Award!!!

Okay. I know I have this blog that a few people read. :) But really, I am not the blogging guru. I don't usually do the typical blogging things like being "tagged" or passing around "awards." I am not against these things but I just haven't ever felt like playing along. 

But today I just have to make up my own award because I have the most AWESOME readers and commenters on the planet. Seriously! I have LOVED all the great ideas people have thrown in the rink here for Christmas ideas. There are so many good ones. Many of them I have done in years past. With 4 girls, I have often combined funds and gotten one big ticket item for all the girls to share. 

I would tell you all what I decided to get, but see ... Sabrina sometimes reads my blog. So, you will all have to wait till Christmas too. Sorry. I promise I will post a photo of the big ticket items. 

Thank you so much to all of you who read and all you who comment. I am amazed at how few crazy comments I have gotten. Hardly any really. I just really think you all are the best. So you all win my own made up best blog reader/commenter award!

Now, another angel mom tagged me on her site to list 10 things I loved about my angel. I thought that might be one tag I would feel like doing. Tonight, I'll share.

I love the way Camille would kick her legs when ever she got excited or happy. 

I love and miss her open mouth kisses.

I love the look she would give me when she was headed to do something she shouldn't do. It was a look of question and measuring. 

I love that she slept through the night and went to bed without a fight if she was in her own bed and if she was tired.

I love that she used to plug her own nose and then talk just to hear how her voice changed.

I love that she loved and put up with ALL the love of her sisters.

I love and miss the super softness of her skin.

I loved that she was so petite and easy to carry around without breaking my arm or back.

I love how she would nod or shake her head to answer my questions.

I love how she loved to feel textures, carpet in her mouth and food pieces in her hands. She was a true explorer.

And  ...  I love that she still checks in on me and her family and helps us feel her love.

Stumped

I am stumped about what to give my kids for Christmas. I have lots of ideas for the little things. That won't be a problem. And they will buy small toys for each other. But usually I have one "big ticket" item to give them. This is the one that is stumping me.

Now by "big ticket" I mean it is either the most expensive gift they get or it really is just large or just really nice even if it didn't cost so much. This year I want to keep the gifts somewhat on the less expensive side. I also want the gift to be something that will be well used and loved. 

I had a great idea for this gift. I decided to give each girl her own bean bag. I found a company who made really cute ones for about $60. That is right about what I had budgeted. I got all set to order them and then found that they were on back order till after the 17th of December. Bummer. We could use some fun seating like that in the loft for the kids to sit and read books. All the other bean bags I have found with nice filling are about $100. That is a bit out of my budget this year.

So now I am back to square one on the "big ticket" item. I am open to ideas. What are you getting your kids for Christmas this year? Anyone doing any homemade treasures? My kids are just not asking for anything that I would actually get them. I am avoiding anymore technology stuff this year. What do your 3 5 and 7 year olds love to play with most? Give a girl an idea or two PLEASE!

National Family Week

National Family week begins Nov. 23. Today our local paper had a special insert to highlight and celebrate Family Week. Those local to Vegas should check it out in the RJ. The section is filled with articles about family traditions and legacies of excellence. By word of mouth, my name got submitted to write an article for the section. See page 6 of the insert if you get the RJ. I thought those not local might be interested to read what I wrote. So here is my article with the picture that was printed with it.

Editors note: On June 13, 2008, Camille Kathleen Waite was found in the backyard spa, unconscious and not breathing. She died two days later in the hospital.

 

On Sunday June 15, 2008, my three oldest little girls children, little girls ages 7, 5 and 2 filed into a hospital room where their youngest sister, aged 14 months, laid in a deep coma. Their sister’s body had begun shutting down and she would not live much longer. It was my duty as their mother to help them understand and accept that their baby sister would not be coming home to play anymore.

 

Never in my life had I been so grateful that I had taught my children so much about their ancestors. They knew my grandparents by name and had been told countless bedtime stories about their magical and loving Grandma Lucile, after whom my oldest was named.

 

They knew the strength and sacrifice of great-great grandma Ann Marie, my second child’s namesake, who lost everything she had emigrating to this country and following her beliefs. They had acted out her life at family reunions and read children’s books about her.

