Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Few Scattered Thoughts

I am tired. I have been pretty exhausted at the end (who am I kidding... by 2 pm) of every day this week. I am not sure if it is just getting back into the routine after the holidays or the lack of sleep with teething Noble is catching up to me. But I want to record a few thoughts of the day.

1) Can Of Worms - A Sign of Healing:

I knew I was opening a can of worms with my last post. I know full well that the Health Care Debate is rather heated. That is part of the reason I have stayed on the sidelines. But I felt ready to open that can and see how I felt about the worms.

See before Camille's death I had no problem delving into wormy cans and digging around in them. I love debating issues. I am an attorney for goodness sake. After Camille's death I was so emotionally fragile that I could not go near "worms" of any kind. I just couldn't handle it. I tried to stay as far away from controversy as possible. I didn't want any type of debate. I just needed love.

So it has been interesting to me to see all the comments on my last post and note that I feel fine sifting through them. I have found many of the comments rather enlightening. I think it is good to get perspectives on what health care is like in other countries. I also have appreciated some of the quotes shared. I still am not sure what the path is I fully endorse but I think everyone should have health insurance. The problem is that in the real world there are many who cannot get it or cannot afford it.

Take me for example. I am a healthy 35 year old non smoking, non drinking, physically fit woman who has only been to the hospital for pregnancy reasons. But I have very mild asthma so I have to have an inhaler. I don't use it very much but every once in a while I need it. The cheapest health insurance we could find for me is almost $500 a month. Now I am insured. But that is because my husband makes enough money to pay for the insurance.

What of the family where a person has a history of high blood pressure of some other pre existing condition? What of the person between jobs or who is struggling just to put a roof over head and food on the table. Surely shelter and food are more important priorities than insurance.

There needs to be an affordable solution.

See - nice to be able to dig into the worms a bit and not feel emotionally fragile about it. Healing. Definitely healing.

2) Lauren and I were running lots of errands today. Here is one of our conversations:

Lauren: I want Grandma and Nana to be little girls.
Mama: When they are in heaven they get to be younger again.
Lauren: How do you know that?
Mama: Heavenly Father tells us so.
Lauren: He can't do that!
Mama: Sure He can. He tells the prophet and the prophet tells us.
Lauren: HA HA HA hee hee hee! Mama ... You are Hi. LAR. ious!!! You are Hilarious Mama!

Apparently we need a family home evening on how Heavenly Father reveals truths to his children. Hmmm.

3) Tonight driving home from my last errand with all the kids in the car (minus Noble who was asleep at home with Dad) I got told all about how I am the meanest mom in the universe. I guess that is what telling kids they have to go to bed when the get home at 8:30 p.m. makes me. :) I also apparently NEVER do anything. I never do any house work or anything.

Geez I wonder how I got so tired then.

Before the kids got in bed. Sabrina broke down in tears, hugging me and sobbing. "I am so sorry Mama! I am so sorry that I said those things in the car." She is such a tender hearted little girl. It is a gift.

4) Noble -- He may drool like a puppy but he eats like a horse.

So many people in the last week have commented on his eyes. "What blue eyes! They are so pretty. Who else in your family has them?" He is getting bigger (probably because of all that food he is eating. Every time I get baby food at the grocery store they ask me how many babies I am buying for or how this should last me a month. No just one baby and just for a week or so.) And as he gets bigger he reminds us more of his sister. "His sister Camille. That's who else had these eyes."

This morning for breakfast he ate 2 Gerber tubs of baby food and a full large cereal bowl of rice and oatmeal cereal mixed with the left over smoothie Jon made. Then he ate a handful of Cheerios. Where is he putting it all?

5) I have put a thought about every other kid so I better add one about Ann Marie. Today we went to violin lessons. She did awesome. She learned how to shift. After playing for a while she said her back was feeling sore. So she did the downward facing dog. Then she did another yoga move. Then another. Each move was perfect. The teacher was so impressed. "Her yoga positions are really good." Hmmm. "Yeah," I replied. "Not sure where she learned them. I have never done yoga before." I think she was making the moves up as she went.

Okay Now I am thinking I better get up to bed. Goodnight y'all.


