Morgan Noble Waite

It is finished ... sort of. I am still hurting from nursing contractions but the baby is born.

Noble entered the world at 10:01 p.m on May 7, 2009.

He was 8 lbs. 12 ozs. I don't know how long he is yet. I will have to ask the nurse later.

I will write the story of his delivery tomorrow.or later today I guess.

Thanks for all the prayers. I needed them and they helped. Will post photos later.

About to have a baby

Well my water broke about 10 minutes ago. I guess my cervix is just a lip on one side now. hmmm. this is different. Haven't really been in pain yet. Kinda scared of the next big contraction but feeling REALLY lucky to have dilated this far with no big pain.

May be my last chance to update till baby is out. Isn't my hospital cool that it has internet access?

Ok. here comes that big contraction. Going to focus now. Yeah. bye

7 and headed to hospital

I just had my friend who is a L and D nurse at my hospital come over and check me. She says I am a 7 with a bulging bag of water. My contractions are about 3 mins apart but not all are strong. So we are headed to the hospital to birth this baby.

Will update later. 

Baby Tonight?!??

I just got back from the doctor. She says I am about a 6. She says I am going to be having the baby tonight. Hmmm. I am not having regular contractions or anything so I am home to walk and shower and pack my last minute things just in case. 

Who knows? Maybe I will have a baby tonight. That would be cool huh? You can watch here for further updates.

Advice

I think it is funny how so many of us have opinions (strong or otherwise) on labor and delivery. I thought I had heard all the theories on how to get a baby to come out after being overdue 4 times. I think my favorite was with Sabrina when one woman at church SWORE that taking a walk on the beach in the full moon would put me into labor. 

I love that there are so many comments on my last post. Now for the record, I am pretty much a skeptic about all the ways to get yourself to go into labor. Nevertheless, some of these suggestions or theories are kinda fun and not going to hurt anything so I am entertaining myself trying a few of them out. 

Sorry to those of you who said not to do the trampoline. I had already done it by the time anyone suggested it might be dangerous. In any case, I found it to be one of the highlights of my day. I had so much fun bouncing and having my girls show me their "tricks." They were tickled that they could do so many tricks that mom could not. 

I am not too worried that it did any harm. I wasn't jumping high or anything and I am pretty sure if little Noble has any loops or knots in his cord it is due to his extreme sport movements inside. This guy flips and flops and turns all over with the best of them.

I also did eat pineapple yesterday. Not an over abundance of it but it was in my sweet and sour chicken dinner. And nipple stimulation -- well that didn't seem to work too well either. I would do the pickle thing, but I really don't like pickles. I would also totally do the teeter totter thing except that I don't know where there is a teeter totter anywhere near here. That sounds like fun though.

I am going back to my doctor today to have her strip my membranes or irritate my cervix one last time. That does seem to help move things along even if it doesn't put me into active labor. Then maybe I will take my husband's advice and eat lots of chocolate and go to a movie with him tomorrow. 

Thanks for all the fun advice. It has been fun to read in all my spare time.

Officially Overdue

Once again I have seen my due date come and go. I guess my body just likes to hold on to these babies a bit longer than the norm. At least I still feel pretty good. (Although I suspect that after I give birth I will realize I didn't really feel good but just had forgotten what it was to feel normal.)

So I am trying out a new "theory" on starting labor each day I go over. We will see if any of them work on me. I did the walking thing. I did that again last night. I figure that can only do good things for me no matter how I look at it, so I plan to walk everyday. Oh and yes, I have also tried the "do what got you into this mess" advice. That hasn't worked on any of my kids, but like walking it doesn't hurt to keep trying right? 

Last night a friend did acupressure massage on a spot above my ankle that is supposed to make you have contractions or go into labor or something. I must admit that I did have more contractions than usual during the hour she was rubbing my ankles. I will likely be rubbing that spot in my spare time over the coming days.

This morning I humored another friend and tried jumping rope. That did get baby awake but did not break my water as she had suggested it might. I will try jumping on a trampoline later today.

The one trick I will not try is Caster Oil. I don't really doubt that it would work. I just don't feel like starting my labor with the kind of stomach pain I believe it would give me. If you have other suggestions, feel welcome to offer them. I can't say I will try all of them but I will get around to as many as I feel I reasonably can.

