Spot the Lie

One of the ideas for our next topic wanted to know more about my law school years. I am ready for a fun topic today and this gave me an idea. I have stated before that I am a very honest person by nature. It is really hard for me even to exaggerate. But one game I love to play is two truths and a lie. It is a game where you tell two true things about yourself and make up one lie and people try to guess which is the lie.

I thought it might be fun to play a grander version of this and let you all get to know some other things about me that most probably don't know. I will throw three lies into my list of random facts about me. Your challenge is to spot the lies. I will be sending a fabulous prize to three of the people who can guess all three lies correctly. You have until Wednesday morning at 8 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. I will choose the three winners randomly from those who correctly spot all three lies. Deal? I will announce the winning screen names and post their comment the next day and they can then email me their mailing addresses. Oh and my husband, parents, and siblings are exempt. In laws can play but can't ask any of my siblings for help.

I don't normally do these types of posts that are so common to blogging, but I thought it might be a fun way to let you all know a little more about the lesser know things about me.

A photo of me taken Sunday in my new apron made for me by Marylin (thanks Marylin) with two of my chefs helping make the chocolate chip pancakes.

Facts about Stephanie Waite:

1) I danced ballroom in high school.

2) I have sung in a professional opera.

3) I once got a D on a report card.

4) I was a journalist in college.

5) I have been to several press conferences at the White House.

6) I sat across a conference room table from Al Gore when he was Vice President.

7) I have lived in 4 different countries.

8) I speak Spanish.

9) I can say a few phrases in Japanese.

10) I love to shop.

11) I play the piano.

12) I learned to play a little violin when I was young.

13) I prefer Crest toothpaste.

14) I only ever kissed 7 guys in my single days.

15) I went out on dates with exactly 100 different guys before I was married.

16) I keep in touch with more of my guy friends from high school than my girl friends.

17) I helped defend the head of the Mexican mafia in Compton in a murder case.

18) I never got anything less than a B in law school.

19) I am allergic to certain metals so I have to choose my jewelry carefully.

20) I have asthma.

21) I wear contacts.

22) I have only ever had one cavity.

23) I have gotten lost in the Pyrenees on the border between France and Spain.

24) I have danced with school children in rural Kenya.

25) The first time Jon asked if he could hold my hand I told him NO. 

26) I have had pneumonia.

27) I have never broken a bone.

28) The first boy I ever kissed was a Spaniard in Spain.

29) I crochet.

30) I have grown my hair out specifically to donate it to Locks of Love.

31) I enjoy playing football.

32) I golfed on our high school golf team.

33) I once saw Monica Lewinsky exiting the court after she testified before the grand jury while I was walking home from work.

34) I am terrible at goodbyes. I never feel the full force of missing till later and often seem unemotional when saying goodbye to loved ones.

35) The summer between my junior and senior year of high school I hung out nearly every weekend in a bar.

36) My 3 favorite household chores are doing the dishes, cleaning bathrooms, and doing laundry.

37) My 3 least favorite household chores are ironing, making beds, vacuuming/mopping.

38) I have had many personal conversations (more than I could count) with Senator Harry Reid (D-NV).

39) My 3 favorite treats are Otis Spunkmeyer double chocolate chip cookies, Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip ice cream, and homemade oreos from the Bouchon Bakery at the Venetian.

40) Three foods I really hate are olives (especially green ones), bell peppers, and capers.

41) I had a lisp when I was little.

42) When I was really little my family called me Googie.

43) As a kid my family called me Tiff.

44) Nearly everyone who messes up or forgets my name calls me Jennifer.

45) One of the other names my parents considered naming me was Lisette.

46) I have seen the musical Les Miserables 3 times, each performance was at least 3000 miles from either of the others.

47) I have never paid to send a child to preschool.

48) My best friend in crime when I was really little was a boy we called Gooey.

49) My first crush was a neighbor boy named Rob.

50) I have eaten escargot.

Okay folks begin your analysis. I can't wait to see which facts you think are the three lies. 

****** EDITED AT 2:40 PM TUESDAY *********

Okay seeing how this is harder than I imagined. I will give the prize to anyone who can get two of the lies. And I will give you a hint. Also you can vote again if you have already voted, since I am giving a hint now.

One of the lies has been guessed lots. It is one of the most popular guesses. One of the lies has only been guessed once so far. And one of the lies hasn't been guessed by anyone yet. The last comment when I wrote this was my Husbands which was the best guess ever. He did get all three lies but thought there were more than three. I had to verify a couple of the truths for him.  

An Apology

I want to apologize for getting "snippy" in my final paragraph on peoples comments about the name we chose for our son. I was just a bit shocked to find how opinionated - and willing to share their opinions - people are about what others name their kids. I guess we have never chosen a name so... different to elicit such opinions. 

I was not mad or offended, just really surprised and I wanted to put a stop to the free for all opinions (at least the unkind ones). Jon and I have never really cared if other people liked our names. I knew when I put up the Jesse poll it was a slightly dangerous option. If you read the post attached to the poll, you can see that I specifically said that it wasn't that we were going to use that name, we just had been having a debate between the two of us about whether it was gender neutral or not.

Jon thought (and still thinks) it is TOTALLY a masculine name and would never be confused for a girl name. I can see how he thinks it is totally masculine but since every "Jessie" I have known is female, I think girl when I hear it. The name was pretty much not even on the table till I asked some who work in the office at school what they thought of the name Jesse -- boy or girl - and they both said boy. That got me wondering if maybe I was the only one who thought girl when they hear the name. 

