Truth

This morning as we drove to swimming lessons, I got an earful from my girls about who got more of this or less of that. It got me thinking about how preprogramed we all are about the need for things to be fair and just. And that led me to think of how the Savior teaches us to love so much that fair and just matter less than love and compassion.

And so I told my children that for the rest of the ride I wanted them to be quiet and listen to me as I expressed my thoughts on the subject. It turned out to be a very sweet teaching moment about how "unfair" it was that the Savior suffered for all our sins and how He did it because He loved us so much.

I enjoyed the exercise in thinking through the subject as I talked to them and I appreciated the teaching opportunity it became. I am grateful to be able to teach profound truths to my children so that they may find greater happiness in this life. I am grateful for the critical foundational truths my parents taught me in my youth so that I would know where to turn to find the answers to any of life's questions I may need at any given time.

I am grateful for Truth.

The Internet

I have spent a good deal of time scouring the Internet for good deals on Christmas presents tonight. I can't imagine having to do Christmas shopping the old fashion way with 5 kids. I can barely manage grocery shopping and that doesn't include the crowds unless you go to Costco.

I know the Internet also has some serious down sides because of the open door to everything both good and bad that it brings to your fingertips. And sometimes I want to curse it when I think of how readily available it makes damaging materials to people who would seek them out, or just stumble upon them.

But tonight, I am very grateful for the technology we have at our fingertips in computers and the internet. These new technologies are powerful and it is up to us to use the power they give us for good.

Tonight I found much good in doing some Christmas shopping. And everyday I find enormous good in the community I have found through this blog, and the relationships I am able to maintain despite distance.

So Thank You to Al Gore! :-)
(or whoever really invented the Internet)

Fruits of My Labor

 In photo booth words appear as if in a mirror I guess. 

I am grateful that even when motherhood seems like a never ending cycle of sameness, once in a while you get to see all your consistent efforts producing some fruits.

Tonight Annie made a present for Santa. She put some candy in it for Santa and some for Mrs. C too. She also included a letter with her wish list on it. I was touched that she would think to give a gift to Santa rather than just sending the normal Gimme list.

Here is what her letter to Santa said with original spelling and punctuation:

Dear Santa,
We are running low on money so I might have expensive things on my list. Here it is, #1. a kareoky machine, #2 Wii Games, #3 a spy kit, #4 a detective kit, #5 any kind of American doll furniture, (Including a bed.) #6 some teaching tools to play with, #7 an ipad, #8 a dounut making kit, #8 And 6 dounuts with it from Krispy Kreme, #9 An officul gide, (Poptropica) #10 A ride with you to see the sights (But only for 9 minutes.)

Thank you Santa!
Love from,
Annie

P.S. Please tell Mrs. Claus that I said hello!
She also drew a cute picture of a present all wrapped up with a tag "To Annie from Santa." I just love this girl and her wishes and dreams both big and small.

Great Neighbors

Tonight I am thankful for great neighbors. I went to our HOA meeting tonight. My neighbors elected me to be on the board. I hope I can find a good balance between doing what is best for the community as a whole and being lenient and merciful to those who have specific concerns.

For the most part, I have wonderful neighbors who are helpful to me and tolerant of me and all my crazy crew. I am grateful beyond words for both my neighbor friends who help me and give me sanity on my crazy days and for my silent and keep to themselves neighbors who tolerate our craziness.

Phoenix Store Open!

If you live in Phoenix, head on over the Metrocenter at I-17 and Peoria and visit my brother in law Stephen at LaptopXchange. He is lonely ;). He is open Monday - Saturday 10am - 7pm. He will hook you up with a great deal on a new laptop. He has some sweet Apples in there and great tablets too. Do a little early Christmas shopping!

You can see the photos of the new store on Facebook HERE:

Check out two of my little girls Annie and Lauren in one of their commercials. Watch Lauren rolling her eyes!



I am grateful my husband is gainfully employed.

What I Did...

So after I saw Noble and laughed for a minute thoughts began racing through my mind. What are we going to do? I asked Jon. His very predictable response was, "He is 2! Who cares what he wears. Let's go!"