Doing my Part

The girlies and I with my full term belly

In an effort to do all I can to help get labor going at home, I put on my dusty tennis shoes yesterday and we all went on a good long walk. We walked the trail around the circumference of our neighborhood. By the end the girls were complaining that their legs couldn't go any more and Jonathan was carrying Lauren. 

I am not sure I had a single contraction during our walk but I was surely sore. I soaked in a tub last night and felt much better. I woke almost every hour and at about 4 found that I was having contractions about every 10 minutes. They were not too painful but hard enough to wake me up every 10 minutes. 

They have subsided now and I am going to go get a good nap in just in case. I almost got hopeful of going into labor on my own this morning. I think I will try taking another walk this evening. At the very least it will help me build up my lung capacity for the pushing phase.

A Baby This Week

I just got home from the doctor. She irritated my cervix. Never a pleasant experience. ;) She thinks I will go into labor on my own this week. I am not getting my hopes up, but will do all I can to help things along. 

I already cleaned all my bathrooms this weekend. Maybe I will end up scrubbing my tile floors downstairs just for the heck of it. That put two of my friends into labor last week. They were both not due till later this week. 

If nothing happens this week she has scheduled me for an induction on Sunday. So a week from now I should have a new baby. 

Just giving you all the update. I'll let you know if anything crazy happens like I actually start having contractions on my own.

Babies Blessed

We had two babies blessed in church today. First a little girl, then a little boy. 

Lauren was sitting on my lap (what is left of it at least) during these blessings. After the little boy was blessed. I said "Look at that tiny little baby boy. Isn't he cute? Pretty soon you will have a little brother just like that."

"But, mama, I still want a girl baby," she says to me. 

"I know and maybe someday we will have another little girl baby, but it will be fun to have a little brother."

"But, mama, I really liked Camille."

"Yes Lauren. I love Camille too, and we miss her huh? But even if we had a girl baby it wouldn't be Camille. And if we don't ever have another girl baby, you will always have Camille. She will always be your baby sister and when you get to play with her again she will still be little and cute just like she was."

The months pass. The memories grow dimmer. The waves of grief hit less frequently. Yet still the hole, the missing, the longing for her presence remains. I feel it for myself and in conversations like today's I feel it for her sisters as well.

Sister's in pajamas 

Adoring new sleeping baby Camille

May 12, 2007

Taken by Elizabeth Harris.

Feeling Good. Maybe Too Good.

Well the talent show was so much fun. The girls both did a great job. I will have to put some video of it up here if I can find the right cords and figure out how to do it sometime tonight or tomorrow.

We just finished cleaning the whole house and my mother is treating Jon and I to a night alone. She took the kids to her house for the night. That is the ultimate incentive for them to clean. So now my house can actually stay clean for a whole day! Wahoo!

As for the pregnancy update: I am feeling good. I mean my pelvic bone is popped out of place. I need to try to pop it back it but have been hoping it would do it on its own because it hurts to do it. But other than that and some pretty severe nightly heartburn I feel pretty good. I do have contractions but they don't hurt and they are not regularly spaced or often.

I think Jon and I will spend part of our alone time walking a mall or something. I am not as anxious to have this baby born as I have been with most of my other children. I was not really anxious with Sabrina because I just had no idea what motherhood would be like. I couldn't conceive the amount of love and joy she would bring to me.

With Ann Marie I knew what to expect and thought I was nervous about labor (Sabrina's was pretty awful), I was excited to bring her into the world and get to know her. Turned out her labor was super easy and rather fun. Then she spent the next 6 months crying. 

With Lauren, I was so burdened by the weight of her and about 10 lbs of extra amniotic fluid that I was really anxious to be done with pregnancy. That was a very relieving birth. With Camille, the end of my pregnancy was so painful with this pelvic bone thing that I was counting the minutes.

This pregnancy I feel better than I did with Lauren or Camille. And there is a bit of the unknown with how it will feel to have a son. And mostly, I guess I have an anticipated anxiety to face. Right now it seems so much safer and easier to take care of this little guy with him inside me and cushioned so well. 

I know I am going to have to fight the paranoia virus that has infected me when this tiny helpless little life joins us in the outside world. One day at a time. One breath at a time. With faith and trust in the Creator's plan.

Bedtime Story

One of my kids favorite bedtime stories is the true story I tell of the time I was most scared in my life. Seeing as nothing much has been happening around here and I haven't anything more exciting to post about, I thought I would share this bedtime story for my post tonight.

