Sunshine in my Soul

 This morning I walked into church just after the opening song had started up. I hate being late but sometimes mornings getting kids out the door don't go as smoothly as we would like. I immediately recognized the hymn and it brought a smile to my face. It was "There is Sunshine in my Soul." I don't really believe it was a coincidence that the music director choose that song for today, the day before Camille's birthday. To me it was just a little sign from Heaven, a wave hello if you will. 

Right after Camille died, I just didn't see how I was going to make it day after day. I was filled with so much sorrow and needed.... NEEDED some little bit of joy and light to break through the grief and pain and give me hope. So when we were choosing songs to sing at her funeral, I told everyone I couldn't do sad songs. I wouldn't be able to make it through if the music was going to tap into the bottomless pit of despair inside me. 

So we choose to sign one of the most uplifting and happy songs in our hymn book... "There is Sunshine in my Soul." Some may think it an odd choice but we found it fitting. Camille was a ray of sunlight in our lives. I couldn't sing for a long time after Camille died. I would just cry every time I tried. So the line about Jesus listening could hear the songs I could not sing spoke to me personally. And both Jonathan and I felt the 4th verse was a perfect embodiment of how we felt in our most humble, accepting the will of the Lord, moments. It is also how I feel today. 

There is Sunshine in my Soul

1. There is sunshine in my soul today,
   More glorious and bright
   Than glows in any earthly sky,
   For Jesus is my light.
   • Refrain:
     Oh, there’s sunshine, blessed sunshine,
     When the peaceful, happy moments roll;
     When Jesus shows His smiling face,
     There is sunshine in my soul.
2. There is music in my soul today,
   A carol to my King;
   And Jesus, listening, can hear
   The songs I cannot sing.
3. There is springtime in my soul today,
   For, when the Lord is near,
   The dove of peace sings in my heart,
   The flow’rs of grace appear.
4. There is gladness in my soul today,
   And hope and praise and love,
   For blessings which He gives me now,
   For joys laid up above.

Cami Kindness Week - 14th Birthday Coming Up.

 Every year this gets a little more awkward to post about. Every year I feel a little more alone in my celebration of Camille's life. I understand that. Life has a way of piling grief on grief and eventually the griefs further down the pile are forgotten or overshadowed by those more recent or closer to us. 

Yet, I continue to invite others to celebrate with us because I want to continue spreading goodness into this grief filled world. It is my hope that in this of all years, we can focus on being grateful for the time we have been privileged to enjoy with our loved ones in years gone by rather than aching for the time we have missed more recently. 

I have come to have a greater appreciation of the absolutely essential nature of opposition to our happiness. We truly cannot have true happiness without sorrow. We cannot have true joy without the aching of wanting and waiting. Food always tastes so much better after fasting. 

So this year, after a year of so much wanting and waiting, will you join me in taking a break from all that wanting and waiting and focus a bit on being grateful and paying that gratitude forward in kindness?

Happy birthday week my sweet girl. I hope you are busy helping others from your side of things while those who remember you are working to help others from our side.