Now part of me agreed with Jonathan. It was more important to be THERE than to be appropriately dressed. But there was that other prideful part of me that I try not to listen to telling me how mortified I would feel walking in with my 2 year old in camo pjs. Mother of the Year here remember??? Awesome.

But it was 11:01 when we arrived. By now probably 11:03. Church starts at 11 prompt. Even though home is only a 3 minute drive there is still the unbuckling and finding the clothes and getting them on a very tired little boy. (Daylight savings time was that morning and his normal nap starts at 11 and so it was like noon to him.) Oh and there would be finding socks in the sock bin too.

We are usually done with the sacrament by 20 after. I knew if I turned right around I would miss the sacrament. That is just not something I wanted to do. You see when I was 17 I lived in a small town in Spain as a foreign exchange student. I didn't get to go to church for about 2 months. The closest church was like 30 miles away and my host family didn't see a need to drive me to church.

I really missed having the opportunity to renew my baptismal covenants each week. I felt that loss more keenly than I can possibly convey with words. While there I made a personal and solemn promise to my Heavenly Father that I would never again miss taking the sacrament if I could help it. I just would not take for granted the blessing it is to be so close and have that opportunity to be clean again each week.

In the 19 years since then I have only once missed taking the sacrament for reasons other than normal legitimate things like sickness or new baby or sick kid. It was when I was in college. I just was tired and I slept through it. I felt so bad. I knew better. Really, I felt as bad as if I had committed some major sin. I repented of that mistake and doubly vowed it would never happen again.

So with that background, I was not about to miss taking the sacrament because of my pride about what my kid was or wasn't wearing. And sending Jon home... that wouldn't not have happened. (I think he secretly wishes he could get away with wearing Camo PJs to church.)

So I swallowed my pride and began searching the car for lost shoes. It is not uncommon to find random lost shoes in my car. I managed to find a pair of Noble's old Croc's in the back row. Score!

I got Noble out and as we entered the church building with everyone all dressed up my embarrassment creeped up on me. So I picked Noble up and wrapped my coat around him to hide his PJs and we walked into sacrament meeting. (They had just finished the opening prayer and were starting the sacrament hymn.)

Luckily no one gasped or even gave me a surprised or funny look as Noble settled into our pew. I was a little surprised by that. I expected a few giggles. But our ward is awesome and not judgmental.

As we got through the sacrament hymn I found Noble being a bit harder to keep reverent than normal. Part of that was likely the time change and no nap. But I do think kids act better when they are dressed up. So I pulled out the new Friend magazine I brought to entertain Noble and sat him on my lap to look for Jesus in it.

One of the first articles we turned to caught my eye. It was all about a boy who was having a hard time being reverent until he got a new church shirt that looked like his dad's and then his "reverent" shirt helped him to be reverent in church just like dad. I read part of this to Noble and pointed out how all the men had ties on and white shirts.

Noble was telling me the colors of all the ties he saw. I asked him if he wanted to go home and get his tie on. He said he did. So as soon as the sacrament was over, he and I left Jonathan with the baby and the girls and went to go get his church clothes. He was excited to get his church pants and shirt and tie and shoes.

It took us about 20 minutes round trip. I was sad to miss some of the testimonies. There was a really good spirit in the meeting when we returned and I would like to have heard some of the other testimonies referenced. I am not sure whether it was more important to stay and be spiritual fed or take Noble home and teach him about how are clothes show our respect and help remind us to be reverent. But I ended up going with plan B.

I did get a really good laugh out of the experience and I will definitely be more careful to make sure EVERYONE is getting or being gotten ready from now on. :)

And my gratitude thought -- I am grateful to live 3 minutes from a church where I can go on Sunday and renew my baptismal covenants and once again be made clean and recommit to live the Lord's commandments and remember my Savior. That really is huge and I feel incredibly blessed in that way.

"Church Clothes"

This morning as we started getting everyone ready for church, I thought, "I am going to put Harrison in real church clothes today." You see normally Harrison wears a nice pair of pajamas to church. He is just a baby and it is easy for him to wear some comfy footed pjs. But it has been cold and he is getting bigger. So this morning, I thought I would put him in this nice cool weather 6-12 month outfit on him.