Long ago when I was a little girl about 6 or 7 years old, I slept in an antique white wrought iron bed. It was about a foot off the ground and I used to hide under it when I was trying to hide from my parents or my siblings. It made a perfect hiding place.

Because it was such a good hiding place I was always scared that a monster of some sort might be hiding under there when I went to bed. Each night I would turn off the light in my room and take as few steps as possible before jumping onto my bed from as far away as possible. This was all just in case there was something under my bed. I didn't want it to be able to grab my foot.

One night I followed this routine and then as usual began the nightly wait to fall asleep. I have never been able to fall asleep quickly. As I lay waiting for sleep to come, I felt my bed shake. Now I was a rather logical and reasonable girl and I knew beds could not shake themselves. I also couldn't believe there was REALLY a monster under my bed. I mean that was just a crazy fear right? 

I thought to myself, "maybe I accidentally moved and made the bed shake." It was a wobbly bed. "Or maybe it was the wind." Then I did note that the window was closed and so there couldn't really be "wind." Still I was not ready to accept the "monster" theory so I laid perfectly still, making sure my feet and hands stayed on the center of the bed, and waited. 

A minute later my bed moved again. This time I was SURE it was not me or the wind and I had definitely felt my bed shake. So like any typical little girl, I screamed out "DAAAAADDDD!!!!"

A moment later my father groggily came to my doorway. He had obviously been sleeping. He turned on my light and asked what was wrong. I told him something was under my bed. Like a typical father, he said, "Now Stephanie, there is nothing under your bed. Look under there and see for yourself and we can all go back to sleep."

I shook my head no. There was NO WAY I was looking under there. "No way Dad," I said. "There is something under my bed. My bed MOVED! YOU look under my bed!"

My dad tried a couple more times to get me to look under my bed but I would not budge on the issue. Finally he said, "okay listen. How about I will look under your bed and make sure nothing is there and then you look under your bed and see for yourself. Then we can all go to sleep."

This sounded like a much more reasonable proposition and I agreed. So my dad walked over to my bed. Then he began lifting my bedspread to look under my bed all the while with his eyes fixed on me and saying in a teasing voice, "I'm looking under your bed. I'm looking under your bed..."

Just then the something under my bed reached out and grabbed my dad by the ankle. In one fail swoop my dad jumped completely out of my room and back into the hall with a surprised scream. That right there was the scariest moment of my life. Whatever it was under my bed and just made itself known and my dad had left me alone with it in my room.

Then I heard my older sister's laughter floating up from the floor. My dad, now FULLY awake, came back into my room and got my sister out from under my bed and into her own room. 

I learned that night that when we face our fears they are often not as bad as we imagine. Sometimes the monster under your bed is just your big sister playing a trick on you.

On the Same Page

I love my doctor. She is so willing to follow my wishes and make the birth of this baby on my time table (or my body's) and not hers. Today I took in a "birth plan" I wrote up a while back. Normally I am not such a believer in "birth plans" because labor and delivery can be so unpredictable and really so much has to be decided during the process.

But I really wanted everyone who attends to me during this labor and delivery to be aware of my story. I want them to know that the last time I was in the hospital I was saying goodbye to a child. I am not sure how or if my grief will play into this birth. I have come to realize how unpredictable grief can be. Times I think I should be a disaster I feel strong and other times I am hit with a wave for no apparent reason.

So I wrote up my story for those who attend to me to read. I have a hard time telling people without losing it. There just isn't an easy way to tell people you had a child die. I included a bullet pointed list of things I know I do or don't want during the labor. 

I shared this "plan" of sorts with my doctor. She already knew about Camille. She was fully supportive of everything I wrote and put the plan at the top of my chart so it would be the first thing people would see. I love it.

Also, I told her I couldn't have the baby this week because of the talent show. She was totally helpful and told me to come back Monday to have my cervix checked then. She didn't want to accidently disturb things and get me started. I feel pretty confident that I can make it through Friday without going into labor now. After that, I think I will be ready to play ball whenever little Noble decides the time is right.

Not This Week!

I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow. My doctor has been predicting an April baby for a couple of weeks now. Last time I went and she checked me (a week ago) she got all excited. "I'm touching the baby's head. You are dilated to a 3! Let's break your water and have a baby!" She is funny--totally energetic and excited. 

