Mourn with those who Mourn

This weekend we took a quick family trip down to San Antonio. It was a last minute decision. That meant quite a bit of last minute planning for me. So Thursday was a rather busy day. Late Thursday night I texted with my friend Britt. Her son Daxton died the same week my Camille did - both in tragic, unexpected accidents. We have been close friends since we found each other online just weeks after our lives were changed forever.

She had posted about a missionary who had passed away so I texted to find out who it was exactly. Turns out it was her husbands little brother. My heart broke for her family, enduring yet again such a close and too soon loss of one so young. I told her I wished I could do something, take some of the weight of the grief for her. But knowing what I know about how unfixable grief is, especially in the early fresh stages, I was left with little of comfort to offer.

The next morning Britt got up early to drive her family to Idaho where her husband grew up. I got up just an hour later to drive my family to San Antonio. It was still the dark of night for both of us. My family quickly fell asleep and I was left alone in the dark with my thoughts. My thoughts were on my friend.

I thought of her driving in the dark, just like I was. I thought of the weight of grief on her shoulders and on her husband's shoulders as well. And I remembered feeling just a little bit that having others mourn with me when I was fresh in my grief did help me carry the load just a bit.

And so I prayed as I drove. I prayed for my friends and her family and for her husband's family. And I prayed that I might be able to lighten their load just a little bit, to help them bear this too heavy cross that weighs on an already tender spot in their heart. And I wept. I mourned with deep soul filled mourning.

I would like to think that somehow I did share a bit of the dark road with my friend that early morning. I felt an over powering charitable love for her family as I mourned with them those dark and quiet hours. I believe this is what is meant by our covenant to mourn with those who mourn. I think that in so doing, maybe we do in fact getting a better understanding of the Atonement and maybe we really do get to lighten that burden for another just a little bit.



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On a separate note: To the commenter that asked more specifics on my previous post. The parenting dilemma - basically this move has been stressful on all of us, obviously. But this has allowed me to see how each of my kids deals with stress. Each has dealt with it differently, but it has shown up in everyone. For one of my kids, I think it produced some anxiety that is above normal. It showed me that I need to help her find good ways to deal with anxiety and stress. I am glad to know this about her when she is young rather than when she is a teenager and may be less willing to open up to me and less willing to go see someone to get help.

Homesick

Today marks 4 months since our last night at home in Las Vegas. Texas is a lovely place and the weather has finally cooled off. It is green and the people are friendly and kind. The sky here is huge and beautiful and often inspiring.

But I am just feeling a little bit homesick. I know it seems crazy to miss the desert, but I do. I miss the people there whom I love so much. I miss our house. I miss the purple mountains and desert storms. I just miss home.

I have dealt with homesickness plenty of times before. I am sure I will deal with it many times again. It isn't so fun. But really there are lots of worse things to deal with in the world. So I am going to count my blessings.

Let me tell you 10 things I love about Texas in an effort to look on the bright side.

10- We have a big grassy backyard.
9- I have some really friendly kind neighbors.
8- The church congregation (ward) I go to here is full of great people who are teaching me new things and becoming good friends to me.
7- The State fair has really good lemonade and corn dogs.
6- The Perot Museum is amazing and we have an annual pass.
5- We have season passes to Six Flags and it isn't crowded all the time.
4- I found an amazing piano teacher for my kids.
3- This move has brought to light some parenting issues that I might not have seen if we had stayed in Vegas.
2- We get to spend lots of time with my brother Stephen and his lovely family.
1- Jon has a great job that he enjoys doing.

Well, I am going to keep adding to that list on my own time. Thanks for listening and if you are in Las Vegas--- hope you are feeling my love come through.

Brisket Tacos/Quesadillas

I am really missing my dinner group over here. It has reminded me what a chore it is to come up with what is for dinner Every. Single. Day! Well, one of the best dinners to come from my dinner group was a version of THIS recipe for Brisket Tacos that my friend Emily Hoopes made one week. I loved them and asked for the recipe. She directed me to the link for the recipe.

I decided to make them again last week. But here is the beautiful discovery I made-- This can be a meal made from leftovers of another of my favorite meals! I love it when that happens.