 

They knew the faith of courage of great-great aunt Elizabeth who sought out the truth about God and followed her heart. My third child bears her name. And they personally knew their grandmother Kathleen’s charitable heart and warmth, which her namesake laying on the hospital bed inherited.

 

So when I told my children where their little sister was going, they knew she was in good company with family who loved her and would take care of her. 

 

In my family, it is our tradition to know our ancestors. We carry their blood in our veins. We have inherited their strengths and their faith. We tell their stories at bedtime, we visit the places where they lived, we remember their sacrifices for us. We know those from whence we came, and in knowing them we better know ourselves. 

My Idea of a Wonderful Day

Today was what I would consider a wonderfully relaxing, blissfully productive, and totally enjoyable day. I am sure everyone has a different idea of what their "perfect day" would be like. Today was a pretty great one for me.

I woke up and read scriptures with the kids and we had family prayers. Then we started our chores. The girls emptied the dishwasher (with no threats from me and no complaining from them!). I headed upstairs with Annie and we sorted and folded laundry. Next we put away all the kids laundry and cleaned the kids bedrooms (Lauren and Sabrina had finished the dishwasher and come to help by then). 

I taught Sabrina how to start the washing machine and dryer last week. She has taken up doing the laundry for me. She likes to do it. Today I think she did about 5 loads without me ever asking her to go advance any of them. After the chores, we practiced piano and violin. 

At this point, the girls had earned their TV time so they went to go watch some Noggin. I watched a bit of Dancing with the Stars and while I talked myself into tackling the kitchen. I have been doing lots of baking without time to really clean up after the last two days. So after I saw the dances I wanted to see, I cleaned the kitchen and did all the dishes. 

As I finished, the girls came downstairs and we all had lunch together. Jon brought a table downstairs for me and I moved all my computer stuff over to it. I am going to use the table I had been using as a desk for Christmas decorations. I was happy to get that done.

I was a bit tired this afternoon, so I went to my bed and read a book and rested a bit while Jon played with the kids on the Wii. Finally, when I realized I wasn't falling asleep, I got up and headed downstairs to start dinner. Lauren followed.

Lauren told me she needed the pink cooking thing (an apron) and I needed one too (I don't usually wear an apron when I cook). So we put on our aprons and she stirred while I added ingredients for our dinner. It was so fun to have this one on one time with her. She was very helpful and happy the whole time. We made my yummy hamburgers. She loved helping make the patties. 

While they cooked, I brought a chair into the kitchen so I could sit while I peeled the fruit and got the rest of dinner together. Sometimes I get lightheaded standing in the same place for too long. It was relaxing to sit and peel the pears with Lauren sneaking pieces out of the bowl. 

We had an early dinner where everyone ate well (except Lauren. She filled up on pears and tomatoes before hand.) Then Dado decided we needed to show the girls The Empire Strikes Back. He introduced them to Star Wars this weekend. So we watched the movie together. 

Please note that I am still in my pajamas at this point. I love days that I can stay in PJs all day. 

After the movie I took a relaxing bath and read some more of my book. Jon got the girls ready for bed and Annie and Sabrina read stories to Lauren. This left Jon and I a few minutes alone together to reconnect.  When the girls were done with stories, Jon put Lauren.

Meanwhile, Annie decided to "beauty" me. She rubbed lotion on my feet and brushed my hair and cleaned my face with wet cotton balls. Then she put a clippy in my hair and put lip gloss on me. All the while, Sabrina kept us company and talked to us. 

When I was sufficiently "beautied," I went with a friend to a book club and had yummy dessert, met new fun people, and discussed the book I had been reading.

All in all, this was a pretty great day. I got some alone time with nearly everyone in my family. I got lots done. I felt no stress. There were no big kid fights to break up. We had lots of time with Jonathan after the market closed at 1 p.m.  It just was a sweet and relaxing day -- an ordinary day that I just want to remember. 

Growing Bump

I thought I better record the progress of my growing baby bump. I am 16 weeks now and am feeling better most of the time. I am hopeful that I will be able to fully enjoy Thanksgiving next week. I am still about 3 weeks away from finding out whether I am having a boy or girl. I will definitely be finding out. 