So I thought I would get a sample off the WWW and see if the name was gender neutral or not. I told Jon I would concede to his view that Jesse is a masculine name if the "boy" vote came back more than 50%. It came back at about 39%. So the poll basically told me that I was right. Jesse is thought of by most people as gender neutral. It told Jon that 61% of my readers are wrong. :)

In any case, I probably should have taken an hour to craft my response instead of just throwing my shock out there. I was just taken off guard in that I didn't expect the announcement of the name we have chosen for our baby to be as controversial as some of my posts on religion. If I had I would have written the announcement more carefully to avoid mean spirited comments like the one my husband deleted.

So, sorry about the hasty and snippy retort. I didn't mean to hurt feelings. My intent was only to put a quick stop to the opinions and request that people be kind in their comments. 

Now to move on ... lets pick a new topic.  Anyone have an opinion on what our next topic of discussion should be? 

Raising Resurrected Children

To the commenter who asked about the LDS doctrine that mother's whose child dies in youth will be able to finish raising them after the resurrection:

It is funny you should ask this right now. I just posted a comment on our angel blog to a mother who felt the same as your friend. In an effort to save time and avoid carpal tunnel :) I will just copy my comment here.

On the LDS doctrine of raising kids after the resurrection: First, you are right to think of your child as an adult. His spirit is a mature adult spirit. All of ours were before we were born and they all return to that state after we die. Your child, however, when he is resurrected will be rejoined with his body as it was when he died. Meaning, he will only be a few months old. He has no need to progress in all the spiritual ways that the rest of us do. But he cannot become like our Heavenly Father fully without the full development of his body.

I don't know what it is going to be like to raise such a child in such a time and with a resurrected body. Maybe they will be teaching us spiritual things from their cribs. I don't know. Maybe they will, like Jesus who was perfect, still have to grow mentally and emotionally as they age. But I trust that raising our children in that time will be sweeter than I can now understand or realize. I trust that it will heal all the hurt to our hearts. Somebody will have to raise each child who has died in their youth. These spirits will need to take the time to grow physically so that they can be like our Father. This will not be holding them back. It will be helping them progress.

In my case, Camille passed away just before she started talking. She was just beginning to understand and follow simple directions. I feel like I did so much of the baby work of no sleep and feedings and never got to the really rewarding part of hearing her call my name or tell me she loved me. I want that. I look forward to the day I can finish the work I started by bringing her into this world and raising her for the 14 months we had her. I believe strongly that this time raising her will be one of the sweetest experiences of my existence.

It is hard to imagine how we will feel then. But it is only important that we live worthy of any blessing we may then desire and that is ours for the having.

Hope that helps you and/or your friend understand this a bit better.

My Two Cents on Names

After reading Jon's post and some of the comments, I want to clarify a few things. 

First, I am fully aware that Morgan is more often used for girls than boys. To me it is not feminine because I grew up with a dad and grandfather and brother and male cousin and etc... all men with the name and all of them are the opposite of feminine. However I realize the name has sort of been taken over by girls. Still, with this child being our fifth child and having 4 older sisters, just like my dad; and after hearing my grandmother say SOOOO many times "FOUR girls!!! FOUR girls!!! Then I got my boy" that I can still hear her say it in my head every time I think of my four girls, I really wanted to use the name Morgan.

I didn't want to call him this because there are too many Morgans in our family. So I wanted a very strong male name that no one would mistake for a girl to be the name by which he was called. Other than wanting a veto power for any totally objectionable name Jon might jokingly come up with, I was pretty open about what to choose.

Jon really really wanted to use a family name. Now we only have so many Waite family names that pass the "not totally objectionable" threshold. Pretty much John, Noble, William and Jesse are it. I like all those names but I didn't want to do Jesse with Morgan because then both names are gender neutral. John is a great name but Jon didn't want two John or Jon's in our little family. I agree with him on that. I really like the name William, but with Waite? Will Waite? Hmm. No. That left us to Noble or picking a non Waite family name. 

Jon's grandfather who went by Noble was an incredible man and the family recently put out a biography on him. There are great stories in the book about him. He died young and while Jon never got to meet him, we have recordings of his voice and him bearing his testimony. I personally, LOVE the name Noble and have always wanted to use it. 

So I just wanted to give my side of the Jesse debate since Jon's post made him out to be such the martyr. 

Now as for some of the comments -- people really. If I wanted an opinion poll of this name, I would have put one up. I don't really care what anyone thinks of the name we have chosen, but in the comments why don't we try to be polite and not write anonymously what we wouldn't say to a person to their face. Thanks.

And the Name is...

As you may or may not have surmised, I am the one who loves the name Jesse for a boy. My wife, in a state of wild delusion, believes the name to be gender neutral. Apparently, when stating our children’s names, Sabrina, Ann Marie, Lauren and (potentially) Jesse – she didn’t want to explain which one is a boy. Never mind that it’s highly unlikely Sabrina, Ann or Lauren would be mistaken as boy names. Now, I do understand how the name came to be “gender neutral” – nickname for Jessica, or an outright name (as a side note, “Jessie” was a much more popular name for girls before 1900 than “Jesse” was for boys). That’s OK, I understand that. I honestly don’t care what the perception of the name is – I like it. However, my wife and I are partners and there needs to be a “meeting of the minds”. So, the name Jesse has been sacrificed on the altar of marital harmony. May it rest in peace.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that there was some sort of heated arguments and strife involved in this decision. There wasn’t. Disagreements—yes. However, the majority of our discussions about what to name our children have usually involved me making up the stupidest sounding name possible, laughing and then stopping as my wife gives me that “that’s not funny” look. Apparently, naming your kids is serious business. Although on another side note, read the chapter of the book Freakonomics on kids with silly names—very interesting stuff.

