Saturday, November 14, 2009

6 Months

The other day I walked into my room and found Annie and Noble playing. It was such a wonderful site. The joy was just emanating from both of their faces. I am so thankful for how healing Noble has been for my girls. Now that he is older and less cranky he has really begun to love all the attention they give him.

He is sitting up really well on his own now. He turned 6 months last week. This makes it so much easier for him to play with toys. He is not much of a roller though. He has rolled over once each way as I noted in previous posts, but he hasn't rolled on his own since then. I think he tried it and didn't like it so well. I think he will be crawling before it is rolling over well.

As Noble gets closer to the age Camille was, she is fresher in my mind. Sometimes I am feeding Noble and then suddenly I am back two years ago feeding Camille. I constantly have to remind myself that he is only 6 months and can't eat foods that Camille could eat. I have never had this happen with my other children. I guess because the older child was right there next to me. But often I find myself almost caught away back to doing the same thing (feeding, rocking, nursing, loving) with Camille. I wonder what it will be like for me when Noble is older than Camille ever was.

I see my friends with children that were the same age as Camille. I have several friends who had babies within weeks of Camille. Now they are all two and talking and walking and being little people. When I look at them it is hard to imagine what Camille would have been like. I do not think of her so much when I see them. I do not know her at that age.

But I do think of her when I see a 14 month old. Perhaps I will forever have a soft spot in my heart for that age. At least until I am able to hold my 14 month old again. But for now I will be holding and loving my 6 month old and enjoying every minute of his babyhood.


Amanda said...

Ryan and I have starated the adoption process. Last week we had to attend a conference for Families Supporting Adoption as part of the requirements of LDS Fmaily Services to be able to adopt. As part of the conference they had a panel of birth moms tell us about their experiences. My heart broke for them as I listened to them tell about how hard it was to place their babies for adoption, and how hard it still is at times. They all went through a grieving process after, and there are still times when their tears come freely, even 2-3 years later. Before then I guess I hadn't put enough thought into all the different emotional stages they had to endure. Now as I read your blog I can see that their stages of grief are not too different from those of you who have lost children. I'm sure they have soft spots in their hearts for newborns. I guess the reason I write this is so that perhaps if you know birth parents you can grieve with them in a way that most of us can't. You may have already thought of that before, but I hadn't until now. I pray for all of you who are missing your babies.

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