 Today I went grocery shopping. I was in line when the checker asked how I was. It is funny how I seem to measure my progress in healing based upon how this question from the grocery checker makes me feel. Today I reflected for a nanosecond and had an epiphany. "I am good," I told the checker. And I meant it. Not just okay or surviving. No I felt good. I could honestly say I felt good.

This is not to say I don't still have hard moments or really low hours. I do. But they are less frequent and being able to honestly answer that I felt good -- better than average -- felt like a milestone to me.

Forgotten Treasures

We have been decorating here at the Waite house -- Christmas decorating. Last year we were living in my parents home. They had just returned from a mission. We were set to move into our new home a few weeks after Christmas. 

Last year when we decorated we used mostly my parents decorations. I didn't want to have to pack all ours up again to make the move. But I did need to get the stockings out for our family. 

Now I am a planner. I found Christmas stockings I liked years and years ago when Sabrina was a baby. I knew then that I wanted about six children. I didn't know if the company from whom I was buying our stockings would sell these stockings each year. I wanted all our families stockings to be the same type so ... I bought 8 stockings that year. 

When we have had a new baby, I have just picked one of the stockings out for her and sent it off to get her name embroidered on it. Last year we had a new baby girl. Of all the boxes piled in the garage I did find the one with the stockings with our names. What I could not find for all my looking was the box with the extra stockings. I searched and searched but I just couldn't find them.

Finally I gave up. I saw the company was still making the same stockings so I ordered one for Camille and called it good. So what if I ended up with an extra stocking. This year I found the extra stockings.

Here you can see our extra stockings. The first has toys on it. The second has a snowman. The third has Santa in his sleigh with reindeer. The white one is our stocking for the Christ child. We write out gifts we promise to give him in the coming year and put them in on Christmas Eve. These are all nice stockings. One of them will be used for Peanut next Christmas.

Then I found the box of our stockings with our names on them. I never remember what is on each child's stocking. I had totally forgotten what kind of stocking I had purchased for Camille.

When I pulled Camille's stocking out, I was so glad that I couldn't find the extra stockings last year. Another tiny miracle to prepare the way for us. Here is Camille's stocking:

I couldn't pick a more perfect stocking for my blue eyed angel daughter knowing what I know now. This was a new stocking design last year for the company who makes these stockings. I already had an angel stocking for Sabrina, but I remember loving this stocking and feeling like it looked like Camille. How glad I am that this is the stocking I chose and that I couldn't find those extra stockings last year. 

Some boxes are not meant to be found. Some children are not meant to live long. In the end, I believe we will find all these things will work for our good.

Three Days and Counting!

Well I have gone three days now without feeling sick. Wahoo!!! It is funny how when you have felt sick for so long you forget how wonderful it is to not feel sick. I have felt so good the last couple of days. I forgot how nice it is to be able to eat and not dread it.

I am not sure I am completely done being sick. Sometimes I still get a sick day or two thrown in there at this stage. But I do think this is a turning point for me. I am getting excited for Thanksgiving food already! 

I am sure my little baby bump will now start rapid growth. I gain all my weight in the middle three months. Those are my good eating months. I will have to take a photo of the belly sometime soon to share with you all. 

Watch out belly! Here she comes!

Holiday Thoughts

I know it is not even mid November yet, but I am ready to start decking my halls. I love Christmas. Most other mothers I know who are facing their first Christmas without their child are dreading the coming season. I don't know why I don't feel that. But, I don't. I am sure there will be some tender moments in the midst of the festivities but to me Christmas is just such a joyful time.

I have been thinking about how to incorporate remembering Camille into our Christmas celebrations. I am excited about my ideas so far. I think they will really add to the Christmas Spirit in our home and be true gifts to Camille and reminders of her.

I would like to invite any of you who would like to join us in these new traditions. Your help will make them so much richer in so many ways. 

First, I am going to hang Camille's stocking with all our others. Next to it I am going to have a pad of paper. I already bought a pad of heart shaped paper for this. As a family we are going to fill Camille's stocking with acts of love and service. We are each going to look for out of the normal opportunities to show love and serve others. When we see one, we will do the service or show the love in honor of Camille. Then we will come to get a piece of paper and write what we did down and put it in Camille's stocking. 

