Tuesday, July 27, 2010

"Ah Man!"

When I was young (14) I was given an award by my peers as the person "most likely to be caught dreaming of her future husband." It is true. I did think about that subject quite frequently in the years before I got engaged. But it was more than just dreaming of what he would look like or where he would have grown up or how we would meet. I have always been a planner. I was trying to mentally plan my life out. Getting married to some dark haired, tall, attorney from Texas was just another part of the plan. Right? :0)

I may not have gotten my plans for my future husbands looks or profession or birth place right, but I did plan for other more important qualifications that I did get. Chief among those was a good LDS man who would be obedient to the Lord no matter what. Ultimately, it is that quality in Jon that is responsible for our marriage. It is because he was obedient to the Lord's instruction to date me - even though he didn't like me like that - that we ever got together.

So I guess it should be no surprise to me that my little Lauren has been wondering about who she is going to marry for many months now. Several months ago she was in tears in our car as she explained how worried she was that she didn't have a boy to marry. I suggested many and she turned them all down. Eventually I had to distract her so she would not be so distraught. 

Yesterday we were reading the scriptures in the morning. We are reading in the Old Testament. We are at the part when Abraham sends his servant to find a wife for Issac among his kindred. I talked to the girls about why it was important for Issac, and thus for us, to marry someone of our own faith. They gave me many reasons for why this is important and ultimately being able to get married in the Temple was at the top of the list. 

This was a great way to introduce our family's standard of only dating those guys who are worthy to take you to the temple someday. After all, if you don't date guys who can't meet this standard, you will never fall in love with one and have to make the hard choice between a temple marriage and the guy you love. 

So as we are wrapping up this conversation and the standard has been laid down, I hear Lauren say, "Ah Man! Now I am going to have to find a new boy!"

I tried really hard not to laugh as I asked who she had in mind. She named a little boy in her preschool class and then said, "but he doesn't go to church with us!" Lucky for her he actually is Mormon and just attends a neighboring ward. She was very relieved by this information as she wouldn't have to go "boy hunting" again.


a.k.a. Jack said...

LOL! Love it!

Carole said...

LOL! That is just too cute!

Anonymous said...

AWESOME!!! That is just too cute! I haven't had Katelyn worried about boys yet, but she was wondering when she could get her driver's license the other day. I think you and I are going to have our hands full with our cute little 5 year olds. LOL

Nikki K.

Anonymous said...

Teaching your kids to be bigots and then bragging about it on your blog? Neat. Great way to make your religion look real attractive.

Allison said...

Wow, anonymous, way to go out on a limb there and leave a rude comment without a name on it.

What is bigoted about wanting your kids to date boys who share in their own moral values? I believe all caring parents encourage their children to choose good mates. In this case, it goes one step further to encourage them to date within their faith. Very common among many religions (Jewish, Catholic).

That being said, my husband dated me, a non-Mormon. I eventually joined his church and we got married. So I will always have to tell my kids they wouldn't be here if he hadn't gone out on a limb and dated someone outside of his faith. However, he had some VERY BIG challenges as a young man as a result, so I will also be happy to share with them the challenges he endured in dating me. Of course, I would like for them to choose the easier path, but they are always free to choose as they wish.

Ashlin said...

My mom warned me of the trials I would go through dating a non-Mormon. I just let it roll off my back. What do moms know anyway, right?

Well I started dating a Catholic and it didn't bother me until we talked about getting married and having children. We realized the struggle we were facing. After a lot of soul searching, my husband agreed to take discussions and was baptized. Now, this is not the norm, I know I am one of the lucky ones, but it hasn't been easy. Things were difficult during his transition. His testimony wavered, he fell away from the church etc. He came back to the church and started to get back on track, but not before it cause a strain in our marriage.

I wouldn't trade my husband for anyone in the world. Yes, he's not a return missionary, and he doesn't have a stronger testimony than most, but he's the man I love and I am blessed to be with him for eternity. Would it have been easier for me to date and marry someone who already had an established testimony? Most definitely, but I felt in my heart that this man was who I was supposed to be with.