I got him all dressed to the nines. He looked so darn cute in his little church outfit. I gave him to Jonathan, who had just finished getting all spiffed up himself, and went to go get ready for church. I took 20 minutes or so getting myself dressed up and ready for church, then I heard Jon downstairs, "Time to get in the car and go!"

The kids all rushed downstairs. I made a few last minute tweaks to my outfit and headed down stairs too. Jon was grabbing last minute things. "The kids are all in the car. I got the baby in the car but he is crying so let's hurry." I grabbed the church bag with our Friend magazines and some crayons for Noble and jumped in the car to do my make up.

I finished my make up on the 3 minute commute to church. We pulled into church and parked. Doors to the minivan opened and we started piling out. This is how cute my baby looked with his Daddy in their big boy "Church Clothes."

SO cute huh?!

Then I went to go get Noble unbuckled from his car seat. Here is what I found:

I guess we both forgot to get Noble dressed. I assumed Jon was doing that while I got dressed. He assumed I had done it since I actually got the baby dressed. In the end, when Jon yelled for the kids to pile in the car, they did, including Noble, in his Army Guy Pajamas ... no shoes. He piled in the car. Annie buckled him up. Jon and I never looked all the way in the back to check his clothes.

Jon and I laughed so hard. Camo Pjs for Church! Awesome!

Today I am thankful for clothes. I am not the "best dressed" person in my ward, or street, or house. Truth is I wouldn't be surprised or offended if someone turned me into "What not to Wear." I just don't or haven't shopped for clothes for myself in a really long time. But I am grateful for the clothes I do have. They keep me warm. They cover my body. And a few of them are even somewhat cute. I am grateful to have them. I guess I should also say I am grateful for my sister since about 50-75% of my clothes are hand me downs from her (most of the cute ones.)

p.s. I am a little curious. What would you have done if you had been me this morning?
A) Taken him to church in the pjs. No biggie. He is only 2.
B) Gone to take the sacrament then taken him home and changed him into church clothes.
C) Take him home to change him after sacrament meeting.
D) Turn right around and change him then come back.

Be honest. You can make your comment anon if you wish. I am really curious about what others would have done. I will tell you what I did after I read a few of your comments.

Mothers

How do I choose just one thing to write about in my list of that for which I am grateful? So many things run through my mind. But I am only going to pick one to note tonight. As I have been thinking of my friends who just had their mother pass away just a few short weeks ago, I think tonight I will say I am grateful for mothers.

I am grateful to have the wonderful mother I do have. I beyond indebted to her for all she has taught me and sacrificed for me and physically and emotionally done to bare and raise me and continue to nurture and guide me in my adult life. I still need my mother. I am not sure there will ever be a time in my life that I won't feel like I need her anymore. Even after she is one day gone, I am sure I will still feel like I need her guidance and wisdom and reassurance. I am grateful to have her still with me and in the same city where I can see her often. I am grateful she has good health and is active and able. She is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

I am grateful for a loving and kind and wonderful mother in law. I am so grateful for her example and service and love for me and my family. I am grateful for her sacrifice and work to raise my husband and prepare such a wonderful young man for his life as a husband and father. I am grateful for her good health and all that she does to still care for us and all her children.

I am grateful to be alive and be able to be a mother to my children. Thinking and hearing about my friend's family trying to get along day by day without her now, I just am so grateful to be here and be healthy and able to fill my role as mother to my family.

I am grateful for good mothers everywhere who love and sacrifice and serve their children. For those of you who are doing it now, everyday, preparing your children to be stable, well loved, responsible, virtuous friends and potential future mates for my own children.

I am grateful for mothers who mother deliberately.

Noble

Noble is 2 ½ and his speech is improving daily. Tonight I had an interesting conversation with him. I was putting him to bed and asking him who loved him the most. As usual he kept saying “EEa.” That is his name for Sabrina. I kept saying “NO! Mama!” and he would laugh and laugh.

