I am thankful for Jonathan. I am thankful that he is ambitious and driven and strong headed and highly intelligent and full of integrity and humble and spiritual and patient with me and funny and loving.
He is not a perfect man. But he is a perfect fit for me. Our imperfections and faults are ones we can handle while we work to improve them. He is so patient with me in mine. He is endlessly giving and loving to me.
I feel blessed to be sealed to him for all eternity as his spouse. I still often thank my Heavenly Father for the miracle He performed to bring us together and turn Jonathan's heart to me.
Jonathan is my partner, my love, my teacher, my support, and my very best and closest friend. I am grateful for Jonathan.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Between the Bread and Laundry
Bread and Laundry. Those were the two great accomplishments of the day. I made 7 loaves of homemade 100% whole wheat bread with flour I ground myself just prior to making the bread. I finished washing and sorted and folded a literal mountain of laundry. All told I am sure it was 10 loads worth, though I will admit I lost count.
But those gigantic tasks are not the what I want to remember about this day. I want to remember how cute Lauren did her hair tonight after her shower with a low side ponytail and a little bow up by her temple. I want to remember her telling me that on Saturday after Dad gets up she wants to get an hour with me just to snuggle because she "never" gets time with me.
I want to remember my Ann Marie standing next to Lauren as she told her tale of woe, nodding with drama and flair. I want to remember the play she wrote, complete with stage directions, and asked me to type up so she and her sisters could preform it. I want to remember her grumpy face in the car when I was tickling her arm and telling her not to laugh no matter what.
I want to remember the sound of my son Noble saying "sorry mama!" when ever he does something wrong. The way he says it sounds so much older and so nonchalant. Like "get over it Mama." I love that he says it so readily and without prompting. I want to remember his speech getting so clear and distinct. I want to remember his sentences coming together correctly for the first time and the first time he uses new and big words.
I want to remember watching Sabrina walk out of school and not hearing me calling out to her from my car to wave hello as she headed to her ride to piano and I picked up Lauren to go to dance. I want to remember how engrossed she was in her book, that she just kept on walking, nose in the book, straight ahead without hearing me call her at all. I want to remember spying on her through the window at the end of her piano lesson with her back straight and her hands making lovely music.
I want to remember my little Harrison learning to scoot forward and getting up on hands and knees in an almost crawl. I want to remember his cute smile with spread out teeth and smiling eyes. I want to remember the way he grabs my hair on the back of my head when I hold him on my hip. I want to remember the look on his face at his first bite of mashed potatoes tonight at dinner.
Years will pass and there will always be laundry to wash and sort and fold. I will keep making my bread for years to come. But these miracles living in my house ... they will grow and change and then leave. I want to remember them ... as they are TODAY ... in all their little quirks and cuteness. I want to remember the magic that happens between the bread and laundry.
Tonight I am thankful for this blog and for all those who read it. This blog has been such a tool to help me heal when I have been hurting. And you readers have kept me writing even when I haven't been hurting. The writing keeps me present in my motherhood while creating a history as well. So thank you. Thank you for your prayers and support and love and understanding and thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me.
But those gigantic tasks are not the what I want to remember about this day. I want to remember how cute Lauren did her hair tonight after her shower with a low side ponytail and a little bow up by her temple. I want to remember her telling me that on Saturday after Dad gets up she wants to get an hour with me just to snuggle because she "never" gets time with me.
I want to remember my Ann Marie standing next to Lauren as she told her tale of woe, nodding with drama and flair. I want to remember the play she wrote, complete with stage directions, and asked me to type up so she and her sisters could preform it. I want to remember her grumpy face in the car when I was tickling her arm and telling her not to laugh no matter what.
I want to remember the sound of my son Noble saying "sorry mama!" when ever he does something wrong. The way he says it sounds so much older and so nonchalant. Like "get over it Mama." I love that he says it so readily and without prompting. I want to remember his speech getting so clear and distinct. I want to remember his sentences coming together correctly for the first time and the first time he uses new and big words.
I want to remember watching Sabrina walk out of school and not hearing me calling out to her from my car to wave hello as she headed to her ride to piano and I picked up Lauren to go to dance. I want to remember how engrossed she was in her book, that she just kept on walking, nose in the book, straight ahead without hearing me call her at all. I want to remember spying on her through the window at the end of her piano lesson with her back straight and her hands making lovely music.
I want to remember my little Harrison learning to scoot forward and getting up on hands and knees in an almost crawl. I want to remember his cute smile with spread out teeth and smiling eyes. I want to remember the way he grabs my hair on the back of my head when I hold him on my hip. I want to remember the look on his face at his first bite of mashed potatoes tonight at dinner.
Years will pass and there will always be laundry to wash and sort and fold. I will keep making my bread for years to come. But these miracles living in my house ... they will grow and change and then leave. I want to remember them ... as they are TODAY ... in all their little quirks and cuteness. I want to remember the magic that happens between the bread and laundry.
Tonight I am thankful for this blog and for all those who read it. This blog has been such a tool to help me heal when I have been hurting. And you readers have kept me writing even when I haven't been hurting. The writing keeps me present in my motherhood while creating a history as well. So thank you. Thank you for your prayers and support and love and understanding and thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Motherhood Chapter 24: Teaching Gratitude
With the commencement of November, I have turned my thoughts to gratitude. As I mentioned in my previous post, I will be adding a bit of gratitude on my blog every day this month. This morning, I decided to include my family in the endeavor as I sat the family down for our morning devotional minute.
Each morning after morning prayers, each member of our family is going to note something they are grateful for. It has to be a different thing than they have said yet this month. I hope this will help turn the thoughts of my children even more toward the blessings they have been given.
Gratitude is such an important lesson to teach our children. I am curious about the ways different people teach their children this important virtue. I will share a few things I have started at my home. But I do not profess to be any sort of expert on this subject. Frankly, I am sure I could use the tips more than others. I would like my children to increase in their gratitude. I would like them to think of gratitude more naturally, on their own.
So, PLEASE share your comments on how you teach your children gratitude.
One simple way I have tried with Noble is to point out things I have done for him and ask him to thank me. For example, after I change his diaper I will say something like, "Isn't it nice to be clean Noble? Wasn't that nice of Mommy to change your diaper for you? Can you tell Mommy thank you?"
Noble always tells me thank you. I wish I had done this with all my kids. I feel like it has made Noble just a bit more gratitude minded.
Other than this one simple tip, I can only say that we have family home evening meetings on this subject. We express gratitude in our prayers. I try to remind the kids to express gratitude for thing people give them or do for them like any normal parent does.
Let me know if you have any tips for me. I am sure I will be "grateful" for them.
Tonight I am grateful for the change in me that made me hug Noble when I was mad that he broke my cup instead of grab him in a mean way. I owe that to Camille. Thank you.
Each morning after morning prayers, each member of our family is going to note something they are grateful for. It has to be a different thing than they have said yet this month. I hope this will help turn the thoughts of my children even more toward the blessings they have been given.
Gratitude is such an important lesson to teach our children. I am curious about the ways different people teach their children this important virtue. I will share a few things I have started at my home. But I do not profess to be any sort of expert on this subject. Frankly, I am sure I could use the tips more than others. I would like my children to increase in their gratitude. I would like them to think of gratitude more naturally, on their own.
So, PLEASE share your comments on how you teach your children gratitude.
One simple way I have tried with Noble is to point out things I have done for him and ask him to thank me. For example, after I change his diaper I will say something like, "Isn't it nice to be clean Noble? Wasn't that nice of Mommy to change your diaper for you? Can you tell Mommy thank you?"
Noble always tells me thank you. I wish I had done this with all my kids. I feel like it has made Noble just a bit more gratitude minded.
Other than this one simple tip, I can only say that we have family home evening meetings on this subject. We express gratitude in our prayers. I try to remind the kids to express gratitude for thing people give them or do for them like any normal parent does.
Let me know if you have any tips for me. I am sure I will be "grateful" for them.
Tonight I am grateful for the change in me that made me hug Noble when I was mad that he broke my cup instead of grab him in a mean way. I owe that to Camille. Thank you.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Bah Humbug
I have been a total Halloween Scrooge this year. Halloween is usually one of my favorite holidays. I love the bit of fright and the delight of dressing up. But somehow this year I feel like I have just been doing well to keep my head above water. So I never did put up a single fall or Halloween decoration. Jon was never around enough to get them down from the garage and I wasn't about to attempt it alone.
I also did not get Halloween costumes for anyone this year. So I really don't have cute photos of my clever costumes to show. Instead I will show you what THEY came up with themselves when I told them that if they wanted costumes they would have to find something in our house and make it work.
Sabrina was Velma from Scooby Doo. Lauren was Daphne (or her interpretation of what she thought Daphne should wear.) Annie was Hermione. And Noble wore a hand me down Horse costume and his cowboy PJs underneath. That worked well when he got hot in the horse outfit. We just took it off and he was the cowboy that the horse had swallowed. I didn't do any costume for Harrison. He would have fit in Camille's pea pod outfit. But it seemed more hassle than it was worth to get it out for him.
Another thing I just didn't do this year was put on my neighborhood block party. With all I had going on, it just was too much. I felt like a big old Scrooge about this holiday, but I think my kids had fun. They still got to go to lots of Halloween events. We went to their school Harvest Festival. I took them by myself to our church Trunk or Treat since Jon had to work late that day. I wasn't going to even go because it gives me major anxiety trying to keep track of everyone by myself at such things. But then Sabrina came downstairs in her "costume" she put together and she had options for Lauren to wear to be Daphne... I just can't resist my kids sometimes. So I piled them all in the car and took them to that.
Then this last week we went to California to visit my brothers and their families. The kids got to go to their cousin's school Halloween party and their church Trunk or Treat. And then they got to go trick or treating tonight.
I will pull myself together enough to get festive for Christmas. That is one holiday that actually matters to me. It is about so much more than just fun and candy. So even if Jon isn't around to help me decorate, I will hire someone to help if I have to. I have already signed up to host Thanksgiving for my family. That will get me in the Spirit of things.
Halloween is done. I have no decorations to put away. (that is one bonus.) And I have the memories of watching Noble really "get" trick or treating for the first time. That is priceless. Watching him "learn" as he walked around the trunk or treat picking suckers out of the bowls of candy people held out for him to choose from was sweet. Hearing him say "trick or treat" and "thank you" to all those people was a treasure.
And best of all was him walking up to other little kids with their own "baskets of goodies" and him reaching in to grab his choice from their "bowl" and saying thank you. Hey it is just another person with a big pot of candy for me to choose from right? I wish I had a photo of the little girl's face he did that to. It was priceless. She was probably about 3. I had to teach him really quickly that we only "trick or treat" to adults that are offering candy, not kids with candy bags.
Onward and Upward. Time to get Thankful. That is one I can get into. Time for my post a day on things I am grateful for. Every day in November I will be posting something about gratitude. Sometimes it will just be a sentence at the end of an unrelated post. Somedays it may be a one word post. Somedays it maybe a full out post on its own. Hope it will help spread the feeling of gratitude to you all and especially highlight the feeling of gratitude in my own heart.