"Hmmm. No this is not a good week," I replied. "I have company coming in town this week." She was sure that this fact would put me in to labor. Yet, alas I am still pregnant. 

Today I found out that both Sabrina and Ann Marie made it into their school talent show. Apparently they only had room for 12 acts. Sabrina will be singing "Maybe" from Annie and Ann Marie is playing Allegro on the violin. They have practices after school this week and the performance is on Friday. 

So that pretty much translates into "I can't have a baby this week." Hopefully my body will cooperate. I do still have one more week till my due date. And I have been dilated to a 3 before and still gone over due and had to be induced so I am hopeful. I can wait. Hopefully Noble can too.

Be Believing

"Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." Doctrine and Covenants 90:24

My sister-in-law Nikki recently sent me a letter/paper her uncle wrote to his children on why bad things happen to good people. He wrote it many, many years ago. I have found it to be faith bolstering and well thought out. He has a few points that I found to be particularly profound. One of the points he makes has to do with the above scripture. 

For those who are not familiar with the "Doctrine and Covenants," it is primarily a book of revelations given to the prophet Joseph Smith from Jesus Christ in the early years of our church's founding. It is part of the LDS Canon of scripture.

In his letter, this man (my sister-in-law's uncle) points out how important "being believing" is to having all things work for our good. I have given this point some thought further. I have often said that even in my lowest moments where my faith is weakest, I have chosen to believe. 

Believe what? Believe that the Lord loves me and knows what will be best for me. Believe that it was Camille's time to leave this Earth. Believe that her death is part of His plan. Believe that somehow this trial - all our trials - will work together for our good. Sometimes that last one is really hard to "believe," especially in those low points that are so filled with pain. But, I have come to realize how much more endurable the pain and trials of this life are when faced with a believing heart and a mind firmly focused by faith.  

I feel best, strongest, most at peace, and most happy when I doubt not but trust in the Lord and BELIEVE that this is part of His plan. Certainly I have had moments of question and doubt over the last 10 months. But those moments are low, depressing, and hopeless. I do not want to live my life in the emotions of those moments. I am SURE the Lord would not have me live my life that way. Therefore, when those moments come, I CHOOSE to believe.

That choice helps immediately to pull me from the dark corners of my mind. And soon my "belief" is confirmed by the sweet peaceful feelings that fill my soul. Often I become so sure in my belief that I am brought out of my grief and can feel to thank the Lord for His work in my life. There is always the missing. But often when I am most "believing" I can see His great work and Camille's part in it. And I feel as if I am the mother of a missionary -- missing my child, but not willing her to be anywhere other than where she is. 

Naturally, these moments of doubt and highs of believing go around and around in cycle. But the further along this path I walk, the more rare the moments of doubt become. And the majority of my time is spent in a sweet, even, peaceful feeling of trust and ... BELIEF. 

In Good Company

The past three days I have had the pleasure of hosting my good friend Brittney and two of her children. We were joined here one night by our friends Tiffany and Michelle. All of us lost a child in a tragic accident. All our children were between 1 and 2 years old. 

We had a get together one night that went late into the night. We laughed and cried and shared coping strategies. We also talked about various other subjects like weight loss and exercise and American Idol. 

These women buoy me up. I feel stronger with them by my side. They are remarkable women, each of them. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, our own unique aspects to our trials, our own stories. But we are all evidence of life after the death of a child. And I love to see how beautifully life can be lived even after such heart ache.

Tiffany, Britt, and I hung out most of yesterday letting our children play. They played in the spa and Britt and Tiff worked out. (I have given that up for the time being.) We just enjoyed the day and being in the company of other "amputees." 

Britt has just left to go back home to Arizona. I come away from these days feeling grateful. Grateful to be me. Grateful for all the gifts and talents with which the Lord has blessed me. Grateful for the testimony and witness God has given me. Grateful for my family and friends. Grateful for the support I receive from all corners of the earth through this blog. Grateful for great friends who really KNOW. Grateful for the eternal plan of our Heavenly Father and to know as much about it as I do. Grateful to be a mother to children both on Earth and in Heaven. Grateful for the joys in my life and even grateful for the great sorrows.

I know my sorrows sown now will one day yield up fruit sweeter than I have experienced thus far in my life. And for that fact and the knowledge of that fact, I am grateful. 