So last week I took dinner to one of Jon's co-workers family. The wife recently had back surgery. I decided to make french dip sandwiches. Normally I make these after a recipe Bari Earl gave me. (Her daughter Emily is one of my best friends and writes and amazing food and crafty type blog ReMarkable Home.)

This recipe is awesome and makes a ton of food.

French Dip Sandwiches
Basically you buy a beef roast. You can get whatever is on sale. I got top round roast this time. I got 2 so about 5 lbs.
Normally you would put the meat in your crockpot, cover with water and put in 2-4 packs of Dry Italian Salad Dressing Seasoning packets and the same amount of Dry Lipton Onion Soup packets.
This time I did 2 of each kind of seasoning packet. (You can use more if you like the meat more flavored or you have more meat)
Then instead of water I poured in a 16 oz bottle of Dr. Pepper. Then I added enough water to cover the meat.
Next I cooked the meat on low in my crock pot for 8 hours.
I then shreded the meat with forks, removing any particularly fatty portions.
I then cooked another 2 hours on low.

I caramelized some onions and got some crusty rolls and sliced cheese.
Add a little spicy mustard and there is you french dip sandwich. Only I don't actually dip it. The juice it is sitting in is enough for me.
This is also great on Costco's pretzel rolls.

After I made this meal, I had lots of my beef left over. I made sandwiches for lunch the next couple of days and then last night I used the beef to make these tacos.
I had the cheese called for and made the Mango barbecue sauce as directed in the recipe except that I didn't have a yellow onion so I used a red one instead. And I accidentally dumped the whole 9 oz bottle of mango chutney in the mix and decided to leave it that way.

The result was OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD! Okay I know I am being a bit dramatic and in all fairness I was fasting for a dear friend of mine yesterday. (Fasting means to go without food or drink for two meals or 24 hours. It is something we Mormons do once a month and donate the money we would have used to eat to the poor. We also do it to increase spiritual awareness, self mastery, and give greater emphasis and power to our prayers. See more HERE about fasting.) And I will grant that every thing tastes better when eaten after fasting.

But when Jon came home from doing a visit he tried one and was amazed too. He had not been fasting so it made me a bit more sure that this really was THAT good. And I just had another one of the leftover tacos for breakfast (is that legal?) and, yes, it is that good.

I would put a photo up but I am not so great with the whole food photography thing and I don't want to steal the photos from Shawda. But you can see what they look like on her blog HERE.

Put it on your menu this week. Two yummy meals out of one crock pot of beef. What could be better?

Back At It 1001

1001 Seems like a fresh start number I think. This morning I woke up feeling like I wanted to go for a long run. I do feel that way sometimes. It started when I started running in college. I ran 15 minutes everyday except Sundays for about a year my sophomore year.

Then in my junior year I had a roommate and dear friend Tonna who was a runner. She asked me to go running with her. I was intimidated because I had only run short distances and I knew she was a cross country kind of girl. But she was so fun that I said I would try. Before I knew it I was running with her for a hour several times a week. We ran a couple of 10ks together. My best time for a 10k was 58 minutes.

So I haven't ever been a super runner but I have enjoyed it in the past. Since then I have run now and then but never consistently like that. And sometimes I get that feeling that I just want to let loose and run all out. But then when I try to do it I realize after about a minute that I am not in shape and my body can't run like my heart wants to.

The last few weeks since school has started I have been running the kids to school. They ride their scooters and I run trying to keep up with them. They are fast. It is a struggle for me to go fast enough to keep them in my sight. So every day I am really pushing myself to go as fast as I can. It is only about a mile to school. On the way home I walk/run.

So this morning when I woke feeling like going running, I took Nike's advice and just did it. The weather was lovely and I picked a nice route with a good variation of uphill and down. When I started to feel tired I hit the button on my iPod to get my time and found I had been running for 20 minutes and had gone over 2 miles.

By the time I got home I had gone 3.2 miles in 32 minutes. I walked a bit at the end to cool down. And I feel great. It is so nice to be able to run. I feel this fresh new start is going to be great.

Me right now with my little Harrison buddy who likes to sit on my lap while I type.

