Motherhood - Chapter 21 - A Tough Lesson in Service

About a week ago I noticed that I had not seen Ann Marie for about 3 hours. I knew she had been upstairs but what she was doing or where she was ... that I did not know. I found her upstairs in my bathroom and was told promptly to "Don't Look! Go away!!!" A bit later she came and got me and ushered me upstairs to see the "surprise" she had created for me.

My little Annie had meticulously organized all my very, very messy and junky bathroom drawers. Every little Q-tip and lipstick and toothbrush had its place. Dad had a space. Mom had a space. It was beautiful and clean and totally organized. It was a chore I had on my "to do" list that just hadn't gotten done yet. What a great surprise!

Then she asked if maybe she could "get something" for doing this for me. Like maybe some money? Like maybe $10? I considered the fact that it took her over 3 hours and she did it without being asked and agreed I was happy to pay her $10 as a thank you. Then she said, "well would it also be okay if after you pay me the $10 ... let's see ... that will make it so I have a total of $106. So is that enough so that you and me can go on a date and get pedicures? Can we do that and if you give me the $10 I will pay for the pedicures?"

This was just getting better and better right? I agreed to that deal on the spot. Today I arranged to have Jon watch the other kids and I took Annie to the salon. I gave her the last $10 in my wallet. On the way there she asked if she could also have a manicure. I told her if she was paying she could decide that herself.

We got to the salon and picked our colors and sat down. The pedicure for me would be $25. The pedicure for her $20 or a mani/pedi for $25. She struggled to decide if she could afford both a mani and pedi for herself. She decided to go for it.

Meanwhile, I struggled. How can I let my little 8 year old pay half of all the money she has been saving for the past 9 months to pay for a pedicure for me. This is supposed to be me thanking her for organizing my drawers. That is so much money for a little girl. Maybe I will just let her think she is paying and at the last minute I will pull out my credit card and pay for us and let her give me some money towards it. Maybe I will insist on paying for my own and let her pay for her own. Maybe I will just pay for us both and treat her.

We sat in our pedicure chairs and the salon workers got busy buffing and polishing us. I still sat there struggling with the decision of what I would ultimately do concerning the bill. We finished up and on our way out Annie pulled out her wallet from her little purse. She took out her money, carefully folded and neatly organized. Slowly she counted out a $20, a $10, a $5, and 15 $1s. She handed the money over to the man and we walked out of the salon.

I thanked my daughter for the best gift anyone had ever given me that cost money, for I knew this was the greatest monetary sacrifice anyone had ever made for me as a percentage of their net worth. :) She then noted how this ended up being more a treat for me since she paid even though I had given her the $10. Yes she caught on to what she had done. Organized my drawers and then taken me out for a treat too.

"Well then I guess I will just have to treat you somehow to get you back," I said.

"Okay but don't let me know when you are going to do it," she replied. "Make it a surprise!"

And that is when I knew I had made the right choice. Instead of treating my daughter and allowed her the gift of knowing what it felt like to do something really big and really nice for someone else. I instilled in her a "pay it forward" mentality and started a chain of service that could keep going for years to come. It was a tough lesson for me. I love being the one to serve and treat others. But it is good to teach my children how wonderful it is to give and do service as well.

Here are our toes after the fact:

 Pretty purple fingernails with flower details for Annie's manicure.

I let Annie pick my color since she was paying. I thought she would choose some funky green or blue or yellow. Instead she choose a color called Apple Pie. She saved the funky color for her toes.

Snuggle Buddy

Harrison is 4.5 months old now. He has two teeth. I know. That was a bit early huh? Yesterday I picked him up from his nap and held him close to me with his arm over my shoulder. He snuggled right up to me and wrapped his other arm around my neck and squeezed me tight. I was stunned. My little 4 month old baby was hugging me!

I have been hoping for a snuggly baby for quite some time. Sabrina was really my only really snuggly baby. The rest were more independent and wanted to be looking out and seeing what was going on in the world. Or Lauren, well, she was just kinda fat and happy and looking to suck on something or bounce somehow.

It is such a treat to me to have this little snuggle buddy. And the fact that he looks so much like Camille ... well it just makes the snuggles doubly sweet to me.

 I wish I had more and better photos of Camille at this age. I need to get out my camera and take more of Harrison. I don't have enough of him either. It is hard to see how they look so alike in these photos but so many parts of him look like her parts.

Marriage Lesson

Yesterday I gave a lesson in church on the principle of Eternal Marriage. I struggled with how to teach this lesson to the women. I have taught the principle to the young women several times. But it is different teaching the women, most of whom have some experience with marriage.

So I worked and struggled with it and put it aside and then talk to a friend and reworked it and then presented it to Jonathan who within a minute told me "No no no. You are doing it all wrong." Then he described how he thought I should teach it. I told him his way sounded like how I would teach the young women, but that these women have experience with marriage and know it isn't all roses and chocolates. He said that was all the more reason to remind them of what it is supposed to be and can become. Then with a sly little smile he told me I was the perfect person to teach this lesson because maybe then I would fall a little deeper in love with my husband. :) 

We laughed a bit and he went up to bed. And I rewrote my lesson. Actually, I wrote an objective for my lesson. The lesson manuals for Young Women's instruction have these but the Women's manual does not. So I wrote my own Objective for the lesson. 

I started the lesson by asking the class how the world views marriage today. I wrote the responses on the board. Then I told them that this is how Satan has colored marriage. I shared with the class the following quote by Boyd K. Packer, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ; "The single purpose of Lucifer is to oppose the great plan of happiness, to corrupt the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life: romance, love, marriage, and parenthood."

Then I held up my sunglasses and told the class that today my objective was to remove Satan's sunglasses from our view of marriage and to help us see it in the light of the Lord's lenses for the beautiful, appealing, pure and purifying experience that it is and can be. I invited them to join me in their comments in attempting to inspire one another to want that ideal eternal marriage, to prepare for it and seek it out if we are not married, and to do our best to create as close to it as we can in our own home if we are married.