Wouldn't you know it ...

Remember that line in my last post about feeling good and how tomorrow I would probably regret that? Ha! Well wouldn't you know it. Last night I woke up at 2 in the morning (after about an hour of sleep) sick to my stomach from my prenatal vitamin. (I should know better than to take it on an empty stomach). Add to that my headache and I was not in a good way. 

I spent about two hours in and out of the bath and timing stomach pains wondering if I was going into labor. This was not how I wanted to start labor. Still the pains were regular and about 5 minutes apart. Finally around 4:15 I woke Jon up and told him he better start packing for the hospital. (I hadn't quite gotten around to that yet.)

He jumped up and started gathering things. A few minutes (and one more trip to the bathroom) later the pains subsided and I felt sleepy. My sweet husband was wonderful about me waking him up to my false alarm and just went cheerfully to work. I love this man.

Just a false alarm and I am feeling fine today. But I found it ironic that this came right after I said I was feeling really good. :)

Incubation

Today as I sat staring at my belly waiting for my doctor to come in and check me out, I had one of those moments. You know those moments when it hits you how incredible it is that there is a whole person there moving around and soon to join the world. It is just amazing that we are able to assist in the creation of life. 

I am playing the waiting game now. I am mostly ready to have this baby. I am two weeks from my due date. My body is ready. It is just waiting for things to start and the baby to come. Yet, unlike most other pregnancies, I am not as anxious as I have before been. I feel pretty good as long as I don't do too much. 

I know now that I have said that, tomorrow I will feel terrible. :) But for now I feel pretty good. I really want to go into labor on my own without being induced. I hope that happens for me. I am tempering my patience so I can stick it out for the long haul.

I would really like to go drug free through this labor. I haven't ever done that before. I have always wanted to do it. My mom had me without drugs. I was the only child she did that way. I think it will be empowering and cathartic to experience the natural pains of bringing a child into the world after having felt the natural pains of returning one to the presence of her Maker.

I hope those around me will help me to be strong when I feel weak and want nothing more than to make the pain go away. I hope I can find my way through the pain and to the joy of birth and new life. 

Till that journey through the pain begins, I am left here incubating, waiting, and preparing as best I can.

Birthday for an Angel

As the last hour of Camille's birthday slips into yesterday, I am reflective and unable to sleep with the jumble of thoughts in my head. Overall, I would say it has been a wonderful day. I feel I have a better idea now of how I want to spend this day every year. There were some special moments today that I want to make annual traditions. There were some parts that while nice this year, I don't feel I need to continue to do.

A few of the highlights for me were eating oatmeal with the girls this morning and singing Happy Birthday to Camille with them. Oatmeal was one of Camille's favorite foods. I really felt Camille with us this morning. I felt her happy and smiling and present. 

We all wore blue today and wore our Camille bracelets and necklaces. I loved that. We finished opening our "Easter eggs" that were meant to be done between Easter and Camille's birthday. I loved our activities. One of them was to draw pictures of what the day will be like when Jesus comes again. I loved our girls pictures. Annie's had all of us with Jesus and Dado was petting a tiger and a bear. She also had our butterfly that died flying around in the picture.

Maybe my favorite part was the part I feel Camille inspired. We spent the day doing good deeds. Tonight when I checked my blog I read of all the good deeds you have done and I felt so cheered. I really feel like that was what Camille most wanted for her birthday. I feel like she wanted us all to make the world a better place in whatever small way we can. I think she is happy to know that her short life has inspired so many to do a little something extra to make the world, or our families better. 

Thank you all for sharing. And if you haven't done anything yet, please know that it is never too late. I loved watching my girls come up with ways to serve and Jonathan and I came up with a way to contribute as well. But I have to say that hearing of all the good acts done by all of you was the highlight of this idea. Thank you so much.

Now I am off to read and hope my reading will take me to dreamland. 

Happy Birthday my Angel Girl!

Two years ago right now I was feeling much the same as I am feeling right now -- VERY PREGNANT.  I was at the hospital all hooked up to IVs and monitors starting the induction process. I was just a few hours away from my first sight of my sweet little Camille.

What a day of pain relief that was. The pregnancy had been by far my most painful, especially in those last 3 months. Even this one has not compared to it. And my epidural only worked on one half of my body so the labor was also one of my most painful. Her birth was a glorious healing event for me.