Then I told him I wanted to tell him a story. We often point to pictures of Camille and he knows the pictures are “Camille” but we haven’t really told him much about where she is or what happened. So tonight I told him that before he was born he had a big sister named Camille. She was a little baby girl and we all loved her. One very sad day a bad thing happened and Camille got hurt and she died. Mommy was very sad and she cried all the day long every day. Then one day a baby got into mama’s tummy. The baby grew and grew and then finally it came out.  This baby made Mama happy again. That baby was Noble. That is why Mama loves Noble more than anyone else does, because Noble made Mama happy again.

I am grateful for Noble. For the balm of Gilead he is to my soul. For his joy and love and LIFE. I have no doubt that he knows Camille and was meant to follow her into this family. I can feel the connection between them as if it were a tangible thing. I am grateful to have him to hold and squeeze and love. I feel as if by doing so am I am also holding and squeezing and loving her too.

Jonathan

I am thankful for Jonathan. I am thankful that he is ambitious and driven and strong headed and highly intelligent and full of integrity and humble and spiritual and patient with me and funny and loving.

He is not a perfect man. But he is a perfect fit for me. Our imperfections and faults are ones we can handle while we work to improve them. He is so patient with me in mine. He is endlessly giving and loving to me.

I feel blessed to be sealed to him for all eternity as his spouse. I still often thank my Heavenly Father for the miracle He performed to bring us together and turn Jonathan's heart to me.

Jonathan is my partner, my love, my teacher, my support, and my very best and closest friend. I am grateful for Jonathan.

Between the Bread and Laundry

Bread and Laundry. Those were the two great accomplishments of the day. I made 7 loaves of homemade 100% whole wheat bread with flour I ground myself just prior to making the bread. I finished washing and sorted and folded a literal mountain of laundry. All told I am sure it was 10 loads worth, though I will admit I lost count.

But those gigantic tasks are not the what I want to remember about this day. I want to remember how cute Lauren did her hair tonight after her shower with a low side ponytail and a little bow up by her temple. I want to remember her telling me that on Saturday after Dad gets up she wants to get an hour with me just to snuggle because she "never" gets time with me.

I want to remember my Ann Marie standing next to Lauren as she told her tale of woe, nodding with drama and flair. I want to remember the play she wrote, complete with stage directions, and asked me to type up so she and her sisters could preform it. I want to remember her grumpy face in the car when I was tickling her arm and telling her not to laugh no matter what.

I want to remember the sound of my son Noble saying "sorry mama!" when ever he does something wrong. The way he says it sounds so much older and so nonchalant. Like "get over it Mama." I love that he says it so readily and without prompting. I want to remember his speech getting so clear and distinct. I want to remember his sentences coming together correctly for the first time and the first time he uses new and big words.

I want to remember watching Sabrina walk out of school and not hearing me calling out to her from my car to wave hello as she headed to her ride to piano and I picked up Lauren to go to dance. I want to remember how engrossed she was in her book, that she just kept on walking, nose in the book, straight ahead without hearing me call her at all. I want to remember spying on her through the window at the end of her piano lesson with her back straight and her hands making lovely music.

I want to remember my little Harrison learning to scoot forward and getting up on hands and knees in an almost crawl. I want to remember his cute smile with spread out teeth and smiling eyes. I want to remember the way he grabs my hair on the back of my head when I hold him on my hip. I want to remember the look on his face at his first bite of mashed potatoes tonight at dinner.

Years will pass and there will always be laundry to wash and sort and fold. I will keep making my bread for years to come. But these miracles living in my house ... they will grow and change and then leave. I want to remember them ... as they are TODAY ... in all their little quirks and cuteness. I want to remember the magic that happens between the bread and laundry.

Tonight I am thankful for this blog and for all those who read it. This blog has been such a tool to help me heal when I have been hurting. And you readers have kept me writing even when I haven't been hurting. The writing keeps me present in my motherhood while creating a history as well. So thank you. Thank you for your prayers and support and love and understanding and thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me.

Motherhood Chapter 24: Teaching Gratitude

With the commencement of November, I have turned my thoughts to gratitude. As I mentioned in my previous post, I will be adding a bit of gratitude on my blog every day this month. This morning, I decided to include my family in the endeavor as I sat the family down for our morning devotional minute.