#1000 - Hard But Good

This is officially my 1000th post on my blog. I should announce something big huh? Well most of the big news things that have been happening in my life lately haven't been things I wanted to shout from the rooftops (like our encounter with lice this last week.) Lately, there have been a number of personally very difficult things that have come on either the stage of either my life or the life of someone I love.

But I like to keep my eyes focused on the positive in life whenever I can. And in the midst of the darkest storms there are some amazing moments of brilliant beauty when the  lightening brings a shock of light. These images can stay impressed upon the mind even after they are gone and we are plunged back into the deep darkness of night.

Jon and I went to the wedding of our niece Ella last weekend. She is the first grandchild on either of our sides to get married. All 9 of Jon's siblings and his parents came. It was so fun to have a mini family reunion with them during the wedding festivities. I had the chance to have some really good conversations with a few of Jon's siblings and his parents that really made the trip for me. I love Jon's family... ALL of them, and there are lots of them. It is a great blessing to have wonderful in-laws.

Despite the various trials and challenges each of our family members faces, there is strength in gathering together, praying together, and laughing together. We did lots of all of that last weekend.

And even in our battle with head lice this week, there are positives. Sabrina and Lauren have both been wanting short hair cuts for months. I wouldn't let them because I wanted to see how the Texas humidity would affect their curls first. But in having to check everyone for lice by coming through their hair with a nit comb... well everyone but Annie and I got haircuts.

Lauren and Sabrina will get to go to a salon next week to have a professional clean up the haircut I gave them on Wednesday. Jon has discovered yet another major benefit of being bald. And the little boys are thrilled to get haircuts just like Dad's. :) Sabrina and I will have super clean and soft scalps after all the olive oil and scalp combing treatments we "get" to do. Oh and we both discovered we can totally rock a shower cap! See ... bright side thinking going on here.

Harrison says "hair cut uhhhh like Dado" as he feels his head over and over. I think it makes me look more like Camille which is always a bonus for me.

Okay so Noble doesn't look so "thrilled" here but that is because he is covered in hair. He LOVES his "Dado" cut and says it is "perfect" and he wants to keep it like that forever.

Life can be hard and good at the same time. Perhaps life is best when it is both good and hard. I was thrilled when I asked Sabrina how she was liking being in the top orchestra at her new school. She said the music is hard to play but interesting and she likes it. I thought that was perfect. And sometimes when life is just the right level of hard it too can be interesting and when we keep focused on our blessings it also can be enjoyable.

So a few other new things, I have been running my kids to school in the morning. I don't mean running them in a car. I mean they are on scooters and I am running to try to keep up. It has been great for me...hard but good right?

I started up a new Power of Moms learning circle here. We had our first meeting last night with 10 of our 13 members attending. I am so excited to get going on it. We have a great group of women!

Texas is slowly cooling off and we Waites are slowly integrating ourselves into our new life here. This will end up being a good move for us. It has been hard but good in so many ways.

Well this wasn't an earth shaking post for #1000 but it is what I can share of what my life is like right now-hard but good. I thank the Lord for both.

Just Doing It

I will admit it. I was a bit afraid of getting back to school. That meant losing my 3 biggest helpers for most of the day. It meant getting up at 6 am each morning, and I am not a morning person. It meant going to bed by 10 each night. And I also had this whole "schedule" for myself of the work I would do during the school hours.

So I know I am only 2 days in so far, but this scheduled life is quite wonderful. I get some fresh air each morning walking the girls to school. I get a workout running home. I get time to shower before taking Sabrina to school. And our morning routines have been going smoothly because I get up early to be the oil that moves things along.

One difference I changed this year that I think is going to make a big difference is insisting that we all come down to breakfast together and read scriptures. We have generally read scriptures while eating breakfast but we weren't all around the table and Jon wasn't there. This year, I put it first on the list. I built everyone's schedules around our scripture and prayer / breakfast time. This is now the only meal we get to eat together so we may as well make it a good one.

Additionally, watching the boys has been so much easier than expected. They play so nicely together and with no big sisters with whom to compete they are more easy going.

This experience has made me think what other things have I been hesitant to do because I was scared of how hard they would be.  I am resolved to forget the fear and just do it. Once you get going the work for something worthwhile is always handsomely rewarded.