Yesterday was a very long day. We began early with the planting of our Camille tree. Our other tree was bent over beyond repair by a storm this week. So my dad brought a truck over and hooked the tree to it and pulled it out with my husband's help. 

He and my mother took me to the nursery to look for a replacement. We went to Davis Nursery which has been around as long as anyone here can remember. The owners have known my family for generations. My grandfather used to spend his lunch hours walking through the nursery enjoying the plants. 

The owners mother was there and she knew my grandfather. When she asked if I would be naming the baby I was having Morgan after my dad who was standing next to me I said "yes, his name will be Morgan Noble."

"Noble?" She said. "As in Noble Waite? The one who..." The next 15 minutes were filled with a complete history of Noble Waite and his complete family tree. She told me fun stories about his wit and humor. While I have never met the man, all her stories sounded very consistent with everything I have heard about him. 

I had brought a leaf of a tree in our neighborhood that I liked. As we were going to go look at them, she suggested I look also at a red oak. She showed me pictures of how beautifully they grow here and how colorful they get in the fall.

We looked at both kinds of tree. I chose the red oak for a couple of reasons. First we wanted a strong tree that could withstand the heavy winds that life will throw at it. Oak trees are some of the strongest on earth. Secondly, since this tree is in honor of Camille for her birthday, I thought I ought to get a really beautiful tree. And I think this is a beautiful tree.

Also, the fact that this tree will change colors in the seasons will remind us that this life is but a season of our existence and after the winter, spring will come again. It will grow tall and wide and shade our house from the heat of the summer. We will treasure its red, orange, and golden leaves in the fall. And in the spring it will remind us of the new life we are promised with our Camille when Christ comes again.

Here she is freshly planted outside the front window. That is the window to the blue room that I decorated about a year ago now inspired by my sweet little Camille's eye color.

More tomorrow or later tonight on how we have spent today celebrating the birth of our angel sister.

Heart Burn

What do you do when you are woken up at 4 a.m. by intense heartburn? Well after you get up and down several TUMS, you blog ... right? 

Now this may be a messy post because I don't have my glasses or contacts on and I can't really see my screen. But I thought I would share something I have noticed about the heart here since I am feeling the "burn" quite literally right now. 

My heart has had quite the ride this week. I have had some pretty great highs and some fairly low lows. Many of these have come within hours of each other. But overall the highs win the day out. I think the reason for that is the fact that they have been "spiritual" highs. 

This has had me thinking about how the greatest "highs" and the lowest "lows" I have felt in this life have been spiritual.  Really the hardest days for me have been the days in my life when I have felt forsaken. 

On the other hand, nothing can compare to the joy of a spiritual high. It can lift you out of depression or sorrow quicker than anything I know. Sometimes it is difficult to maintain as Satan HATES it when we feel this way. He is always biting at the chance to drag us down. But I have had a few spiritual highs in my life that have left such an impression that even years after the high is worn off I can remember it and even relive a bit of it in the retelling of them.

One of these came the day I got my answer about the church being true. I have related that story previously. I have had several as I have witnessed small miracles in my life -- finding lost rings in seemingly impossible circumstances, having small prayers answered etc...

I have even had a few since Camille died. These have been mostly centered on feeling a clarity of  thought about the greater plan of my Father that took Camille from my arms to His. There have been a few times when I have felt such deep and abiding peace about where she is and how these circumstances have changed me and affected so many  others.  

I had one of these moments this week.  I am still riding the high of it. It has tempered me through the lows that have come. I have felt a validation  and love from my Father that I have only felt few times before in my life. These times have told me I was doing something right. 

It seems every time they come shortly after I have gone through some really scary big life change. Often I have been uncertain  about the path I have chosen in such circumstances and I feel as if I have stepped out into the storm on faith alone that somehow I  will not sink but be able to walk on the water. Often there have been "sinking" moments when I wonder what I am doing and why I am doing it. But then ultimately there have been those moments when I become sure footed through the help of the Savior and his love and validation. 

I wish I could fill my life with these spiritual highs. Perhaps that is why heaven is so wonderful. It must be like an Eternal spiritual high to be in the loving presence of our Savior and the Father and continuously engaged in their work.

I pray that through our work for good and our steady faithfulness despite adversity we all may have more of these highs -- highs when our hearts feel a touch of the Divine.