We like to give our children family names. We don’t know if we will have another boy, so for Stephanie and I the name is important (despite my jokes). In the last book of the Old Testament in the book of Malachi, Malachi talks about the coming of the prophet Elijah and states, “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers”. While Jews might not agree with me, I believe Elijah has come and that this prophecy is being met today. Family History and Genealogy is one of the most searched items on the Internet. People find meaning and personal pride in their roots.

I never had a desire to live in Las Vegas. However, with Camille’s passing and through reading biographies of my immediate ancestors I have felt a much deeper tie to the Las Vegas valley. My paternal grandfather, William Noble Waite, was born and raised in the Bunkerville area. The first Waite to join the Mormon church joined in England in 1848 (who incidentally was at an 1853 church conference with one of Stephanie’s ancestors). The Waites (along with some of my other ancestors: Leavitts, Gibbons and Huntsmans) eventually were sent by Brigham Young to settle first Southern Utah and then Southern Nevada. The Waites were poor – as in dirt poor. Jesse was my great grandfather and was a farmer. His story is fairly unremarkable and similar to thousands of others in that area – poor but an abiding faith in God and His gospel.  

As a young man, I always wanted to leave my city and achieve great things, success and fame. However, as I have grown older and wiser I have come to respect the hard work and humility of the farmers, miners, school teachers and others who work their whole life in anonymity and instill in their children a love of God, a love of others and a great work ethic. Jesse Waite was one of those – not a perfect man, but a good, solid example for his progenitors.

In our “meeting of the minds”, we do like the name Morgan Noble Waite for peanut. Barring some unforeseen circumstance, that is what we plan on naming him. Morgan is Stephanie’s dad’s name. Never mind how gender neutral Morgan is for a boy—marital harmony people, marital harmony. Also, since there are many Morgans in Stephanie’s family, we’ll call him Noble. Back to the point: my father-in-law is a great man. He reminds me a lot of those characteristics that I was just talking about – and he grew up on a farm. He went on to get a law degree and was the Public Defender for Las Vegas for over 30 years. One of Stephanie’s reasons for wanting to use the name Morgan as part of peanut's name is that her father was the 5th child after four girls. 

Noble is after my grandfather, William Noble Waite (he went by “Noble”). My uncle just finished writing a biography on him and it is fascinating. In his work life, he was a school teacher and high school principal in Southern California. In his church life, he was incredible and accomplished great things. He was a stake president, mission president and was in charge of raising money for the Los Angeles Temple and BYU. I guess the theme between the two is that they both came from those humble beginnings with rather humble fathers (in money and spirit) that went on to achieve great things.

So thank you all to participating in our mental exercise. It was not all in vain. It helped us (well OK, mainly Stephanie) to make her decision. Another thing: I know it sounds like I’m playing the martyr but that’s just me having fun with the situation. For me, it has been fun reading and learning about my roots. More importantly, I have a more profound appreciation of the kind of people my ancestors were. Many of your ancestors were probably of the same ilk. They were the backbone of their society and the building blocks of who we are. We owe them the respect they deserve.

Still February???

I think this has been the longest February of my life. I am not sure why. Maybe it is because it started on a Sunday so it has been 4 full weeks of February. Usually it takes me 5 or 6 days to realize we are in a new month and that makes February feel like 3 weeks. Or maybe it just how pregnant I am getting to be.

Either way, I am glad to have February under my belt at last. March promises to be a busy month with 2 girls weekends, a baby shower, Jonathan and my 10th Anniversary, visits from family, kids out of school, projects planned for our family to do, and LOTS of church activities and work. I am hoping all of this will make March fly by quickly and be enjoyable in the flying.

April, well, that will likely be another story. I am not sure any amount of planning can make the last month of pregnancy feel fast, but we will see.

One of my projects planned for March is to go through all our children's clothing. Since they will be on track break and able to help, I want to plow through this "spring cleaning" chore. Their dressers seems so full and yet each week it seems they have nothing to wear by Friday. Hmmmm. I am going to have to go discover why this is. 

Another somewhat scary part of this is going through all the baby stuff including the clothes 3T and under. I still haven't done that. All of the baby gear is in storage in my parents garage. It has been there since Camille's accident when my sister in laws packed it all up for me. I will have to go through everything and decide what to keep and what to give away or throw away. 

Usually I am a keeper. I don't want to have to buy more baby clothes and we have the storage room. But with this baby being a boy, well, even if the next one is a girl I just don't think I will be wanting to use most of our baby girl clothes.  That is especially true of the clothes we still have from Sabrina's baby days.

But, I will pull out all the clothes I bought specifically for Camille. There aren't too many. Those will go in a special hope chest. And I do have a few special dresses for each girl from their baby days to save for them. It will no doubt be an emotional chore. I see my girls growing up so quickly. Camille's death made our little family so much older in so many ways. 

I am glad to be having a boy now and hope to have a brother for this little guy. But, a part of my heart really wants to have one more little girl. I guess we will have to see. Those are things to pray about in future prayers. At least I know I have one little girl waiting for me to raise her and when I am able to do that, it will be without the distraction of so many earthly worries.

So bring on March! I may be waddling through it, but I am ready for it none the less.