Each morning after morning prayers, each member of our family is going to note something they are grateful for. It has to be a different thing than they have said yet this month. I hope this will help turn the thoughts of my children even more toward the blessings they have been given.

Gratitude is such an important lesson to teach our children. I am curious about the ways different people teach their children this important virtue. I will share a few things I have started at my home. But I do not profess to be any sort of expert on this subject. Frankly, I am sure I could use the tips more than others. I would like my children to increase in their gratitude. I would like them to think of gratitude more naturally, on their own.

So, PLEASE share your comments on how you teach your children gratitude.

One simple way I have tried with Noble is to point out things I have done for him and ask him to thank me. For example, after I change his diaper I will say something like, "Isn't it nice to be clean Noble? Wasn't that nice of Mommy to change your diaper for you? Can you tell Mommy thank you?"

Noble always tells me thank you. I wish I had done this with all my kids. I feel like it has made Noble just a bit more gratitude minded.

Other than this one simple tip, I can only say that we have family home evening meetings on this subject. We express gratitude in our prayers. I try to remind the kids to express gratitude for thing people give them or do for them like any normal parent does.

Let me know if you have any tips for me. I am sure I will be "grateful" for them.

Tonight I am grateful for the change in me that made me hug Noble when I was mad that he broke my cup instead of grab him in a mean way. I owe that to Camille. Thank you.

Bah Humbug

I have been a total Halloween Scrooge this year. Halloween is usually one of my favorite holidays. I love the bit of fright and the delight of dressing up. But somehow this year I feel like I have just been doing well to keep my head above water. So I never did put up a single fall or Halloween decoration. Jon was never around enough to get them down from the garage and I wasn't about to attempt it alone.

I also did not get Halloween costumes for anyone this year. So I really don't have cute photos of my clever costumes to show. Instead I will show you what THEY came up with themselves when I told them that if they wanted costumes they would have to find something in our house and make it work.

Elizabeth and Morgan's kids were some cute skeletons!

Sabrina was Velma from Scooby Doo. Lauren was Daphne (or her interpretation of what she thought Daphne should wear.) Annie was Hermione. And Noble wore a hand me down Horse costume and his cowboy PJs underneath. That worked well when he got hot in the horse outfit. We just took it off and he was the cowboy that the horse had swallowed.  I didn't do any costume for Harrison. He would have fit in Camille's pea pod outfit. But it seemed more hassle than it was worth to get it out for him.

Another thing I just didn't do this year was put on my neighborhood block party. With all I had going on, it just was too much. I felt like a big old Scrooge about this holiday, but I think my kids had fun. They still got to go to lots of Halloween events. We went to their school Harvest Festival. I took them by myself to our church Trunk or Treat since Jon had to work late that day. I wasn't going to even go because it gives me major anxiety trying to keep track of everyone by myself at such things. But then Sabrina came downstairs in her "costume" she put together and she had options for Lauren to wear to be Daphne... I just can't resist my kids sometimes. So I piled them all in the car and took them to that.

Then this last week we went to California to visit my brothers and their families. The kids got to go to their cousin's school Halloween party and their church Trunk or Treat. And then they got to go trick or treating tonight.

I will pull myself together enough to get festive for Christmas. That is one holiday that actually matters to me. It is about so much more than just fun and candy. So even if Jon isn't around to help me decorate, I will hire someone to help if I have to. I have already signed up to host Thanksgiving for my family. That will get me in the Spirit of things.

Halloween is done. I have no decorations to put away. (that is one bonus.) And I have the memories of watching Noble really "get" trick or treating for the first time. That is priceless. Watching him "learn" as he walked around the trunk or treat picking suckers out of the bowls of candy people held out for him to choose from was sweet. Hearing him say "trick or treat" and "thank you" to all those people was a treasure.

And best of all was him walking up to other little kids with their own "baskets of goodies" and him reaching in to grab his choice from their "bowl" and saying thank you. Hey it is just another person with a big pot of candy for me to choose from right? I wish I had a photo of the little girl's face he did that to. It was priceless. She was probably about 3. I had to teach him really quickly that we only "trick or treat" to adults that are offering candy, not kids with candy bags.

