Last night as we drove down the Cajon Pass into Southern California and felt the humidity of the sea air fill our lungs, I remembered how much I love California. Jon and I spent our first seven married years here. We made many friends. We had three children. We grew from college kids to mortgage holding, child rearing adults. I have a special fondness now for California.
We are visiting my two brothers and sister in laws here and also many friends. Tomorrow a one of my dear friends is taking me to the So You Think You Can Dance tour. (Thanks Kathryn!) I am excited to see the dancers and even a little more excited for some quality time with my old roommate and sweet friend. We also get to celebrate my niece's birthday while we are here.
Last time we were here was the end of May. We celebrated Sabrina's birthday here. It was a wonderful trip. We went to Disneyland for two days. It was a wonderful trip filled with fun and smiles. I have great memories from that trip.
Camille did not come with us on that trip. She spent the weekend with grandparents. Grandma Waite wrote Camille a song that weekend. My parents enjoyed watching her climb up into the walker and sit her booty in it with her feet sticking up out the top by her head. She got to spend good alone time with her grandparents. We got to enjoy Disneyland without having to run back to the hotel for naps.
A photo my parents took of Camille while they were tending her.
I didn't miss her. I didn't worry about her. I knew she was in good hands. Camille was an easy baby. She was happy with anyone. In fact when I dropped her off at Grandma Waite's I said to her, "Camille, are you ready to go play with Grandma for a while?"
She then nodded her head way up and then slowly way down several times. She had just begun to answer yes and no questions by nodding or shaking her head.
This trip I do miss her. And even though I know she is in great hands, my heart still worries for her. I know that isn't logical, but I think it is common. We all feel it in this family. The kids often pray for Camille that she will not miss us as much as we miss her. I pray for her to be happy and successful in the work she is now doing. It helps me to be forward thinking.
I guess this trip is not too different from the last one. We are still a family of 6 even though only 5 of us are here. One of us is just at Home spending time with loving grandparents.
18 comments:
That was written beautifully. What a poignant ending to that post. Thank you again for sharing. :)
grief makes me think of the phrase 'love endures'. because grief turns that phrase into something else entirely. sending a prayer to you!
Have a wonderful time!
That was a great post, very well written :) I have been to california a few times, and i have always liked it. However i might prefer miami more :) Anyways i found a site that you might like, baraaza.com
I hope you have a wonderful time!! I just went to the So You Think You Can Dance show in Salt Lake City on Tuesday it was WONDERFUL!!! You will love every minute of it. It lasted 3 hrs., started at 7:30 and went until 10:45 and I still didn't want it to get over. It will be a good spirit booster for you and so fun for you to spend time with your friend!!
Love,
Nicole
When I read your posts, I am inspired and also guilt-ridden. I have 3 incredible children. I love them more than life itself. I WANT to want more children. But I'm prone to depression and anxiety, I fall into these black holes and I'm not sure I can handle another child, emotionally speaking. I agonize over this decision daily. I don't want to be so paralyzed that the decision is made for me. I don't want to neglect the kids I have because I am stretched too thin. Any thoughts? Please? I have drawn much strength from your blog over the past several months and I pray for you.
Stephanie, as I write this, tears are streaming down my face. I just lost my little 16 month old two days ago in a drowning accident. I know you know my pain. May I call you? We are members of the church, and while I know that the Lord is there and hears our prayers I need to talk to a mom who knows my exact pain. Please let me know. My number is (801) 631-0614. My name is Tiffany Rich. You can email me at tiffanyrich@gmail.com. Everyone I know has referred me to your blog and it has helped. But this pain Stephanie, this awful pain. Please help me. Please.
Such sweet words. The weekend sounds full and busy. I'm sure great fun is about to be had with your family and I'm also sure that Camille will be smiling upon all of you.
I love your blog. I was just wondering if you had ever thought of adding music. I spend a lot of time here... i am curious about your musical taste.
Anonymous,
While you are looking for a comment from my wife, I thought I'd add my own comment. You should go at your own pace and your own abilities. "It is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength". Consult with the Lord and let Him know of your worries and anxieties -- He's part of the process of bringing life into this world.
What a beautiful post. I hadn't thought about that worrying piece. I wonder if it's because you can't see it/don't know exactly what's going on. Not like being able to physically drop her off and then call to check up her.
Beautiful. Thought provoking. Thank you for your honesty.
Hi! You don't know me but I have often checked your blog over the past few months. My #4 was born June 13th of this year. I often think of how fast our children can get off to themselves and we wouldn't be aware of their whereabouts until that whisper from the spirit, I suppose, that says, "Go check on your baby." I am very touched by your words, your attitude, and your love for your children. I have mixed emotions of how I am suppose to "do it all" and how will I ever find the time or patience for this many children. I am 1 of 9 children and I still think 4 is a lot. I appreciated your last post about how so many mothers are looking to have time away from the kids and you always want them near to you. I think your maturity level has reached that of 80, not your body. I wish you the best and again, thank you for your inspiring words that keep me going.
I love how you said that Camille is at "Home spending time with loving grandparents". What a beautiful way to look at it. I continue to think and pray for you, your husand and ALL of your sweet little girls. I always marvel at your strength and your testimony and thank you so much for sharing it with all of us:)
I know I already posted, but I just wanted to say that I love that picture of Camille, and I love it when you post pictures of her as well as your other daughters. I can tell how much she is loved and how well taken care of, by the love and joy in her eyes. You are a wonderful mother and an ispiration to all of us.
How long are you down here for? Are y'all going to Disney Land one day?? If so let me know we will have to meet up with y'all!! Collin has all the hook ups with the rides! wink!! You are always in our hearts and prayers!
BIG HUGS!
Julie
Thanks so much for sharing this...
Just remember when you worry about your little angel, in her eternity you will be there in the blink of her adorable eyes.
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