We began with the first marriage of Adam and Eve, performed by the Lord. We noted what a gift Eve was to Adam so that he would not be alone on the earth. I referred to THIS talk and the parable at the end to illustrate how temple marriage is essential to gain the full inheritance the Lord has waiting for us. 

I shared my personal experience attending a marriage in the temple for the first time. It was the wedding of my dear friends Emily and Aaron Sherinian. I tried to verbally paint the picture of the sealing room with the alter in the middle and the bride on one side, the groom on the other and mirrors behind each of them that show them going on forever. 

Through the lump in my throat I shared how blow away I was by the power of the Spirit in that room. It wasn't even the wedding of a family member but I felt such a powerful presence of the Spirit there. I really was overwhelmed and shocked by it. It was so very different than any other civil wedding I had attended. 

I shared the feeling at my own wedding of knowing that my deceased grandparents were present and the feeling that there was no roof on the temple because it seemed all of heaven was in attendance. I shared how significant it was that those mirrors also represented all the generations past and all the generations future who were in attendance that day and would be affected by the union being made in that room. 

We had some comments on how after the wedding day comes the hard work. We heard about how humbling marriage can be and how committed we have to be to stay in when it is easier to walk away. I pointed out that the hard parts of marriage are there to refine us and make us more Christ like. I asked the class for examples of how marriage has done this for them or others they know. We had some really good comments.

I shared how I have seen in my parents marriage the rough spots of each of my parents get smoothed over time and how they have taken the good the other person brought to the marriage and become more like that themselves. 

Then I ended with noting how I just attended a funeral and how grateful we will be when we reach that point of separation we will be for having and Eternal marriage sealed in the temple. Death has a way of really sifting through what emotions are important and what matters. I shared my own feelings of how grateful I was for my marriage and the covenants I made in the temple on my wedding day that ensure me a full measure of the Lord's inheritance for me as long as I live worthy and keep my covenants, even if my children or husband decided to do otherwise some day. 

In all it was a lesson taught not by notes or even bullet points. I said I was flying by the seat of my pants but really it felt more like I was just going along with the flow of where the Spirit took the lesson. And that is the best kind of lesson to teach.

Party of...

Tonight after the funeral, we got ready to feed the missionaries. I had Jon stop at the store to get some ingredients and in an hour I threw together some chicken enchiladas, Texas caviar, and fresh papaya with lime juice. Just before the 2 sister missionaries arrived I figured we ought to set the table. (We don't usually set the table for dinner around here, but since we were having guests...)

I was thinking in my head, "what are we going to need about 8 plates? No there are 8 in just our family. Plus the 2 missionaries. Minus Harrison. He won't need a place. That makes nine." And so we set nine places. 

It was only after the missionaries came and everyone sat down that I noticed one place setting was being unused. I though, "who is missing?" Then it hit me. I had set a place for Camille. 

Funeral

Today I went to a funeral. It was for a man I have known all my life. I grew up with two of his sons. He and his wife have a house near my parents old house. His name was Ron Gifford. I last saw Ron about a month ago at a meeting for Jon's business.

Ron was a funny, smiling, happy man. I loved his humor. He was one of those people who you couldn't help but smile around. He died rather suddenly after having a heart attack and then quadruple bypass surgery. He was 68.

His funeral was in the same chapel where we held Camille's funeral. We went to church together with Ron and his wife for the first 8 months of Camille's life. This is the first time someone I know and who crossed paths with my Camille in this life has gone on to that other side of life we know as death.

And I wonder if they have met over there as well. I wonder if she has seen him and if he might have said, "Oh hey, I just saw your mom and dad a bit ago. They had your baby brother Harrison with them. They are doing so well."

I feel like maybe such a meeting could take place ... like maybe it has in some form. It makes me feel one step closer to Camille to think so. I look at dying people with a small bit of envy now. Not that I want to die because I just have way too much to live for. But I do envy them being able to so soon be where my Camille is.

Heaven is a happier place today. Ron is there. I am sad he has left us. I am especially sad for him family and how much they will miss him in the days, months, and years to come. But I am happy for heaven to have such a bright light returning home.

The Help

I read the book The Help about a year ago. I really enjoyed it. I felt it was both entertaining and educational. It gave me a real feel for what it felt like in the South during the civil rights movement and what a scary time it was for so many people. It also gave me a good appreciation for the courage of so many good people to risk their lives in peaceful protest of the injustices being levied against them.

So when I saw there was a movie coming out based on the book, I wanted to go see it. So often movies just don't live up to the book. But I was pleasantly surprised at how much I did like the movie version of The Help.

I will say that I don't feel it gave as deep a sense of the danger and fear felt by people like the book did. It tried. But the book really gave me that feeling much more than the movie did.

The characters, on the other hand, were really well portrayed. I liked the main character of Aibileen better in the book. But I think that is because we got to know her better in the book. I LOVED Minnie in this movie. She and Celia Foote were so wonderful. In fact I think I liked the way Celia was portrayed better in the movie than the picture of her in my head from the book.

I had some great laughs and at times wanted to cheer out loud. I saw the movie with my sister and my mother. My mother, who spent her high school years in the South (Atlanta) during the civil rights movement said the movie did a great job at portraying the feel of the South and how society felt back then. She said the music and the Junior League meetings and social functions were spot on how things went back then.

I wouldn't say this is a movie that most guys would like. But if you want a fun flick with your girlfriends, go see The Help.

so much to say...

I have once again been up at the cabin with family and thus out of computer reach. It was our last vacation of the summer. Now I am finishing getting my family unpacked and back together but I have so much to write about.

First I just have to say the last week was our best dance party ever. We had such a fun time. My favorite part was just before the party started when an unfamiliar vehicle pulled into my driveway. I was outside talking to a neighbor at the time and thought to myself, "Now who can this be?"

This is who I saw:

This is my friend Shanan Durda ... who lives in Arizona! She drove all the way up to Vegas to surprise me and come to my finale Dance Party. It was one of the best surprises I have had in a long time.