The acts may be simple. Maybe I will snuggle my kids extra long before bed one night. Maybe my kids will obey the first time they are asked to do something. Just as long as they did it with Camille in mind it will count as a gift to her. I hope we can also find some more challenging service opportunities as well. Maybe a bake sale to raise money for a charity or something. 

Then Christmas morning we will take out all the papers and read them. It will be our way of helping Camille open her presents. I think it will really bring in the Spirit of Christmas because any gift of love or service is also a gift worthy for the Christ child. If you want to do the same and send any of your acts of love and service papers to me, I will add them to Camille's stocking as well. They will be fun to read Christmas morning.

The second tradition I want to modify is our tree decorating. Every year I have a mini Christmas tree for each child. You know those little ones that are about 2 feet high. We put lights on them and a star or angel on top. Then I have an advent calendar that has a door to open for each day. I put the ornaments behind the doors and day by day the kids get to decorate their own Christmas trees.

At first I thought I would not do one for Camille. But I have changed my mind. One of my fellow angel moms had a great idea that I thought I would use. I am going to put Camille's tree up and decorate it as an angel tree. Every decoration on it will be angel related. Here is the part where I hope my friends will help out. I would love to have every decoration on this tree be a gift. Somehow I think they will have so much more meaning coming to me as gifts than me just going to the store to buy them. 

So, if you would like to either send and angel ornament (they do need to be small for a mini tree) or if you would like to join in doing and recording acts of service and love as gifts for Camille, please email me and I will send you my mailing address.  My email is on my profile page or it is stephaniewaite@gmail.com.

I am going to get my decorating going this weekend. I know it is early, but why not spend the extra two weeks in holiday cheer?

Recipes

Here are the recipes from what I made for our party the other day. Try them and let me know if you like them. They are yummy to me.

Melt Aways

Melt Aways

Ingredients:

1/2 lb. Butter

1/3 cup powdered sugar

3/4 cup corn starch

1 cup flour

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Beat ingredients together till smooth and creamy. Form into small balls about the size of a quarter (no bigger). They will grow in the oven a little. Bake them for 12 minutes. Makes about 40 cookies.

Frosting:

3 ozs. soft cream cheese

1 cup powdered sugar

1 t. vanilla

food coloring

Make frosting by mixing all ingredients. The frosting can be any color you like. Some favorites are pink or blue for baby showers, green or white with a bit of a cherry on top for christmas, or orange for halloween. Frost cookies when they are completely cool. Be generous with the frosting. It makes the cookie. Eat the cookies in one bite. They crumble once bitten into.

The Festive Cheese Spread

I love this one!

Festive Cheese Spread

Ingredients:

8 ozs. soft cream cheese

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 cup sweetened coconut flakes

1 bottle mango chutney (or apricot jam) enough to cover the cheese block

1/2 cup crasins boiled till soft and cooled

1/3 cup chopped nuts (pecans or walnuts)

1 bunch green onions chopped up

Mix cheeses and coconut. Form into a 1 inch high square, oval, rectangle etc. and put in fridge. When ready to serve put cheese base of plate. Cover with chutney or jam then cranberries then nuts then green onions. Enjoy with crackers. I like it best with Wheat Thins. They are sturdy enough to cut into it and they just taste good with it. Enjoy! 

Pregnant Grief

I do not have an overly emotional nature. I am the girl who would rather laugh than cry and often will find a joke to drive away tears. I don't think being sensitive is one of the talents I was given at birth. I have to remind myself lately of what I am "normally" like because I haven't really been myself for the past nearly 5 months now. 

In the beginning I just cried so much and so often. The pain was so fresh and the grief so overwhelming. There seemed to be an unending stream of tears for me to cry. As I have grown stronger and borne this grief with more stability, I have pregnancy hormones to negotiate. 

In so many ways this pregnancy has been healing already. It has given me hope and purpose and physical pain to focus my mind. But, sometimes it is just hard to be grieving and hormonal. I can tell there is an extra layer of emotion added to my otherwise "normal" grieving emotion. 

I love to sing. I haven't been able to sing since Camille died. I still can't get through a church hymn. Even many children's songs are just too hard to get out. I used to sing my children the song "I Wonder When He Comes Again" when I put them to bed. I haven't been able to sing it since. 