Prayer

I taught a lesson on prayer today at church. The best quote of the lesson was from a 2008 talk by Elder David A. Bednar who is an apostle of Jesus Christ. "The prayers of prophets are childlike in their simplicity and powerful in their sincerity." I found that statement profound. What makes a prayer powerful is the faith, sincerity and real intent of our heart when we offer it. As one who has benefitted greatly from the power of prayers on my behalf I testify of their power and encourage all men and women everywhere to pray to that God who gave us all life to find the answers, guidance, comfort and miracles you seek in your life and the life of those you love.

Thoughts on Prayer

I recently got a church calling, a volunteer church assignment. I was called as a ward missionary. In connection with that calling I get a chance once every 7 or so weeks to teach a Gospel Principles class. This weekend is my turn to teach and the topic is on prayer.

I have been trying to be more mindful of my prayers this week to help frame my lesson preparation. One thing I have noted is how often I look to "connect" to those I know and love through instagram, Facebook, email or this blog. I long for this "connection." I love hearing news from "home" and friends and family I love and miss.

Last night as I knelt to prayer I focused on really "connecting" with my Heavenly Father and that heavenly home from whence I came. Rather than just thinking the words and being grateful and expressing desire, I sought to be fed.

True prayer takes effort. It is a mental discipline. It takes desire for a connection and a willingness to set aside your own will for the divine will. As we exert our efforts to find this connection we can be instructed even in what the subject matters of our prayer should be.

More importantly, at least for me, we will be fed spiritually with a wholeness. We can feel that "connection" with heaven and our true home that settles earthly cares and eases our daily worries.

Often we use prayer most earnestly only when we are suffering. But we are still in need of that connection and spiritual nourishment even when life is going well. Without it we wither and feel empty. With it we can make something more of our lives than we could possibly imagine. We can become a tool for the Lord to use for His purposes.

That is my prayer. I want so much to be a worthy and useful tool in His service. I hope that I can exert the mental discipline to truly connect in my daily prayers and find ways each day serve His will.

Getting Back to Myself

This summer has been the laziest summer I have ever had as a mother. Okay, I know, I know. You are thinking, "Stephanie, you MOVED 1,200 miles with 5 kids and a bearded dragon and unpacked your house etc..." I know and that was busy. But that only took a few weeks. Since then we have been on a serious vacation from our normal scheduled life.

It has been so wonderful and nice in some ways. But in other ways I have really "let myself go." I haven't been exercising. Not good. I have been slacking on my personal scripture study. Really not good. And I have been let all my normal routine "systems" for  parenting (like chore charts and practicing music and paying allowance) become haphazard and rather ineffective.

Tomorrow is August. July was our "vacation from real life" month I guess. I am committing myself to get back to the real Me and get my system up and running in August. Now I am not going to expect myself to do it all perfectly all at once. I need to tweak a few systems to fit our life here in Texas. But I am committed to have my stuff in gear by the time school starts on August 26.

I have already started diving back into the scriptures. We had really good instruction on Sunday that highlighted for me the importance of reading scriptures personally and not just with my kids. So this week I have been reading by myself each night. It has made a noticeable difference already.

I really miss my mothers "Learning Circle" (for info on that go to the Power of Moms site HERE). I feel like I always need fresh ideas for ways to motivate my kids to get their chores done and be kind to each other. Our Learning Circle was a great source of ideas for me and it gave me a time once a month to refocus and rededicate myself to be the best most deliberate mother I can be. I need to get one going here ... just as soon as I have more than a couple of friends.

As much as I have loved the lazy days of summer. I am really getting ready for some structure.

Texan

I got my Texas Drivers license in the mail today. I guess that makes it official. I am a Texan. Today I am okay with that. It has been raining and lovely out this week. Highs have been in the 70s and 80s. I am okay with being Texan this week. :)

Our days have been rather lazy and relaxed this summer. Our main agenda is to make friends and get to know our community. We have been working on both those fronts and I feel we are making progress.

Man it is storming out there right now. Just lost power for a second. Now the rain is POURING. I LOVE IT.

