This year I am making plans again. I am happy to be mentally and emotionally able to make plans. I have come a long way since Camille's accident when my head turned into a strainer (unable to hold anything in it except my grief). The grief is still a prominent feature in my head. It still takes its place on the stage of my mind. But it is no longer featured as the starring role.
This June I am planning Sabrina's baptism and Noble's baby blessing. We are doing them both the same night. I am looking forward to that this weekend. It is great to have such happy things to fill this time and keep me focused on the living wonders before me.
Next week I am running away. :) I know many other mothers of angels do some sort of celebration or commemoration on the day their child left this life. We all find our own path through grief. Personally, I wish so much that the middle of June was in no way significant to me or my family. I do not want to do anything to celebrate that day in any way. It was the worst day of my life (or at least half of it was.)
So I am planning to run away with my family - away from home where it happened, away from everyone who was around us, away from every place Camille ever set eyes on -- away. We have decided to go to San Diego with the Kunz family. Their son Daxton died the same week as Camille and we have been good friend this last year.
I hope some time at the beach and some theme parks and in beautiful nature with beautiful weather will "take me away" from the thoughts and events of last year. I guess we will see how it goes. My only way to "commemorate" our one year mark will be taking "family" pictures with my sister in law (and perhaps I will blog that day.)
Thank you for your prayers and support as we approach this mile marker. I appreciate them. I do alright as long as I stay busy and out and about. But in quiet moments when I am alone or with just Noble, I can feel the barometer of grief rising. I know so many think it should be easy by now. But living this reality, it just isn't easy, I don't know if or when it ever will be. So thanks for the support.