Thoughts on Prayer Question

This is an answer to the Anon. commenter who asked about what prayers really can do. The full comment can be found under the post requesting prayers for Gracie.  Here is a portion of it:

So, what can my prayers do? When I learn of a family in despair, He already knows about them and is already there. When I learn of a sick or injured child, He already knows about them and is already there. What do you think our prayers do in these situations? For example, I read this post about Gracie yesterday. I have thought of little else since. I have been praying and praying. What can my prayers do, when His plan is in action? I don’t believe that any amount of praying can change His plan. I do believe what you have said about Him not giving us anything that we cannot handle with Him at our side. I believe he is there always. I know that He is with you and your family now. I know that He is with Gracie and her family now. I KNOW this. So, what can a prayer from a complete stranger do? How can my prayer affect something that is already happening? 

This may be a lengthy answer because there are many aspects to consider.

Prayer Affects the Prayer

First and perhaps most significantly, prayer is a tool we can use to refine ourselves. By communicating with God we can draw closer to Him. It is through prayer that we come to know, understand, and accept God's will. This is an essential part of having faith sufficient to offer affective prayers.

As a praying person, I am sure you have experienced how prayer can help you align your life and your will with the Lord's. But the thrust of your question is one I have pondered upon greatly in my life. And I will share what I have learned about this subject thus far.

The Prayers of Others Have Power to Strengthen and Lift Those In Need

I had a small understanding of this concept given to me when I was 21. I was alone in a hotel room in the night before taking my LSAT exam. I had studied so hard for this exam and the stress got to me. I got a severe migraine. All night the night before the exam I laid in agony in the tub or bed worrying all the more about how I would take this test with little or no sleep and how I could get rid of this headache. 

Lying there and praying for relief, I felt a strong impression and power come over me. It was as if I had been sent a package of power through heavenly mail. I felt distinctly the power of my mother's prayers for me. I knew she was praying for me that night. And I felt a power come into my body specifically as a result of her prayer.

Could I have survived the night without her prayer. Sure. Would I have been more miserable? Yes. Does the Lord have His plan for me down so specifically that he would designate my degree of misery in this instance? No. The Lord gives us agency. We use that agency to make choices that affect our lives and the degree of happiness or misery we will feel. 

Many times situations arise in our lives that cause misery or sorrow. Some of these are sent to teach us lessons we need to learn. Some are the effects of another's agency. Some are just accidents or natural disasters. God has placed us in an imperfect world where bad things happen. He does not plan for every earthquake and car crash and fire. But He knows they will happen and he allows them to happen. That is part of our learning process. At least that is what I personally believe. 

That being said, I do also believe He has a plan for each person. The plan is this - help this person grow and learn as much as he or she can in mortality and allow him or her opportunities to become more like the Savior. Ultimately, help this child of mine become like Christ and return to Me. 

God is our Father. He is our parent. And just as parenting different children calls for different skills and tools, each of us have different needs to be best led toward the Savior. And we all have our agency. I believe that using this agency, we can, through prayer, soften Lord's heart toward us.

I believe this because as a parent I feel this. When a child is humble, meek, submissive, and wanting to please me I am more prone to wrap them up in my love and work to make their way as easy as possible. This is true even if they have made a mistake and a consequence must follow. 

So no matter the outcome of certain events, even if our prayers cannot change His will, they can give strength to those in need. Our prayers can send angels to stand next to a family or loved one in need. I have said this before but I felt the power of the thousands of prayers offered up for our family surrounding Camille's passing. It was as if every person who was praying for us sent their own guardian angel to come support us. That is what it felt like. And it did feel different than if only I had been praying for myself. That is part of the "magic" or more appropriately the miracle of being able to "mourn with those that mourn" and "bear one another's burdens." When we pray for others, a small part of their burden is heavenly distributed onto our heart and off of theirs. I don't know how this happens. There must be some heavenly science class on it. But I do know that it does happen, for my heart and my burden have felt its effects both ways.

Prayers Can Change Outcomes

Now while I think some things in our Father's plan for us are set and necessary for to bring to pass His will, other things are not set. Sometimes His purposes can be accomplished in various ways and/or flexible time periods depending on how we as His children are exercising our agency to pray and based upon the degree and exercise of our faith. 

First a hypothetical example - perhaps it is the Lord's will that a person come home to Him. But this person or someone close to him or thousands of strangers are praying for this person to live. It is also the will of the Lord that these people become more like Christ and grow in their faith. Suddenly we have a balancing act to consider. Which will more fully bring to pass the Lord's will? That I guess depends on how badly the Lord needs the man to come home right now. Perhaps the Lord can wait 5 years for the man to come home and inspire him or those who prayed for him to do more to build the Lord's kingdom here on earth. 

I have no doubt that that has happened many times. Lives are miraculously extended daily based upon the prayers of faith offered to heaven. While I have not had that happen that I know of to me personally, writing it right now, I just know it is true. I can feel it in my heart. I just know it.

Such was not the case in our story. I actually feel as if Camille's life was extended many times previous to her accident. I was in the habit of praying for our safety and protection as a family. And as early as being in a car accident when I was 6 months pregnant with Camille, there were plenty of accidents that could have happened and taken her life that didn't. We were blessed to have her here for the 14 months we did.

Now for a true personal example but one not so "life and death" - In the summer of 1996 I was in a very serious relationship with a really wonderful guy. We were preparing and planning to become engaged and were very much in love. Still something in the back of my mind kept nagging me. I just wasn't sure this was the right thing, even though the guy was great and the timing seemed great. 