May as well start tonight. Tonight I am grateful for silly, trivial, traditions we have in holidays like Halloween. They bring a measure of joy to us here in this life. And more poignantly, I am grateful for the faith I have in greater joys to come in the life beyond. As I watch the little children in their cute costumes going from home to home and I wonder what my little 4 year old would have wanted to be and what kind of trick or treating personality she would have had, I am grateful for the thought that comes to my mind. "This is a simple joy of this life. But if you could know the joys to come with Camille, you would have no sorrow at missing out on this with her." And I am even more grateful that I believe it.
I also did not get Halloween costumes for anyone this year. So I really don't have cute photos of my clever costumes to show. Instead I will show you what THEY came up with themselves when I told them that if they wanted costumes they would have to find something in our house and make it work.
Elizabeth and Morgan's kids were some cute skeletons!
Sabrina was Velma from Scooby Doo. Lauren was Daphne (or her interpretation of what she thought Daphne should wear.) Annie was Hermione. And Noble wore a hand me down Horse costume and his cowboy PJs underneath. That worked well when he got hot in the horse outfit. We just took it off and he was the cowboy that the horse had swallowed. I didn't do any costume for Harrison. He would have fit in Camille's pea pod outfit. But it seemed more hassle than it was worth to get it out for him.
Another thing I just didn't do this year was put on my neighborhood block party. With all I had going on, it just was too much. I felt like a big old Scrooge about this holiday, but I think my kids had fun. They still got to go to lots of Halloween events. We went to their school Harvest Festival. I took them by myself to our church Trunk or Treat since Jon had to work late that day. I wasn't going to even go because it gives me major anxiety trying to keep track of everyone by myself at such things. But then Sabrina came downstairs in her "costume" she put together and she had options for Lauren to wear to be Daphne... I just can't resist my kids sometimes. So I piled them all in the car and took them to that.
Then this last week we went to California to visit my brothers and their families. The kids got to go to their cousin's school Halloween party and their church Trunk or Treat. And then they got to go trick or treating tonight.
I will pull myself together enough to get festive for Christmas. That is one holiday that actually matters to me. It is about so much more than just fun and candy. So even if Jon isn't around to help me decorate, I will hire someone to help if I have to. I have already signed up to host Thanksgiving for my family. That will get me in the Spirit of things.
Halloween is done. I have no decorations to put away. (that is one bonus.) And I have the memories of watching Noble really "get" trick or treating for the first time. That is priceless. Watching him "learn" as he walked around the trunk or treat picking suckers out of the bowls of candy people held out for him to choose from was sweet. Hearing him say "trick or treat" and "thank you" to all those people was a treasure.
And best of all was him walking up to other little kids with their own "baskets of goodies" and him reaching in to grab his choice from their "bowl" and saying thank you. Hey it is just another person with a big pot of candy for me to choose from right? I wish I had a photo of the little girl's face he did that to. It was priceless. She was probably about 3. I had to teach him really quickly that we only "trick or treat" to adults that are offering candy, not kids with candy bags.
Onward and Upward. Time to get Thankful. That is one I can get into. Time for my post a day on things I am grateful for. Every day in November I will be posting something about gratitude. Sometimes it will just be a sentence at the end of an unrelated post. Somedays it may be a one word post. Somedays it maybe a full out post on its own. Hope it will help spread the feeling of gratitude to you all and especially highlight the feeling of gratitude in my own heart.
May as well start tonight. Tonight I am grateful for silly, trivial, traditions we have in holidays like Halloween. They bring a measure of joy to us here in this life. And more poignantly, I am grateful for the faith I have in greater joys to come in the life beyond. As I watch the little children in their cute costumes going from home to home and I wonder what my little 4 year old would have wanted to be and what kind of trick or treating personality she would have had, I am grateful for the thought that comes to my mind. "This is a simple joy of this life. But if you could know the joys to come with Camille, you would have no sorrow at missing out on this with her." And I am even more grateful that I believe it.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Motherhood Chapter 23: Do vs. Be
Last night as I was getting ready for bed I was dreading another day of a million mundane tasks. Then as I thought through my "to do list" I realized that I might be better off to make a "to BE" list. As I thought through how my "Dos" should and could become "Bes" my perspective changed and I didn't find my list of things to do so mundane after all. Here is my "do list" with its corresponding "be list" following it.
My To Do List for Tomorrow:
1-Wake up the kids
2-Make smoothies for breakfast
3-Read Scriptures to the kids
4-Make lunches
5-Drive everyone to school
6-Exercise with them at Milers Club
7-Go Grocery shopping
8-Make soup for Lesli's baby shower and dinner tonight
9-Prepare ingredients for salad for shower
10-Package and hide truffles for shower so kids don't eat them :)
11-Feed the boys
12-Put the boys down for naps
13-Shower
14-Look into learning Japanese
15-Look for shirts for family photos
16-Buy Bread bowls for soup at Bread and Butter
17-Do homework with the kids
18-Get Halloween costumes together
19-Do Lauren's hair in curlers for picture day
20-Pick out picture day outfit with Lauren
21-Take a photo that marks my day
22-Blog
23-Read my Scriptures
24-Pray (morning and evening/alone and with family)
25-Go to sleep
My Be List for Tomorrow:
1-Be the sunshine that wakes my kids up on the "right" side of the bed
2-Be healthy
3-Be obedient to the counsel of the prophets
4-Be a servant of the Lord by serving others
5-Be cheerful and positive
6-Be an example of happiness by doing those things I must to be happy myself
7-Be a wise steward of our money
8-Be a multi-tasker
9-Be prepared
10-Be sneakily smart
11-Be nurturing
12-Be structured
13-Be clean
14-Be a life long learner
15-Be creative
16-Be supportive
17-Be helpful
18-Be fun and festive
19-Be loving
20-Be patient
21-Be present
22-Be thoughtful
23-Be nourished by the Good Word
24-Be in touch with Spirit of the Lord
25-Be wise
I wrote this all up last night and today it has made a world of difference in my attitude. I really focused to BE the kind of mother I wanted to be with each task. You will note that each task is paired with a specific "be" that I knew would help me "do" the task better and "be" more the mother I want to be.
I think I will do "be lists" more often and make them right along side my "do lists."
Here is my photo for the day:
My To Do List for Tomorrow:
1-Wake up the kids
2-Make smoothies for breakfast
3-Read Scriptures to the kids
4-Make lunches
5-Drive everyone to school
6-Exercise with them at Milers Club
7-Go Grocery shopping
8-Make soup for Lesli's baby shower and dinner tonight
9-Prepare ingredients for salad for shower
10-Package and hide truffles for shower so kids don't eat them :)
11-Feed the boys
12-Put the boys down for naps
13-Shower
14-Look into learning Japanese
15-Look for shirts for family photos
16-Buy Bread bowls for soup at Bread and Butter
17-Do homework with the kids
18-Get Halloween costumes together
19-Do Lauren's hair in curlers for picture day
20-Pick out picture day outfit with Lauren
21-Take a photo that marks my day
22-Blog
23-Read my Scriptures
24-Pray (morning and evening/alone and with family)
25-Go to sleep
My Be List for Tomorrow:
1-Be the sunshine that wakes my kids up on the "right" side of the bed
2-Be healthy
3-Be obedient to the counsel of the prophets
4-Be a servant of the Lord by serving others
5-Be cheerful and positive
6-Be an example of happiness by doing those things I must to be happy myself
7-Be a wise steward of our money
8-Be a multi-tasker
9-Be prepared
10-Be sneakily smart
11-Be nurturing
12-Be structured
13-Be clean
14-Be a life long learner
15-Be creative
16-Be supportive
17-Be helpful
18-Be fun and festive
19-Be loving
20-Be patient
21-Be present
22-Be thoughtful
23-Be nourished by the Good Word
24-Be in touch with Spirit of the Lord
25-Be wise
I wrote this all up last night and today it has made a world of difference in my attitude. I really focused to BE the kind of mother I wanted to be with each task. You will note that each task is paired with a specific "be" that I knew would help me "do" the task better and "be" more the mother I want to be.
I think I will do "be lists" more often and make them right along side my "do lists."
Here is my photo for the day:
Lauren and Harrison
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Reluctant
It is with reluctance that I write this post. I am not entirely sure why. I should not be ashamed or embarrassed by my feelings. Yet somehow the further away I get from June 13, 2008, the harder it is for me to open up and tell anyone when I am having a hard day.
Today I have had a hard day. I think of Camille everyday. She is so much a part of my being. Thoughts of her are behind every other thought I have or comment I make. Most days those thoughts are not charged with emotion. They are just passing thoughts.
But there are other days, like today, where I feel the pull of that part of my heart that has passed on to the great beyond. I feel the absence left there. I long to visit that part of my heart and have it fit back in its rightful place.
Some days I just plain miss her. Most days I don't let myself go to that place where I think in depth about my sweet baby girl. Most days I let the thoughts pass on through without holding on to them to feel my way through them. Maybe some other people would never let these birds of sorrow nest in their minds. I know other people who live daily with these birds of sorrow as their constant companions. That is the way other people find their way through grief.
But I am not other people. I am just me. And I have found my own way through grief by letting the birds come visit on occasion and sing me their mournful melody of loss and longing. Today I sat still and listened.
As the primary children put on our church program, I thought of how this would have been Camille's first year having a part at the big podium. I wondered what kind of personality she would have showed. Would she have been shy in front of the big crowd with a small voice like Lauren or would she have milked the crowd's attention like Ann Marie?
As I sat during choir practice making eyes at Harrison I felt as though I could have been looking at Camille. The older he gets the more he resembles her. It is a good thing he is a boy and wearing all different clothes. It is bitter sweet to look at him and see them both right before me.
My sweet Camille. How I wish I could fly to visit you for an hour or two and then return to my life here. I ache to be near you. Our family will never feel whole while you are not with us. Yet I have sure faith that this time for us to be apart is only temporary and the day will come when we are reunited. Knowing that as I do, I also know that it behoves me to live as fully as I can in this short span of time I have called mortal life. I ought not to waste away my limited time drowning my spirit in the sorrow of our separation. For it will be, after all, but a small moment some day. But forgive me if on occasion I sit and sing along with the sorrow birds and allow them to stay a while in the branches of my soul. Somehow their mournful visits keep you alive in me.
Today I have had a hard day. I think of Camille everyday. She is so much a part of my being. Thoughts of her are behind every other thought I have or comment I make. Most days those thoughts are not charged with emotion. They are just passing thoughts.
But there are other days, like today, where I feel the pull of that part of my heart that has passed on to the great beyond. I feel the absence left there. I long to visit that part of my heart and have it fit back in its rightful place.
Some days I just plain miss her. Most days I don't let myself go to that place where I think in depth about my sweet baby girl. Most days I let the thoughts pass on through without holding on to them to feel my way through them. Maybe some other people would never let these birds of sorrow nest in their minds. I know other people who live daily with these birds of sorrow as their constant companions. That is the way other people find their way through grief.
But I am not other people. I am just me. And I have found my own way through grief by letting the birds come visit on occasion and sing me their mournful melody of loss and longing. Today I sat still and listened.