I just am nearly always in tears just beneath the surface. It takes so little to tear through that outer layer and let the waters rush out. It isn't that I hate crying. But really, I think my Grandma Bunker said a wise thing on her death bed. 

Grandma had liver cancer. It progressed extremely quickly once she was diagnosed. The doctors had given her 6 months to a year to live. The third week after her diagnosis she went from doing fine to being bed ridden and unable to eat much. All her internal organs were shutting down. My parents were out of town with my little brothers. My older sister and brother and I went to visit her after not seeing her for a day or two.

The change in her was dramatic and scary for us at ages 13, 15 and 18. She was almost unrecognizable compared to how she had looked just two days earlier. This was a grandma who lived close to us and was in many ways a second mother to us. Walking into her bedroom we knew she would not be with us much longer. The tears just fell and they fell in abundance. None of us could speak. 

Well none of us except for Grandma. She told us over and over and over that she loved us. I think that is how I knew she would die very soon. It was the last thing she wanted us to know and she wanted to burn it into our consciousness. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." It made its mark. I have never doubted that love that I know never dies.

As we were there, holding her hands and sobbing at her sides, Grandma imparted a final bit of wisdom that has stayed with me since. "You know you can get all weepy and cry about this but all that does is give you a stuffy nose and a headache." She died that night in the middle of the night while my parents were on a flight home.

Well I have had about a decades worth of stuffy noses and headaches these last 5 months. There are benefits from this emotional shift. I do think I am more sensitive and compassionate. But I hope there comes a day after the baby is born and those postpartum hormones have worn off, that I can stop taking Tylenol regularly and sing again.

Come Party

My friend Catherine and I are throwing a Shade/Adorn Jewelry Party! If you know me or Catherine come to our party on Tuesday night at 7:30 p.m. 

We both love excuses to get together with our girlfriends so ... come have fun with us. Featured will be clothing from Shade clothing. Also my friend Emily that made the Camille bracelet will have a display of some of her beautiful handmade jewelry for sale. The bracelets above and below are a couple of my favorites.

So come do some early Christmas shopping and get yourself outfitted for the cooler weather that is suddenly upon us. 

It will be at Catherine's house, if you need her address you can call me or her. 

I will be making yummy treats to eat that even I, with my nausea, can't wait to eat. I plan to make these too tasty cookies that melt in your mouth. Thus the name, Melt Aways.

And this is a close of up a cheese dip covered in goodness that tastes even better than it looks. Hmm. I am craving this one already. Come try it.

Lovely Dreams

This was taken a year and a week ago at my brother's wedding.

It is my mom and Camille. She was about this age in last night's dream.

The last two nights Camille has been in my dreams. The dreams have not been about her. She just has been around in them. I woke this morning from a dream that we returned from our date last night and I ran upstairs to get something. When I came down, the babysitter who we really did have last night was in the office holding Camille. I said "oh did she wake up?"

"Yes, she was crying," replied the sitter. Then I took her from the baby sitter and held her. Then I woke up to the morning sun pouring through the windows in my room.

The times before that I have seen Camille in my dreams I have woken up so sad. In fact, I have not wanted to be awake at all. I have tried to go back to sleep to be with her again. But it has been many months since I last saw her in a dream. I think I wrote about the last time I dreamt about her. 

These last two mornings I have woken up with a joyful feeling. I have not tried to go back to sleep. I have felt a new brightness for the day and even a cheerful outlook. Now I will not say this has lasted all day. I still have gotten cranky when the pregnancy related digestive issues starting wearing on me. But waking up I feel good. I am grateful for that. And I am really grateful for the dreams. They remind me how much Camille is still a part of our little family.

Less Heavy Still Cranky, but Smiling

Thanks to all those who have helped lift my load these last 24 hours. The comments, the tulips, the beautiful sculpture, the visits and probably mostly the prayers have really lifted my load. It really helps to have so many wonderful people holding you steady and bearing some of the weight with you.

I have felt better today. The bath did help last night. And I read a good book to inspire my mind with more uplifting thoughts. That always seems to help as well. 

There has been much discussion about the role of anger in the grieving process among some of my fellow angel mom friends. I haven't really felt angry in all of this. I honestly don't think I ever will. I don't want to. I think it is a natural and normal feeling under the circumstances but I don't think it is always a necessary part of every person's process. 

