Thursday, May 20, 2010

Approaching the 2-year Mark

Me and Camille June 6, 2008

Summer is sneaking up on me once again. Plans are being made. Vacations are coming up. And the 2 year mark is just weeks away. I am glad to have another year under my belt. Most of the time I feel pretty happy and positive these days. I have learned that it is easier to not get too down by going to bed early. Nights ... they are just hard. I think I am more prone to depressing thoughts at night when I am tired.

I still think about Camille every day. But I don't always think of her in sad ways. Now many days I don't feel great sorrow. I think of her dearly and with a sensitive heart but not necessarily a sad heart. I still have occasional days when I just really miss her and miss the place she would have filled in our little family. But I am becoming accustomed to the idea and reality of my new family -- the one with the gap in the middle.

Today I had a sweet dream that made me feel so sure that all is as it should be and that Camille is well. I feel a strong connection to Camille and in so many ways she still plays such a big role in our little family. She makes so many aspects of reading the scriptures more relatable to my children. I can especially feel her close when we are following the whisperings of the Spirit (you know those gentle --"hmm it might be a good idea if you did this" feelings of the heart?) in how to run our home. We recently had a series of those "whisperings" that have prompted some changes around our home. I will share those soon. I want to give them a while to see if I can keep them up first. So far the results have been dramatic to me.

I have a few other things I want to post about but today I was looking over my blog and realized it had been a long time since I had a photo of my baby girl up here. I just wanted to see a few up here today.
We love you Camille. 
Thank you for continuing to bless your family even from beyond the veil of death.


Robin gut my favorite title is Grandma said...

I'm sure more than anything you want to reach right into that photo, pick her up, and hold her tight. The beautiful thing is.....someday you will.

Nicki said...

You surely are so thankful for the pictures of this beautiful baby. She may be gone, but she is never forgetten!

i pray for peace for you and your family.

- nicki xoxoxo

Angie Larkin said...

I love to see her little face. My heart felt squeezed again for your family and I remembered the things I learned the first time I stayed up all night reading your blog. Loves to you all.

Christine Dallimore said...

Once again you just write so beautifully! I'm sure Camille is lovingly watching over your family, just as anxious for all of you to be together again!!

I don't know if you even remember this, but I told you I would be making a doll in honor of your sweet Camille. She is almost done! My plan is to send you a doll..and then make two replicas to sell. I promise 100% of the proceeds from those sells will go towards a charity of your choice, in honor of your beloved little girl. I will just send you the money. I was going to open my online shoppe June 1st, but now it has been postponed until June 14th as we will be out of town the prior week! Ironic that that will be around the 2 year anniversary. Huge prayers are being sent your way as I know what a difficult and tender day that can be. Oh can you please send me an email at This way I can send you a preview of your doll!! By the way, I am the co-host of Sending Smiles. I believe Kirsti contacted you about our recent handmade auction- It's a small world!!! :O) Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Susy said...

I will make this simple....May peace fill your heart when it most needs it!

Elise said...

I've only commented once before on your blog,(even though I read it daily). I believe the other comment was on the 'blank pages' post. Anyway. Just wanted to send you some love. I hope this summer brings wonderful happy memories, and not too much sadness and emptiness. How my heart aches for your empty 'spot'. Someday it will be filled again. Sending my love...from a stranger...yet friend.

Kathryn Olsen said...

Just received my copy of the book from blurb. It's a treasure! Thank you for making it available. Your such a wonderful mother and an inspiration to so many, especially me. Camille and you together have touched an incredible number of lives! Much love to you!!!!!

m&msmommy said...

I randomly came across your blog from a comment you left on a blog I follow, Family Volley. The comment you left sounded very similar to my bedtime struggles with my four year old son, so I clicked on your blog. Little did I know I was about to "enter" a story that would touch my heart SOOO incredibly! As soon as I saw the picture of your beautiful Camille, I clicked on her picture and started to read your/her story. I'm at work, and cried at my desk-she was so beautiful, what a sweet, beautiful face. Then I continued to read your posts about the following days and weeks after losing Camille and how you would look at things, even when it came to misbehaving children in a whole new light. "Important" things (like your daughters break the figurines) seemed so trivial compared to what your hearts had endured. That post in particular made me think, think SOO hard about my own children (4 years and 4 months). I find myself getting so easily irritated with my 4 year old in particular lately (due to lack of sleep with a young baby, and due to the fact that he's, well, a 4 year old! :) After reading your story, and your posts I have to tell you that your family has really touched me, your precious little girl has really touched my heart. As her two year "angelversary" approaches please know that a complete stranger has been touched by your story and will be praying for you and your family!

(Sorry for the length of this comment. I started writing and couldn't stop :)

Love and prayers,
Christina Gomez