As the primary children put on our church program, I thought of how this would have been Camille's first year having a part at the big podium. I wondered what kind of personality she would have showed. Would she have been shy in front of the big crowd with a small voice like Lauren or would she have milked the crowd's attention like Ann Marie?
As I sat during choir practice making eyes at Harrison I felt as though I could have been looking at Camille. The older he gets the more he resembles her. It is a good thing he is a boy and wearing all different clothes. It is bitter sweet to look at him and see them both right before me.
My sweet Camille. How I wish I could fly to visit you for an hour or two and then return to my life here. I ache to be near you. Our family will never feel whole while you are not with us. Yet I have sure faith that this time for us to be apart is only temporary and the day will come when we are reunited. Knowing that as I do, I also know that it behoves me to live as fully as I can in this short span of time I have called mortal life. I ought not to waste away my limited time drowning my spirit in the sorrow of our separation. For it will be, after all, but a small moment some day. But forgive me if on occasion I sit and sing along with the sorrow birds and allow them to stay a while in the branches of my soul. Somehow their mournful visits keep you alive in me.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Turbo Boosted Out of the Funk
Thank you all for your input on how to pull out of the funk. I have been putting most of the suggestions into practice. I am not a photographer. I actually don't like taking photos. I like having them. I just don't love taking them. But I love the suggestion of making yourself take a few photos everyday to document life as a mother and the wonder in the everyday. I may have to try doing that. I think it would really help me see the joy in the everyday routine better.
A surprise I found on my bed as I was about to retire compels me to start now. I must give a little background to set the stage so my full emotions can come through.
Tonight I was a bit late getting everyone to bed. I think I had to tell everyone to go to bed about 1000 times. :) But it is hard for me to be too insistent about it when they are staying up because they are practicing their violin without being asked or cleaning something without being told to.
The last two nights I have let Annie and then Sabrina sleep with me as Jonathan was out of town. Lauren was hoping to get to sleep with me tonight but Jonathan came home just as they were finally getting in bed. I felt sorry for her disappointment and promised to let her sleep with me sometime soon.
So in sum, it has been another night of putting kids down in the routine daily do without much special going on and a few tears of disappointment from Lauren at not being able to sleep with Mom tonight.
Imagine how my heart felt seeing and reading this note on my bed, written by my little 6 year old Lauren:
I will transcribe the note as she wrote it for you. Any necessary translations will be in italics.
To: Mommy
Love: LaLa
Dear: Mommy
I love you soo much. Thack you for takeing such good care of us all the years and wen Dad was gon.
I like to be helffole helpful a lot.
I like to spend time with you a lot.
When I grow up I want to have the same job like you.
being a mom.
love Lauren
To: Mom
I am humbled. I am almost at a loss for words. I will have to make arrangements to spend a night sleeping with Lauren really soon. If ever there was a way to turbo boost me out of funk, this sweet, unsolicited note from my little girl is surely it. This is the payment for the job of motherhood and boy does it make all the daily dos worth it.
A surprise I found on my bed as I was about to retire compels me to start now. I must give a little background to set the stage so my full emotions can come through.
Tonight I was a bit late getting everyone to bed. I think I had to tell everyone to go to bed about 1000 times. :) But it is hard for me to be too insistent about it when they are staying up because they are practicing their violin without being asked or cleaning something without being told to.
The last two nights I have let Annie and then Sabrina sleep with me as Jonathan was out of town. Lauren was hoping to get to sleep with me tonight but Jonathan came home just as they were finally getting in bed. I felt sorry for her disappointment and promised to let her sleep with me sometime soon.
So in sum, it has been another night of putting kids down in the routine daily do without much special going on and a few tears of disappointment from Lauren at not being able to sleep with Mom tonight.
Imagine how my heart felt seeing and reading this note on my bed, written by my little 6 year old Lauren:
LaLa is our nickname for her.
I will transcribe the note as she wrote it for you. Any necessary translations will be in italics.
To: Mommy
Love: LaLa
Dear: Mommy
I love you soo much. Thack you for takeing such good care of us all the years and wen Dad was gon.
I like to be helffole helpful a lot.
I like to spend time with you a lot.
When I grow up I want to have the same job like you.
being a mom.
love Lauren
To: Mom
I am humbled. I am almost at a loss for words. I will have to make arrangements to spend a night sleeping with Lauren really soon. If ever there was a way to turbo boost me out of funk, this sweet, unsolicited note from my little girl is surely it. This is the payment for the job of motherhood and boy does it make all the daily dos worth it.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Funky place
I have been in a bit of a funk lately. You know these times when your daily routine just seems so ... routine. It is so easy to forget the powerful role you fulfill as a mother when it is such a long term, round the clock job.
I get lonely for adult company. Especially right now when Jonathan has been working 18 hour days and is currently out of town working to get the Phoenix store open.
But even in my funk I am constantly grateful for the blessing of my children and the privilege I have of being a full time mother to them. It is hard to remember how short this time is with them in my home when I am living it every day. But seeing Sabrina growing into a young woman before my eyes and seeing Harrison hit every milestone reminds me how quickly this precious time will fly by.
So this morning I forced myself to get out of my warm bed and put on my running shoes and hit the treadmill. I ran for 15 minutes straight (which I haven't done in a long time.) And all the way I kept telling myself that this was for my head more than my body. And it helped. So did having my mom come visit and making dinner for a friend who is not feeling well.
And so I work to pull my spirits out of the funky zone. Do you ever get in this funky place? How do you best pull yourself out?
I get lonely for adult company. Especially right now when Jonathan has been working 18 hour days and is currently out of town working to get the Phoenix store open.
But even in my funk I am constantly grateful for the blessing of my children and the privilege I have of being a full time mother to them. It is hard to remember how short this time is with them in my home when I am living it every day. But seeing Sabrina growing into a young woman before my eyes and seeing Harrison hit every milestone reminds me how quickly this precious time will fly by.
So this morning I forced myself to get out of my warm bed and put on my running shoes and hit the treadmill. I ran for 15 minutes straight (which I haven't done in a long time.) And all the way I kept telling myself that this was for my head more than my body. And it helped. So did having my mom come visit and making dinner for a friend who is not feeling well.
And so I work to pull my spirits out of the funky zone. Do you ever get in this funky place? How do you best pull yourself out?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Simple Joy
We have taken a couple trips to the cabin the past couple of months. We went at the end of summer with several of Jon's siblings. Our last day there a friend of ours up there took Jon and Sabrina fishing in his boat on Panguich Lake. Jon had never caught a fish. I guess I should say, Jon has never caught a fish. Sabrina had never been fishing. She caught 4 fish. Jon caught none.
We had trout for lunch when they came back and it was the best trout I have ever eaten. Fresh makes a huge difference with trout.
While our friend taught Jon and Sabrina how to clean the fish, Noble found the pump let off a bit of a spray of water where it connected to the hose.
He had so much fun running through this little spray and climbing up on the rocks around the pump to put his hands in the water.
Children are such good examples of finding joy in the little things. Why can't we be more like them that way? Just look at this face:
All that joy from a little spray of water. Maybe I need to go run through some sprinklers. Might do me a bit of good. :)
Though I must say I did get quite a bit of joy running with my kids at milers club this morning at the school, and eating an amazing ham and cheese sandwich at Bread & Butter this evening for dinner. The salad I had was also delicious but the sandwich... melt in your mouth ham and Tillamook cheddar on a pretzel bun with mustard butter. Come on. It tasted even better than it sounded.
Oh and there was the simple joy of the chocolate pudding for dessert. Chris' chocolate pudding is like rich dark chocolatey velvet. It brings a smile to my face just remembering how yummy it was for dessert tonight. Okay maybe I do get joy from some seemingly simple things.
Have you been to Bread & Butter to try it out yet? What did you think? I am getting the Ham and Cheese again next time I go for sure.
We had trout for lunch when they came back and it was the best trout I have ever eaten. Fresh makes a huge difference with trout.
While our friend taught Jon and Sabrina how to clean the fish, Noble found the pump let off a bit of a spray of water where it connected to the hose.
He had so much fun running through this little spray and climbing up on the rocks around the pump to put his hands in the water.
Children are such good examples of finding joy in the little things. Why can't we be more like them that way? Just look at this face:
All that joy from a little spray of water. Maybe I need to go run through some sprinklers. Might do me a bit of good. :)
Though I must say I did get quite a bit of joy running with my kids at milers club this morning at the school, and eating an amazing ham and cheese sandwich at Bread & Butter this evening for dinner. The salad I had was also delicious but the sandwich... melt in your mouth ham and Tillamook cheddar on a pretzel bun with mustard butter. Come on. It tasted even better than it sounded.
Oh and there was the simple joy of the chocolate pudding for dessert. Chris' chocolate pudding is like rich dark chocolatey velvet. It brings a smile to my face just remembering how yummy it was for dessert tonight. Okay maybe I do get joy from some seemingly simple things.
Have you been to Bread & Butter to try it out yet? What did you think? I am getting the Ham and Cheese again next time I go for sure.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Surprise
When I was a little kid, one of my favorite things to do was to wake up early and set the table for breakfast as a surprise for my mom. I loved doing little surprises like that for members of my family.
As my kids have gotten a little older I have been overjoyed to see they have picked up on this "tradition" as well.
Last week we had a trip planned to go to the cabin right after school. We had packed the kids in a laundry bin the night before. (I almost always pack in laundry bins and bring an extra to use as a dirty clothes bin. It makes it so easy to just take the clothes straight to the laundry room and wash when we get home.)
So the morning of our trip I woke up and found this note on the island in the kitchen:
It reads: Dear Waite Family, We have done this little gift for you. We hope you like it. It is payback for all the good things you have done for us. From, Secret Santa Elves PS. Look in the back of your car!!
I went to my car and opened the trunk to find this:
Sweet little secret elves (Lauren's idea and master mind and Sabrina's brawn and writing ability) had put our stuff in the car ready to go on our trip.
It is good for me to highlight and keep in mind these little bright spots in my life as a mother of young children. So often I have days, like today, where I get weighed down by all the needs being drawn from me. It can often seem like everyone has an urgent need for my attention or care all at once. Sometimes it makes me feel lonely while simultaneously claustrophobic with so many little people on top of me.
I am grateful tonight for my little Lauren who in the middle of a stressful night "got carried away" helping me and couldn't help herself but just had to help me anyway her little 6 year old self could. Her sweet willingness and persistent desire to help me was a bright light to me tonight. I love my children and tonight I especially love my Lauren and the bright example of service she is to me even when I am grouchy.
As my kids have gotten a little older I have been overjoyed to see they have picked up on this "tradition" as well.
Last week we had a trip planned to go to the cabin right after school. We had packed the kids in a laundry bin the night before. (I almost always pack in laundry bins and bring an extra to use as a dirty clothes bin. It makes it so easy to just take the clothes straight to the laundry room and wash when we get home.)
So the morning of our trip I woke up and found this note on the island in the kitchen:
It reads: Dear Waite Family, We have done this little gift for you. We hope you like it. It is payback for all the good things you have done for us. From, Secret Santa Elves PS. Look in the back of your car!!