Shanan lived with us for a few years just after Ann Marie was born. So she feels like family and we had a good time catching up and talking. I only wish we had more time. Our family had plans to go to the cabin the next evening and for all our attempts, we couldn't convince Shani to come with us. She has a sister who lives here in Vegas too and had plans to spend the next night with her. I guess that is a pretty good excuse. :)

Secondly, I was happy Melanie won Dance. She is amazing. I don't think it was a real shocker to anyone though. :) And I was a bit underwhelmed by the final performance show. I was glad to see so many of my favorite dances from the season brought back for the finale. That is always fun.

Thirdly, we sold our new mattress set and bought a new Tempurpedic. That is what we had before and we both liked it for the first 9 years. Then it got too soft for my hubby. This newer version of the Tempurpedic is supposed to be more firm. We will see. We have 100 days to try it. I already know I love it. I took a nap on it today and my back felt so much better when I woke up. Hopefully it will work for Jonathan too.

Geez I have so many more things to write about. But I think I better space out the others because they are things that deserve their own post. But so I can remember them later and to give you a preview, here is what is coming up, though not necessarily in this order...
Cabin with the Waite clan
Motherhood series returns -- Different Not Less
Sudden Death of Long Time Family Friend - thoughts on that.
New Job at Church
Thoughts on RS Lessons on Families Can Be Eternal and Eternal Marriage
The Help Movie Review
Harrison
Noble - becoming a boy mom
Annie the Organizer and her "prize"
Summer Schedule Review
School coming
"Surprises" passing down the tradition

What do You want me to blog about? Wanna add to my list? Wanna see one of my topics SOON? Let me know!

Final dance party

So this week is our FINAL Dance Party!!! It is still on Wed night at 8:30. I will be making dueling double chocolate truffles. (2 different brands of chocolate creme cookies. we will see if we like one better than the other.) I will also have some caramelized onion and feta cup appetizers I picked up at Trader Joes. And I may have a fun drink to share as well. 

Feel free to come as your favorite judge. I am brushing up on my Lil C speak. Anyone know where I can get my hair done in corn rows? ;)

Hope to see you there!

Stephanie

Blessing Balloons

So often when my head hangs low feeling the weight of my sorrow stone filled bucket, I have to remind myself to lift my eyes up. For tied to my bucket (and very often tied to each individual stone) there are a mass of colorful blessings rising up like balloons in the sky, lifting a bit of their sorrowful anchor.

I am amazed at the sheer number of blessing balloons are tied to some of my weightier stones. For example, I lost one child, yet I have been blessed with 5 other healthy, living children. Because of the loss of that one child, I have gained thousands of new friends I have never met. I have gained a wealth of wisdom and a greater appreciation for my motherhood.

And these are only a few of the blessing balloons tied to that one most weighty sorrow stone in my bucket. And I know there are a multitude of blessing balloons tied to that stone which are not currently in my view but they are there, subtly lifting me up all the same.

These balloons cannot remove the stones from my bucket. The sorrows are still there. But when I remember to lift my eyes to the heavens, in a beautiful array they are a manifestation of the Lord's love for me. They let me know that not only will the Savior help carry my load, but that I am blessed in other ways as a sort of side compensation for my sacrifice. As Maria in the Sound of Music says, "when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

I have been looking up these last few days, and counting all those balloons in the sky. I feel I should be floating, seeing so many. Sometimes it really pays to just look UP.

Sorrow Stones

There is a metaphorical bucket tied to me throughout this life. And as I journey on my way it is being filled with sorrow stones. Some of these stones are small and I barely notice the weight of them as I walk down this path of mortality. I may even be able to toss them out of my bucket and continue on my way.

But life wouldn't keep you growing without some more weighty stones to carry. And so some larger stones must be placed into my bucket. Once in a while, or seemingly all at once, into my bucket they fall.

Each new weight tests the limits of my heart's strength. Each stone changes my heart in some way. I struggle to keep my heart on a path of love when the stones would pull me down. Sometimes I feel so weak. It would be easier to turn my sorrow stones into anger. Somehow it seems that would be easier to hold.

Yet that is not the woman I want to be. I don't want to be the woman who carries anger with her day and night. I refuse to let these stones change me that way.

Still I also don't want to be a struggling woman of sorrow. And yet here I am laboring under the weight of my stones. At last, I fall to my knees, unable to move, stuck with these stones to bear.

Then, in my desperation, I do as my good parents taught me and turn to the only One who fully knows. He knows the stones, each one in its complexity. He knows their weight and mass. He knows because he has carried them too.

He reminds me that while I must carry these stones, I need not do it alone. For His shoulders are mighty and His strength is divine. He will help lift my bucket and make my heart feel the light. And one day He will turn these sorrow stones into jewels of joy and a wealth of wisdom beyond what I can now conceive.

I can feel His help surround me, lift me, and set me on my way. I can feel His strength in my step. I am grateful to know where to turn when I stumble. I know there is One who will always send angels to my aid.

I know 

He's just waiting 

for me to 

ASK.

Vacation

I am up in the mountains enjoying time with my siblings and their families. It is a sweet time to see all the cousins playing in the beauty that surrounds my parents cabin. The only thing missing is my sweet honey who has to be working at home.

It is so cool and wonderful up here that I have decided to stay a few extra days. This means there will be no Dance Party this week. But next week is the finale so we will do an all out fiesta! More details to come.

Till then I am going to soak in the rain and bask in the joy I derive from my family relationships. Happy family relationships really do bring the greatest joy on earth. Spending time together to build memories and letting my family members know what I appreciate about them are two ways I am strengthening my family relationships this week.

What have you done lately that has strengthened a family relationship you have?
I would love to hear.

announcements

first off -- dance party my house tonight 8:30. Truffles this week are the ultimate chocolate experience. Fudgee Truffles. Ummmm. Just ate one. Okay two. HOLY DANGEROUS!! They are going to be one of my favorites I can already tell.

second note: I have a bed I need to sell. Anyone need a king size pillowtop Sterns and Foster bed? It is a very nice bed and is only 3 months old. Here is the story.