We discussed this at length and in that summer we broke up. It was a brutal break up. The worst I ever had to endure. Still, I felt we had done the right thing. I had been friends with and dated this guy on and off casually and seriously for 4 years. I knew him and he really knew me. I was so scared I would have to marry some guy I didn't even really know. I didn't want to spend another 4 years really getting to know someone.

I remember praying during that time that I would at least meet the man I would eventually marry, even if it was not the right time for me to get married yet. I prayed that I would at least meet him so I could know him when the time was right for me to marry.

That summer I met Jonathan. And I met Kathryn whom Jonathan home taught and with whom I decided to become roommates in an apartment in Jonathan's ward. That fall Kathryn helped me get to know Jonathan better. It was not the right time for me to get married. But the Lord answered my prayer of faith and let me meet the man I would eventually marry. I am fairly certain this was a direct answer to my prayer. It was a long hard road being friends with Jonathan. He thought I was a great friend but had no further interest in me. Sometimes I was fine with that. Other times, well, it was hard.

I could easily have met him later. After college he moved to California and I to DC. He lived in my brother's ward. His family lived in Vegas. I could easily have met him later when it would have been more timely for me to marry. But the Lord allowed me to know him well before the time was ripe for us to date and marry.

I even think the Lord sped up our wedding. The summer after my first year of law school I was praying every day for a serious boyfriend/potential husband by the end of the summer. It had been a hard and lonely first year and I just didn't want to do another year like that. At the end of the summer Jonathan was "inspired" to date me and miraculously fell head over heals in love with me. We waited 8 months to be married.

You see, the Lord had it in His plan for me to go to law school at Georgetown. I felt that strongly. He let me meet Jon early but would not allow Jonathan to see me as anything more than a friend. Meanwhile he kept inspiring me to stay friends with him. And at the very earliest time possible for me to start dating Jonathan and then marry Jonathan and still get my degree from Georgetown, he took the blinders off Jonathan and turned his heart to me.

In this way, the Lord was able to answer my prayers and still keep His plan on track.

Okay. I have typed too much today. I am off to play with Lauren and then help in Annie's class. I hope my thoughts were helpful. If you want to discuss this more I know I did a previous post on prayers and whether they can change God's will, or you can email me. My email is on my profile page. 

Pastry Chef Starts A Blog

If you have read my blog for a while you may recognize the man with me in the picture above. This is Chris Herrin. He is the head pastry chef for the Bouchon Bistro and Bakery in the Venetian Hotel. 

My husband and I met Chris a little more than a year ago and we became fast friends. Chris is a genuinely great guy and he also makes incredible food. He has a dream to open his own place someday and he LOVES breakfast. It is his favorite meal of the day. He recently started a blog to share his experience building this dream of his.

Go check it out HERE. His blog address is www.henandthebaker.com/blog. There he writes about his dream of starting the greatest breakfast and bakery company ever, his love of food, recipes he is creating, and events he is planning.

One of the fun things about being a chef (so he tells me and I can imagine) is the creativity with foods. Of course Chris makes all the really classic favorites like one of our favorite Bouchon desserts - the lemon tart. (Shown below but I wish I could give you a taste rather than a look because really, I mean really, it is phenomenal.) 

But there are also always new ideas and twists on old favorites. We went to Bouchon last week with my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, and a few people who worked on the singles conference with my parents. Chris sent out the most unique, delicious, and just plain cool desserts I have ever eaten. 

They recently acquired a cotton candy machine. So they have been experimenting with it. Now I have to say I don't really like cotton candy. I mean it is sticky and too sweet and messy. So I was a bit skeptical when this fluff of cotton candy came out from the kitchen.

I know the photo is terrible quality. Sorry. But that is a fluff about as big as my palm of cotton candy. Then the waitress explained that this was their take on a root beer float. Now I do like a good root beer float. 

I picked this up and found it was not sticky and melting in my hand like the cotton candy I have had before. This felt like real cotton. I bit into it and found a good sized ball of wonderful, high quality, homemade, vanilla bean ice cream inside. As soon bit into it the cotton candy seemed to turn into root beer in my mouth. It was not some super sugary root beer flavored syrup. No, it tasted like a small powerfully flavored shot of root beer suddenly materialized in my mouth surrounding this lovely ice cream. 

It was great. I ate the whole thing in a few moments. I think I would take that over the traditional root beer float any day. It was a very cool dessert. 

So go over and check out Chris's new blog and leave him a comment so he knows people stopped by. He is new to blogging and is still figuring the whole thing out. So let's give him a nice big welcome. Thanks everyone. I will be putting his site up on my sidebar so you can see when he posts.

Prayer Request for Gracie

Here is part of a comment from yesterday:

I was wondering if you might be able to post a prayer request on your blog. We have some family that right now their precious baby girl is the hospital and they are unsure if their sweet daughter will live. Sweet Graice was born with a heart defect and has over come all odds, she is SUCH a miracle. Yesterday Gracie was given the gift of a heart transplant, things we looking very positive at the start of the day, but sadly once the transplant was complete things took a turn for the worst. The new heart she has been given is not working properly, the Doctors are doing everything that they can, but what Gracie REALLY needs is another miracle. I know that you have a lot of followers on your blog, so if you don't mind asking for prayers in Gracie's behalf it would be so appreciated.

You can read all about amazing little Gracie @

www.thegledhillfamily.blogspot.com

I have such a strong testimony of PRAYER and I know that all of our prayers combined together can help uplift this family during their darkest hour!!