The kids had fun playing in the rain. My house is covered in grass they tracked in on their wet feet but who cares? I can vacuum that up. Life is about enjoying the sun and the rain storms. Too much of one always makes us appreciate the other. Today I am enjoying the rain.

Lauren Turns 8

Yesterday was Lauren's birthday. We are having a formal party after her baptism when all the family will be in town. But her sisters couldn't let the day go uncelebrated.

I took Lauren with me to Noble's swim lesson while they transformed our home into their version on Hogwartz castle. It was awesome. I was impressed by all their attention to details. Those girls love their little sister

We had some friends come to enjoy the fun and ended it all with cake and ice cream. Happy birthday my sweet Lauren!

Gryffindor common room

baby norbert (the dragon)

The spread the girls set out

potions class (they also had divination class and wand selection)

Lauren wearing the sorting hat blowing out her candles

Talk in Church

Today I gave a talk in church. My topic was on Raising Children in Truth and Righteousness. Thought I would share the gist of what I said for anyone else interested. I didn't read this. But I stuck pretty closely to it as I spoke from the heart. There is so much more I would have liked to have said, but I wanted to stick to the 10 minutes allotted me. This is what I could say in 10 minutes on that topic:

Personal Intro –

·      Jonathan and I moved here 3 weeks ago.

·      6 kids (5 living) Name and ages (Camille would have been 6 now but drown 5 years ago.)

·      More about us on my blog – google my name called a daily scoop

On to my topic – I want to start with an experience I had 10 years ago.

Before I had kids I was a busy criminal defense attorney in L.A. I quit after I had my first child because I really just wanted to be with my baby more than accused criminals. After a couple of years changing diapers and feeding little mouths and cleaning up messes, I felt like I had more to give. I knew what I was doing was important, that is why I gave up my career to devote myself fully to motherhood. But I still felt like I had more to give. So one night I was praying about this and saying to the Lord, “where is the mountain you want me to climb, Lord. I will do it! What more can I do for you? Name it. I am there.” The answer I got came powerfully to my soul. And it was this: LOVE THOSE GIRLS! – Love them like I do so they will know My love through your love. Stand in my place.

Parenthood is the MOST important calling, job, or mountain we have. It is often the most difficult.

Topic today is on raising our children in Truth and Righteousness based on the LDS World Wide 2013 Leadership Training. I am going to be talking today about some lofty ideals for which we ought to strive. But I want to preface by noting that it is by aiming high for these ideals that we succeed if we even have moments of reaching them.

So how do we rear our children in righteousness?  The thing that stood out the most to me from listening to the training video was how we as parents stand in the place of our heavenly parents as we raise their children on this Earth. We need to love them as our Father loves them, parent as He would parent, and create a home like His home or the Temple.

TEMPLE HOME

My mom had up on our fridge growing up DC 109:8 8 Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; … I didn’t really understand why she had this quote up on the fridge when I was growing up in our busy, often crazy house. But, I see now that this scripture was her mission statement.  The home is supposed to be the most sacred place outside the temple. Great things can happen when our home is like a temple. But creating this is a group effort. Enlist the help of children. This is critical. Youth and children need to understand the role they have in helping bring the spirit into the home. That is the main rule at our house: you must behave in such a way that the Spirit can dwell in our home. My kids are very familiar with me saying that.

Parents can also use music and artwork, can speak kindly and quietly and use all your faculties to create a temple tone in your home.

Most importantly :

THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD DWELLS IN AND INSPIRES US IN THE TEMPLE

So it should in our home and we ought to listen as it inspires us in our parenting. PARENT BY THE SPIRIT

Follow promptings. We as mothers and fathers have a right to revelation to guide us in parenting our children. We can be helped to know what things are most important, when to speak and when not to, and given promptings to help us teach eternal truths to our children at times when their hearts are most open to receive them.

I have had experiences where the Spirit has inspired me to teach even my young children a principle of the gospel in an age appropriate way at a time when that child was open to receive that teaching. I likewise have had times as a teen and an adult where my parents have been able to counsel me according the Spirit and greatly influence my life.

One such experience happened for me recently when Sabrina turned 12. We were moving the next day and Jon was scheduled to be in town. I felt overwhelmed at the thought of doing a birthday party. Instead I felt inspired to tell Sabrina that for her birthday party we were taking her to the temple to do baptism. It was the best birthday for a kid I have ever experienced.