See I loved our old bed but it was 9 years old and getting too soft for my honey. His back began hurting. So he went out and found a bed he liked. We bought the lovely pillowtop Bradenburg Sterns and Foster with the box springs and a great impermeable mattress cover. Then we started sleeping on it. Jon's back felt so much better. We had found his cure. Great right? Well it would have been if my back hadn't started hurting.

So after 3 months of trying to make it work for me, I have given up and have been sleeping on our old bed which is now in the nursery. Not so great for me or Jon or Harrison. Unfortunately we can't return the new mattress because it is past the 30 day return policy. So I am trying to sell it so we can go buy another new mattress (or maybe 2 twins that we can stick together :)

So if you are in the Las Vegas area and have been needing or wanting a new bed, I have a deal for you. We bought the mattress for $1500 the box springs for $400 and the mattress cover for $100. We would like to sell all of it for $1500. Anyone interested?

Counting

We were all sitting around in my brother's house in Dallas. His oldest daughter's birthday party had brought both sets of grandparents together. I hadn't seen my sister in laws parents in years. All my kids were playing with their Dallas cousins. My father and I sat with my sister in law's father, Bob, at the table. Harrison was on my lap.

Bob looked around the room and began to count, "One, two, three, four, five. So you have five children?"

I paused...

Just after Camille died the matter of how to answer this everyday question weighed heavily on my heart. It tore me up inside thinking about it. Initially I determined that I would ALWAYS include Camille. She counts. I bore her, nursed her, changed all those diapers. She is my child. She counts.

I reasoned, "My grandmother had two daughters pass away before she did. My two aunts were both grandmothers before they died. I would never think to say my grandmother only had 4 children. She had 6 and 2 had since passed away. My child shouldn't count any less just because her life was shorter. I would count her."

And that is what I did. Occasionally, however people would see me with my kids and assume how many children I had, like Bob was now. Sometimes I corrected them. Sometimes not. I found it is not fun to deliver the heart wrenching news of your child's death to a stranger in passing conversation.

So as time passed I stopped correcting every person. Still every time the subject arrises about how many kids I have, there is a pause in which all of this goes through my mind and I decide how to answer.

And so in my brother's kitchen I begin to nod my head in a sort of affirmation and resignation. Then, in the spilt second pause it takes me to process this all and decide how to answer, my dad interrupts. "No. She has 6 children. She had a little girl who passed away."

Even now ... writing this ... a lump forms in my throat. She counts. He counts her. My dad is not letting her be forgotten. He counts her ... even when he has to correct someone.

That night in my bed, tears rolled down my cheeks. They were tears of love and gratitude to my dad. I don't know if he can ever fully know how much it meant and means to me that he doesn't let her go uncounted. It is one thing for me to remember her and count her. But to have others, outside our little family, continue to count her mean so very much to me.

On our plane ride home our steward took an interest in our family all lined up in our row of the airplane. He looked across the row and said, "So you have five kids huh?" With confidence I said, "No, actually. I have six."

Aching

It is just after 10 p.m. and I am sitting at my kitchen table alone listening to the sounds of my own typing, the air conditioning, and the running of my dishwasher. There are so many parts of my body between my head and toes that hurt. I am too tired to even list them.

My girls just went up to bed about 15 minutes ago and my husband followed them just now. We had a late night. Why??? Well you have heard that old saying about how bodies in motion tend to stay in motion and bodies at rest tend to stay at rest? It is a true principle. Today my body was in motion. Let's see if I can remember it all:

5 ish am Up with Harrison to nurse and put him back to sleep.
7:20 Wake up with Noble and Harrison
7:30 Advance Laundry / Feed Harrison / Dress and Diaper both boys
7:50 I begin to fold about 8 loads of laundry that I did yesterday and today.
8 am Phone call saying Jon's brother is in the hospital. Probably going to have surgery.
Family prayer for him. Jon gets dressed and goes to see him. Jon will have to work his shift at the store.
8:15 While still folding laundry at a furious rate, I direct the girls to get ready (do morning checklist) to go to swimming lessons.
8:43 I finish folding the last dish towel. My girls have everyone in the car ready to go (they are so great). I run down grab my purse and get in the car.
8:58 Arrive at swim lessons in time for their 9 am swim classes
9:35 Leave swimming
9:50 Arrive home. Get snacks for Noble. Send girls to shower and Lauren to get ready for Dance Intensives.
10:03 Leave to get Lauren to dance.
10:16 Drop Lauren off one minute late to Dance class.
10:35 Home from dropping off Lauren. I drink some water and eat a banana. My sister comes over to give me some hand me down stuff. We chat for a bit and the kids play a bit. She leaves. I nurse Harrison again. Kids play.
11:30 Feed Noble lunch
11:45 Put Noble down for a nap
12:00 Sabrina, Annie and I begin the last phase of our Family chore "Operation Organize Pantry." If you saw how big my pantry was you would see why this is a week long chore. I post photos later. I have one part left to organize.
1:30 Leave to go get Lauren from Dance
2:05 Arrive home. Saby and Annie have made cupcakes by themselves and cleaned the entire downstairs and decorated the blue table for an impromptu surprise cupcake party (I should have gotten a photo) for the neighbor friends. We bake the cupcakes. They make sandwiches and cut them out with cookie cutters for the "party."
2:20 Friends/neighbors stop by with misplaced mail and we talk a bit.
3:10 Girls invite other neighbors over for the surprise party I frost cupcakes for them and begin cleaning their sandwich and cupcake making mess.
3:15 Surprise party with friends
3:30 My brother Darren and his wife Nikki and their twins Henry and Lily show up to visit for an hour. Jon comes home at the same time to work out and go back to work. I visit with Nikki and Darren.
4:30 Company leaves. Harrison has fallen asleep on me. I sit down to be his bed for a few minutes. Jon takes Noble to shower. Sabrina goes to a neighbors house.
5:00 Noble is running around clean in just a diaper and shoes begging to go outside and play. I put down Harrison to tend to Noble. Harrison wakes up. I start making dinner.
5:30 Harrison is crying, Noble is running around crazy still in his diaper only, Lauren is
trying to tend Harrison but he is just not happy. I call Sabrina home and Annie downstairs. Dinner is served. I take Harrison and all the kids eat.
6:00 I eat and kids clear the table.
6:30 Time to do our weekly "pick up" of the house. I put Harrison in his swing and begin working with the girls. Over the next three hours I put away laundry with the girls, clean and organize the play room, clean and organize the girls closet, clean and organize the loft and all the Wii components, Put Noble to bed (Sabrina got him ready for bed), Finish loading the dishes Annie washed, appreciate the "surprise" Annie and Lauren gave me of doing the dishes and cleaning and organizing all the toys downstairs, deep clean the laundry room and pick up every other room in the house.
9:20 I sit down with a small bowl of ice cream and watch the results of So You Think You Can Dance with my girls. They worked hard with me and get the treat of staying up late with me to watch the show.
That brings me to about 10 pm. Girls to bed. Me to blog. Me tired. Now you see why.