I went to my car and opened the trunk to find this:
Sweet little secret elves (Lauren's idea and master mind and Sabrina's brawn and writing ability) had put our stuff in the car ready to go on our trip.
It is good for me to highlight and keep in mind these little bright spots in my life as a mother of young children. So often I have days, like today, where I get weighed down by all the needs being drawn from me. It can often seem like everyone has an urgent need for my attention or care all at once. Sometimes it makes me feel lonely while simultaneously claustrophobic with so many little people on top of me.
I am grateful tonight for my little Lauren who in the middle of a stressful night "got carried away" helping me and couldn't help herself but just had to help me anyway her little 6 year old self could. Her sweet willingness and persistent desire to help me was a bright light to me tonight. I love my children and tonight I especially love my Lauren and the bright example of service she is to me even when I am grouchy.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Forget me nots
One of my favorite talks from our weekend of General Conference where we hear from our general church leadership came the weekend before in the women's broadcast. These are talks meant for the women of the church. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the First Presidency gave a talk about the flower named "forget me not."
He talked about five points not to forget in pattern with the five petals of the forget me not flower. The part of his talk that hit me the most was the fifth point he hit that we should not forget. It is really worth listening to the power in his voice when he gives the talk. You can listen to it HERE if you like. But here is what he said that hit me with great force.
He talked about five points not to forget in pattern with the five petals of the forget me not flower. The part of his talk that hit me the most was the fifth point he hit that we should not forget. It is really worth listening to the power in his voice when he gives the talk. You can listen to it HERE if you like. But here is what he said that hit me with great force.
"As a child, when I would look at the little forget-me-nots, I sometimes felt a little like that flower—small and insignificant. I wondered if I would be forgotten by my family or by my Heavenly Father.
Years later I can look back on that young boy with tenderness and compassion. And I do know now—I was never forgotten.
And I know something else: as an Apostle of our Master, Jesus Christ, I proclaim with all the certainty and conviction of my heart—neither are you!
You are not forgotten.
Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.
Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!
He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom. The Psalmist wrote:
“When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;
“What is man, that thou art mindful of him? …
“For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.”5
God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.
The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow."
To this I would like to add my "AMEN!" or in other words, I also know this to be Truth.
Then yesterday I saw a beautiful print on a fun new blog that would look lovely in my blue room to remind me of this Truth.
How great is that? Go check out this cute new blog here!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Coming Soon AZ
Dear Arizona Readers,
Coming soon to the Phoenix area is a new LaptopXchange. My husband and his brother Stephen are bringing the fabulous services of LaptopXchange to YOU!
So if you are in the market for a new laptop, ipad, or iphone or
If you have an old laptop you no longer use and are not sure what to do with, or
If you need to have your laptop, desktop, iphone, or ipad fixed
Head on over to LaptopXchange and let Stephen or one of the other friendly staff help you out! They sell used and refurbished laptops, tablets, and iphones. They also will buy your old mobile computing devices for cash or fix cracked screens or any other problems you have with your computers, phones or tablets.
This is the perfect way to get a GREAT deal on an exciting Christmas gift. Check it out!
We currently have 4 Las Vegas and Henderson locations, 1 in Lexington KY, and by the beginning of November we should have the Phoenix AZ location up and running. Future locations are also coming before the end of the year hopefully in Florida and Salt Lake City area. More to come on that when they open.
The Phoenix store will be located at the Metrocenter (I-17 and Peoria). It is next to Starbucks at 2827 West Peoria Ave. Suite 100-A in Phoenix. You can already see the banner outside the store front that says "coming soon ... LaptopXchange."
If you live in the area you will have to stop in and welcome my brother in law Stephen to your fine city. He moved down there from here to open the store.
***************************************
UPDATED: If you or someone you know is looking for a job and is personable and somewhat or very tech savvy, we will be hiring sales associates and tech repairs personal for the Phoenix store this week or next. I would love to have some trustworthy people working there. Email Stephen Waite at swaite at laptopxchange dot com. to apply and mention you heard about the job on "A Daily Scoop" or Stephanie's blog. It will give you a leg up on the competition. :)
Coming soon to the Phoenix area is a new LaptopXchange. My husband and his brother Stephen are bringing the fabulous services of LaptopXchange to YOU!
So if you are in the market for a new laptop, ipad, or iphone or
If you have an old laptop you no longer use and are not sure what to do with, or
If you need to have your laptop, desktop, iphone, or ipad fixed
Head on over to LaptopXchange and let Stephen or one of the other friendly staff help you out! They sell used and refurbished laptops, tablets, and iphones. They also will buy your old mobile computing devices for cash or fix cracked screens or any other problems you have with your computers, phones or tablets.
This is the perfect way to get a GREAT deal on an exciting Christmas gift. Check it out!
We currently have 4 Las Vegas and Henderson locations, 1 in Lexington KY, and by the beginning of November we should have the Phoenix AZ location up and running. Future locations are also coming before the end of the year hopefully in Florida and Salt Lake City area. More to come on that when they open.
The Phoenix store will be located at the Metrocenter (I-17 and Peoria). It is next to Starbucks at 2827 West Peoria Ave. Suite 100-A in Phoenix. You can already see the banner outside the store front that says "coming soon ... LaptopXchange."
If you live in the area you will have to stop in and welcome my brother in law Stephen to your fine city. He moved down there from here to open the store.
***************************************
UPDATED: If you or someone you know is looking for a job and is personable and somewhat or very tech savvy, we will be hiring sales associates and tech repairs personal for the Phoenix store this week or next. I would love to have some trustworthy people working there. Email Stephen Waite at swaite at laptopxchange dot com. to apply and mention you heard about the job on "A Daily Scoop" or Stephanie's blog. It will give you a leg up on the competition. :)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Best Oatmeal Ever
This morning I stopped by Bread & Butter for breakfast to go. My parents had told me how good it was and I have been dying to try it. So since I had to stop by that neighborhood, I swung by for some oatmeal and breakfast pizza.
Normally I am not a huge oatmeal fan. I mean it is okay but I am not craving oatmeal in the morning. That may just have changed. This was the best oatmeal I have ever had. It needed no sweetening or doctoring. But there are raisins, currants, and apricots to use as toppings. Each of the toppings were wonderful with it.
This is going to be my new old standby I think. You have to try it next time you are in the Seven Hills / Anthem / S. Eastern area.
The Breakfast pizza had potatoes, peppers, caramelized onions, and scrambled eggs. I had one piece and my hubby downed the rest. It was delish!
Bread and Butter is the new bakery/cafe my friend Chris Herrin has opened at 10940 S. Eastern on the northeast corner of Sunridge Heights and Eastern. It is so cute and the food is wonderful. They are currently open from 7-3 daily as they expand their menu and get a good working rhythm. Hours will expand once they get into a good groove.
Stop by if you are in the neighborhood and get some good eats!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Sleep Training
My little Mr. Harrison is such a good baby in almost every way. The one area he qualifies as a "hard" baby would be his sleeping habits. He falls asleep pretty well but staying asleep is another story. I think he has only slept through the night about 5 times since he was born. Typically he is up about 3 times a night (11, 2, and 4 or 5).
Two nights ago he was up about 5 times between 11 pm and 4 am. I knew Jon was leaving town in the morning and I would be single moming it. So when he woke up again at 4 am after being tended to like 5 times in the last 5 hours I decided it was time to let him learn to self soothe. I just didn't think I could do all I needed to if I got up again with him.
So I turned on every fan in the house and went back to bed. When Jon got up at 5 to leave town, he told me Harrison was not asleep. (He was probably still crying.) As much as this kills me, because my mother heart hurts thinking of him crying all that time, I knew it was essential for me to function.
When I got the girls up at 6:30 he was asleep. He slept till about 7:30 and woke up happy. Last night I put him down around 7:30 and he slept till somewhere in the 3 am hour. I held myself back from going to nurse him because I wanted to build on the self soothing lesson from the previous night. So again I turned on the fans and went back to bed. The girls and I got up at 7 and he was still asleep. He woke up around 7:30 with a big smile on his face.
Sleep is so essential for we humans. It makes us in such a better mood. I am crossing my fingers that tonight will go well and perhaps by this weekend our little Harrison will have learned that when he wakes up in the night it is time to just roll over and go back to sleep. This is not one of those fun lessons to teach but it is so completely wonderful once it is learned.
Two nights ago he was up about 5 times between 11 pm and 4 am. I knew Jon was leaving town in the morning and I would be single moming it. So when he woke up again at 4 am after being tended to like 5 times in the last 5 hours I decided it was time to let him learn to self soothe. I just didn't think I could do all I needed to if I got up again with him.
So I turned on every fan in the house and went back to bed. When Jon got up at 5 to leave town, he told me Harrison was not asleep. (He was probably still crying.) As much as this kills me, because my mother heart hurts thinking of him crying all that time, I knew it was essential for me to function.
When I got the girls up at 6:30 he was asleep. He slept till about 7:30 and woke up happy. Last night I put him down around 7:30 and he slept till somewhere in the 3 am hour. I held myself back from going to nurse him because I wanted to build on the self soothing lesson from the previous night. So again I turned on the fans and went back to bed. The girls and I got up at 7 and he was still asleep. He woke up around 7:30 with a big smile on his face.
Sleep is so essential for we humans. It makes us in such a better mood. I am crossing my fingers that tonight will go well and perhaps by this weekend our little Harrison will have learned that when he wakes up in the night it is time to just roll over and go back to sleep. This is not one of those fun lessons to teach but it is so completely wonderful once it is learned.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Ask and Ye Shall Receive
We picked the kids up straight from school to head out for our trip to the cabin. Lauren and Sabrina began expressing their hunger. Annie volunteered, "I packed a big lunch and I didn't eat it all. I have some snacks leftover." I asked if she would share. Happily she got her lunch pack and began showing her sisters what she had.
Jon and I were talking and listening to music. Then Annie asked us to turn off the music. We did. She began to pray. Jon and I were happy she remembered to have us pray to start our trip. She was far in the back of the van so we didn't catch all of what she said but I did hear a bit about us driving safe.
After her prayer we complimented her on remembering and thanked her for the prayer. She said, "Well you know how I thought about it was because Jesus had to feed those 5000 people with just a little bit of food so... " She was hoping her prayer would make her fruit roll up and chips expand to fill them all up. Jon and I smiled at each other. Yeah. That was just awesome. At least we know she is listening in Sunday school and trying to apply what she learns in her everyday life.
A few minutes later we stopped to gas up before leaving the city and Jon asked the girls if they wanted to pick some snacks from the mini mart. There was much rejoicing. As Annie left the car she noted that this was an answer to her prayer. And you know what ... as far as I am concerned, it pretty much was. One way or another. The Lord provides.
Jon and I were talking and listening to music. Then Annie asked us to turn off the music. We did. She began to pray. Jon and I were happy she remembered to have us pray to start our trip. She was far in the back of the van so we didn't catch all of what she said but I did hear a bit about us driving safe.