Jon’s parents were able to be there with us. It was heavenly. I got specific instruction from the Spirit about what to tell Sabrina about the temple and it was a choice experience. One thing I was prompted to talk to her about was helping her recognize how wonderful the feeling in the temple was and how all the temple workers talked so nicely to each other. I told her how her dad and I were trying to create that same feeling in our home and I invited her to help us.

It is wonderful that the youth get to go to the temple together a couple of times a year. I think it is important as parents that we take our children with us to the temple as well. This will allow us wonderful teaching moments and establish a pattern of regular temple attendance for your kids.

The Temple is a house of Learning.

President Benson said the most important teachings in the home are spiritual. We as parents have so many things that we need to and want to teach our children from learning to walk and talk to sports and school subjects and other extra curricular activities. We must always remember that our duties to instruct our children in things of a Spiritual nature is of the highest priority. Our prayers, scripture study and other ways to give them spiritual instruction both formal and informal must receive the same dedication if not more that we give to the lessons we pay others to teach them.

Paramount among these teachings is teaching our Children about the Rock of the Redeemer.

GIVE THEM THE ROCK

We live in troubling times. It is the nature of this world we live in that each of us will pass through trials and troubles as we make our journey back home. As parents we wish we could save our children from all the sorrows the world would throw at them. But this is not the way of the Lord. His way is not to take away all the bitter cups of life but to stand with us as we drink from them.

As parents the greatest gift we can give our children is a knowledge through diligent teaching both by our example and through the spoken word about the Savior Jesus Christ as the Rock upon which we each must build our foundations and our testimonies.

TESTIMONY

Grateful for good and wise parents who taught me well in all matters spiritual and who most importantly taught me to build upon that sure foundation, the Rock the Savior. 5 years ago I was in a very dark place. It was one my parents would have loved nothing more than to have taken from me. But it was a bitter cup they could not even begin to understand. But despite their inability to touch my grief, they had already given me the tools to overcome through diligent spiritual teaching in both example and the spoken word. They taught me to trust in the Lord and obey Him faithfully, even when He asks you to do things you do not want to do. And even when He asks you to do things you do not think you CAN do. They taught me that when you walk forward with Faith even in the most trying of circumstances and turn to the Savior for strength, strength will come. Comfort will eventually come.

I stand as a witness of power of the atonement to heal a broken soul. I testify that He lives and that He is the Rock where on if we build we cannot fall. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A Good Day

Summer days are long and lazy. In some ways I love that. Today we played. The kids learned to slip and slide. I got to read about 100 pages of my book. We had a movie party with cousins. The kids played school. We all did a few chores. Annie had a play date. The boys played Legos.

We did home piano lessons. Lauren played a piece she cried and wailed to me that she couldn't play because it was too hard. Then she went back twice later in the day to play what I had taught her and start the next section as well. :) Annie is sounding good on a Harry Potter song she is learning on both piano and violin (Hedwigs theme.) She also decided to "polish" the classical piece she told me she had finished.

Part of me loves these long lazy days of summer with no set agenda and all the flexibility in the world. Another part of me hates them. Some thing in me craves the structure and accountability of having a list of things that must be done and someone to whom I must report my progress. But as the mom in this home, I am the one who creates the "structure" and to whom people must account. I love and hate it.

I am trying to just be in the moment and enjoy the time with the kids. I am happy when I suck in their joy and join them in their fun. Tonight I took some Instagram video of the boys on the slip and slide. Harrison was in PJs already and Noble's pants got too wet to keep on so he ditched them for his underwear. I let them play and be little. And it was precious.

Later I shook off my fatigue and laid down with Harrison to help him fall asleep. He was so tired he was past the magic sleep point and struggling to settle down to sleep. I reminded myself that he won't be little much longer and I better enjoy him while I can. Then I came downstairs and read a couple chapters of a fun book to my waiting girls. All this made for a late night.

I am tired and probably should have exercised today to help me feel more ... happy, accomplished, positive? But I am grateful that I made myself enjoy the multitude of motherhood moments that this long lazy summer day held. For that alone, I can call this a good day.