Tomorrow we relax. Our only scheduled outing is to the library to return and check out books. I plan to order dinner in or take the girls out and just enjoy the weekend in a nice clean house. Family coming in on Saturday and Chris's food that night. I can't wait!

Good night!

Invites

Dance Party at my house tonight 8:30 S'mores truffles. Be there.

Second, remember my friend Chris? The chef. He is running Lulu's on the Move (Metro Pizza's food truck) these days. It is great gourmet food for 4-6 bucks a dish. Well he will be selling his food off the truck in my neighborhood this Sat. from around 6:30 ish till whenever. Swing by and get some great dinner if you know where I live.

A Few More Answers

To Emily - Sabrina is 10 and going into 5th grade. I am sure you could find an eye dr. that would let your daughter get contacts if you think she is responsible enough to take care of them (ie not leave them in over night, lose them, and she can get them in and out by herself after a bit of practice.)

To the busy mom who asked about my scripture reading habits. I have found that for my family breakfast time is the best time to read scriptures. During school months I read to the girls while they eat their breakfast. Their mouths are full so they can listen and not be talking to each other. :) Right now since our time is more relaxed, I usually sleep in later than they do (I get up when Harrison gets up.) So by the time I get up either Annie or Sabrina has read scriptures out loud to the other kids. I will catch up with them or read to whoever wasn't awake for the first reading.

We rotate which book of scripture we study as a family. So far we have completed the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants during our breakfast reading. We are currently in the middle of the Old Testament (in Isaiah). We read from a version of the scriptures (Old Testatment for LDS Families) that uses the exact text from the scriptures but that has definitions for some of the unfamiliar words for the kids and other explanations in the footnotes. This really helps the girls when they read without me.

Sometimes (especially when we go on vacation) we get out of our groove and miss a few days of our scripture reading. It happens. But we just do our best to jump back on the wagon and get back to it.

In addition to this family scripture study, I personally read from the Book of Mormon every night. Some nights when I am particularly tired it is only a page that I read. Most nights I would say I read a chapter. Sometimes I read a couple of chapters. It just depends on how tired I am. But I feel even if I only read a verse it is better than not reading at all. I feel I am blessed in accordance with the effort I put forth. I do also forget some nights too. But usually between my family scripture study and my personal scripture study at night I get at least some scripture time in everyday.

I know from personal experience as a kid that even when it seems your kids aren't listening, they will be blessed by having scriptures read to them. I had an experience as a 12 year old where my mother's scripture reading of the New Testament to me proved highly valuable. I remembered verses she had read me and where they were at a crucial moment and that helped me stay strong in the face of serious opposition.

Moral of all that is to do the best you can and if you fall off the scripture study habit wagon, get back on.

Now I am off to read my scriptures and hit the hay.

What I Am Missing

Sometimes my mind leaves the here and now and wanders to the dangerous land of Couldabeen. In this place I see all the things I am missing. Walking through children's clothing stores I see the adorable little girl clothes. My mind instantly misses the little baby girl I could have been dressing in those clothes. My other girls are all shopping in the big girl section now.

Milestones are particularly difficult. An inner voice whispers to my soul, she would have been 4 and saying those funny things and doing those adorable tricks. She would be starting Kindergarten next year. She would be Lauren's buddy.

I see kids her age. I watch them and feel sorrow that my little girl isn't able to learn and grow and experience all they are experiencing. I am sorry for her and for me not being able to experience these milestones of life with her.

I had such a moment the other day. But this time, in the quiet sorrow in my soul that followed the thought of pity at her missing out, there came a feeling. It was a feeling of thrilling joy and exhilaration, but not my own. It was her joy. I could sense it like you can feel the energy off of someone who is really excited about some thing. It was the same sense of joy I had from her the when she finally passed away. She was happy.

And the thought came to my mind,
"Oh, Mom, if only you could see
the things I am doing now..."

And with that my sorrow fled.
I realized I am not missing what she would have been.
If anything, I am missing all she has become.

To Karol

Karol,
So nice to "meet" another person who lives so many of the same standards I do. I really do consider it a treat to meet people who are not LDS who live this way. Perhaps I only meet them so rarely because I have never lived in an area where there is a strong Christian contingency like the south or conservative values like Middle America. I have only live in Las Vegas (not known for conservative values obviously), Utah (full of conservatives but most are LDS), Washington DC, and Southern California (both rather socially liberal areas.)

Anyway, it is a pleasure to hear of other people, Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindi or otherwise who choose to live like I do.

Now to answer your question regarding the origin of my belief that Jesus Christ visited the natives of the Americas and that He and His Father appeared to a 14 year old boy. You wanted to know where in the scriptures that came from.

