This is one of the pictures I have blown up big of Camille. We got it blown up for the funeral. Now it is in Lauren's room. Only Lauren doesn't sleep in Lauren's room anymore. She doesn't like to be alone so she sleeps on Sabrina's trundle bed between Sabrina's bed and Annie's bed. So we don't go into Lauren's room so often.
Yesterday I walked by and looked in and saw this picture. Camille is life sized in it, hanging on the wall. Then I walked into the girls room and started getting them ready for bed. I sat on Sabrina's bed as the girls were brushing their teeth and saw this picture, which is also life sized and hanging in Sabrina and Annie's room on Annie's half of the room.
"She was real." That was the thought that hit me. And with it came that feeling that was so familiar 18 months ago every time I saw a picture of her. It was the overwhelming desire to jump into the picture and be there with her and touch her and hold her again.
She was real and tangible and lovable just as much as Mr. Noble is to me now. She IS real now. And she is just as much a part of our family as she ever was. We just can't see her now. But we can still feel her influence and at times we can even feel the presence of her spirit visiting us.
These thoughts and feelings made me reflect last night as I knelt beside my bed to say my prayers. He is REAL. He is my Father. I am His daughter. I want to feel of His spirit. I want to KNOW Him.
My prayers last night were ... focused. My heart this morning is soft and a little homesick for Heaven. It can feel what is Real even if I can't see it.
15 comments:
thank you, I have like that so many times. It s been more than 2 years for me, and sometimes I am so afraid to forget, I love feeling her close, and I ve been very often homesick for heaven. Sometimes I d like to go there for a hug, and then I think I would come back. But maybe I just wouldnt...
what a wonderful wonderful post. That is such a great lesson that we all need to learn/remember. Sometimes it is easier to feel Heaven when we have someone we know, love, and remember there.
So there in the pain, lies a gift.
Thank you.
Amyjoy
So Beautiful! This entry took my breathe away.
Such beautiful pictures and such a touching story. Thank you, again, for sharing your journey with us.
I see Camille everytime you put up pictures of Ann Marie, they are very similar.
Everything that you said in this post, rings so true in my mind. In fact, you pretty much explained some of the feelings that I tend to hold sacred, both in my mind & my heart. Thanks for sharing.
Camille is so beautiful. Homesick for Heaven. A precious post. Thank you. Your words really touch the soul.
thank you for sharing... tomorrow is one year since our precious andon went to Heaven and i needed that.
Love this post, Stephanie. You articulated perfectly something that is hard to describe and understand at times for me. You described my feelings perfectly. Sometimes, we really need to stop and remember that it is Real. Beautifully written.
Beautiful Steph!
What a beautiful post. It was thought-provoking and helped bring some things I've been turning around in my head home for me. Thank you for sharing :)
Yes. I often wonder if life with Hannah were a dream and then I know it was REAL. She was REAL and here with us. I totally understand what you have written.
And yes, He is our Father. He IS REAL. What a beautiful analogy--it's perfect.
So sweet. Thank you for this testimony!
I ran across your blog over a year ago and have been continually touched and strenghtened by your testimony. Thank you for sharing your journey and talents with so many people. I am sure you receive so many emails about people in need but I have witnessed the outpouring of love on your blog and have a wonderful nominee for your consideration - http://teamryanhess.blogspot.com/.
What a beautiful post. She is real and so is our Father in Heaven. Thank you for such wonderful thoughts.
Thank you for this post. I needed it.
Michelle
Gavin's Mom
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