Unpacked!

It is official. I have unpacked ever box. We have hung nearly all the pictures. We are unpacked. Now there are still areas that need some organizing and reorganizing. But all in good time these things will get sorted out.

I am feeling more comfortable in these new shoes. I am beginning to feel a bit more "me" here. The first week was rough. I think the fact that it coincided with the anniversary of Camille's accident and her passing made it worse. My body and subconscious just can't fully ignore the emotions that seem to resurface during that time.

But I am feeling quite a bit better now. I still miss the people from home and home is still not here. I was talking to Jonathan last night about how I feel uprooted. My roots were dug so deep in Las Vegas. I just am barely planted here and my roots are just beginning to explore the possibility of digging in and making this home.

Sabrina is off at girls camp with our old ward. I miss her. Having a kid removed from the mix definitely creates a massive whole in the family as I well know. But I know she will have a great time and hope she will get to feel the Spirit again like she did at the girls camp for our ward here.

Annie is adjusting well I think. She has had a couple of play dates with girls her age here that went well. I feel very good about this being a good move for her.

Lauren is my wild card. Not sure how she is doing friend wise yet. I need to focus on that next. But she is being helpful and around the house with me and I always like that.

Noble is my ambassador. He introduces us to everyone and tells them all about us. Last Sunday we had Jon's brother Aaron and his family (wife and 4 little girls) staying with us. We were all in the hall after church as I was meeting his primary teachers. And Noble saw the girl cousins and grabbed his primary teacher. He pointed to all his girl cousins and said excitedly to his primary teacher, "Those girls are sleeping with me!" Nice.

Harrison is just happy as a pig in manure to have backyard in which he can play.

Jonathan is enjoying his job here. It is so nice when a husband enjoys his work.

I am hosting a So You Think You Can Dance party tonight. We will see if anyone shows. :) I have found it is a bit more challenging here to do this tradition because so many dads work out of town during the week that mothers can't leave their little ones to come. But I enjoy watching the show and eating whatever treat or snack I make whether 20 people come or only 1 (and even if that 1 is my hubby.) :)

I am speaking in church this Sunday. I only have 8-10 minutes. It is going to be hard to whittle down my thoughts and remarks to 10 minutes. But I feel good about the topic and hope the Spirit will keep guiding me in what to whittle away to make it the talk I am supposed to give.

God is good people. He giveth and he taketh away but in the end of it all we see He is perfectly good. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Like New shoes

Living here thus far has felt like wearing a pair of new shoes. But day by day being here is feeling more comfortable. It still doesn't feel like home to me. I imagine that will take some time. But I am not feeling the "blisters" I felt that first week.

Almost all the boxes are unpacked. Now my chores are organizing and putting things into storage. Little by little things are coming together.

A hard thing

Wow. This while moving thing is really hitting me today. This is a hard thing.

I am grateful for Jonathan's job.
I am grateful for this nice house we found to live in.
I am grateful for my children.
I am grateful for my husband.
I am grateful to have my brother Stephen and his wife Rachel close by.
I am grateful for what seems like a great ward filled with friendly helpful people.

All that being said, the truth is I am feeling a bit lost without the deep and abiding ties I feel to my people in my desert. Wow this is a hard thing!

I can do hard things... right?

Unpacking

Well after 2 full days of driving and 5 hours of sleep in the middle, we arrived at our new home. We got in late and the kids were wired after being stuck in the car so long. They ran around crazy for a couple of hours and eventually we got to sleep.

Six hours later I rolled out of bed and got to the unpacking. We did get so much done on Saturday. My sister in law took my little boys most of the day so we worked hard without too many distractions. After 14 hours I was beat! All I wanted was a hot shower and to climb in my bed I had just found the sheets to make.

I stood in the shower waiting for hot water that never came. I considered braving the cold but just could bring myself to do more than a bird bath. I stepped out of the shower and the tears came. Moving is just hard. That's all. It just is.

I caught myself and did what any good Texan would do-I pulled up my bootstraps and got back on the horse. The horse in this analogy is the "be grateful for all the lords blessings and happy you have such a nice house" horse. :)

In the morning I took my cold shower and made it to church bright and early. Jon used google to figure out how to fix the water heater. (He may not be super handy but in today's age, being tech savvy is almost as good.)