Onward and Upward. Time to get Thankful. That is one I can get into. Time for my post a day on things I am grateful for. Every day in November I will be posting something about gratitude. Sometimes it will just be a sentence at the end of an unrelated post. Somedays it may be a one word post. Somedays it maybe a full out post on its own. Hope it will help spread the feeling of gratitude to you all and especially highlight the feeling of gratitude in my own heart.

May as well start tonight. Tonight I am grateful for silly, trivial, traditions we have in holidays like Halloween. They bring a measure of joy to us here in this life. And more poignantly, I am grateful for the faith I have in greater joys to come in the life beyond. As I watch the little children in their cute costumes going from home to home and I wonder what my little 4 year old would have wanted to be and what kind of trick or treating personality she would have had, I am grateful for the thought that comes to my mind. "This is a simple joy of this life. But if you could know the joys to come with Camille, you would have no sorrow at missing out on this with her." And I am even more grateful that I believe it.

Motherhood Chapter 23: Do vs. Be

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I was dreading another day of a million mundane tasks. Then as I thought through my "to do list" I realized that I might be better off to make a "to BE" list. As I thought through how my "Dos" should and could become "Bes" my perspective changed and I didn't find my list of things to do so mundane after all. Here is my "do list" with its corresponding "be list" following it.

My To Do List for Tomorrow:
1-Wake up the kids
2-Make smoothies for breakfast
3-Read Scriptures to the kids
4-Make lunches
5-Drive everyone to school
6-Exercise with them at Milers Club
7-Go Grocery shopping
8-Make soup for Lesli's baby shower and dinner tonight
9-Prepare ingredients for salad for shower
10-Package and hide truffles for shower so kids don't eat them :)
11-Feed the boys
12-Put the boys down for naps
13-Shower
14-Look into learning Japanese
15-Look for shirts for family photos
16-Buy Bread bowls for soup at Bread and Butter
17-Do homework with the kids
18-Get Halloween costumes together
19-Do Lauren's hair in curlers for picture day
20-Pick out picture day outfit with Lauren
21-Take a photo that marks my day
22-Blog
23-Read my Scriptures
24-Pray (morning and evening/alone and with family)
25-Go to sleep

My Be List for Tomorrow:
1-Be the sunshine that wakes my kids up on the "right" side of the bed
2-Be healthy
3-Be obedient to the counsel of the prophets
4-Be a servant of the Lord by serving others
5-Be cheerful and positive
6-Be an example of happiness by doing those things I must to be happy myself
7-Be a wise steward of our money
8-Be a multi-tasker
9-Be prepared
10-Be sneakily smart
11-Be nurturing
12-Be structured
13-Be clean
14-Be a life long learner
15-Be creative
16-Be supportive
17-Be helpful
18-Be fun and festive
19-Be loving
20-Be patient
21-Be present
22-Be thoughtful
23-Be nourished by the Good Word
24-Be in touch with Spirit of the Lord
25-Be wise

I wrote this all up last night and today it has made a world of difference in my attitude. I really focused to BE the kind of mother I wanted to be with each task. You will note that each task is paired with a specific "be" that I knew would help me "do" the task better and "be" more the mother I want to be.

I think I will do "be lists" more often and make them right along side my "do lists."
Here is my photo for the day:

Lauren and Harrison

Reluctant

It is with reluctance that I write this post. I am not entirely sure why. I should not be ashamed or embarrassed by my feelings. Yet somehow the further away I get from June 13, 2008, the harder it is for me to open up and tell anyone when I am having a hard day.

Today I have had a hard day. I think of Camille everyday. She is so much a part of my being. Thoughts of her are behind every other thought I have or comment I make. Most days those thoughts are not charged with emotion. They are just passing thoughts.

But there are other days, like today, where I feel the pull of that part of my heart that has passed on to the great beyond. I feel the absence left there. I long to visit that part of my heart and have it fit back in its rightful place.

Some days I just plain miss her. Most days I don't let myself go to that place where I think in depth about my sweet baby girl. Most days I let the thoughts pass on through without holding on to them to feel my way through them. Maybe some other people would never let these birds of sorrow nest in their minds. I know other people who live daily with these birds of sorrow as their constant companions. That is the way other people find their way through grief.