Sincerely-

Brittany 

I hope this family does not have to join our "club" of grieving parents. I understand that it is not always the Lord's will that children live long and full lives. I know this is a hard concept for many to accept. Children are so innocent and pure it seems unfair from our limited perspective that they should ever have to suffer. But somehow life just isn't about fair. It is about learning, growing, and going Home. Sometimes, pain and suffering are the best teachers, fertilizers, and directors to quickest routes Home. Though I think for little children who suffer, it is a sacrifice they make to teach those of us around them. They must have been such valiant and noble spirits in the life before birth. 

I know for so many trials we must simply trust in God that His way will produce the best way for us to accomplish our work on this Earth, be we one or one hundred in our time of suffering. Still, it still hurts my heart each time I hear of another family having to walk this difficult road. I prayed for Gracie and her family last night. I pray that their answer will not have to be the same as mine was to the prayers they are undoubtedly praying. I pray that no matter what the peace of the Lord will be with them to help them through this difficult and trying time.

Life's Master's Program

Yesterday in church I went from one lesson to the next and in each I felt like I had earned or was in the process of earning a Master's degree from the University of Life in aspects brought out during the lesson. 

The first lesson was on baptism. This is one of the first things we learn about as we learn about the church. It is basic doctrine and I could easily at any time during my adult life have given most of the answers to any of the questions asked during the lesson. But there is quite a difference between knowing the book answers to questions and knowing the answers from the Master's Program of Life Experience.

During the lesson, one of the class members who is just starting to learn about our church asked what means to "mourn with those that mourn" or to "bear one another's burdens." This is one of the things we promise to do when we are baptized. Her question made me realize how much deeper an understanding I have of this principle than any other principle in the lesson. 

I have always known the "book" answer and could have answered that question. But know, have had such a burden of sorrow and grief placed on me and having been the recipient of the love of others known and unknown who have truly "mourned with those who mourn," I know like never before what it is to fulfill that promise. 

I don't think I could really know that not having been the recipient of the love and only having been the giver. I am sure I have given this love to others in the past. But, it is in receiving it when it has been so desperately needed that I have truly come to know how much these prayers and love and support help those who mourn. 

As much as I can, I wish I could give to each of you the knowledge I have gained through this experience. Please know how much it helps to have others feel with me a tiny fraction of this experience. The prayers, the love, and the support each of you give are examples of what it means to mourn with those that mourn. And your doing that helps me bear this burden and it makes each of you more like our Savior. For truly He has born all our burdens and mourns with us in perfection every time we mourn. I am reminded Him and His support each time I feel or hear of the love and support from any of you. Thank you.

The second class was on the subject of homemaking and a mother's work in the home. This was the lesson to the young women. I remember being their age. I had not yet realized that my mother was a real "person." To me she was just "mom." Her whole life revolved around me and my siblings. We were her whole purpose for being right? It wasn't until I was about 17 or 18 that I realized that my mom was a person just like me. I was kinda slow in learning this one.

In yesterday's lesson we talked about how important it is to appreciate your mother and father and to express that appreciation. I commented that this was the only real pay any mother ever gets from her job. So I encouraged the girls to pay up and tell their moms they love them and appreciate all they do for them. Then I called my mom on the way home in the car and told her I loved her and appreciated her. 

This morning I got a big pay day myself. I was woken up, dressed, had my hair combed and was brought downstairs for a surprise. The girls had all secretly worked together to make a "present" for Jonathan and me. They had a gift bag with lots of drawings and notes in it and a homemade "book" (pages in sheet protectors all tied together with yarn) to us. The book and most of the other drawings expressed their love for us and how we were the best parents a girl could ever have. Talk about a nice payday.

Motherhood has, of course, been a master's class on this subject to me. It is a program in which I am continuing to progress. I have yet to begin the courses on teenagers and hormones. I hope those courses will have their own paydays as well.

And the Wave Passes

Thank you all for your support. Thursday was a rough day for me. Somedays as a mother are not so fun and when you have a child taken from you, those days become drastically more difficult. I spent the night confused and crying. I knew I had been fair and just in my mothering. I had done what I should do. But why then should I feel so terrible?

I guess it just just hurts more to see my children suffer, especially when they have suffered so much already and especially when I have to be the one to dole out the consequence. Add to that that how much my little Ann Marie reminds me of Camille and it is like a perfect storm of emotions brewing. 

Late Thursday night I crept into check on Ann Marie and found her awake with eyes like mine,  swollen with tears. I crawled into bed with her and through silent tears in the dark I told her how was sorry it had been such a hard day for us. I told her we would make tomorrow a better day. We would both work together to make it a great day for both of us and we would just forget about this day and the mistakes made.

After a bit I left and crawled into Camille's room and wished I could say the same words to her. I wished that the consequences of that day so many months ago were not so permanent. There is no way to make it all better tomorrow or tomorrow or tomorrow. 

I finally went downstairs and wrote my post, distracted myself with some mindless TV and finally felt sleepy enough to fall asleep. I slept little and woke up still "leaky." It is funny how I can feel better and not really be crying anymore but as if my body hadn't quite gotten it all out my eyes still leak. 

It turned out to be a wonderful day with my sweet Ann Marie. We just threw Thursday away and made Friday the best day we could. Support from you all and tulips from my dear friend Cat helped so much for me to make Friday a better day even though the source of the pain is so permanent. Thank you for that. 

I hope for a long string of better days, and I so appreciate the continuing support I feel from all of you. 

No Words

Tonight I have no words.

I can't begin to explain the tears that keep falling.

Instead here are a couple of photos. 

My how things change.

Me with Ann Marie and Sabrina in our California house.