Let me start with a story. In 1820 there was a boy named Joseph Smith who was 14. He lived in upstate New York with his family. There was a religious fervor in the area at the time with many preachers from various Protestant denominations holding revivals and preaching about how their church was the only way to heaven etc... Joseph's mother and siblings had been going to various churches and most had chosen one church or another to join. But Joseph felt confused by all the preaching and was unsure of which sect to join.

His family was a Bible reading family and so one night he was reading the Bible when he came across the scripture in James 1:5 which says that if any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not. This verse pieced Joseph powerfully and he thought over it extensively. Eventually he decided he must follow its instruction and pray to ask God which sect was the right one to join.

He set off and went to pray in a grove a trees near his house. I will quote his own account of what happened after he uttered his prayer. "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me. When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"


The Savior then spoke to Joseph telling him that he was to join none of the churches. He informed Joseph that the church He established when he was alive was no longer on the Earth. He informed Joseph that one day he would help the Savior restore to the Earth His original church with apostles and prophets being led by the Savior himself at their head. The product of this "restoration" is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.


Now I know this sounds like a crazy story. But I believe it with everything that I am. I have prayed in that same grove where Joseph prayed and felt my heart so filled with the Spirit telling me that this story did in fact happen that it seemed to burn within me. I feel that same Spirit of "ringing truth in my soul" every time I hear or read Joseph's account of this visitation from the Savior and the Father. 


But I understand that believing this story makes me (and all other LDS people) a bit different from the rest of the world. That is why it made my list of how being a Mormon makes me feel different.


As for Jesus Christ visiting the Americas. That comes from a book called the Book of Mormon (which is where the nickname "Mormons" comes from). It is a second witness or "Another Testament of Jesus Christ" as its subtitle proclaims. Joseph was led by an angel (who was the final author of the Book of Mormon when he lived) to a hillside where an ancient book of golden plates was buried. By the power of God he translated this book into English. The angel took the plates back from Joseph when the translation was finished. The result is the book we know as the Book of Mormon. 


The Book of Mormon is a history of a few groups of people who were, at various times, led by God out of the Old World of Jerusalem (some as early as the tower of Babel, others later around 600 BC). It records their belief in the Savior who would come and the preaching and visions and teachings of the prophets who came among them over the span of about 1000 years. Most significantly, it records what it was like in the ancient Americas when Christ was born (a day and night and day with no darkness) and when he died (massive natural disasters and earthly upheaval followed by about 3 hours of total utter darkness). It also records a visit from the Savior to the people in the Americas after his resurrection. In this He delivers a sermon nearly identical to the Sermon on the Mount. 


The only reference there is in the Bible to this is where the Savior tells the Jews of the  "other sheep" that are not of this fold that He is going to visit. 


Again, I feel the in tune ringing, peaceful, warm, feelings of the Spirit every time I read the Book of Mormon. I love this book. I read it over and over and love it and learn new things every time. Again, though, this is something I wouldn't expect anyone to believe who hadn't read the book and prayed to know for themselves if it was true and gotten an answer. I mean who would believe it without?


If anyone reading this would like a free copy of the Book of Mormon, you can either click on the link HERE or just email me your name and address at stephaniewaite at gmail dot com and I will write a personal note in one and send it to you. Give it a read and see what you think.


Hope that helped clear this up for you Karol. Thanks for asking the question.


much love,
stephanie

Answers to Questions

To the anon questions in the comments:

First, about what is the official Mormon or LDS Church position on the death penalty or in other words capital punishment? I found this statement put out by the leaders of our church on that subject to the media.

"The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regards the question of whether and in what circumstances the state should impose capital punishment as a matter to be decided solely by the prescribed processes of civil law. We neither promote nor oppose capital punishment."


As to the second question about why being LDS makes me feel different especially in light of the "Mormons are just like you and me" aspect of the current "I am a Mormon" campaign:


Yes, Mormons come in all shapes and sizes and from a wide variety of backgrounds. We have members from every race and culture I can think of. And in most ways we are just like everyone else. But we are also a peculiar people in that we do have some common doctrinal and cultural standards that somewhat define us as a people. BYU has long been voted the number one "Stone Cold Sober" university for a reason. :)


I don't drink alcoholic beverages, tea or coffee or smoke or do drugs. I don't even drink sodas with caffeine. I don't have tattoos or body piercings (other than a single earring pierce in each ear.) I don't cuss or watch R rated movies (or even many PG 13). I go to church every Sunday for 3 hours. I have almost always have some church job or other that I spend a good amount of time and energy fulfilling. I believe that Jesus Christ appeared in the Americas to the natives here after his resurrection and that He and His Father personally appeared to a 14 year old boy in a grove of trees to answer his prayer to find out which church to join. I spend one night a week with just my family. I don't go to birthday parties or sporting events or shop or go to dinner on Sunday. I live in Las Vegas and have never pulled a slot machine or played any gambling game. I don't even know how to play any of them. And I love green jello ;). 


All these things are part of me because of my religion either by way of doctrine or just culture. This is not to say there aren't great Mormons who drink Coke have tattoos. There are. And there are lots of Mormons who are not perfect in keeping the commandment not to smoke or drink or do drugs. We all have things we are working on. 


But the reason I don't do those things is because of my Mormon beliefs AND the Mormon culture in which I was raised. And it is fairly common to find most if not all of the same list above from another Mormon who goes to church. On the other hand, I think it is pretty rare to find someone who is not Mormon who can even say they don't drink, smoke, drink coffee or cuss. Not to say it is impossible, I am thrilled to meet such people when I do. But I find it to be rare from my experience in this world. 


So these cultural and doctrinal norms for me make me feel different from the rest of the world. Does that make sense? I hope so.

In Full Voice

Sometimes I wish I had recorded more little tidbits of Camille and her quirks or little moments. Somehow I just lost all those with her. The trauma of her accident seemed to hard wipe my memory.

Anyway, so I am determined to record more fun little moments of my other kids and I had a great one today. We were sitting in church. The opening song began. All the kids had migrated down the pew from Jon to me. :) I smiled at him and told him they like me better, to which he nodded in agreement.