But I am not other people. I am just me. And I have found my own way through grief by letting the birds come visit on occasion and sing me their mournful melody of loss and longing. Today I sat still and listened.

As the primary children put on our church program, I thought of how this would have been Camille's first year having a part at the big podium. I wondered what kind of personality she would have showed. Would she have been shy in front of the big crowd with a small voice like Lauren or would she have milked the crowd's attention like Ann Marie?

As I sat during choir practice making eyes at Harrison I felt as though I could have been looking at Camille. The older he gets the more he resembles her. It is a good thing he is a boy and wearing all different clothes. It is bitter sweet to look at him and see them both right before me.

My sweet Camille. How I wish I could fly to visit you for an hour or two and then return to my life here. I ache to be near you. Our family will never feel whole while you are not with us. Yet I have sure faith that this time for us to be apart is only temporary and the day will come when we are reunited. Knowing that as I do, I also know that it behoves me to live as fully as I can in this short span of time I have called mortal life. I ought not to waste away my limited time drowning my spirit in the sorrow of our separation. For it will be, after all, but a small moment some day. But forgive me if on occasion I sit and sing along with the sorrow birds and allow them to stay a while in the branches of my soul. Somehow their mournful visits keep you alive in me.

Turbo Boosted Out of the Funk

Thank you all for your input on how to pull out of the funk. I have been putting most of the suggestions into practice. I am not a photographer. I actually don't like taking photos. I like having them. I just don't love taking them. But I love the suggestion of making yourself take a few photos everyday to document life as a mother and the wonder in the everyday. I may have to try doing that. I think it would really help me see the joy in the everyday routine better.

A surprise I found on my bed as I was about to retire compels me to start now. I must give a little background to set the stage so my full emotions can come through.

Tonight I was a bit late getting everyone to bed. I think I had to tell everyone to go to bed about 1000 times. :) But it is hard for me to be too insistent about it when they are staying up because they are practicing their violin without being asked or cleaning something without being told to.

The last two nights I have let Annie and then Sabrina sleep with me as Jonathan was out of town. Lauren was hoping to get to sleep with me tonight but Jonathan came home just as they were finally getting in bed. I felt sorry for her disappointment and promised to let her sleep with me sometime soon.

So in sum, it has been another night of putting kids down in the routine daily do without much special going on and a few tears of disappointment from Lauren at not being able to sleep with Mom tonight.

Imagine how my heart felt seeing and reading this note on my bed, written by my little 6 year old Lauren:

LaLa is our nickname for her.

I will transcribe the note as she wrote it for you. Any necessary translations will be in italics.

To: Mommy
Love: LaLa

Dear: Mommy
I love you soo much. Thack you for takeing such good care of us all the years and wen Dad was gon.
I like to be helffole helpful a lot.
I like to spend time with you a lot.
When I grow up I want to have the same job like you.
being a mom.
love Lauren
To: Mom

I am humbled. I am almost at a loss for words. I will have to make arrangements to spend a night sleeping with Lauren really soon. If ever there was a way to turbo boost me out of funk, this sweet, unsolicited note from my little girl is surely it. This is the payment for the job of motherhood and boy does it make all the daily dos worth it.

Funky place

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. You know these times when your daily routine just seems so ... routine. It is so easy to forget the powerful role you fulfill as a mother when it is such a long term, round the clock job.

I get lonely for adult company. Especially right now when Jonathan has been working 18 hour days and is currently out of town working to get the Phoenix store open.

But even in my funk I am constantly grateful for the blessing of my children and the privilege I have of being a full time mother to them. It is hard to remember how short this time is with them in my home when I am living it every day. But seeing Sabrina growing into a young woman before my eyes and seeing Harrison hit every milestone reminds me how quickly this precious time will fly by.

So this morning I forced myself to get out of my warm bed and put on my running shoes and hit the treadmill. I ran for 15 minutes straight (which I haven't done in a long time.) And all the way I kept telling myself that this was for my head more than my body. And it helped. So did having my mom come visit and making dinner for a friend who is not feeling well.

And so I work to pull my spirits out of the funky zone. Do you ever get in this funky place? How do you best pull yourself out?