Sabrina is 3 and Annie is about as old as Camille would be.

Don't they look like Camille and Lauren?

Our forever family so far. Taken Oct. 2007

Our family for now.

Thoughts on Physics

There is a law in the field of physics that says something like "Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest." It takes outside forces to stop bodies in motion and to start a motion in a body at rest.

This statement or physical law is proven to me daily. Specifically, MY Body, when in motion, tends to stay in motion. When it is at rest, it tends to stay at rest. It takes a force of energy to make my body get up and get in motion doing the daily grind. But once I get going, I tend to keep moving until the task is complete or the force of exhaustion brings me to a stop.

This is true of me all the time, but it is more pronounced to me now carrying around an extra 20 some odd pounds. This morning, like nearly every morning, it was my children's schedule that provided the outside force to get me going. They have school. I have to get them there. They have classes, and I am their ride. Oh how they have kept me going these last 8 months. They have been a saving grace to me.

Once I got myself up and going I pretty much carried on without much stopping. It feels good to go to bed having accomplished much and tired from a good day's work. Still sometimes I feel I need to work harder on being a self motivator. That is not a strong point of mine. It has been one of the hard parts of losing the most constant motivator for me. 

Babies require so much of their parents, especially their mothers. There is no sleeping in when the baby is crying in the morning in her crib. The cry is the outside force that puts your body in motion. It is exhausting. It can reduce you to tears when you have had little sleep and all you want to do is rest. Still the baby's cry pulls us out of our beds and into the state of perpetual motion we call Motherhood.

I guess I write this for my future self, for the day in the not too distant future when I am once more prodded on by this unrelenting outside force to my emotional and physical breaking point. I want to remind myself of how empty it feels to have that outside force taken away. I want to remember the longing I feel now to hear the cry and feel the force pull me into motion.

Perhaps then it will give me greater appreciation and endurance for that ever constant prodding that takes every bit of energy we have and pushes us further than we thought we could go. 

I want to remember the stillness and emptiness of the loss so that I can find greater joy in the tired stupor of the work.

The Love of Poetry

Sabrina is upstairs listening to a CD of poetry that came with a book of poetry we recently purchased. I had forgotten how much I love poetry. So often in my life certain phrases of poems ring in my mind as I live their lines. 

I think I will have to spend some time this week rediscovering some of my favorite poems. I will share one of my favorites with you here. Perhaps if you have a favorite poem you can leave it in a comment to share with the rest of us.

My Grandfather Bunker loved Shakespeare. He passed this love down to his daughters and from my mother and him I also developed a love for it. One of my favorite of his sonnets is the 29th. It reminds me how richly I am blessed by the love of the Lord, the love of my husband, the love of my family, and the love of all those who have gone before me, my grandfather included.

This one is for you Grandad.

SONNET XXIX

XXIX 1. When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes 2. I all alone beweep my outcast state, 3. And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, 4. And look upon myself, and curse my fate, 5. Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, 6. Featured like him, like him with friends possessed, 7. Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope, 8. With what I most enjoy contented least; 9. Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising, 10. Haply I think on thee, and then my state, 11. Like to the lark at break of day arising 12. From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate; 13. For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings 14. That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Recipes

Here are the recipes from Chris Herrin's workshop. He showed how to make restaurant quality desserts at home with grocery store ingredients.  We all loved the samples he shared with us at the demonstration. If you try them at home let us know how you like them! Enjoy!

Panna cotta

Panna cotta is an Italian dessert made by simmering together cream, milk and sugar,mixing this with gelatin, and letting it cool until set.

An Italian phrase which literally means "cooked cream", it generally refers to a creamy, set dessert from the Northern Italian region of Piemonte.

It is eaten all over Italy where it is served with wild berries, caramel, chocolate sauce or fruit coulis. It is not known exactly how or when this dessert came to be, but some theories suggest that cream, for which mountainous Northern Italy is famous, was historically eaten plain or sweetened with fruit or hazelnuts.

Our Version is served with strawberry jelly, lime fruit salad, and citrus Madeline's

 

Panna Cotta

INGREDIENTS

2 cup milk

1 1/2 envelope unflavored gelatin

2 cups heavy cream

1 1/2 cup white sugar

1 each Lime Zest

DIRECTIONS

1. Pour milk into a small bowl, and stir in the gelatin powder. Set aside.

2. In a saucepan, stir together the heavy cream and sugar, and set over medium heat.

Bring to a full boil, watching carefully, as the cream will quickly rise to the top of the pan.

Pour the gelatin and milk into the cream, stirring until completely dissolved.

Remove from heat, stir in the lime zest and pour into six individual ramekin dishes.

3. Cool the ramekins uncovered at room temperature.

When cool, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least 4 hours, but preferably overnight before serving.

Topping

One package of strawberry jello.

After ramekins of panna cotta are cool, top with thin layer of strawberry jello and place in refrigerator until set again.

Fruit Salad

Combine assorted light color fruits together with the juice of lime mango, honey dew, cantaloupe, pineapple, kiwi, toss with the lime juice and a pinch of sugar, allow to set, until panna cotta is ready to serve, top each ramekin with the fruit salad serve with your favorite sorbet or sherbet.