But I could be wrong. I am still new at this. Maybe I just haven't hit that yet. Really I would be shocked if I did some day get angry about this, but I have been shocked by things before. I know enough to know I don't know everything. 

Still the issue has been on my mind and it has made me reflective on whether or not I have anger that is showing up in other ways. So I have been cranky. Tonight I commented to Jonathan, "maybe my crankiness is my form of anger in the grieving process?"

My sweet husband, honest in all things, gave me what was to me a reassuring response. "No honey, that is your way of being pregnant. You are 10 times more cranky since becoming pregnant."

It is true that I find it exceedingly difficult to be cheerful when I feel like crap physically. I have amazing respect for those who deal with chronic pain and are still able to be nice. I am working on that but really, I have a LONG way to go. I am lucky my kids are patient with me and accept my apologies quickly when I get cranky with them. 

The cheerful highlight of my day was sitting down to dinner in an empty Chinese restaurant with my three little girls and the four of us have a very nice dinner together. They were so well behaved putting their napkins on their laps and drinking out of goblets. They all tried and somewhat successfully ate with chopsticks. There was lots of stabbing involved. They all tried every dish and each found one they loved. 

For Sabrina it was the broccoli stems and the general chicken.

Lauren loved the broccoli and rice. 

 Ann Marie enjoyed the beef, the chicken and the rice with sauce on it.

As for me, I enjoyed the food, but even more I enjoyed discovering that my girls like Chinese food as much as I do. I have no doubt that tonight was one of the first of many all girl outings in my little family.

Heavy

Tonight I am cranky. I haven't felt well all day. My mind is tired of all the political garb. My heart is heavy. My heart always feels heavier when my mind is tired. 

So tonight's post is for me. Tonight, I need my own daily scoop.

There is one trainer at my pilates studio who is brutal. She works me out hard. She pushes me to my limits. There are many times when I am doing the exercises she asks of me and about half way through the session my muscles begin to shake. They are so tired and worn that I cannot stop them from shaking. Other times I get to a point where my muscles simply will not do what I ask them to do. They are incapable of the movement required of them. 

At the same time, I have seen great growth in my strength and abilities as I have worked with this trainer. I can see my muscles taking more shape and there are exercises that I couldn't do at first that now I can do. All the while, we are increasing the difficulty and weight during our training.

Sometimes I feel that my life is like this. The weight of this grief seems constant on me. But week by week I am stronger. At first there were SO many things I simply could not do. They added weight to my load. But the longer I have carried this weight the more steady I feel under its weight. 

Still there are times when the stresses of life increase the difficulty or weight of my load by incremental degrees. Suddenly I am enormously aware of the entirety of the weight. There doesn't ever seem to be a time that I can put down the load and let my muscles take it easy. Some days it is all I can do to stand on my shaking legs and not allow them to buckle underneath me. 

I feel gimpy for the shaking. It is as if someone has just handed me a dictionary to hold and suddenly I am shaking under the weight. I could have carried a few dictionaries with ease in the days before. But my muscles are still so tired from the elephant I have strapped to my back that suddenly this dictionary seems unbearably heavy. And so I shake and eventually I give it away or drop it.

I guess I can try holding dictionaries later. For now I am only able to carry paper back books.

I am going to go soak myself in a tub and try to clear my mind of all the issues spinning themselves in circles in there. Maybe if I can clear my mind of extraneous worries, I can center myself once more. I can remind myself to breath in and out. I can remember to keep looking for the joy all around me and try to engage it in my life.

 

Happy Tuesday!

I just returned from voting. This has been a hard election for me. I just really don't feel like any of the candidates for President represent me well. I don't fit well in either the Republican or Democratic parties. Quite frankly, I am just glad to get this day over and have no more calls from Barak and John and all the other local people. 

I love politics in theory. I just hate it in practice. It has gotten so dirty and so negative. Good riddance to all this campaigning.

The only race I really care about this year is in not on my ballot -- Prop 8 in California. I hope enough Californians have the strength to stand against the persecution being thrown at them and pass Prop 8. I will be watching to see tonight. It will be a real test of where we stand morally as a nation. 