Simple Joy

We have taken a couple trips to the cabin the past couple of months. We went at the end of summer with several of Jon's siblings. Our last day there a friend of ours up there took Jon and Sabrina fishing in his boat on Panguich Lake. Jon had never caught a fish. I guess I should say, Jon has never caught a fish. Sabrina had never been fishing. She caught 4 fish. Jon caught none.

We had trout for lunch when they came back and it was the best trout I have ever eaten. Fresh makes a huge difference with trout.

While our friend taught Jon and Sabrina how to clean the fish, Noble found the pump let off a bit of a spray of water where it connected to the hose.

He had so much fun running through this little spray and climbing up on the rocks around the pump to put his hands in the water.

Children are such good examples of finding joy in the little things. Why can't we be more like them that way? Just look at this face:

All that joy from a little spray of water. Maybe I need to go run through some sprinklers. Might do me a bit of good. :)

Though I must say I did get quite a bit of joy running with my kids at milers club this morning at the school, and eating an amazing ham and cheese sandwich at Bread & Butter this evening for dinner. The salad I had was also delicious but the sandwich... melt in your mouth ham and Tillamook cheddar on a pretzel bun with mustard butter. Come on. It tasted even better than it sounded.

Oh and there was the simple joy of the chocolate pudding for dessert. Chris' chocolate pudding is like rich dark chocolatey velvet. It brings a smile to my face just remembering how yummy it was for dessert tonight. Okay maybe I do get joy from some seemingly simple things.

Have you been to Bread & Butter to try it out yet? What did you think? I am getting the Ham and Cheese again next time I go for sure.

Surprise

When I was a little kid, one of my favorite things to do was to wake up early and set the table for breakfast as a surprise for my mom. I loved doing little surprises like that for members of my family.

As my kids have gotten a little older I have been overjoyed to see they have picked up on this "tradition" as well.

Last week we had a trip planned to go to the cabin right after school. We had packed the kids in a laundry bin the night before. (I almost always pack in laundry bins and bring an extra to use as a dirty clothes bin. It makes it so easy to just take the clothes straight to the laundry room and wash when we get home.)

So the morning of our trip I woke up and found this note on the island in the kitchen:

It reads: Dear Waite Family, We have done this little gift for you. We hope you like it. It is payback for all the good things you have done for us. From, Secret Santa Elves PS. Look in the back of your car!!

I went to my car and opened the trunk to find this:

Sweet little secret elves (Lauren's idea and master mind and Sabrina's brawn and writing ability) had put our stuff in the car ready to go on our trip.

It is good for me to highlight and keep in mind these little bright spots in my life as a mother of young children. So often I have days, like today, where I get weighed down by all the needs being drawn from me. It can often seem like everyone has an urgent need for my attention or care all at once. Sometimes it makes me feel lonely while simultaneously claustrophobic with so many little people on top of me.

I am grateful tonight for my little Lauren who in the middle of a stressful night "got carried away" helping me and couldn't help herself but just had to help me anyway her little 6 year old self could. Her sweet willingness and persistent desire to help me was a bright light to me tonight. I love my children and tonight I especially love my Lauren and the bright example of service she is to me even when I am grouchy.

Forget me nots

One of my favorite talks from our weekend of General Conference where we hear from our general church leadership came the weekend before in the women's broadcast. These are talks meant for the women of the church. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency gave a talk about the flower named "forget me not."

He talked about five points not to forget in pattern with the five petals of the forget me not flower. The part of his talk that hit me the most was the fifth point he hit that we should not forget. It is really worth listening to the power in his voice when he gives the talk. You can listen to it HERE if you like. But here is what he said that hit me with great force.

"As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.

Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten.

And I know something else: as an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart—neither are you!

You are not forgotten.

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!

He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom. The Psalmist wrote:

“When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

“What is man, that thou art mindful of him? …

“For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.”⁵

God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.

The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow."

To this I would like to add my "AMEN!" or in other words, I also know this to be Truth.

Then yesterday I saw a beautiful print on a fun new blog that would look lovely in my blue room to remind me of this Truth.

How great is that? Go check out this cute new blog here!