June 15, 2011

What would my heart print look like if I could just take it out and smash it into this screen? Words... they never seem to be able to do all I want them to do. There must be some better form of communication in the next life. I look forward to that. I imagine it. I imagine seeing my Savior again and in one instant He will know all my thoughts and feelings and I will know His love more completely than I ever have before.

I look forward to a day when the time for "explaining" your feelings will end because perhaps we can communicate feelings directly without the need for language or words and its limits. Sometimes I just wish I could let others feel what I am feeling for a few minutes so they could better understand me. Sometimes I wish I could feel how someone else is feeling so I would know exactly how to treat them or how to best help them.

I feel this way with my children often. I often wonder what it is like to be them and what I am like as a mother through their young eyes. I wonder what their life experience feels like and how similar or dissimilar it is from my own. I hope one day I will no longer have to wonder but I can know because they can directly share those feelings with me spirit to spirit.

I wonder what Camille's experiences are like now. I wonder how this separation feels to her. I wonder if she knows how I am feeling at any given time. Right now... I miss her.  I want to be with her. I want to share my heart with her. I want feel her heart's expressions in my own.

That's a lot of wishing, wants and wonderings. I know. Reality is that we don't always get what we wish for. Often we must wait for our wants. And sometimes we are supposed to be left to wonder.