As for the Presidential race, I predict Obama will win by at least 5% in the popular vote. I hope that he will choose to become a President that will work for the betterment of all Americans and not just liberals and Hollywood folk. I think he has the potential to be a great President in many ways. Then again, he also could lead the country to moral corruption in the process. He is a bit of an unknown factor in many ways. Hmmm. It will be interesting to watch at least. 

Well whatever your opinions are politically, go make them known at the polls today. And celebrate the end of this campaign season with me. Hallelujah no more political ads or calls! 

Too Much Drama

We have lots of girls in our house. I am sure you all can imagine the drama that comes with this occasionally. While some girls are more drama than others, all of us have our moments if we are honest. My girls are no exception. Once in a while each of them let their inner drama queen take center stage. 

I have been known on occasion to call them on this. You know those times they are crying like they are dying when they barely have a scratch. Their main purpose for the tears and anguish is really to get the offender in trouble. Mom's see through this right? So, on occasion, I have used the phrase, "come on now, no need to be a drama queen. You are fine."

I am thinking I need to find a new approach. I have noticed my girls picking up on this term. One will be crying because she doesn't want her hair brushed and another will say under her breath, "drama queen." Then the cries just get louder and they are accompanied by anger at the sister for being called a drama queen. 

The final kicker came yesterday. Jon was upstairs with the girls. I heard Lauren get upset. Then I heard Lauren's little three year old voice full of contempt and accusation say, "Daddy, you are being a drama queen!"

I think that was the hardest laugh I have had since Camille died. Thanks Lauren for being cute and three. And Daddy, thanks for being a "drama queen."

Lesson on Individual Worth

I taught a lesson to the Young Women today on Individual Worth. I spent the whole morning trying not to break down because I knew I would be talking about Camille in my lesson. I had spent lots of time thinking about this lesson. The manual gave good topics to teach but the stories cited to teach them were ... well they were not as poignant as some others from my own life. 

I think the lesson went really well. I started by putting several items on the table. Some of these were the scriptures, a hand painted tea set, Lauren's monkey that she sleeps with every night, a jug of pomegranate juice, and a camera. I asked the girls what these things were worth and what made them valuable. 

We talked about the scriptures. They are only valuable to those who have read them and gained from them. They become valuable as they become familiar and loved. The camera is valuable for its function. The pomegranate juice is valuable because it is rare and difficult to extract by hand. The tea set was just some average tea set. Alone it is not very valuable. But I drew the pictures on it when I was five and then my mother hand painted those pictures when my daughter Ann Marie was born. It is therefore unique and totally irreplaceable. 

Then I held up Lauren's monkey. We guessed it might get 2 dollars if we were lucky in a yard sale. But to Lauren this monkey is her most valuable possession. The monkey is tattered and old but it is HER monkey. To her it is everything. If I bought the same monkey new she wouldn't want it. She would know it was not her monkey.

Then I transitioned to tell the kids how as a teenager I felt when I went to a party with my dad. He held a somewhat prominent position in our city. He knew EVERYBODY. Really. I told them how I felt people expected me to be a certain way and I had to act accordingly. I told them that because of who my dad was I felt important when I met someone he knew, and not like just some kid. 

Then I asked the girls if I felt that way because my dad had a well known job, how should they feel considering who their Father is. We are not daughters of politicians or presidents or even a king. We are daughters of God. Much is expected of us and our potential is great. We ought to feel important just because of who our Father is. 

We then read the scripture that says "the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." I asked the girls why He would find them valuable. They said because parents love their kids. I said that was true. Just like the monkey on the table, parents do love their kids no matter how beat up or ratty they get. Then I explained how above just loving your kid because they are your kid, how parents love each kid uniquely because each child is unique. 

I told the girls about my girls flowers and why each girl reminds me of each flower. I broke down in earnest when I got to the tulip and Camille. Many of these girls are new to me and so I had to tell them who Camille is and that she passed away. I explained that even though Camille was only 1 and really didn't contribute to society yet, she was MINE and she was unique. I have three other daughters. But none of them can be Camille to me. I could hold every other baby in the world and none of them would feel like my Camille. She is irreplaceable in all the world. I loved her uniquely just as I love each of my girls uniquely. 

