Saturday, July 12, 2008

A Thousand Words

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I think I will use some pictures to help answer the question someone posted in a comment asking how my kids are doing then. Otherwise this would be a really long post about how incredible my children are.

Ann and Sabrina after the funeral at my parents house in their spa

Here I will note that these are all daytime pictures. Just as the nights are harder for me, they are harder for these two smiling bathing beauties above.

Lauren on the 4th of July at my parents house

Lauren is her silly, happy, giggly self. She understands that Camille is with Jesus and not coming back but that we will see her again when we go to be with Jesus and Camille someday. She doesn't like "diving" and misses playing with Camille because Camille is her "best fwend." Still she is happy even when she talks about missing Camille and wanting to play with her.

Sabrina after the funeral at my parents house on the slip and slide

Going back to school has been good for Sabrina. It keeps her mind occupied and she is happy most of the time. Once in a while she gets sad and wraps herself up in the "magic blanket" (see earilier post) and comes to me for rockies. "I just want to hold Camille again," she says. I tell her "me too." We go into Camille's room and look at her pictures and talk about stories about her and then she feels better remembering her happy little sister.

Ann Marie having fun on the slip and slide after the funeral

Ann Marie has a big heart that she tries to hide from most. She was used to being home all day with Camille and misses her being around to play with. She is happiest being busy and playing. She too uses the "magic blanket" to comfort herself and then comes to me for extra comfort when she needs it. She is still having trouble sleeping. She actually has always had trouble sleeping but this has made it worse. I have to lay by her now till she falls asleep. I don't mind this though because she is as much a comfort to me as I am to her.

Jon is doing well. He has his waves of grief like I do but he is working all day and has to focus on that. Work is a good distraction for him. He has also discovered Wii-therapy. Anyone got good suggestions on the best Wii games for him? He has been playing lots of Wii sports and Super Mario Galaxy and Wii Play with the kids. It takes his mind off things and gives him a break from stock market stress too.

As for me, well. I think I will let this picture speak for me.

Me watching my older kids,
my niece Aubrey (Camille's closest cousin)
and my brother in law Spencer at my parents house on the 4th of July.


Angie said...

Hi Steph,
I'm a friend of Lesli's. I read your blog every day. You have a gift to write. Thank you for sharing with all of us. As for Wii: we currently love Lego StarWars and Lego Indiana Jones (kids and grown ups--my husband and his brother most of all).

Anonymous said...

Indeed, pictures do speak volumes.

You are providing a healthy and nuturing environment for your girls to work through the grief of losing their baby sister.

I know their smiles and snuggles are good therapy for you as well.

To be blessed with loving Christian parents is one of Heavenly Father's sweetest gifts.

Your children are indeed blessed.

Sarah S. said...

Mario Cart is really fun for the Wii. We also managed to get ahold of a Wii Fit, which is really fun to do too. Come on over if you would like to try them out!

Shanan said...

I agree - mario cart is great fun. we're big fans of guitar hero too. (with both of these games, you can play your friends online ... wink wink, nudge, nudge)

I love the pictures! You are all so special.

Amanda Chavey said...

I'm a member of BabyCenter, and one of our May Mommy's lost her son on July 3rd I believe. I found your blog while reading the sentiments people were writing to her. You are able to convey your emotions so beautifully. Your words inspire me and haunt me all at the same time. I find myself re-reading the words to some of your saddest entries in my head as I cook dinner sometimes and can't help but cry, and I look down at my 14 month old daughter and feel completely blessed. I will continue to read your blog even though I can't get through it without crying, because you have been able to instill a sense of faith in me I have never been able to find on my own. You were right.. one of Camille's purposes was to inspire, and she has definitely done that for me. God bless you, your amazing family, your inspiring words, and your beautiful Camille.

Anonymous said...

Very sweet post. Just like your others. Again, I love visiting your site.

Anderson and Associates: said...