Noble was sitting between Sabrina and Ann Marie. The girls each had a hymn book open and we were all singing the opening hymn when suddenly I realized that we were ALL singing (in full voice) the opening hymn. There was Noble (who can barely say anything understandably) singing the song --- or some song that was supposed to be the song. He was singing just as loud as any other person. His own melody that sometimes hit the right pitch and mostly hit other notes but never sounded terrible. His words were just nonsense vowel sounds but they didn't seem so different so as to be distracting. He wasn't trying to be silly. He was just ... singing with us. It was awesome. :)

When the song ended he closed the book and put it away and sat right back up on the pew between his sisters. He did the same thing for the second hymn too. Now I don't want to give the impression that my family is this perfectly behaved little group all in a row all of sacrament meeting. That is not reality. Both Jon and I had to take Noble out to the hall today during one point of the meeting or another. And he still threw a Book of Mormon hero figure about 3 pews over. But at least for that little space in time, he was just awesome. I haven't ever seen a kid so young sing along with hymns so well. I can tell he just LOVES music.

Harrison is getting cuter by the day. I am eating him up.

Annie cracked me up the other day. She said she was sitting in bed trying to fall asleep and she was thinking about my cookie truffles. (insert my smile here) She said as she was just thinking about those truffles she thought they were as good as See's Candies and then BAM it hit her. (her words) We should open a candy shop and sell my truffles. Then we could all work there together and Daddy wouldn't have to have a computer store.

I can just imagine her 8 year old brain thinking about how great it would be to all own and work in a candy shop together as a family. I told her I loved the idea (which she was very serious about) and she ought to go ask her dad about that. He informed her that he makes more money selling computers than we would selling truffles and her dreams were dashed. Then just yesterday I made about 250 truffles in 6 different varieties for a baby shower I was helping with. Annie was with me at the shower and people were admiring the truffles. Annie pulled me aside and said, "See Mom, I told you people would buy your truffles because look everyone loves them so isn't it obvious that they would by them!"

Not sure I will be going in the truffle business anytime soon but I told Annie I would consider it when she was a teenager and could help me make them. I just love her brain (and the rest of her too.)

I have a post to write later this week about my Lauren and I just wrote about Sabrina so enough about the kids for this post. Just a few notes about questions from the comments:

Casey Anthony trial - someone wanted my take on that. That tragedy went down so soon after Camille died that I purposely did not watch any of the media coverage. It was just too much when I had such a heavy heart and so much grief. I couldn't watch news of a child who died and a mother accused.

I haven't followed it at all since then for the same reason. I didn't want to watch and find I believed the mother did it because that would just make me so mad that a mother would have so little value for the precious life entrusted to her. I also didn't want to watch and find I felt the mother didn't do it because then I would feel extra sorry for the mom who was grieving her daughter just like I was and also having to deal with being accused of causing her death on top of it. Whether she did it or not I didn't want to watch. So I really have no opinion on that case because I am completely ignorant of any facts more than a child died, a mother was accused and tried and from what I hear acquitted.

Harder to be LDS in heavily LDS populated place or sparsely LDS populated place - I have lived in both and would say that for me it was harder to live in a densely LDS populated place. Being LDS is part of how I define myself. It is a strong component of my personal identity. It is what makes me different. When I moved to Utah for college it was hard to find the other things about me that also make me unique outside of religious and LDS cultural norms. Maybe for some with less strong personalities it is easier to live in a highly LDS populated area because they have a harder time going against the norm. Maybe for some it is easier to go to church when everyone else is doing it too. But for me, I would go no matter where I lived. I'd even go if everyone in my ward hated me. I don't go to church for social reasons (they are just an amazing side benefit) so it doesn't matter. We have about a 10% LDS population in Vegas and I like that because you are still different but not usually totally unfamiliar.

A Familiar Face

We are going to be seeing a lot more of this face around our house. Today Sabrina and I spent some time at the eye doctor's getting her all set up with new contact lenses. Her eyes are officially worse than mine now (which means she is pretty darn blind.) So now with contacts she will be able to see when she swims with goggles or does other activities that were hard to do with her glasses. I for one am thrilled to get to see her twinkly eyes more easily. I love my Sabrina Lucile's beautiful face.

The other day I was with Sabrina alone. For some reason she had her glasses off. She looked over at me and gave me a big smile and I just looked at her and was stunned by her face. It was SO familiar. I saw so much of myself in it. Sometimes I forget what she looks like behind those glasses. But there are times like this one the other day where I am forcefully reminded of her beautiful familiarity.

Familiarity. What a word. From the same root as family. She is my family, this girl of mine. One look at her face and there is no denying it for me. I see my imprint on her. I see her father's contributions too with her blue eyes and blond curly hair. In one look I can be knocked out by how familiar she is to me.

photos taken before her dance recital on June 5, 2011

I felt this way the moment she was born. The first moment I laid eyes on her tiny, beat up newborn face, it was ... familiar. She looked like me and I loved her instantly.

So in this moment the other day when I was hit with how familiar Sabrina's face was to me I also had another thought float into my mind ... How will it be to see Camille again? After so many years of separation (sometimes she seems almost a dream to me now) will this be what it is like to look into her face then? Will she be so familiar to me that the moment I lay eyes on her I will KNOW she is MINE just by looking at her face?

I hope so. I believe so.

In the Book of Mormon there is a prophet who is preaching to the people named Alma. He asks the congregation: "And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? ...

I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?"

Thinking of this scripture and my experience with Sabrina and my musings about how it will be to see Camille again I am left to wonder ... Am I familiar to Him? Am I living my life so that He will see Himself in my countenance when he looks at me? Will He KNOW I am HIS just by looking at my face?

I hope so. 

"Where you been so long?"

I know that is what many of you have been asking? The answer is Dallas. We took a long family trip to Dallas to visit my brother Stephen and his wife Rachel and to see their oldest child, Blanche, get baptized. Stephen's family just bought a home and moved in a few days before we arrived. They were so great to host us in the middle of such a crazy time.