After her prayer we complimented her on remembering and thanked her for the prayer. She said, "Well you know how I thought about it was because Jesus had to feed those 5000 people with just a little bit of food so... " She was hoping her prayer would make her fruit roll up and chips expand to fill them all up. Jon and I smiled at each other. Yeah. That was just awesome. At least we know she is listening in Sunday school and trying to apply what she learns in her everyday life.
A few minutes later we stopped to gas up before leaving the city and Jon asked the girls if they wanted to pick some snacks from the mini mart. There was much rejoicing. As Annie left the car she noted that this was an answer to her prayer. And you know what ... as far as I am concerned, it pretty much was. One way or another. The Lord provides.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
French Toast
I stopped by Bread and Butter (my friend Chris Herrin's new bakery opening this Saturday) to give him a bakery "shower" gift I made. He has a butterfly themed ladies room. So I made a butterfly mosaic out of butter cartons. It was fun to make it with my mom helping draw the butterfly form for me to follow. I think it turned out cute.
After we made the project, Mom and I sampled several of the butters I bought to make the project. Our favorite is was Straus Family Creamery butter. So creamy and slightly sweet.
When we left, Chris gave us a test loaf of bread. I went home and made french toast. This was pure heaven. Fresh cage free brown eggs and milk, mexican vanilla and a bit of freshly grated nutmeg. I spread the French toast with some of that creamy Straus butter. Then to top it off I took some of the fresh Utah peaches my mom gave me and made a chunky syrup out of them to pour over the top. It was the best French Toast I had ever made. Chris's bread had such a nice crust to it and just the perfect amount of sour dough flavoring to be good as French Toast.
I am excited for his bakery to open but I am a little afraid that it is going to be super counter productive for my diet. Good thing it is not around the corner from my house or I would really be in trouble.
This week has been full of doing things for others. Our ward fed the homeless this week at a local food kitchen. Some ladies and I took dinner for 40 to the Bench family tonight as they gather and prepare for the funeral tomorrow. We have been coordinating for people who want to do something to help that family. It feels good to serve and give till you really feel it. It stretches you. It is like that good kind of burn when you are working out. It is the kind of hurt you want to feel because you know it is doing something. You are growing and changing and making a difference, even if the difference is mainly in your own soul.
It has been an incredibly busy week, a hard week, a tiring week, but all in a good way.
After we made the project, Mom and I sampled several of the butters I bought to make the project. Our favorite is was Straus Family Creamery butter. So creamy and slightly sweet.
When we left, Chris gave us a test loaf of bread. I went home and made french toast. This was pure heaven. Fresh cage free brown eggs and milk, mexican vanilla and a bit of freshly grated nutmeg. I spread the French toast with some of that creamy Straus butter. Then to top it off I took some of the fresh Utah peaches my mom gave me and made a chunky syrup out of them to pour over the top. It was the best French Toast I had ever made. Chris's bread had such a nice crust to it and just the perfect amount of sour dough flavoring to be good as French Toast.
I am excited for his bakery to open but I am a little afraid that it is going to be super counter productive for my diet. Good thing it is not around the corner from my house or I would really be in trouble.
This week has been full of doing things for others. Our ward fed the homeless this week at a local food kitchen. Some ladies and I took dinner for 40 to the Bench family tonight as they gather and prepare for the funeral tomorrow. We have been coordinating for people who want to do something to help that family. It feels good to serve and give till you really feel it. It stretches you. It is like that good kind of burn when you are working out. It is the kind of hurt you want to feel because you know it is doing something. You are growing and changing and making a difference, even if the difference is mainly in your own soul.
It has been an incredibly busy week, a hard week, a tiring week, but all in a good way.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Prayers Needed
I just got a call waking me up to tell me that Lisa Bench, our former Primary president in the former version of our ward, past away last night. She was in her early forties and the mother of 7 beautiful children. Her husband is the bishop of their current ward. I found out last night she was not doing well after complications from a surgery she had the day before.
Last night before I went to bed I prayed earnestly for her and for her family. I had a sense of peace concerning the matter. At the time I thought, "I wonder if this is the kind of peace that means she will get better or the kind like we felt when Camille was in the hospital and we finally prayed to see if it was right to let her go. I guess either way it is the kind of peace that tells me she and her family are in the Lord's hands. What more can we ask for at such a time?"
I feel so heart broken for her family today. Lisa was an amazing woman and fabulous mother. She had a smile that lit up any room she entered. I looked up to her as a role model. She was one of those mothers that I can honestly say I look to in a hope to be a little more like them in one way or another.
If you have a moment, say a prayer for the Bench family today. Say a prayer for daughter who was married just a couple of years ago, for her son who just came home from his mission, for her son who is serving his mission in Guatemala, for her son who is preparing to serve his mission, for her two little daughters and one little son who must now be between the ages of 4 and 8. And then say a prayer for Bishop Bench. Oh how my heart hurts for them.
Last night before I went to bed I prayed earnestly for her and for her family. I had a sense of peace concerning the matter. At the time I thought, "I wonder if this is the kind of peace that means she will get better or the kind like we felt when Camille was in the hospital and we finally prayed to see if it was right to let her go. I guess either way it is the kind of peace that tells me she and her family are in the Lord's hands. What more can we ask for at such a time?"
I feel so heart broken for her family today. Lisa was an amazing woman and fabulous mother. She had a smile that lit up any room she entered. I looked up to her as a role model. She was one of those mothers that I can honestly say I look to in a hope to be a little more like them in one way or another.
If you have a moment, say a prayer for the Bench family today. Say a prayer for daughter who was married just a couple of years ago, for her son who just came home from his mission, for her son who is serving his mission in Guatemala, for her son who is preparing to serve his mission, for her two little daughters and one little son who must now be between the ages of 4 and 8. And then say a prayer for Bishop Bench. Oh how my heart hurts for them.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Lose it
My neighbors have turned me on to a great tool in my effort to lose my baby weight. It is a website called Lose It at loseit.com. It is free. Love that. You enter your weight and height and all that and it will help you track your calories to help you lose weight.
I have been doing Weight Watchers and have doing well. I am down to my last 5 lbs. But these 5 have been stubborn and my motivation has been waning. Lose it is similar in many ways as it has you track what you eat and your exercise. But the part I love about Lose it is the network of friends.
You see with Lose it (and yes it has a mobile app) you add your friends to it and then they can see what you eat and how much you exercise. They also can see how much you gain or lose. Talk about accountability. I love it. I have been so inspired by my neighbors who have lost 22 and 34 lbs. They are doing so great. Right now they are the only friends I have on Lose it.
Are any of you on Lose it? If so I would love to add you as friend. My email is stephaniewaite at gmail dot com. So go check it out and add me as a friend if you sign up. We can help each other!
please note that I have not been compensated or contacted by lose it. i just share what i love.
I have been doing Weight Watchers and have doing well. I am down to my last 5 lbs. But these 5 have been stubborn and my motivation has been waning. Lose it is similar in many ways as it has you track what you eat and your exercise. But the part I love about Lose it is the network of friends.
You see with Lose it (and yes it has a mobile app) you add your friends to it and then they can see what you eat and how much you exercise. They also can see how much you gain or lose. Talk about accountability. I love it. I have been so inspired by my neighbors who have lost 22 and 34 lbs. They are doing so great. Right now they are the only friends I have on Lose it.
Are any of you on Lose it? If so I would love to add you as friend. My email is stephaniewaite at gmail dot com. So go check it out and add me as a friend if you sign up. We can help each other!
please note that I have not been compensated or contacted by lose it. i just share what i love.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Quote of the Day
Yesterday morning Lauren came down dressed for school in some brightly multi colored striped leggings and brightly different multi colored flowered shirt. It didn't go. Usually I let my kids pick what they wear. Only when their outfit clashes so badly that it hurts me to look at it do I send them to change. This was one of those outfits.
So I told Lauren that her outfit was too busy and she needed to change either the top or bottom. Then Sabrina looked at her and said, "That is like a disco ball gone wrong." I asked her where she heard that. She made it up just then. It was a pretty accurate description.
Of course with as busy as my morning was yesterday, getting balloons to take to the hospital and getting Sabrina to school early for choir, I didn't get Lauren to change so everyone at school got to enjoy her "disco ball" outfit. Cheers to you all at our elementary school!
So I told Lauren that her outfit was too busy and she needed to change either the top or bottom. Then Sabrina looked at her and said, "That is like a disco ball gone wrong." I asked her where she heard that. She made it up just then. It was a pretty accurate description.
Of course with as busy as my morning was yesterday, getting balloons to take to the hospital and getting Sabrina to school early for choir, I didn't get Lauren to change so everyone at school got to enjoy her "disco ball" outfit. Cheers to you all at our elementary school!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Walking Memory Lane
It has been incredibly busy around here lately. Life gets that way I suppose. But this month has been heavy for my husband at work. We are opening a LaptopXchange store in the Phoenix area in a couple of weeks. Jon's brother will be moving down there with his wife to run it. With that and a few other major duties to attend to at work, I have been more on my own than ever with keeping our family running.
Yesterday was particularly crazy. The kids got home from school and did their homework and one went to a friends house and a friend came over. Right after I ate my dinner Annie got dropped off from being at a friends house and I fed Harrison. He doesn't like green beans. He was gagging on them and threw them up. The phone rang as I was cleaning him up. We couldn't find a phone (like always). Finally I just went to the one phone we have that is not cordless and picked it up.
It was the mom who dropped Annie off. As she was leaving she saw a little neighbor girl friend of ours get into a collision with a car. She had been riding her bike. The long and short of it is that she is okay. I didn't know that then and if was rather unsettling news. Her dad had taken her to the ER and I went over to bring the other kids to my house.
Luckily, our little friend will heal up just fine. She did have to stay the night in the hospital for observation though. The driver of the car is another friend of mine - one of my former young women at church (now a sophomore in college with a daughter of her own.) This morning I took her over to the hospital see our little friend. They don't know each other but I know them both. We took balloons to bring a bit of cheer.
I had seen my little friend briefly the night before in the ER and she looked so good. I knew it would do my driver friend good to see how well the biker was. She was at the hospital where Camille and Noble were born. It is also the one where Camille died.
What I didn't expect as I went there this morning was to be going to the PICU to visit our little friend. Her injuries weren't life threatening. She would be leaving in a matter of hours. Stitches and a broken bone and a bump on the head. So I was taken back when walking to her room I found myself walking that same hallway I had walked so many times in June 2008.
Further down the hall we walked and I just kept praying that it would not be the same room. Luckily our little friend was about 5 doors away from that room where my baby spent her last days on this Earth. Still even three years plus later I could not stop the physical reaction my body had to walking down that hall once more.
I am so grateful my little friend is happy and well. While we visited with her a clown came to "inspect her smile." It was such a nice thing. There were no clowns around when we were there. There were no smiles to inspect I guess.
But as I walked the hallway on our way out, I looked down to the end of the hall to that room where I transitioned into a bereaved mother. I remembered the cold of the room and the hallways. I could almost taste the salt on my face from all the tears I cried in those three days we spent there. And it felt almost like hallowed ground. Those three days were the hardest of my life. But they were sacred in a way too. Still, I hope I never have to walk those halls again.
