I have always loved meeting new people. My husband teases me that I can hold a better conversation with a new person that I do with him. I love getting to know people. In college I moved 8 times in 4 years with new roommates each time. My whole goal in this was to meet and really get to know as many people as possible. And I collected a lot of really great friends along the way.
Meeting new people now, however, is a bit daunting. I am fine meeting someone for 5 minutes that I will never see again. But meeting someone I know I will see again and again gets a bit tricky. I never know if or what they know about Camille and it is almost always hard to tell someone about her.
It isn't so much that I have a hard time getting the words out. It is their reaction and often their follow up questions that make it so difficult. It is kind of a pretty big and devastating bomb to drop on to someone. They are often shocked and almost always want to know how she died. When I say she drowned they want to know more about exactly how that happened. The first time someone asked this I was unprepared and started to answer.
That little conversation set me back to day one for about two weeks. Just telling her about that day made me live it all over again. It was awful. The next time I was more prepared. I told the person I don't like to talk about it and if she wanted to know more she could go read my blog. That worked out much better. I still worry in the back of my mind that people will think I am at fault because I do not discuss the exact "how" that led to Camille being in the spa. But that is just the way it will have to be. It was nobody's fault. It was just a tragic and fatal and unforeseen cumulation of circumstances mixed with a bit of unbelievable determination and terrible luck on Camille's part. Sometimes I think there had to be an army of angels in our house that day making sure all these circumstances would fall into place and helping her get to the spa because it was her time to go.
Here I go again, reliving that day. This is why I don't discuss it. It is too hard to keep my mind off the events.
But I digress... The point is that it is really a sticky point of meeting new people now. So can you imagine how relieving and wonderful it is when I meet someone and they tell me, "Yes, I know who you are. I read your blog." Instantly I feel like I have a new friend. They not only know lots about me personally, they know the hardest part of my life and I don't have to tell them.
I had this happen a couple of times in the last few weeks and it made me so happy to meet new friends. With the ward boundary changes we had last year at church I don't see many of my friends each week anymore. I feel I hardly know anyone at church anymore except for the young women (they rock!) When I meet someone at church I never know if they know anything about Camille or not. So it is just such a nice thing when someone comes up to me and "outs" themselves as a blog reader. I feel like we have an instant connection.
So if you are a reader and you see me in real life, don't be shy. Come on over and say "HI! I read your blog." I always LOVE to meet a new friend.
