I have had a sense of foreboding today. I am not sure why. Sometimes I just feel this unsettled anxiety in the pit of my stomach that makes me a bit nauseas and reminds me of the feeling of the floor being pulled out from under me. It is a recognition of the genuinely fragility of so many routine parts of my life.
I sat in a bath as the hot water filled the tub. I thought about my bathroom and looked at it through the eyes of someone like rich and famous. It is a fairly standard bathroom. We have made no upgrades. It isn't the "spa like" luxury you might find in other homes. It pales in comparison to so many other bathrooms I have seen. It is nothing special.
Then I shifted my paradigm. I sat in that oversized tub and felt the hot water creep up around me. How privileged am I? I am sitting in this overly large comfortable tub. I have running water that comes into it with the turn of a lever -- and the water is hot. I wonder what percent of the worlds population has running water. I wonder of those how many have hot water. I wonder of those how many have tubs. Then I wonder how many of those tubs with hot running water are deep enough to cover an adult with water. I guess there are a very small percentage of the world's population who are so lucky.
At the same time, this foreboding feeling underscores how easily any given blessing can be erased from my life. It stirs my stomach and steals my appetite.
Jonathan and I went to the temple tonight. There I was reminded once again of the ultimate failsafe to this anxiety. In all the worst case scenarios my mind can imagine, somethings stay constant and ultimately bring me peace. No matter what happens or what trials I must face, Jesus is still the Christ. He will still be my Savior. My faith in Him and His gospel will still be sure. That is all that really matters. As long as I am good in my relationship with Him, the rest of this life is just an obstacle course designed to provide me opportunities to become more like Him.