Monday, February 2, 2009

The World in Sabrina's Eyes

Sabrina brought home her report on the Earth last week. She was excited to share it with our family. I posted it on her blog for her but wanted to share it here too.

The Earth
Sabrina Waite

To: My Family

This is the world. We live in the world. I love the world! I live in America in Nevada. I live in the city of Henderson. I live with my mom and dad. I have two sisters. I had three but my third died when she was 14 months. I miss her. She drown in a hot tub. her name was Camille. She had blond hair and blue eyes. OK back to the world. The world has gems in it. I like the ruby. The world is made of rocks and water.

I love the Earth.

I often wonder how my children are coping with the loss of their little sister. We talk about Camille often and occasionally I ask them how they are feeling about it. Friday I asked Sabrina and Ann Marie if they ever get mad that Camille isn't here with us any more. Sabrina said she mostly just forgets about Camille so she doesn't have to cry. It is easier to forget. Annie said she mostly just forgets too and just doesn't think about Camille so much. 

As much as I want them to remember their little sister, I completely understand their strategy for dealing with her absence. I hope they can forget so many things about this time in our lives. I hope they can forget the details of that dreadful day. I hope they forget the pain and sorrow.

But Sabrina's report just showed me that they still remember their sister. I hope they will always remember her. I hope they remember how much they adored her. I hope they remember how much she loved them. I want them to remember the kisses she gave them and how she would follow them around through the house. I want Sabrina to remember how Camilles toes would curl around Sabrina's body as Sabrina held Camille on her hip. I want them to remember Camille calling out to them to share whatever they were eating. I want them to remember how excited she would get when they would sneak into her room to see if she was awake. 

Perhaps it is still too hard to remember these things and so many others right now. But someday, when time has distanced the pain, I hope they can remember Camille with a smile and feel of her still constant love.


Randi A. said...

What a sweet little report. I love her cute little handwriting.
I know from similiar (yet very different) feelings that it can be hard to find that balance between forgetting and remembering. You never want to forget completely, but sometimes the remembering can be so painful.
Your kids are absolute gems (as the report says).

my stay-at-home-momma drama said...

What a heartfelt post. Your daughters are such sweet, sensitive little girls and they carry Camille in their hearts.

Natalie said...

Here I sit with tears streaming down my face again. I have followed your story since that tragic week you lost your sweet Camille and I visit your blog often to see how you are doing. You seem to be doing well. I only hope I would be as strong. Thank heaven for the Gospel and the knowledge we have. Last night I stumbled upon and thought of you and hope that you can reach out to this woman who lost one of her twin girls to cancer Friday. It hit way too close to home for me since I also have 2 yr old twin girls. My heart is broken for this sweet mother. I pray she will be as strong as you have been.

The Espersen Family said...

I read your blog daily but do not often post. Today, I feel I must share what is in my heart after reading this. I think as children we are in a bubble. We think mostly of ourselves, as we should, and things come into that bubble as we experience things. For your girls to say that they do not remember their sweet little sister is of course a defensive mechanism but also a product of childhood. I know that they remember the good things and won't fully appreciate this until they are older. I love that you wrote this post and hope that they will read it as they grow so they can be reminded of the things that YOU remember that they shared with Camille. The things you wrote will probably not be what they will recall. How special they are to have a mother like you.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and glimpses of your life with me.

Allison said...

Sounds like your girls are dealing with it exactly as they should. I imagine when they get to those older ages of reflection - 12, 13, 14 - they will think of her even more. They will be so glad to have all of your words to read about her.

Amanda said...

It must be so hard for such young children to have to learn to deal with such a huge loss. My heart goes out to you all.

I'm sure they will always remember the little angel that was a part of your family for such a short while. I think you've done such an amazing job dealing with not only your own grief but your childrens as well.

You are, truly, amazing!

Anonymous said...

What a sweet report.

I think the fact that Camille was mentioned in her essay is probably a good indication that she will not forget her l'il sister.

You're girls are beautiful inside & out ... as is their Mom.

love 'n hugs,

PS - Any progress on Peanut's name?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am crying, too. My love and thoughts are with you.

The Muries said...

I should start by saying that I am a long time reader of your blog and I feel your families pain. That is a wonderful report. I lost my two oldest brothers when I was young. I don't remember all the pain that was there after, I do remember things changed but I do still have a few memories of the good times we had together that I hold close to my heart. I was 3 when this happened I am now turning 30 so I am sure that your daughters will remember some of the good things about Camille.

Susy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susy said...

I always love what you post. Some days they bring me to tears, as this one, but they also make me smile. Thank you for sharing once again!

Ruthie said...

There's a beautiful poem by William Wordsworth called "We Are Seven". I've copied it below

--------------A simple Child,
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?

I met a little cottage Girl:
She was eight years old, she said;
Her hair was thick with many a curl
That clustered round her head.

She had a rustic, woodland air,
And she was wildly clad:
Her eyes were fair, and very fair;
-- Her beauty made me glad.

"Sisters and brothers, little Maid,
How many may you be?"
"How many? Seven in all," she said,
And wondering looked at me.

"And where are they? I pray you tell."
She answered, "Seven are we;
And two of us at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea."

"Two of us in the church-yard lie,
My sister and my brother;
And, in the church-yard cottage, I
Dwell near them with my mother."

"You say that two at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea,
Yet ye are seven! -- I pray you tell,
Sweet Maid, how this may be."

Then did the little Maid reply,
"Seven boys and girls are we;
Two of us in the church-yard lie,
Beneath the church-yard tree."

"You run about, my little Maid,
Your limbs they are alive;
If two are in the church-yard laid,
Then ye are only five."

"Their graves are green, they may be seen,"
The little Maid replied,
"Twelve steps or more from my mother's door,
And they are side by side.

"My stockings there I often knit,
My kerchief there I hem;
And there upon the ground I sit,
And sing a song to them.

"And often after sunset, Sir,
When it is light and fair,
I take my little porringer,
And eat my supper there.

"The first that died was sister Jane;
In bed she moaning lay,
Till God released her of her pain;
And then she went away.

"So in the churchyard she was laid;
And, when the grass was dry,
Together round her grave we played,
My brother John and I.

"And when the ground was white with snow,
And I could run and slide,
My brother John was forced to go,
And he lies by her side."

"How many are you then," said I,
"If they two are in heaven?"
Quick was the little Maid's reply,
"O Master! we are seven."

"But they are dead; those two are dead!
Their spirits are in heaven!"
'Twas throwing words away; for still
The little Maid would have her will,
And said, "Nay, we are seven!"

I believe Wordsworth was often inspired in his poetry. I love his 'Intimations on Immortality'.

I think it's lovely that Sabrina can't write about her world without writing about Camille too, she's still a part of it. We are so lucky to have the restored gospel and know for a certainty our families can be ours forever.

Micaela said...

You have such sweet little girls.

Great poem Ruthie.

Jill said...


can you go and visit This mom just lost her baby and I think she would really benefit from your angel babies blog. I haven't lost a child and have not read this blog, but I hear it is amazing and has been a great source strength to my friend Tami (Angel Joy) and Molly (Angel Lucy).

Bless you for blessing others during your darkest hour. You inspire me.

Anonymous said...

steph you are such a great mother to your daughters--- they are fine young ladies.

you and your husband are doing such a wonderful job guiding them through the grief process. it is so clear that sabrina is processing very naturally and lovingly.

thank you for sharing such a special report. great job sabrina!!!!!

Brittany said...

Is it bad that sometimes the only way I can get through a day is to "forget?" And then, well you know. It usually hits and I am glad I still remember. Loves, Britt