace (on the back of the card with the deer that reads "as the deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God" Psalm 42:1) and I was touched by that heavenly teaching spirit of understanding. I have come to believe through my experiences with this blog that I heard the whisper of sweet Penny Thomas helping me understand the worth of ONE in a whole new way.

I wanted to share Jill's note with you. It reads as follows:

Pennies for Penny

thank you for taking part in "pennies for penny." as penny's mother i knew the second that i held her in my arms that she was special, she was divine. as her family we loved and we cherished her every second. we knew then that she was a gift from god and we held her so close. in her little life, she taught so many. she left us lessons of love, simplicity, peace, family, gratitude, and service. it is because of penny that i wanted to be even closer to my heavenly father. i have learned through her, that this life is not the end. i knew this before, however, it is more real to me than ever, this life is not the end! this deeper understanding has caused me to want to focus more on what is important in this life...family and the gospel of jesus christ. i want to be a better christian, a better mother to these divine children that god has given me for a short time. i want to serve more and teach others that they are too children of a merciful heavenly father. i used to throw away pennies, however, the power of 1 cent has a new meaning to me. penny was just 1, but she left a mark in the world worth much more! please wear this as a reminder of my penny, of her life and what she taught. "the worth of souls is great in the site of god" d&c 18:10 all my love, Jill Thomas

Thank you Jill for the note. Thank you Penny for teaching me. Camille was also just 1. Too often we do not recognize the worth of the one. I know the worth of my one to me.

May we keep in our hearts the worth of the little ones at this season when we celebrate the birth of The One.