Will I encourage my young daughter to date someone who has the same beliefs? Absolutely. If it will prevent her from feeling the pain, heartbreak and stress that I felt then I will certainly encourage her.

I completely agree with Allison. It will be my child's choice to do what they feel is best. All I could do is pray and have faith that they are living their life according to the Lord's plan for them.

It sounds like "Anonymous" is a little ignorant. No offense. :)

Darleen said...

Lauren in love? So cute! Well...you know my story so you're always welcome to use me as an example. :) Although I never regret my choice just like your previous commentors.

Stephanie said...

Dear Anon,
If you have read all of my posts you should know that I in no way look down upon other people and their beliefs. I respect all people's right to believe as they wish. I do not think I am better than anyone else because of my beliefs.

But marriage and dating is one area where I think all of us ought to be selective in whom we choose. It is hard enough to make a marriage work when you have two people who have the same core values and beliefs.

More importantly, only LDS members in good standing in the church can enter and be married in our Temples. But ANYONE who wants to join the church and keep the commandments can enter there. We believe that only in our Temples are couples sealed together forever - beyond death do us part - by proper authority. We believe that through that sealing are we sealed to our children forever.

So why would I - who have lost a child in this life and cling to the promise that I will have her as my daughter forever by this sealing - why would I ever want anything else for my own children?

I set the standard in my home to mark the path to their best chances of greatest happiness. When they are out of my house it will be up to them to choose whether to follow my council or choose their own way.

Personally, I believe that marrying and thereby dating those within your own faith - whatever that faith may be- is going to give you the greatest odds for a successful marriage.

Jane said...

As usual, well said Stephanie.


Jane (a non-Mormom for those interested!)

Anonymous said...

There are so many good, amazing, wonderful, people out there that are not of the LDS faith. So for you to say that you tell your daughters to only date those in their religion is teaching them to not look for the good in all people, to judge simply based on whether they go to a LDS church or not. There are people out there that have high morals that are not members. Growing up in Utah I’m amazed at the amount of young women that have done everything their mothers and church leaders have told them to do. They dated the supposed worthy young man that served a mission, and were married in the temple. Now these same women are divorced because of physical abuse, adultery in their marriage, and other horrific things that I don’t want to mention. And these men were members, they were the returned missionaries, they were “temple worthy.” When you say “I set the standard in my home to mark the path to their best chances of greatest happiness.” Really…are the situations mentioned above greatest happiness because they were married in the temple and dated people in their faith? Personally I believe that marring someone that is a good person, someone you truly know and who truly knows you and that loves and cares for you unconditionally is going to give you the greatest chance for a successful marriage. I also am LDS and was raised LDS. My father was not and is not. He is the most amazing man I know. He would do anything in the world for my mother and family. After I read this I talked to her about her feelings on the matter and she would not do a thing different in her life. It was the best decision she ever made to marry my father. I know that it is believed that you must be sealed in the temple to be with your loved ones forever but I believe that my family will be together forever and they are not sealed in the temple. I don’t believe for a second that heavenly father is not going to allow my amazing father to be with my loving mother in heaven.

Jonathan Waite said...

Dear anon,
I think you misunderstand the purpose of my wife's post. The process of going through the temple to be sealed is not some sort of "validation" as to the goodness/greatness or lack thereof. True, those that enter in the temple have to live up to a standard but like you said, it does not guarantee the actual worthiness/greatness or whatever adjective you want to insert here to describe a Christ-like individual. Look, I've got neighbors across the street from me who are non-Mormon that are probably better individuals than I am -- but that's not the point. The point is to marry someone who is a "good person" (your noted standard) AND in the temple. We live in the Las Vegas metro area where there are plenty of choices for our daughters when they grow up. I served my mission in rural areas in Brazil and there were in fact poor members who just did not have the means to find both a good person AND a member who could take them to the temple. I am pretty sure God will not fault them. But as a parent I want to teach the ideal, not focus on the exception.

I think the two anonymous comments above need to realize that teaching the ideal of the temple does not put one temple worthy individual above a non-Mormon in some sort of "righteousness ranking".