I would have to say that Mario Kart is our favorite. We have wireless internet and so our Wii is able to get online and we can race real people with Wii Mario Kart. We love to get on and race family members that live across the country or friends we haven't seen in ages.
~Nicole A.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I too was lead to your blog by my cousin who met Camille when she was first born. I have been so blessed by reading your blog. I haven't had the privilege of having kids yet, we keep trying, but your blog really helped me realize how much I really want to have kids. I hope someday I will be able to, and I hope that I can remember the way I've felt reading your blog. I have tried to live differently since reading your blog. Camille has truly blessed the lives of many who didn't even know her. Thank you for being so willing to share your feelings with so many that don't even know you. I pray for you and your family and hope the pain will decrease. One last thing, my husband really likes to play Metroid and the last few days he's been playing Paper Mario.

Moments said...

My sister-in-law introduced me to your blog and I have been hooked from the moment I first started reading. I find myself checking in on you & your family daily.

You are truly a remarkable lady. Your beautiful girls are lucky to have a mother (& father) like you! You have the most wonderful, pure testimony which has in turned touched more lives than you will probably ever realize. Thank you for sharing this experience with us. You have inspired, encouraged, uplifted and helped many.

I came across this quote the other day and thought of you and your family. Someone else may have already shared it with you but I wanted to still share it with you in case you hadn't heard it. "Because someone we love is in heaven, Heaven is in our home."

Our prayers are continuely with you and your family.

Six-Pack Momma said...

M. Russell Ballard gave a talk at BYU-Hawaii back in December and urged people to use blogs to share the gospel. You are sharing your testimony with thousands right now. I have read comments here that indicate how touchd they are by your faith. A faith centered in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Camille's mission is continuing on this earth as she starts a new mission in the eternities. How cool is that?! Thank you for sharing your life and Camille's with all of us!

P.S. We don't have many Wii games, but I'm thinkin' I'll get the Wii Fit and the snowboarding game that goes with it. My nephew loves Endless Ocean- not much action, but it's relaxing...

((((((( HUGS )))))))))

Rach said...

I'll start with a Wii recommendation--Wii Winter Sports is a LOT of fun! :o)

I'm glad the girls are doing fairly well. Lily had a difficult time in the evenings when she liked to call for Hannah to come to her room and say goodnight. Then, Han would leave and Lil would call for her again. Han would pretend to be exasperated which would make Lily dissolve in a fit of giggles. I miss that.

Anyhow, Lily associates the night sky and stars with Hannah now so many nights we'll look at the stars and say goodnight to Hannah and then tell stories about a little girl named Hannah who had a little sister named Lily. Lil likes that.

As always, my heart is hurting for your family, as I know this is such a difficult journey.

Prayers and HUGS.

Stephanie said...

Beautiful as always

Lucy said...

Is it wierd that I can find myself so connected and yet have never met? I stumbled on your blog, and have spent the last hour reading and crying, praying, and have felt my heart softened. Our life right now has been stressful, huge scary changes. Though as I read your passion and felt your precious soul, I knew finding you wasn't just happenstance. As you have trusted and had faith, you've inspired me, to keep my chin up. That life, no matter how tragic, should go on.

I wish your family greater peace, and comfort. That your sweet Camille can be remembered with joy in your hearts, and although I'm sure the pain will never go away, that the suffering can soon end.

As others have done, I too, am hugging my children a little tighter tonight. Thank you for sharing Camille with us, she's touched my life.

With Love, a sister in the gospel.

Mandy said...

He has to try guitar hero, really it is so much fun. I never thought I'd like it, but it's a huge hit around here.

Beautiful pictures, we are still praying for your family nightly.

Amanda said...

Steph- I am so grateful that you are so willing to open up your life to all of us "strangers".
Every morning I am up at 4:45am. My house is so quiet because my hubbie and 4 kids are still sleeping; this is "my time". I love this time because I eat breakfast and read your blog. Then I go running. I love it because "my time" has become much more meaningful. I have time to be more grateful for what I have and hold it so dear to me. I also have time to pray for your family and think of all of the many things you must be going threw. You don't even know me but I feel like I totally know you :) You are truly and instrument in the Lords hands right now. How amazing you are! You must have been one of the Lords "favs" in the premarital life. Thank you for sharing your deep thoughts, faith, testimony, your honest and loving heart, and so much more! I don't have the "gift" of words like you do but I hope you get my point!

cmomof2 said...