 

Raspberry Truffles

Dark Chocolate Raspberry Ganache

2 1/2c bittersweet chocolate, chopped

1 cup heavy cream

1/2 c Raspberry Jam

"Raspberry" Powder

Powder Sugar as needed

1 package Raspberry Kool-aid

Few Drops Red Food Coloring

2 cups chopped chocolate melted

DIRECTIONS

Place the chocolate into a medium bowl. Heat the cream in a small sauce pan over medium heat with raspberry jam. Bring just to a boil, watching very carefully because if it boils for a few seconds, it will boil out of the pot. When the cream has come to a boil, pour over the chopped chocolate, let rest a minute and whisk until smooth. Pour in a zip-lock bag or pastry bag. Allow the ganache to cool until set-up and pliable. While chocolate ganache is setting up mix powdered sugar with raspberry kool-aid package with a few drops of red food coloring, to make pink to red powdered sugar, reserve.

When Ganache is set-- Pipe quarter size dollops, they will be rolled so portion is preferred over finished look. Place sheet pan into cooler, until set and roll between palms as fast you can to make round. After piping chocolate ganache, and they are setting up begin to melt chocolate place 2 cups of chocolate over double boiler, and melt until nice and smooth not to hot. Allow chocolate to cool until warm if melted to hot. Dip truffles in chocolate and roll in raspberry powder sugar mix. Place pack into cooler and let set-up.

Enjoy now, or place in zip lock bag and freeze for up to two months.

If there is any question about recipes, procedures or would just like to comment please send them to

cherrin@bouchonbistro.com

 

Bouchon Bakery Daily From 6 am

Bouchon Bistro Daily Breakfast from 7am Dinner From 5pm

LV Singles Conference

Yesterday I presented a workshop class on blogging at the LDS Las Vegas Singles Conference. Most of the audience of about 150 people did not really know much about blogs. We spent a good bit of time talking about what a blog is, the different kinds of blogs out there, the potential uses of blogs, and the benefits of blogging.

I also shared some of my personal story and how blogging has so blessed my life. Few people in the room knew who I was or what my last year has been like. Today marks 8 months since Camille died. Yesterday, I told the audience about the inspiration I got the made me feel I needed to start blogging. Then I told them how great a blessing this blog turned out to be when just a short while later my daughter died.

I still can't get those words out of my mouth without crying. Somehow saying them out loud brings the reality of it rushing back at me.  It took me a minute of two to compose myself as I talked about how this blog helped me cope and communicate at that time and how it has been a wonderful vehicle for recording the feelings and events and blessings that have come to our lives through this all too difficult experience.

The experience presenting this has made me rather reflective and a bit somber. I was glad to have the experience, but I am glad to be done with it too. It was difficult to prepare for not knowing how much my audience would know about blogs.

I was grateful today to have a great lesson in our Young Women's class at church on being happy. That is a lesson I need frequently. Sometimes in our lives, it takes a lot of work to be happy. This for me is one of those seasons. But I am glad for reminders to be busily engaged in this work.

My friend Chris Herrin, the pastry chef at the Bouchon Bistro in the Venetian Hotel, also presented a couple of workshops yesterday. I will be posting the recipes he gave out soon. His workshop was by far the most yummy of the day I am sure. Watch for that post in the future!

Sharing the Love

Happy Valentines Day!

Jonathan and I had such a busy day today that we celebrated Valentines together last night. Usually, Jon pulls out all the stops and makes me a gourmet meal on Valentine's night. He picks a menu and pulls recipes and spends HOURS cooking for me. 

The food is always great but by the time it is ready it is usually very late at night and every pot or pan has been used and is in the sink. This year I told him I wanted to cook together. I think it was a great improvement. He still picked the menu and recipes but we both worked together to make the dinner. Our little girls also pitched in when they could. It was fun. Plus we were able to clean as we went so that by the time we sat to each we had a relatively clean kitchen.

I even set the table with our china, which is not something I have done in a very long time. I need to do that more often. Here I am at the table ready to dig in.

The menu for the night was Duck Breast in a Pink Peppercorn Demi Glaze Sauce and Fresh Corn Pudding.

For dessert, I went up and put girls to bed while Jonathan got really gourmet on me and made lovely profiteroles with a richly decadent chocolate sauce. We filled them with mint chip ice cream and a vanilla ice cream sandwich ice cream. They were wonderful. He may not do it often, but when he wants to, my man can cook. Love you Jonathan!

Connected

I got this comment on my last post. Knowing the power of prayers and out of gratitude for so many that have been and are still offered for me and my family from strangers, I post this today. My grandparents lived next door to some Ashworths - Don Ashworth I believe. Perhaps this Robert is a grandson of theirs. 

The human web of relationships is so intricately woven that one need not hop far to connect to another person. We are all more closely connected than we know, I think. May our connected humanity drive us to our knees for each other and give us strength through the storms.

Now the comment: 

My brother-in-law Robert was diagnosed with leukemia in Nov. 2007. He fought the good fight with four rounds of chemo and a bone marrow transplant. He has been doing really well, even grew his hair back! Then this past Friday he got a call from his doctor that they found more leukemia cells in his routine follow-up blood work. He is back in the hospital receiving chemo and will need another bone marrow transplant. I'm telling you all this because I have often prayed for someone that you posted on your blog who was going through a difficult time/health issue in their life. I would love it if you could put up a post about him and ask for prayers for him. His name is Robert Ashworth, and we too live in Las Vegas!

If you wouldn't mind also posting a link to the blog we are keeping up for them, that would be great too. We will need to do some fund raising for him this time around, because his insurance was so depleted the first go-around. I have seen the power of the blogging community on cjane and nienie's blogs!

Thank you! Thank you for your words, openess, insights and for just being you. There have been many times that I have read 'just what I needed' on your blog. You are truly inspirational!

With Love,

Janelle Gratteau