Somehow this still feels like vacation. Not sure when it will feel real. But here we are and I can see that it is possible that one day maybe this could feel like home.

12th Birthday

Sabrina turned 12 last week. I can't believe I have a child who is 12 and in our church's youth program! I have loved seeing her enter this new phase of spiritual and emotional growth. She understands and internalizes things on a deeper level these days.

For her birthday we got her a temple recommend and took her to do baptisms for the dead (an ordinance we can perform in the temple at the age of 12 see mormon.org.) I love the temple and it was such a wonderful way to share my love with my daughter. I will do that with every child for their 12th birthday.

We shared with Sabrina the importance of temple attendance and taught her about the temple ordinance of baptism for the dead. Most importantly we got to help her understand the feelings she had in the temple and challenge her to help us create those same happy peaceful feeling in our home.

I want to make sure we take her back with us often to remind her of those happy feelings and help her temper her teenage emotions with the peace and love we feel in the temple.

Really this was the sweetest experience. I felt Camille with us and felt the Spirit stronger than I have in a while. After the baptisms, we took Sabrina to the cafeteria for dinner. Grandma and Grandpa Waite joined us for the whole experience which just made it feel that much more like heaven.

Recipe for the Best Mother's Day Ever...

This has been one of my best mother's days ever. A number of simple ingredients made this possible:

Ingredients:
Extremely low expectations (Jon is gone. So I am expecting no special treatment at all. Noble starts throwing up at 10 p.m. the night before. So I am expecting to be up all night cleaning up throw up.) Noble ended up sleeping from 11 p.m. on through the night. Harrison (who has been waking up every 4 hours for a month) slept through the night with Annie transferred to his room to avoid being near Noble. Expecting no sleep and getting good sleep ... my day was already great by the time I woke up.

A long discussion about love languages in which my children really listen and take in the concept and understand what they need to do to make me feel loved. (This took a few hours and was precipitated by me asking my kids to help me clean up the house the night and them not helping... at all. After I threw a tantrum about feeling unloved and explaining that service is my love language, things improved. They helped with boys and cleaned and kept helping all through till tonight.)

Very little fighting. Several of my kids were sad not to have a "present" to give me. I told them truly the best present was a day without bickering or fighting but only with love and helping. While that wasn't perfectly the case all day, I could tell my kids (especially the girls) were really trying to keep the peace and love in the home.

Great "gifts." Lauren made me breakfast in bed. (Toast and water but it hit the spot and didn't create a mess for me to clean up.) Jon gave me a massage at a spa last weekend that took away the ache I have had in my neck for weeks. My mother in law is treating me to a facial while she watches my kids tomorrow. A great friend of me brought me yummy Pie tonight. And I bought fabric that reminds me of Camille (she had a baby blanket with the fabric) and tonight all the kids helped sew me a pillow case out of it. We had fun working on it together (especially after the boys did their part and went to bed.) Planning your own presents guarantees you will love them. I love my new pillow case and look forward to going to buy my new pillow to go in it. :)

Clean house. The kids hardly complained at all when I told them they were going to do the dishes (which they never do) and help me clean up the house after dinner.

Service. We had the sister missionaries over for dinner and they got to call their moms on skype on our computer. It was great to have them over and be able to serve them in that way.

Over all these made for a great mother's day.

Camille's birthday

I am late posting this. But such is life.

We had a party and invited those who knew or had met Camille over for cake and ice cream. We had people wrote down acts of kindness they had done and attach them to balloons. At the end of the party we let the balloons go in the backyard.

I don't know why I have never done this before. It was great. I loved watching the balloons float off out of sight so gradually.

The whole event was wonderful and I had a few people tell me they could feel Camille there with us. I was glad I wasn't the only one. I love my girl. I love that she is still so much a part of our family. I love that people remember her.

God is good. I am grateful for the teachings of His prophets in our day that teach me more simply of the plan of our existence and the miraculous hope that comes as a result of Christ's atoning sacrifice. His gospel brings me peace and happiness even in the face of terrible trials. Families can be forever through Jesus Christ. God is good.