I love the happy pictures! It was great seeing you tonight in the temple. It was our first time in a while and it was good to know the people around us sitting in the celestial room. It allowed me to feel closer to the spirit. Its the peace I come for. And I'm sure its even more incredible for you. I love you, your girls are beautiful, as always! You give me my thought of the day everyday, thanks for that.

Brandon said...

I randomly clicked on your blog from my cousin's Raquel Shepard. I am home alone tonight, baby in bed and husband out for a guy's night... I am sitting at my computer sobbing for the pain you and your family have suffered. Whenever I hear of tragedies like yours, I mourn for the mom's who have to live without their kids. My husband doesn't quite understand how I can mourn for someone I don't know, but I put myself in your position and don't know what I would do without my son.
I so appreciate your willingness to share your story with others. You have inspired me to be more patient with my son and husband and see them through God's eyes. After reading your blog I have come to the realization that my day's are too consumed with the physical, mental & social and not enough of the spiritual.
Thank you for inspiring me to be a better mother and a better woman.

sarah said...

I'm not sure if you know me or not but I grew up in the same stake as you in the Tropicana ward. Your brothers are just older than me. I remember them mostly from youth conference. You are such an amazing woman! You have such a way of expressing your thoughts that is just so inspiring! I just had my 3rd baby and some days are very frustrating and stressful. At times where I am about to lose it I find myself thinking about something I've read on your blog. You have helped me come to appreciate my children even more. I find myself being grateful for all of the moments with my children even the tough ones. I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain. Thankyou for sharing your life and your beautiful testimony with all of us. It has truly touched mine!

-Sarah (Wyson) Wadsworth

KEYLIMER said...

I know this was an older post, but I'm just getting around to commenting on it. We like Rayman Rabbids 2 for Wii. (There is a first one, too, but the games are a lot more challenging.) My family loves it. Rayman Rabbids 2 has been known to stir up a lot of laughter in our home. If you don't have too much pride to spit "lugies" into moving cups, belch hard enough to blow down a street block in Paris, get caught using your cell phone in a movie theater, fly using fart power, knock opponents off a skyscraper in your bumper car, and shoot alien invaders with toilet plungers, then this is the game for you! (There are like 90 different games to choose from). Way fun! Worth every penny!

Have fun!

Alisa Ashby

Marylin and Jimmy said...

Thank you. I am not sure what else to say but to tell you thank you for allowing me to learn from you.

Katie Price said...

You don't know me, but I read your blog often. I have to say one fun Wii thing is the new Wii Fit. It's pretty good exercise and it's fun to do. Even fun for little kids.

I think you're an amazing person and I love reading your thoughts. I'm sorry for you loss.

Anonymous said...

Mario Cart Wii.
So much fun and 4 can play--or just1:)

The White Clan said...

We are big fans of Mario and Sonic at the olympic games. It is very fun, but you do feel like an idiot while playing. You end up sweating by the end of it. We also love guitar hero, and we recently played rock band. All very fun, and worth every penny!
Thank you so much for your blog. I love to read it, it gives me strength and hope that one day i could be the mother who I want to be, and that my kids want also. I feel love and sorrow for you, and I feel that I know you and wish that I could help you as you have helped me. Thanks again!
Kacey White

Camille said...

I have said it before, you truly are amazing, and I love reading your inspiring words, daily. Your pictures are so cute, and as I am sure there are hard times for the girls it is great that they can still enjoy being a kid ;) as for jon...have you thought about dance dance revolution?!?! that would be sweet, in fact, if you get two mats you guys could challenge each other and work up a serious sweat. not to mention your kids would love seeing their mom and dad looking like total crazies playing the wii!!!

Lisa said...

Hi Stephanie -
I came to you through another blog about Hannah who passed away almost a year ago. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Camille certainly was beautiful just like your other daughters.

My family loves to play Mario Kart. It's a racing game - you must get the steering wheel that comes with certain packages - and it's brought us lots of fun! I have 7 year old twin girls and a 5 year old son and all of us love that game! I hope you and your family enjoy it too.

merrobbins127 said...

Hi Stephanie--
I too like so many others read your blog to find strength to just be a mom! I appreciate the little things in life more, and I thank you and your sweet Camille for that. One Wii game we enjoy is Marble Mania. It's very addicting. Thanks again,