Karen UK said...

My children must think I'm really mean because they are 4,6 and 8 and are in bed at 7.00,7.15 and 7.30. I think sometimes they say things to us to test our reaction, to see if we'll still love them if they're mean to us. My 8 year old yesterday told me he wishes I had a DS so he could send me messages from his and tell me how annoying I am! I was ill in bed and he hadn't really seen me all day. I just took his DS off him and said 'That's a shame because I really love you and I think if you're too tired to be nice you can get your PJs on and go to bed.' It was just after 6pm and he was not impressed but he did it and went and read in bed until his brothers came up. Don't think it helped out with my popularity though.

JLPierce Ohana said...

Sorry not to be on topic, but your blog was recommended on a friend of mine's because she lost her 2 month old baby boy today. I wanted to come and ask you what those of us around her can do to help. Please share any links, as you may already have written about this --email me @ jlpiercefamily @ gmail . com.

kara jayne said...

i'm with karen uk. i get told i'm a mean mom all the time. funny thing is that i also get told i'm the best mom in the world. go figure. i guess if i can't take the mean mom comment seriously i can't take the best mom seriously either!!

my little nora ate like crazy as a baby too. she has always been tiny though. i remember when she was just 18 months we went to a family activity center where there was a buffet. i had my hands full with the three older children, so my sister whose boys were all older took nora for me and they just sat at a table while she downed plate after plate of spaghetti. she is almost four years old now and just barely made it to the 30 lb. mark!!

chanel said...

stephaine you really are amazing. you are so level headed, it impresses me. i have felt bad all night/day thinking about my nasty-ish comment, but i get so mad, so fired up when people aren't nice and i LOVE Garth and it breaks my heart. people have said some HORRIBLE things since Camille's death in comments and you are always so forgiving and understanding, I learn so much from you.
Anyway we had our boys relatively close and I can totally relate to the massive amounts of food they consume. My girls were never like this- MACHINE! I keep wondering how on earth we are going to keep him full the more he grows and older he gets!

You are the BEST mean mom ever! Thanks again for all of it.

Brady and Rachel said...

I also echo what has been written by JLpierce. The same friend who lost her sweet baby boy is a dear childhood friend of mine, we've known each other since first grade. Gavin was the youngest of 4 boys. JLpierce asked me today if I had any ideas of something they could do for Natalie and her family (as they live in Hawaii where Natalie lives). I am at a complete loss. Though she is a dear friend of mine, I've never been through what she is currently facing, so I am at a loss as to what exactly she could use (other than much prayers on behalf of their family). Today they are flying home to break the news to the 3 big brothers. My brother-in-law passed away a few years back and my in-laws were given a picture of Christ welcoming a son home. However, it hurt them too much to look at it, so they gave it to us. He was 21 yrs old at the time. So I wonder whether or not some kind of art would be a good gift, or like my in-laws, if it would hurt too much to look at. Is there anything in particular that you might have been given or that someone might have done for you that meant a lot? I know without a doubt her faith and testimony of our Father in Heaven's plan will carry her and her family through, though it will be harder than I can ever comprehend, but if there is something we can give or do to remind her of the love of all those around, that would be nice too. You can also check out her faith and testimony through the past week at Thank you, Rachel.

shanan said...

I love that Lauren is wearing underwear on her head ... and that Annie broke out with yoga moves in the middle of her lesson.

I can't wait to come see you guys ...

Gwenevere said...

Your story about your daughter not understanding what may happen when we are resurrected reminds me of a story another friend told me. She was teaching about the preexistence and explaining that we all wanted to come to earth so that we could get a of her 5-year-old daughters said, "You mean before we came to Earth we were just a bunch of floating heads?"

Their understanding is just different.

Curly said...

Let's hear it for mean moms! Last night I think I won the award. When my oldest tossed his barely-touched-dinner into the sink in hopes of getting some dessert, I surprise), said he couldn't have any after than. Man, you should have seen the tantrum that ensued. It made my three-year-old cry in fear--literally. Sterling and I just sat there staring at each other in amazement, wondering if we really were as awful as our son believed us to be. Crazy stuff.
Give our best to Jonathan.