I then told them how Heavenly Father has the incredible ability to love all of His children this way. Each of His children are unique. He know each of us fully and better than we know ourselves. Each of us are irreplaceable in His kingdom. All the other billions of His children can not fill the place in His heart that one of us will leave if we do not return to Him. That is why the Savior said the shepherd left the 99 and went after the one. He loves the 99 but the they all cannot replace the one. The one is HIS too. 

The Spirit was strong and I feel like the girls really got it.  I pretty much cried through most of this portion. Then I had a girl who wasn't teary read a quote from Elder Holland's talk "To the Young Women" where he talks about understanding who we really are. 

Next we went on to how while we all have weaknesses, as we improve ourselves we increase further our value. I made the girls find the scripture about why we have weaknesses all by themselves to make sure they all knew how to find a scripture by themselves. This took several minutes. But I think it is WAY important that when they have questions that they know how to find the answers in the scriptures all by themselves. 

As the last two were finding it, I told them about Snowman the horse and his story as told by Elder Wirthlin in conference a couple of years ago. Then I ended with the fact that even if there are weaknesses that we are not able to make strengths in this life, we no less loved by the Lord.

I bore my testimony to them and it seemed they got all I wanted them to get out of it.

I know this was a long post folks, but I wanted to record this for myself and anyone else who may want to use my ideas from it. Also, if any of you don't feel you are of worth, KNOW that you are. You are unique in all the world to our Father and you are HIS. He loves you uniquely and no one else can take your place in His heart or His kingdom. I know this is true. Be there.

A Classic Annie Quip

Just had to write this down. 

I am right now trying to get Ann Marie to get dressed so we can leave for the day. She is in PJs still. She is coloring a project. When she starts a project she has a VERY hard time leaving it before she is completely finished.

So I say "Come on Ann Marie. We are all waiting on you. We are going to leave you here since you are not getting ready. You only have 2 minutes and we are leaving."

It is a credible threat since Dad is staying home. Otherwise she would see through such a threat.

"OK MOM!" she so nicely responds. "I am coming." Note she is still downstairs at the kitchen table not upstairs getting dressed. "I already have my underwear on!"

Well at least I can be glad for that. :) Classic.

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween! My 12 year old neighbor Rachel and I put together a Halloween Block party today. It turned out great. My kids loved having a bounce house to play in all day. So did all the other neighborhood kids. And the weather was perfect for sitting out and visiting with great neighbors.  Here are a few photos from the day.

Dr. Annie is trying to look happy after being in a grumpy mood.

Little ladybug Lauren got a cute ladybug painted on her cheek.

My bride girl Sabrina was having fun taking care of the little kids and playing in the bounce house.

We had a pot luck dinner this evening. It was well attended with 10 of the 15 houses in our development participating. 

The other night was our ward trunk of treat. Here is a seriously serious photo of all of us dressed in our costumes for the event. It was fun even though my tummy hurt and I felt crummy. 

We haven't had too many trick or treaters tonight. We live too out of the way for people to bother coming up for only 10 houses. One thought hit me that night of the trunk or treat though. I watched as all the one year olds came to me to trick or treat. That is when Halloween becomes magical for a kid is at one year old. 

Suddenly, you can walk up to people and they just give you candy. All you have to do is say "thank you." I think all my kids have learned to say "thank you" on Halloween. They watch the first few houses and then by the 5th house they are all ready to hold out their bag and say "thank you!" I missed having my own one year old that night to teach how to trick or treat. I missed hearing what her little thank you would have sounded like. But I enjoyed seeing so many others her age waddling around the parking lot in wonder and awe. 

Life goes on and children learn and grow. My little one is learning and growing in ways I can only imagine. 

A Gift

Jon's cousin Dana stayed with us a year ago. He just found this picture of Camille on his cell phone from that trip. Thanks Dana for sending it. It is such a gift. I know it isn't the best photo quality but I love it. I love that I can see the girly shape of her eyes in it. I love the reminder of this time of her life when she loved to gnaw on her high chair tray.

It is a strange thing to see pictures of your deceased child that you didn't know existed. Each one is like seeing something new your child has done. Just when you thought you had seen every picture and had consigned yourself to the fact that there won't be any new moments. There won't be any more photos. There won't be any new things to learn. 

Just then, sometimes you get a special gift like this. A glance at your child you didn't see during her life. A new picture. It is a treasure beyond description.