Yesterday was particularly crazy. The kids got home from school and did their homework and one went to a friends house and a friend came over. Right after I ate my dinner Annie got dropped off from being at a friends house and I fed Harrison. He doesn't like green beans. He was gagging on them and threw them up. The phone rang as I was cleaning him up. We couldn't find a phone (like always). Finally I just went to the one phone we have that is not cordless and picked it up.
It was the mom who dropped Annie off. As she was leaving she saw a little neighbor girl friend of ours get into a collision with a car. She had been riding her bike. The long and short of it is that she is okay. I didn't know that then and if was rather unsettling news. Her dad had taken her to the ER and I went over to bring the other kids to my house.
Luckily, our little friend will heal up just fine. She did have to stay the night in the hospital for observation though. The driver of the car is another friend of mine - one of my former young women at church (now a sophomore in college with a daughter of her own.) This morning I took her over to the hospital see our little friend. They don't know each other but I know them both. We took balloons to bring a bit of cheer.
I had seen my little friend briefly the night before in the ER and she looked so good. I knew it would do my driver friend good to see how well the biker was. She was at the hospital where Camille and Noble were born. It is also the one where Camille died.
What I didn't expect as I went there this morning was to be going to the PICU to visit our little friend. Her injuries weren't life threatening. She would be leaving in a matter of hours. Stitches and a broken bone and a bump on the head. So I was taken back when walking to her room I found myself walking that same hallway I had walked so many times in June 2008.
Further down the hall we walked and I just kept praying that it would not be the same room. Luckily our little friend was about 5 doors away from that room where my baby spent her last days on this Earth. Still even three years plus later I could not stop the physical reaction my body had to walking down that hall once more.
I am so grateful my little friend is happy and well. While we visited with her a clown came to "inspect her smile." It was such a nice thing. There were no clowns around when we were there. There were no smiles to inspect I guess.
But as I walked the hallway on our way out, I looked down to the end of the hall to that room where I transitioned into a bereaved mother. I remembered the cold of the room and the hallways. I could almost taste the salt on my face from all the tears I cried in those three days we spent there. And it felt almost like hallowed ground. Those three days were the hardest of my life. But they were sacred in a way too. Still, I hope I never have to walk those halls again.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
10+1=11
Mark your calendars my fellow Las Vegans. 10.1.11 is the opening date for drum roll please...
Bread & Butter
the Restaurant.
What is that? I am glad you asked. Remember my friend Chris Herrin?
I introduced him in THIS POST just a couple of weeks after Camille's passing. He is the pastry chef friend you have all heard me talk about or seen me write about. He used to be the head pastry chef at Thomas Keller's Bouchon Bistro in the Venetian Hotel here. Well, a little over a year ago Chris left Bouchon to pursue his dream of opening his own place.
For the past year or so he has been running the Famous Lulu's on the Move Food truck for Metro Pizza while he has been making preparations to open his own breakfast, lunch and bakery place. And the time is drawing so close. I just had to tell you all to get your tummies ready for it.
His plan is to open on 10.1.11. That is two weeks from Saturday people! Wahoo! I am getting a little sugar rush just thinking about it! Bread and Butter is located on South Eastern at Sunridge Heights in Henderson. It is on the Northeast corner of that intersection behind Osaka Japanese restaurant. My pediatrician's office (St. Rose Pediatrics) is right across the street.
Go see the Bread and Butter Facebook page to get the exact address and see how things are shaping up over there! Chris is trying to get to 300 people who "like" his page before he opens. I KNOW my readers can help him get there. Go check it out and like it while you are there. I know if any of you go have a taste when he gets open you will "like" it for sure.
Geez I wish I could give you all a taste of his chocolate pudding, or homemade pretzels with mustard butter, or his macaroons, or quiche, or steak and egg sandwich, or chocolate cake or ... well I think you get the point. But the interactive tasting internet hasn't been invented yet, so you will just have to go to B&B yourself and TRY it!
10+1=11 people. Keep it in mind!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Watching Miracles
I have not been sleeping well. Partly because I am just a crazy insomniac. But also because my little Harrison is getting some new teeth. His top two teeth are just about to burst out of his swollen and sore gums.
It seems we are entering a new phase of babyhood once again. Only a few more gummy smiles are left.
He is rolling and rotating on the ground these days. Jonathan keeps trying to put his knees up under him to encourage crawling. I keep telling Jonathan to stop doing that and let him be little already! He is only 5.5 months after all.
He is enjoying the baby food we are giving him. He eats a big bowl of that twice a day. I clean him or bath him about as many times. :)
And Harrison is loving being with his family.
It has been interesting as the girls have gone back to school to watch how that has affected Noble and Harrison. Noble missed his sisters so much that first week they were gone. He kept asking and crying for "Ina" (Sabrina.) He just LOVES her. He often cries for her instead of me. Probably has something to do with the fact that she is such a softy that she can't handle him crying so she will give him whatever she can to keep him happy.
After the rain the other day, our backyard turned into a mini pond, or a really big puddle. Noble had so much fun splashing and playing in it.
Mama is a different story. So Noble has had to adjust to not being able to go to a sister when Mama tells him "no." And Harrison is adjusting to getting lots more attention from Noble. Mama is adjusting to spending lots of time redirecting. ;)
In between laughing fits, there were a few quiet, fleeting moments. In these Harrison would look up at Noble expectantly, and there in Harrison's eyes I caught a glimpse of the look that speaks a thousand words to the heart.
Just after Camille died, I was given the gift of "seeing" through her eyes one afternoon while potty training Lauren. I wrote about it in THIS POST. Lauren was so small then-- not yet 3 years old. And potty training her had been difficult. It often took all my patience and I often felt frustrated with her. But this day, in the middle of yet another frustrating attempt, I just looked at her and saw her the way Camille saw her. And I realized that it was the same way the Savior saw her. I saw her as this amazingly wonderful, beautiful miracle of life and love.
It was the same way I saw Harrison looking at Noble. He had that look -- like he was looking at the most amazing thing ever, something more entertaining and special than anything else. And it was a look of utter love, simple, unconditional, pure, deep love. It was a look of awe and admiration.
It was the look of watching a miracle happen right in front of you.
And it reminded me that everyday I am doing just that.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Lightning
There is NOTHING like a good electrical storm to light up the night sky and there is a beauty going on right now. It is one of my favorite things to watch. I am going to go upstairs and open all my bedroom blinds and sit in bed and watch the light show.
New Calling
This week I start my new calling as ....
Webelos Cub Scout Leader.
I know. That was out of left field huh? That is what I thought when the Bishop asked me to do it. I told him I would accept whatever calling he wanted to give me, but that to be honest I was not sure exactly what I was accepting with this one. Still it is working with the little boys Sabrina's age and I know most of them and they are really great kids.
A week after I accepted the call, as I sat up late at night training on the scouting website, I realized a bit more what I had agreed to do. It is going to be a lot of work. I particularly had a good laugh at the part in the online training when it said "your den leader will be able to teach you how to safely start a fire, tie knots, pitch a tent, and many other useful skills." I think I laughed out loud.
I don't know any of that. I am not handy or even crafty. I have never camped other than girls camp as a teenager and even then we slept in cabins and had bathrooms. It is going to be ... educational for us all I guess. While I may know next to nothing about all the things I am supposed to help the boys learn this year, I do know how to do one crucial thing ... delegate. And that is what I plan on doing.
This week is my first den meeting with the boys. I need to go make a plan and figure out how I am going to run these den meetings. And I need to get a parent to come to it to help since I don't have a partner yet.
At least they didn't release me from my calling of teaching Relief Society. That is my favorite calling. I taught yesterday on the Law of Chastity. Can you believe in a room of about 20 women only about 5 had been given "the talk" by their parents before they hit puberty. Amazing. I hope our generation will up that percentage and be better about talking to our kids about their bodies and sex before they hit an age where they have already heard it from friends and are embarrassed about it. But I suppose that is another subject for another post right?
Now I gotta switch my brain to working with the 10 year old boys and figuring out how to tie some tricky knots. Wish me luck! :)
Webelos Cub Scout Leader.
I know. That was out of left field huh? That is what I thought when the Bishop asked me to do it. I told him I would accept whatever calling he wanted to give me, but that to be honest I was not sure exactly what I was accepting with this one. Still it is working with the little boys Sabrina's age and I know most of them and they are really great kids.
A week after I accepted the call, as I sat up late at night training on the scouting website, I realized a bit more what I had agreed to do. It is going to be a lot of work. I particularly had a good laugh at the part in the online training when it said "your den leader will be able to teach you how to safely start a fire, tie knots, pitch a tent, and many other useful skills." I think I laughed out loud.
I don't know any of that. I am not handy or even crafty. I have never camped other than girls camp as a teenager and even then we slept in cabins and had bathrooms. It is going to be ... educational for us all I guess. While I may know next to nothing about all the things I am supposed to help the boys learn this year, I do know how to do one crucial thing ... delegate. And that is what I plan on doing.
This week is my first den meeting with the boys. I need to go make a plan and figure out how I am going to run these den meetings. And I need to get a parent to come to it to help since I don't have a partner yet.
At least they didn't release me from my calling of teaching Relief Society. That is my favorite calling. I taught yesterday on the Law of Chastity. Can you believe in a room of about 20 women only about 5 had been given "the talk" by their parents before they hit puberty. Amazing. I hope our generation will up that percentage and be better about talking to our kids about their bodies and sex before they hit an age where they have already heard it from friends and are embarrassed about it. But I suppose that is another subject for another post right?
Now I gotta switch my brain to working with the 10 year old boys and figuring out how to tie some tricky knots. Wish me luck! :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Clean Rooms
Robyn asked about how I get my kids to clean their rooms. I had a few thoughts to share on this topic so here they are.
First, while I really life a clean house, I am not a super clean person. So I just don't want you all to have the impression that my house is always in order. Anyone who has just "dropped by" my house knows better. That being said, a clean house does put me more at peace and so I do try to have certain parts of my house clean at least at one point everyday.
I also have cleaning ladies who come and do a deep clean on my house once a week. I just would never get to all the floors and base boards and dusting etc. without them. This is a real treat for me because I love a clean house and it makes me much less grumpy when a kid spills juice on the floor because it wasn't like I just mopped.
I kept my cleaning ladies a secret from my kids for almost 2 years. I have had cleaning ladies come on and off over the last 7 years. When the kids knew about it they got all entitled and wouldn't pick stuff up. So this last time I kept it a secret. I told the kids they had to clean up the night before and then when they came home from school and complimented how the nice the house looked, I said, "Thank you. I worked really hard today." That was technically true since I work with the cleaning ladies to get the house clean. If they ever saw the cleaning ladies I told them they were my friends that were coming to help me clean. Also technically true.
This summer my technicalities were exposed. It was too hard to keep my little secret. Luckily in the last 2 years my kids have gotten conditioned to clean up well prior to the cleaning ladies coming that they no longer have that entitlement issue.
The point of all that is to say that our house gets really well cleaned once a week. And the night before the cleaning ladies come, my kids pick up the whole house. Sometimes I help. Sometimes I am too busy with boys to help. Sometimes they do it with cheer. Most times they do it to get it over with. And there are still times when it is a fight and there are tears.
