Well I woke up this morning to rain and tears and a nice little pity party. I spent the first 45 minutes of my waking hour crying and then writing a rather whiny post about the difficulty of ward changes and meeting new people just months after losing a child.
After I finished writing the post I felt much better. I got out all the frustration. I vented my most recent "what not to say/ask" experience. Then I felt bad about the post. I didn't feel like posting it would help. I have already addressed the subject before HERE and it is people who don't read my blog that end up saying the wrong things anyway.
So, I saved the post and decided to just go about my day. The rain cleared up and so did the tears. Life is funny that way. Sometimes all you really need it a way to get the emotion out. Just like the atmosphere must at times let the rains fall. And then the sun returns and eventually the clouds clear away.
And so went my day. After tears and discomfort I moved to working out and running errands. Then we ended the day at a Valentine's party at my parents. Going from loneliness to love in 12 hours makes for a grateful heart.
Today I am grateful for rain that comes in its season. I am grateful I don't live in the Northwest where rain is the norm. I am grateful for my pilates workout that finally got me moving today. I am grateful for children who love me even when I feel like I was a slacker mom for the day. I am grateful for a loving husband who fills in for me when I need him most. I am grateful for great parents, siblings and in laws who are great examples and teachers to my children.
I am grateful for life - the one I am living, the one I am carrying, and the one that exists beyond the veil of death.
22 comments:
Hi Stephanie, I'm glad your day ended up so much better than it started. You are right though. Sometimes it helps to vent, even silently (Mmmm or not so silently with me). Then the clouds do tend to pass.
Love
Jane
I love the last line. So perfect. :)
I am amazed at your strength. Even when you have bad days, you just pick yourself back up and move forward. Thank you for your inspiration and daily scoops of goodness!
Tell Jonathan thank you for the family history lesson. It's been fun to find a long-lost distant cousin:). If he has the big "Waite Family Tree Book," he can look to see how closely we really are connected by looking for my family under C. Erwin Waite's (my grandfather)line.
Emily (Waite) Matson
Hi Steph! Ward changes??? UUggh! Starting new can be a blessing/struggle in disguise sometimes! Blessings await i'm sure. Tell your girls hello from our girls!
Stephanie, I read but don't think I've ever commented. I have learned so much from reading your blog and Molly Jackson's over the last several months. I have had a tremendous amount of compassion grow within me for those of you who have lost a child. Thank you for sharing with us. A while back you did a post on what to say and do for someone who has lost a child. Would you mind posting a link to that if you remember when you posted it? I found out yesterday that a friend of mine lost a baby to a heart condition, and the first thing I thought was that I needed to re-read your post.
Thank you again, Stephanie, for your insight. I think you are an incredible woman.
i loved that post! i could feel your strength through your words and that gives me strength. boohoo to the someone who had so ask and ask. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. i'm glad you got to go to pilates and feel better spending time with your great family. i have pilates today too. it's a great stress reliever. and i hope someday maybe i'll have some family here :)
Hi, I am so glad your day ended up better! I rarely comment but I read your posts regularly and you are such a positive example to me. Thanks!! I have a question. What pilates video are you using while pregnant? I am 4 months pregnant so was wondering what video you are using during pregnancy. you can email me if you get a minute at alli@pirateislandpizza.com Thanks!
oh steph, you are so wonderful. i love that you share your true feelings and through that, show that you are a human just like the rest of us.
thank God for the low points in life that help us see how wonderful the highs are.
hugs.
When your mornings start like this one, you should just scoop yourself a large bowl of Baskin Robin's mint chocolate chip ...
That's always bound to help! ;)
I too am sorry to hear your morning started out as a difficult one - but am so impressed with how you will yourself out of it. You still never cease to amaze me.
Much love!
Shanan
Like Mindy, I love this post's last line.
It sums it all up to a tee.
A grateful heart is a pleasant (and pleasing) attribute.
love 'n hugs,
kathryn_m
you are a wonderful example... thank you.
I got a chuckle out of your NW comment... I am here, smack dab in the middle of it... :)
Hi Steph- I hope you don't mind me stealing your last comment on this post to put on my newest blog for Mia. I just loved it. It says so much especially for us mothers who have lost. Thanks for your continued inspiration in my life. (www.consideringmia.blogspot.com) Love, Nicole Holland - Mia's mom ^i^
P.S. just a funny note, the word verification under the comment box was "greverap". (grieve) ironic.
Stephanie- I am glad your day ended up a little happier than when it started. I liked your analogy of the rain and the sun. You are right, expressing those emotions can just help. I hope your days ahead will be filled with sunshine.
Thank you.
Stepanie- I think this post is so cathartic, for many people! How often I have just written out my feelings, never to be actually sent or seen by anyone but me, but just as a place to tell someone- if only the computer or paper how I was feeling. I think with grief any change, big or small seems a little more monumental. Ward changes are hard..they are in all essences, family changes as well. I am glad your tears turned to love and joy, but I am also glad you are able to let it all out when you need to. Pilates, Yoga, Tai chi are wonderful ways to do that. In fact, I MUST tell you about my favorite Tai Chi video by my sweet friend and renowned instructor. She has one especially for pregnancy. My sweet baby #5 is a month old today and I did the Tai Chi dvd my whole pregnancy. It was wonderful. Not just the gentle movements, but the words and associations that come with them. Her website is TaiChiFlow.com. Many blessings!
You are an inspiration.
Sometimes it is just good to have a big crying pity party!
It just helps to get that raw emotion out, don't you think.
But it is wonderful to know that the plan of salvation gives us hope to make it through another tough day. I agree with all the other posts that your last line was poetic.
I love reading your blog, and am constantly inspired by you.
Thanks for uplifting me each day.
http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/
I just thought the McClenahan family might benefit from some of the wonderful insights you've shared through this process.
I'm sorry you had such a bad morning. That happened to me one day at church right after my husband was called into the bishopric. I have 7 kids, 2 of which were acting up, and I had to take them out. This nice old man (who is usually not very nice to my boys) came into the mother's room offering to help. He said that my other kids needed me, and that he would be fine with my little boys ages 2 and 4. I left the mother's room in tears, and didn't stop crying until I taught my lesson an hour and a half later. Everyone saw me crying and kept telling me it was okay. But really they were making it worse-no one really knew why I was crying. What I needed was really to get the tears out and then I would have been fine. I appreciated the old guy for helping, and the sympathy of others, but sometimes it just doesn't help. A good cry is sometimes all that helps. Thanks for your strength and example. You are amazing to me!
Stephanie,
I just found your blog and I have to say it is by far the most inspiring blog I have yet to read. You are such a real person with such uplifting things to say.
I am so sorry for your loss this past year. I know many of your readers have felt this way, but I too want to add that your experiences have made me pause to reflect on the moments with my own children and my relationship with the Lord. Thank you for the time you spend writing such beautiful things. I will come back often.
Melissa Marchant
I'm so inspired by your strength of character and your insightful living.
Hummm your day started like mine only...after the skies cleared, more dark, ominous clouds rolled in to usher in a tornado. WHA? It's February!
The silver lining for my day was that the blue skies didn't stick around long enough to cause a drastic temperatures change. No tornado warnings tonight! But I was in a funk nonetheless. It would have been nice to cry, I'd take tears over annoyance and anger any day. My poor kids had to steer clear of mom today. In the game of life today was a win for the boys down under. Drat I hate it when they win!
Gwen
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