We had fun at the Great Wolf Lodge and the Legoland Discovery Center and the Arboretum and the Children's Museum. We ate some wonderful food (some of us ate a few BBQs too many ... Jon thinks he will not want meat for at least a month.) We had some amazing sushi with a Tex Mex twist. I know sounds crazy but spicy Mexican sauce on mango wrapped sushi was super delicious. We also had wonderful souffles at Rise.

We were treated to my sister in law's wonderful gourmet cooking including a hot chocolate birthday cake with homemade marshmallows. (Seriously not good for my diet ... I mean the "hot chocolate" frosting was like crack to me.) We had great brisket from Hard Eight and great chicken quesadillas and brisket tacos from Mi Cocina. Finally, our last night, Stephen and my parents and I had a wonderful light dinner at The Porch while Jon and Rachel got some take out Indian food and watched the kids. Both were totally good. Salted Carmel Chocolate Ganache Bread Pudding anyone??? HELLO!

Someday I think I would love to write a food blog where I just eat out and tell people about the food.  :)

We had a super time. We especially LOVED seeing Blanche get baptized and feeling the wonderful spirit in my brother and sister in law's new home. It is the first home they have owned that I can see them living in long term. I am excited for them to have such a comfortable and lovely space in which to raise their children.

I think my kids favorite part was the cousins. When Aunt Rachel asked Annie what her favorite activity was, she put it best by saying spending time with the cousins, "I mean think about it Aunt Rachel, what is Dallas without cousins?" Well put Annie. Family is always tops with us.

On the airplane home with all my little ones in tow, I just got pounded once again by the emotion of how much I LOVE my family. I love the family I grew up in and I LOVE the little family that Jon and I have created together.

In any case, I am home at last and will be back to my regular blogging again. I also will be hosting anyone who wants to come watch Dance with me tonight. Nutter Butter truffles anyone???

3 Months Baby

I have been needing to post about this little yummy, snuggly lump of love. We blessed him at home on June 5th. He is a blessing to us every day in every way. I mean seriously, he is the best baby. He just is so chill and loving. I am grateful everyday for his easy disposition and his love of snuggling.

Here he is in his blessing day outfit. He looked so cute in it.

He was a little less thrilled to be put into the 100 year old blessing dress that was made for the blessing of his namesake, McKay Christensen, Jon's grandfather. Not to fun trying to get his arms and all through the long sleeves of the delicate dress but he made it and then settled down for the blessing.

The girls all love to take care of Harrison. This is the first baby we have had that Lauren has all out loved. She loves Camille and Noble but she has had a bit of sibling rivalry with them. She says Harrison is her best friend. She adores him.

We recently took our first trip with Harrison to the cabin. We had fun with our friends the Kunz up there. Harrison and I spent the majority of our time chilling in the cabin. Annie likes to make Harrison smile.

He does have a pretty cute smile these days and he loves to talk to people and make all those cute cooing baby noises. Harrison is three months old now.  I can't believe how quickly the time is going. The further along we get the more I think this will be my last baby and I just am really savoring every moment of him.

What a sweet and savory little dessert he is.

Motherhood - Chapter 20 - A House of Order

Night time has always brought out a deeper thinking more serious side of me. I find myself there tonight. Friends have just left the "Dance" party. We had a good time and good conversation and yummy treats. Now I find myself tired but reluctant to give myself up to sleep just yet.

I am enjoying the peace here in my home in this quiet hour or stillness. Such moments are precious to mothers of young children. The sound track to our lives is often loud and chaotic with crying children, tantrums, whining, excited yells and unrestrained laughter. Stillness is a rare thing for mothers of young ones. And so is "order."

Little by little I am "putting my house in order." And order brings me peace. I have felt a disquietude in my soul  for some time as various areas of my home have collected junk and become cluttered the last 9 or 10 months. Now I finally feel I am in a place where I can tackle some of these junk areas and put them in order once more.

These jobs are our "family chores" that we have done each afternoon while Noble and Harrison nap. We pick one small but messy area and put it in order. I have loved standing back and admiring the results. I had Annie go take some photos of our work thus far:

 Here is our summer schedule all printed up on our newly cleaned of metal magnet board.

 Previously we couldn't even see the floor of this closet under the staircase. Now it is all neatly organized with a shelf for each holiday's decorations and a place for Family Home Evening materials and "mom's special things" box and family games. Each space is labeled and neatly organized. I can't tell you how much peace and joy I get knowing this space is so such order.

One of two "Pencil Drawers" that we organized. This is the kids pencil drawer with their flash cards and pencils and notebooks. The other is mine with the pens and computer papers.

 Another place that gets to quickly trashed! This is the closet right next to our door to our garage. This is where things get thrown when we get home or when we are cleaning up quickly. Now it is an organized space with all the kids and my craft stuff and a space for our church materials too. We even found we had an empty shelf after getting rid of all the junk!

 We traded rooms and closets for Sabrina and Lauren. Now Sabrina sleeps in with Noble and has her own closet. Lauren and Annie share a room. When Harrison gets older we will move Noble back in with him and Sabrina will have her own room. I was glad to clear out the closet and give her a space all to herself.

I found lots of fun things shoved in the linen closet when we cleaned it out. It looks pretty bare in this photo because all my towels were in the laundry at the time. But all the toys and treasures were removed and it left plenty of room for our linens.

Going through this process has made me reflect on the "junk" areas of my soul. How many of those do I need to "clean out" and "put in order?" One baby step at a time we can all make things a bit more ordered in our lives. One day at a time we can choose to do one of those things we have been feeling the need to do to make our lives more ordered. Maybe it is our diet or exercise or how we use our free time or how we speak to our children... whatever area of our life needs "putting in order." If we break it down into a small enough portion we can tackle it little by little until it is an area that brings us peace and joy in our souls.

What do you want to "put in order?"