In the earlier days there were MUCH more tears and MUCH more yelling and threatening. Now I think the kids just know that I will make them do it so they just do it. I also try to compliment them lots on being good cleaners and give them incentives and make games. Those things work really well for some of my kids. Or I give them a section of the house to make clean or a time limit of what has to be done in a certain amount of time or a certain number of things they have to get picked up.
I think it is always more pleasant to work in anticipation of some reward after. Also, because we have the whole place cleaned weekly, it never gets THAT dirty so the chores are not as big a deal. We also clean bedrooms every morning and the kitchen and family room every night so those rooms stay pretty clean. It is way easier to get a kid to pick up 5 things off the floor than a whole room covered in junk.
I also don't keep their toys in their rooms. They have a play room where all the toys (except the baby toys) go. This is usually the messiest room in the house. I don't even go in this room or require it to be clean until the night before the cleaning ladies come. My kids have gotten pretty quick at cleaning it up. Even when it is really messy they can get it clean in under 10 minutes. (not that everything is in the "right" place but...)
Once in while (maybe once a year) I go in and sort everything out in that room and organize the toys. There are several "junky" areas on my house that I include in this yearly organizing.
I guess the thing I wanted to stress the most is that you just have to keep at it. It is a "hard thing" and it takes a lot of patience on our part, but if we just stick to it and train our kids even through the tears, eventually it gets easier. At least that has been my experience. Granted I don't have teenagers yet. That may be a whole new ball of wax.
What has worked for any of you out there? Got any new cleaning games to share? I am always looking for new ones.
First, while I really life a clean house, I am not a super clean person. So I just don't want you all to have the impression that my house is always in order. Anyone who has just "dropped by" my house knows better. That being said, a clean house does put me more at peace and so I do try to have certain parts of my house clean at least at one point everyday.
I also have cleaning ladies who come and do a deep clean on my house once a week. I just would never get to all the floors and base boards and dusting etc. without them. This is a real treat for me because I love a clean house and it makes me much less grumpy when a kid spills juice on the floor because it wasn't like I just mopped.
I kept my cleaning ladies a secret from my kids for almost 2 years. I have had cleaning ladies come on and off over the last 7 years. When the kids knew about it they got all entitled and wouldn't pick stuff up. So this last time I kept it a secret. I told the kids they had to clean up the night before and then when they came home from school and complimented how the nice the house looked, I said, "Thank you. I worked really hard today." That was technically true since I work with the cleaning ladies to get the house clean. If they ever saw the cleaning ladies I told them they were my friends that were coming to help me clean. Also technically true.
This summer my technicalities were exposed. It was too hard to keep my little secret. Luckily in the last 2 years my kids have gotten conditioned to clean up well prior to the cleaning ladies coming that they no longer have that entitlement issue.
The point of all that is to say that our house gets really well cleaned once a week. And the night before the cleaning ladies come, my kids pick up the whole house. Sometimes I help. Sometimes I am too busy with boys to help. Sometimes they do it with cheer. Most times they do it to get it over with. And there are still times when it is a fight and there are tears.
In the earlier days there were MUCH more tears and MUCH more yelling and threatening. Now I think the kids just know that I will make them do it so they just do it. I also try to compliment them lots on being good cleaners and give them incentives and make games. Those things work really well for some of my kids. Or I give them a section of the house to make clean or a time limit of what has to be done in a certain amount of time or a certain number of things they have to get picked up.
I think it is always more pleasant to work in anticipation of some reward after. Also, because we have the whole place cleaned weekly, it never gets THAT dirty so the chores are not as big a deal. We also clean bedrooms every morning and the kitchen and family room every night so those rooms stay pretty clean. It is way easier to get a kid to pick up 5 things off the floor than a whole room covered in junk.
I also don't keep their toys in their rooms. They have a play room where all the toys (except the baby toys) go. This is usually the messiest room in the house. I don't even go in this room or require it to be clean until the night before the cleaning ladies come. My kids have gotten pretty quick at cleaning it up. Even when it is really messy they can get it clean in under 10 minutes. (not that everything is in the "right" place but...)
Once in while (maybe once a year) I go in and sort everything out in that room and organize the toys. There are several "junky" areas on my house that I include in this yearly organizing.
I guess the thing I wanted to stress the most is that you just have to keep at it. It is a "hard thing" and it takes a lot of patience on our part, but if we just stick to it and train our kids even through the tears, eventually it gets easier. At least that has been my experience. Granted I don't have teenagers yet. That may be a whole new ball of wax.
What has worked for any of you out there? Got any new cleaning games to share? I am always looking for new ones.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Motherhood: Chapter 22 -- Building Endurance : Building Character
On my first evening "walk" with Sabrina, I wanted to get some exercise. I wanted to feel like I got a work out. So I challenged her endurance during our walk. I tried to keep her to a brisk pace and we walked a total of about 3 miles in about 45 minutes. It was not such a touch "work out" for me. But for her ... it was rough.
The first 20 minutes was mostly downhill and filled with fun things to see. The second half was uphill along a busy familiar street. The second half was filled with complaints and cramps and desires for taxis to come pick us up. At one point she even broke down in tears and said she couldn't go any further.
This is when I picked her up on my back and ran up the steep hill with her. Okay, so I only made it about 100 yards up the steep hill with her on my back but it got me a work out and changed her attitude. She was so concerned that I not die. "Don't run Mama! I don't want you do die of a heart attack." I assured her I was just fine and that this walk wasn't even that hard for me so I had more than enough energy to carry her.
The next time we went walking, I let her pick the pace and the direction to make sure she would enjoy it more. We went about a mile in about 30 minutes. There were no complaints. The third time we went walking it was my turn to pick the direction and distance. We walked almost 4 miles in about an hour. We challenged each other with stints of running periodically. There were cramps and complaints but they were fewer than the first time and there was no need to carry anyone up a hill. Instead we ran the 100 yards I carried her before just to show that hill who was boss.
Yesterday Sabrina had PE at school. She came home and told me she ran the 400 meter lap faster than she ever had before. She was proud of herself and she knew it was her walking with me that had improved her stamina and speed.
Building endurance is hard work. Sometimes the results are slower to come than a week of walking with mom. But whether we want to get physically stronger, better able to mentally focus, or just heal from some trauma, endurance is the key.
And it helps to know that in most cases, there is someone there to "pick you up" when you just can't go any further. Whether it is a family member, a friend, or the Savior himself, God usually provides aid when we need it most.
It is pushing through and continuing through the pain that builds our endurance and our character. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and self confidence. It lets us know that we really can do hard things, especially when the Savior is on our team.
Sometimes it is hard to push our kids to and through these "hard things." Our mother hearts want to keep them safe and happy. Kids (or people in general) are not usually happy about having to do hard things. But it is good for them. It is good for them to reach a point where they thing they can not go further, only to help them see that they can. Sometimes with just the littlest incentive or aid they can regain their strength and keep going. And that is the key to life sometimes, especially when doing hard things. Sometimes you just have to keep going.
The first 20 minutes was mostly downhill and filled with fun things to see. The second half was uphill along a busy familiar street. The second half was filled with complaints and cramps and desires for taxis to come pick us up. At one point she even broke down in tears and said she couldn't go any further.
This is when I picked her up on my back and ran up the steep hill with her. Okay, so I only made it about 100 yards up the steep hill with her on my back but it got me a work out and changed her attitude. She was so concerned that I not die. "Don't run Mama! I don't want you do die of a heart attack." I assured her I was just fine and that this walk wasn't even that hard for me so I had more than enough energy to carry her.
The next time we went walking, I let her pick the pace and the direction to make sure she would enjoy it more. We went about a mile in about 30 minutes. There were no complaints. The third time we went walking it was my turn to pick the direction and distance. We walked almost 4 miles in about an hour. We challenged each other with stints of running periodically. There were cramps and complaints but they were fewer than the first time and there was no need to carry anyone up a hill. Instead we ran the 100 yards I carried her before just to show that hill who was boss.
Yesterday Sabrina had PE at school. She came home and told me she ran the 400 meter lap faster than she ever had before. She was proud of herself and she knew it was her walking with me that had improved her stamina and speed.
Building endurance is hard work. Sometimes the results are slower to come than a week of walking with mom. But whether we want to get physically stronger, better able to mentally focus, or just heal from some trauma, endurance is the key.
And it helps to know that in most cases, there is someone there to "pick you up" when you just can't go any further. Whether it is a family member, a friend, or the Savior himself, God usually provides aid when we need it most.
It is pushing through and continuing through the pain that builds our endurance and our character. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and self confidence. It lets us know that we really can do hard things, especially when the Savior is on our team.
Sometimes it is hard to push our kids to and through these "hard things." Our mother hearts want to keep them safe and happy. Kids (or people in general) are not usually happy about having to do hard things. But it is good for them. It is good for them to reach a point where they thing they can not go further, only to help them see that they can. Sometimes with just the littlest incentive or aid they can regain their strength and keep going. And that is the key to life sometimes, especially when doing hard things. Sometimes you just have to keep going.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Evening Walks
Many, MANY years ago (I am talking in the 80s people), my family took our annual trip to my dad's family farm. A few things were abundant at the farm: manure, Fat Boys ice cream sandwiches, homemade bread, bread and milk with cheese, marbles, treasures, and copies of the Reader's Digest.
I could write a whole post about the memories of visiting the farm that are now flooding my memory just writing that list. But for all your sake I will stick to my current story. It all comes back to an article I read in a copy of Reader's Digest on a visit to the farm when I was just a little girl.
I remember the article well, even all these 25 or so years later. It was written by a single mom who had to work all day and then come home and take care of her kids. She wrote about how difficult this was. She explained how exhausted she would be at the end of the day and how guilty she felt that her kids got so little of her "awake and happy" time.
She told about one night in particular when she came home from work and got her kids together. She was spent that night, just like most nights. She made the kids some spaghetti for dinner and went to bed leaving them alone to finish it and put themselves to bed. After she went to her room and laid down she heard a commotion coming from the kitchen/dining area. It got bad enough that she couldn't sleep for the noise so she got up to go lay down the law with her kids. (I know we have all been there.)
As she walked into the dining area she saw spaghetti ... everywhere. The kids had gotten into a huge food fight. She was on the verge. Sanity slipping through her fingers. Anger seething fueled by fatigue. Tears were brimming.
What she did next changed her family. She didn't say a word. She walked over to her two kids. She grabbed each one by the hand. They put shoes on and together they walked out the door. They walked and walked for what seemed like hours. Eventually her fatigue lifted and so did her spirits.
She found herself able to laugh about the food fight and with enough energy to help the kids clean it up. She said that from that night on she and her kids began walking together. As her kids grew and she got remarried, she told how sometimes who went on the walks varied. If one kids was having a rough day she would walk with them alone and it would give them a good amount of time to talk. When both kids were busy with school stuff she would walk with her husband.
This story had a real impression on me. I have remembered it all these years and wanted to adopt that practice into my own life. But you know how life and babies seem to get in the way of our plans...
