I cannot deal with my own pain today. I have been to the temple, read my scriptures, say my prayers, but the pain is so intense it seems unbearable. What do you do when you can't escape the inner pain that is so consuming? Today is just too hard.
I do not know who sent this as it was anonymous. I don't know to what kind of pain you are dealing with. Here is what I do aside from what you have already done, which I would continue doing over and over. I gather my children, husband and family around me. I surround myself with those who love me unconditionally. I let them know about my pain. And I write. I get as much of the pain out in writing as I can. And I cry. Sometimes it helps to let it out.
Lastly, I want to share with you this post that my friend Britt wrote up. It is a talk by Elder Holland given at a stake conference she and her husband attended. Her husband is an awesome note taker. And Elder Holland ... he is just INCREDIBLE! LOVE HIM! Hope this helps. Thanks for the post Britt!
When we feel broken, which we all have....
1) When these times come for you or others remember God loves broken things. It takes broken clouds to nourish earth, broken earth to grow grain, broken grain to make bread. God can fix all things that are broken, they are understood by him and incorporated into His plan for us. The think that he loves most is a broken heart and contrite spirit - symbols of the Atonement which replaced the firstling of the flock after the Atonement was wrought.
Broken heart and contrite spirit is a more personal sacrifice that a burnt offering. Please don't resist if God helps to break your heart, he doesn't do it maliciously. He will handle it with care while it's broken and we will get it back whole. It will be restored whole just as our bodies will be restored whole through the Atonement. If we'll be faithful and true and not cut and run we'll get it all back. Don't panic if something breaks even if it's our heart of a child, spouse, or family member. The 'Night' will pass
2) When these times come and they will come and your in the middle of the offering remember what Virgil (Christian contemporary), "When these times come, endure, and save yourselves for days of happiness ahead." The declaration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that you will be happy again. The longer you think about not being happy the more you convince yourself that you never have been happy. The gospel brings happiness, it brought you happiness before this night began and you will have that happiness again. When you're in the middle of night you might say, "I can't do this, the load I've been asked to carry I can't carry." We all say that, it's the natural thing to say.
During this time we realize that the path we say we can't walk we do walk. We start to see what God is trying to say. When you look deep within yourself we start to see your true divinity, with a lot more strength than we thought we had and probably more that we wanted ;) You're waiting for the crash and somehow the ship levels out, although you're sure you're still going down.....and then the incline of the valley starts sloping up and you see a ray of light. For some this comes soon, others later, others in heaven but be assured it will come. In tough times square your shoulders, pull up your socks, and grit your teeth.
We have had the crash. We are on our ups and our downs. Sometimes we feel like our ship has set sail and left us, or we are on a rocky ship, but the ship always smooths out.... eventually.
Elder Holland was VERY adamant about this part. He was teary eyed and firm. I remember thinking, "If I have a really hard trial, how would I handle it? Would I lose my faith? Would I turn to it? How will/ would I react?" I pondered on the trials past and realized I had taken the higher road. At times, those trials really seemed like they were the hardest thing I ever had to do, and so goes with this one....
3) Don't you dare in those times say, "Well I guess God doesn't love me." If you say that personal problems are equated to God's lack of love you are wrong, because what does that say of some of the best people that have lived on this planet? What does that say about the Son of God? Elder Holland then told about an experience he had with President Hunter.
President Hunter was very sick and had just given Elder Holland an assignment to go overseas. ElderHolland knew that Pres Hunter would probably pass away while Elder Holland was away on assignment. One of the unwritten rules is you do not stop by the Prophets house for a social visit, so remember that when you're in SLC. Elder Holland felt like it would probably be OK to stop by Pres. Hunters house in spite of this unwritten rule because of the circumstances. So on his way out of town he went to the prophets apartment and knocked on the door.
Sister Hunter answered the door and just as she was opening the door an unearthly cry came out of the backroom coming from the President Hunter because of the great pain the cancer was causing him. ElderHolland has heard a cry similar to this only one other time from his 3 year old brother as he was having a seizure that killed him. Sister Hunter and Elder Holland both started crying. Elder Holland then knew it had been a mistake to come and said something along the lines of, "Forgive me I shouldn't have come, tell him I love him and am going on my assignment."
When the plane Elder Holland took got to England he was given word that President Hunter had died and to return back to SLC. President Hinckley is another of great suffering. He is alone and sick but keeps coming to work every day - does Heavenly Father not love him? When you hurt He hurts, DON'T YOU DARE SAY HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. The first rule of seamanship is when there's a storm you stay in the boat. You may need to hunker down at the bottom of the ship with the oars pulled in over you but you stay in the ship, don't even consider jumping ship. When you have storms in your life you've never needed the church more,
DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE. Where would you go?....the rotary club?....the gardening club? You stay with the truth, prove there's divinity in you. You're gonna have to say, "please let this cup pass" but if it won't they you square your shoulders, bow your head and say, 'yes.' We have to do it to prove who we are and who He is.
When the disciples were in the storm tossed ship in the New Testiment Jesus slept. They awoke Him and asked, "carest thou not that we perish?" The ship is going to sink! He responded, 'oh ye of little faith.' Then he raised his arm to the square and said, 'peace be still' and the wind and waves obeyed his voice. The disciples said, 'who is this man that even the wind and waves obey his voice.' In stormy seas we need the person that can control wind and waves.
Be believing, the sun will shine again.
Only the Gospel truth will bring happiness, don't try other things looking for happiness because they've been tried and don't work.
Elder Hollands favorite title of Christ in in the book of Revelations: 'Bright and Morning Star.' The Sun will come because of the Son. The only hope we have to offer you is the truth of the Gospel, all of it. He knows everything about sorrow and pain, everything about you. He has figuratively raised his arm to the sqare and declared figuratively peace in your life and this peace will come.
Seek the Peace and hunker down till it comes, people. Love to you all and especially to you today Anonymous! Love to you.