Wednesday, June 15, 2011

June 15, 2011

What would my heart print look like if I could just take it out and smash it into this screen? Words... they never seem to be able to do all I want them to do. There must be some better form of communication in the next life. I look forward to that. I imagine it. I imagine seeing my Savior again and in one instant He will know all my thoughts and feelings and I will know His love more completely than I ever have before.

I look forward to a day when the time for "explaining" your feelings will end because perhaps we can communicate feelings directly without the need for language or words and its limits. Sometimes I just wish I could let others feel what I am feeling for a few minutes so they could better understand me. Sometimes I wish I could feel how someone else is feeling so I would know exactly how to treat them or how to best help them.

I feel this way with my children often. I often wonder what it is like to be them and what I am like as a mother through their young eyes. I wonder what their life experience feels like and how similar or dissimilar it is from my own. I hope one day I will no longer have to wonder but I can know because they can directly share those feelings with me spirit to spirit.

I wonder what Camille's experiences are like now. I wonder how this separation feels to her. I wonder if she knows how I am feeling at any given time. Right now... I miss her.  I want to be with her. I want to share my heart with her. I want feel her heart's expressions in my own.

That's a lot of wishing, wants and wonderings. I know. Reality is that we don't always get what we wish for. Often we must wait for our wants. And sometimes we are supposed to be left to wonder.


Laura Lee said...

I am so sorry this happened to you and your family. You are so incredibly strong. I read your posts and you just continue to amaze me. Thank you for sharing and opening your heart to us all.

The Robinson's said...

I'm sorry...

My heart aches for you and your family especially your girls, their littest sister is gone.

Their is a special little angel watching over all of you!

Take care.

Diana...aka...MeMe said...

I admire your strength. I think I know what your heart desires and I wish I had the right words to console you. I am praying for you Stephanie. Your little angel is so very beautiful!