Until now... this weekend I decided to make Sabrina my new walking partner. At ten years old she is changing in new ways and needing a bit more of my time and attention. I really want to keep a close relationship through these tween and teen years. I am thinking walking will be just the thing to help me do this.
As we walk I have shared stories with her, asked her questions about her life, and we discuss books. I like to read the books she reads so I can know what she is reading and I just like most of those books too. Tonight I was impressed with some of the questions she was asking me like who my favorite character was in a certain book and why I liked that character.
I can imagine a day where I will be walking regularly with all my girls and doing some alone walks on hard days just like the woman from that article. I don't remember the name of the woman who wrote that article, but I think I owe her a thank you for sharing. And I hope that somehow something I write can help someone else similarly.
I could write a whole post about the memories of visiting the farm that are now flooding my memory just writing that list. But for all your sake I will stick to my current story. It all comes back to an article I read in a copy of Reader's Digest on a visit to the farm when I was just a little girl.
I remember the article well, even all these 25 or so years later. It was written by a single mom who had to work all day and then come home and take care of her kids. She wrote about how difficult this was. She explained how exhausted she would be at the end of the day and how guilty she felt that her kids got so little of her "awake and happy" time.
She told about one night in particular when she came home from work and got her kids together. She was spent that night, just like most nights. She made the kids some spaghetti for dinner and went to bed leaving them alone to finish it and put themselves to bed. After she went to her room and laid down she heard a commotion coming from the kitchen/dining area. It got bad enough that she couldn't sleep for the noise so she got up to go lay down the law with her kids. (I know we have all been there.)
As she walked into the dining area she saw spaghetti ... everywhere. The kids had gotten into a huge food fight. She was on the verge. Sanity slipping through her fingers. Anger seething fueled by fatigue. Tears were brimming.
What she did next changed her family. She didn't say a word. She walked over to her two kids. She grabbed each one by the hand. They put shoes on and together they walked out the door. They walked and walked for what seemed like hours. Eventually her fatigue lifted and so did her spirits.
She found herself able to laugh about the food fight and with enough energy to help the kids clean it up. She said that from that night on she and her kids began walking together. As her kids grew and she got remarried, she told how sometimes who went on the walks varied. If one kids was having a rough day she would walk with them alone and it would give them a good amount of time to talk. When both kids were busy with school stuff she would walk with her husband.
This story had a real impression on me. I have remembered it all these years and wanted to adopt that practice into my own life. But you know how life and babies seem to get in the way of our plans...
Until now... this weekend I decided to make Sabrina my new walking partner. At ten years old she is changing in new ways and needing a bit more of my time and attention. I really want to keep a close relationship through these tween and teen years. I am thinking walking will be just the thing to help me do this.
As we walk I have shared stories with her, asked her questions about her life, and we discuss books. I like to read the books she reads so I can know what she is reading and I just like most of those books too. Tonight I was impressed with some of the questions she was asking me like who my favorite character was in a certain book and why I liked that character.
I can imagine a day where I will be walking regularly with all my girls and doing some alone walks on hard days just like the woman from that article. I don't remember the name of the woman who wrote that article, but I think I owe her a thank you for sharing. And I hope that somehow something I write can help someone else similarly.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
In Pieces
Once in a while, some everyday life event can stir up some deep seeded sorrow in my soul. And it is hard to settle things back down for a little while. This week as all the kids went back to school I was left with the two little boys at home.
I am sure, from the outside, this may seem like no big deal. But for me, this week has left me really missing Camille.
The last time I had only 2 little ones at home with me all day I was pregnant with Lauren. I remember looking into sending Sabrina to preschool the year before she started kindergarten. I looked into different programs and eventually decided not to send her. One of the main reasons was because she was so helpful. At that time it was Ann Marie (the 2 year old) that was hard to deal with. But when Sabrina was there, she and Annie would play and they would just leave me to focus on the baby.
This week I have been working to keep Noble occupied with something other than Harrison. I have trying to entertain him while Harrison is sleeping. I have been juggling nap times between them. It has left me missing the 4 year old that was supposed to be my big helper this year.
This was not the plan I laid out for my family. Life hacked that plan up. Now I have to make a new plan with the pieces. I am uncertain about how to place all the pieces and whether I should try to add to or remove pieces. I want to make the end result even more beautiful than my original plan. I want something better to come out of this. I want our family to be better for this experience in some tangible way.
But sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed as I sit amidst the pieces of the plan I had for my family, uncertain of how to fit things back together.
I am sure, from the outside, this may seem like no big deal. But for me, this week has left me really missing Camille.
The last time I had only 2 little ones at home with me all day I was pregnant with Lauren. I remember looking into sending Sabrina to preschool the year before she started kindergarten. I looked into different programs and eventually decided not to send her. One of the main reasons was because she was so helpful. At that time it was Ann Marie (the 2 year old) that was hard to deal with. But when Sabrina was there, she and Annie would play and they would just leave me to focus on the baby.
This week I have been working to keep Noble occupied with something other than Harrison. I have trying to entertain him while Harrison is sleeping. I have been juggling nap times between them. It has left me missing the 4 year old that was supposed to be my big helper this year.
This was not the plan I laid out for my family. Life hacked that plan up. Now I have to make a new plan with the pieces. I am uncertain about how to place all the pieces and whether I should try to add to or remove pieces. I want to make the end result even more beautiful than my original plan. I want something better to come out of this. I want our family to be better for this experience in some tangible way.
But sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed as I sit amidst the pieces of the plan I had for my family, uncertain of how to fit things back together.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
For Every Monday..
For every perfect Monday, there are a few Thursdays. Monday night Harrison slept from 7 pm till 4 am and then went back down till 9 am. This contributed greatly to my perfect day. When Mama is well rested, everything runs better.
Then there was last night... Harrison was up 3 times at 11 pm (just as I was falling asleep) and again at 2 am and again at 4 am and around 5:30. Meanwhile Noble (who normally sleeps from 7 pm till 6 am) was up at around midnight and again around 3 am.
Taking into account that it takes me about 30 minutes to fall asleep when I have been woken up... that was a crazy night. Luckily Jon actually gets up to tend to Noble when he cries. He just needs a drink of water and he goes back to bed. But it still wakes me up. By Harrison's 5:30 waking, Jon was just got up for the day. He put Harrison back to bed since I had just fed him and I got to sleep till about 6:20 when Noble woke up. :)
When Mama is not well rested... today has been a challenge. I have yelled too much. My kids are tired too from the change of getting used to a school day schedule and so they are grouchy and I was grouchy with them.
Jon and I have a new "code" to remind each other to chill out in our parenting. When one of us hears the other losing it, and we don't want to correct them in front of the kids (we feel this shows us divided to the kids and we want to present a united front) we have a new saying. Tonight I heard Jonathan yell it up the stairs, "Stephanie do you think maybe she needs a minute to think about it?" That is code for "take a deep breath and give yourself a time out."
I yelled back down, "Yes I definitely think she needs a BIG time out but unfortunately she doesn't have time for that because it is bedtime and there is no one else who can do this. (Jonathan couldn't help as he hadn't finished his work for the day.) The code call out did have the intended effect however. It chilled me out and helped me check my tired cranky self back into line.
I wish I didn't ever have nights like that where I get frustrated and explode after telling a child to do something for the 5th time. I wish I never had to tell my kids to do something more than once. Ha! Geez wouldn't that make parenting easy. But parenting is not easy. It is difficult even when you feel good and are well rested. And more often than not, you have to do these hard things when you are sleep deprived or hungry or hurting from working out on the pilates reformer too much. (Abs Elizabeth!) Then it is the true test of your self mastery. That is one test I am still working on.
I just thought after my last couple of posts it might seem like my house runs smoothly. I needed to record a bit of today to give a dose of reality. The reason days like Monday get a blog post is because they are so rare. Usually there are some high points (like dancing with the kids in carpool this morning or shopping with Annie at Walmart or watching Noble play outside this evening) and some low points (like trying to keep Noble still for the hair cut I gave him today, or dealing with Annie's sour mood after a frustrating violin lesson, or trying to get everyone in bed at a decent time and getting the house picked up tonight.)
Doing laundry with the girls tonight we had a little chat about how hard it is to be "mom." Sabrina told Annie that having to deal with crying babies and little sleep and all the work that it probably wasn't worth it. Then I told them both that of course it is worth it. Because I get to be the mom of such wonderful people like them. Even on hard days like today it is TOTALLY worth it.
Then there was last night... Harrison was up 3 times at 11 pm (just as I was falling asleep) and again at 2 am and again at 4 am and around 5:30. Meanwhile Noble (who normally sleeps from 7 pm till 6 am) was up at around midnight and again around 3 am.
Taking into account that it takes me about 30 minutes to fall asleep when I have been woken up... that was a crazy night. Luckily Jon actually gets up to tend to Noble when he cries. He just needs a drink of water and he goes back to bed. But it still wakes me up. By Harrison's 5:30 waking, Jon was just got up for the day. He put Harrison back to bed since I had just fed him and I got to sleep till about 6:20 when Noble woke up. :)
When Mama is not well rested... today has been a challenge. I have yelled too much. My kids are tired too from the change of getting used to a school day schedule and so they are grouchy and I was grouchy with them.
Jon and I have a new "code" to remind each other to chill out in our parenting. When one of us hears the other losing it, and we don't want to correct them in front of the kids (we feel this shows us divided to the kids and we want to present a united front) we have a new saying. Tonight I heard Jonathan yell it up the stairs, "Stephanie do you think maybe she needs a minute to think about it?" That is code for "take a deep breath and give yourself a time out."
I yelled back down, "Yes I definitely think she needs a BIG time out but unfortunately she doesn't have time for that because it is bedtime and there is no one else who can do this. (Jonathan couldn't help as he hadn't finished his work for the day.) The code call out did have the intended effect however. It chilled me out and helped me check my tired cranky self back into line.
I wish I didn't ever have nights like that where I get frustrated and explode after telling a child to do something for the 5th time. I wish I never had to tell my kids to do something more than once. Ha! Geez wouldn't that make parenting easy. But parenting is not easy. It is difficult even when you feel good and are well rested. And more often than not, you have to do these hard things when you are sleep deprived or hungry or hurting from working out on the pilates reformer too much. (Abs Elizabeth!) Then it is the true test of your self mastery. That is one test I am still working on.
I just thought after my last couple of posts it might seem like my house runs smoothly. I needed to record a bit of today to give a dose of reality. The reason days like Monday get a blog post is because they are so rare. Usually there are some high points (like dancing with the kids in carpool this morning or shopping with Annie at Walmart or watching Noble play outside this evening) and some low points (like trying to keep Noble still for the hair cut I gave him today, or dealing with Annie's sour mood after a frustrating violin lesson, or trying to get everyone in bed at a decent time and getting the house picked up tonight.)
Doing laundry with the girls tonight we had a little chat about how hard it is to be "mom." Sabrina told Annie that having to deal with crying babies and little sleep and all the work that it probably wasn't worth it. Then I told them both that of course it is worth it. Because I get to be the mom of such wonderful people like them. Even on hard days like today it is TOTALLY worth it.
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